This post was published on July 2, 2018, but I think it has relevance today. I hope you enjoy it.
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The inspiration for this list came from Linda Leinen, the author of the terrific blog Task at Hand.
We were commenting on one of my Top Ten posts, and she wondered, “Have you ever done a Top Ten Things to Do for people who are trying to get caught up online?” I indicated that I could do the reciprocal of that thought, and here it is today. Thanks, Linda, for the question.
Linda has had unique experiences, and visiting her blog will be rewarding.
Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Have Fallen Behind on Social Media
Here is the list. (Anyone who might think this list is serious, please be advised it is a broad satire statement regarding our phobic belief that social media is indispensable)
10 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not make up an excuse like, “I have been so busy being successful with my new bestseller; I just haven’t had time for you little people.” If you do, at best, you’ll lose a few followers. At worst, you might wake up to the sound of crickets on all your social media accounts. (Where did all those followers go, Ermanno?)
9 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not panic and accept a friend request from just anyone. If you do, at best, you may have a long list of people you don’t know. At worst, you might accept a friend request from Tiny, the WWF champ, just after his online romance fell apart. (You gotta hope the one hundred direct messages from Tiny are just a fluke for today, Ervin. Heaven knows you don’t want to unfriend him. Ever.)
8 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not think that by posting more, you will be back sooner. If you do, at best, it will just make the problem more intense. At worst, now your followers will think you are having some kind of psychological break and will hit unfollow faster than a duck on a June bug. (Never thought more is less, did you, Esbjorn?)
7 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not just delete all the comments to which you cannot respond. If you do, at best, some will not notice. At worst, a large group of followers will think you passed away and will start a GoFundMe campaign for a memorial. (That is if you are well-liked, Eskil. More than likely, there will be a host of unfollows)
6 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not check yourself into a treatment center. If you do, at best, you’ll be discharged immediately as a ‘nothing wrong here person.’ At worst, you’ll inadvertently make up some mental problem, which will take ten weeks of group therapy before you are set free. (That will teach you to run away from your problems, Este. Now what?)
5 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not run away to a cabin in the woods. If you do, at best, you’ll aggravate the bears. At worst, while you are off the grid, a new social media form will be invented, and when you return, you will be hopelessly behind this one as well. (Ever hear of Moore’s Law, Eumaeus. You are now in the dark ages.)
4 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not attempt to compensate by eating ice cream. If you do, at best, the time spent eating will get you further back. At worst, your ice cream bill and your extra pounds will go up in equal proportions. (It doesn’t help to eat ice cream while on a stationary bike, Eurypylus.)
3 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not call the suicide hotline. If you do, at best, they will hang up. At worst, you’ll get someone who has a difficult time understanding the severe nature of your angst and will start cracking jokes about your condition. (You have to admit, Eustis. Your problem is pretty minor compared to that of other folks.)
2 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not call 911 for help. If you do, at best, the line will be busy. At worst, the officers dispatched to your house will hand you a citation for a false emergency. (Of course, Everard, there could be a minor miracle where one of the officers is behind on social media as well. If so, you are saved.)
1 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not think all those busy folks who stay current with you will simply ignore your faux pas. If you do, at best, you will experience the sound of silence. At worst, you must curry forgiveness by inventing an ironclad excuse. (The only reason that is not debatable as to its harmful interference with your social media obligations is to tell everyone you are recovering from brain surgery. Of course, Evyn, you can’t fall behind again.)
Fiction Favorites 
Ah,yes. That #4 can be a killer in a variety of circumstances; take it from someone who knows. I really do need to get caught up with my blog posting, and one more half gallon of Bluebell’s not going to do the trick!
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That’s why I get pints. Self restraint. Thanks, Linda.
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I’ve been behind for years, and it shows in many ways.
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😁
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Very funny, John, but still – great advice!!
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Thanks, GP. 😁
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I disagree with #5. Only because that could solve a lot of problems in general.
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In fact, your trip will hopefully show how off number five is. 😁
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Maybe. It’s not very long and I really only get one of the two non-travel days to myself. Randomly picked the weekend a friend is doing a new baby introduction party.
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Yes, indeed. Just do the best you can and don’t look for excuses.
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That seems to be the best way, Tim.
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I tend to get neurotic when I fall behind on social media. So, I needed this post’s message to just chill out, already!
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Deep breath in.
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😦
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Now let it out slowly and say OMmmmmm
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OMmmmmmmmmm
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That’s it. Now relax.
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🙂
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😊
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Great list, John:) I can second a cabin in the woods and lack of available communication!
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I’ll bet you can.
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Ha! I stay constantly behind. #3 cracked me up. Thanks for the grins, John!
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Glad you liked it, Jan. Thank you.
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Who knew people saw ‘social media’ as an obligation!!! I thought the whole point was just to have a bit of fun! Speaking of fun … fun post, John!!!
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Thank you, Jill.
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That cabin in the woods sounds pretty good to me, John! (That, or a lounge chair on the beach). Why do we torment ourselves like this? Taking a break now and then is good for everybody — lets us recharge; gives our followers a break, too!
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I agree on the breaks. Thanks, Debbie.
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LOL. All great points, John. Of course, I’m regularly behind on social media and can relate to a great many of these. Fortunately, other than running off to a cabin in the woods, I’ve avoided most of the pitfalls. 🙂
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Your cabin idea sounds like the best solution.
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Ha! It does.
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Yes, yes, I have been tempted by the “cabin-in-the-woods” escape (because, as I said on my blog, I did fall horribly behind). ROFL!
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😁
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I don’t know, John – #4 sounds pretty good to me.
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I think it could be worked out. 😁
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Good advice, John. I do think ice cream could solve the problem, though!
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I agree. Give me a pint of Hagen Däz Waffle Cone and I can solve anything.
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Powerful stuff 🙂
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Yes it is.
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Great list, John. I think the most successful technique is to ignore it and catch up with it again later. Just like death and taxes, we know it’s coming.
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An excellent suggestion, Pete.
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#7. can be tempting but certainly not wise. If you delete comments you can offend people. I was in charge of a cryptology station during my Swedish army service thought he was getting to many messages to decode so he crumbled up all messages and stuck them into his food container. It created a minor scandal and he was transferred.
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Goodness. Not a good thing at a cryptology station for sure. Thanks, Thomas.
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A terrific top ten list…and more relevant than ever. When I get behind I just sigh (a lot) and think, you gotta eat that elephant one bite at a time. 😁
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Good advice, Monika. Chew well too. 😁
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Still relevant, yes! I rather fancy the idea of running away to a cabin in the woods. I will just bring bear mace! 🐻 Funny post!
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Good idea on the bear mace, Michele. Keep those groceries in a tree too. 😊
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👍🏻😅
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😁
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In 2018? Prophetic.
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Call me the Oracle at Lakeway. 😁
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I fall behind in spurts! Just as I blog in spurts. I trust my followers are just fine with it! Loved that first one – daydream about it being true!
Great list!
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I would only check into a treatment facility if overindulged in social media, and since that ain’t happening, I’m good. As for the cabin and those bears, I leave it to Mike . . .
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Good idea on letting Mike handle the bear.
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Yeah he’s got it covered.
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😁
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I laughed so hard….which probably says a lot about how much I relate to this. Haven’t called 911 yet. 😂
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Ha ha ha. 😁
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Exactly!
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😊
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Great Top Ten, as usual. But just one question: What is social media?
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How would I know?
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