Photo by Alex Dukhanov on Unsplash
This post ran on December 15, 2014. It may come in handy since it still rains, and we have time before the big freezes.
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Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Rain
10 If you are in the rain driving your car, do not engage cruise control. If you do, at best, you may have a spin-out. At worst, your car will continue at a constant rate of speed as you slide off the highway into the old river gorge swollen with rain water and moving at fifty miles an hour.
9 If you are in the rain driving your car, do not cross a puddle of unknown depth, especially if you see the back fin of an unidentified fish. If you do, at best, rescue will come before the car sinks. At worst, you and your car will be the subject of the six o’clock news as the Coast Guard boards your temporary boat and claps you in irons
8 If you are in the rain and don’t have an umbrella, do not hold a paper over your head. If you do, at best, you will end up wet and ink-covered. At worst, you might be mistaken for a person with a paper mache head and have to deal with parents of children who are sure you are from a different planet.
7 If you are in the rain, do not try to run to minimize the effects of the raindrops. If you do, at best, you will simply get wetter faster due to your increased velocity. At worst, running in a downpour has all the makings of a two-reel comedy, especially if you slip and fall into a puddle as you step off the curb. (You know a cellphone camera will catch that underwear flash and all)
6 If you are in the rain and standing with people to get on the bus, do not mention the rain. If you do, at best, those around you will think you are an idiot for discussing the obvious. At worst, you may just be lucky enough to get under an umbrella and then be told to move since you have made your umbrella mate uncomfortable with your observation of “wow, some rain, huh.”
5 If you are in the rain and carrying anything, do not think you can keep it dry by shoving it under your clothes. If you do, at best, you will have a cold, wet lump next to your skin. At worst, those around you will think you have taken something illegally and turn you in to the police, who decide not to step out of their car in the rain but rather Taser you from inside the vehicle.
4 If you are in the rain, do not try to eat your sandwich on the go. If you do, at best, you will have to eat it too fast to save it from melting. At worst, you will be too slow, and the best part of the sandwich will run down the sleeve of the arm connected to the hand wrapped around the sandwich. This part of the sandwich will only be discovered when you raise your arm to ask a question of the visiting executive from the home office, who will naturally think you rolled in something terrible.
3 If you are in the rain, do not think your dog will perform as they usually do on a walk. If you do, at best, you and the dog will be in for a frustrating experience. At worst, your dog will associate rain with your disappointment and may want to help by leaving a surprise at the door before walking if it is raining outside to show you there is no need for the walk.
2 If you are in the rain and you have a flat tire, do not try to change it yourself. If you do, at best, you will be soaking wet and dirty. At worst, you might just be part of a freak accident where the car slips off the jack and rolls down an embankment, only to become airborne until it lands on a person’s roof below and stops in their living room. (While they are watching the six o’clock news about an earthquake in Asia) Okay, I’ll admit it’s not realistic, but it could happen. Why take the chance?
1 If you are in the rain, do not remove your shoes to prevent your Italian leathers from getting wet. If you do, at best, you will only step on some stranger’s gum. At worst, you may step into a puddle that, if you had your shoes on, you would have tried to avoid, only to discover someone let their pet piranhas loose for a run down the street without their leashes. The sad part is the piranhas were let loose before their tapir dinner.
Fiction Favorites 
These had me laughing, John. I just had a picture in my mind of eating a soggy sandwich, with sopping wet paper over my head, while chatting to people next to me in the bus queue about the rain and getting filthy looks!
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A great image, Esther. Made me laugh.
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Very common-sensical advice!
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Gee. I don’t know what to say. 😁
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😁
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As a Floridian who defies the rain on a daily basis, I can highly appreciate this list 😁
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We are parched here but are forecasted to get some tonight. This list is from hope. Thanks, Laura.
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We had some much-needed rain yesterday. Thank goodness we found the dusty umbrellas. Loved your list, John. Brilliant! 🤣
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Thank you, Gwen. We are looking at some tonight (say the forecasters) I’ll believe it when I see it. 😁
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Good work in the worst case scenario department today, John. When I lived in Seattle (of all places) I had a dog who did not like to go out in the rain. I had to carry an umbrella over her to get her to do her business outside.
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I remember doing a six-week research project in Seattle. My feet were always wet.
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That’s where I learned that parkas are better than umbrellas.
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So true. 😁
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# 5 would be my luck!!
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Ha ha. ha. Thanks, GP
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Ha ha “pet piranhas loose for a run down the street without their leashes.” or don’t take your crocks off in Florida, (where I am) or you might get eaten.. lol 😂
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Good advice, Cindy.
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I love it. I have one of those dogs who hates the rain.
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I do too. Twiggy hates it and Tempeste loves it.
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After days and weeks of no rain, it finally came this weekend: torentially. Your list suddenly seems far more appropriate than it would have a week ago, and a little too on point for comfort in some respects. (That lump under my clothes is my camera.)
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Ha ha ha. Thanks, Monika. Yes, a camera deserves protection,
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Yes, I better adapt my behavior to rain,
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Good idea, Tim. Thanks. 😁
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Reminds me how much I hate driving in the rain.
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Me too. I hate the spray from other cars.
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I would be delighted if we would get some rain and then everyone could talk about it as much as they wanted. We seem to be in a drought although its not official yet.
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We are in the same condition, Robbie. Supposed to get some tonight but who knows?
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It’s awful. We had a 30% chance of rain yesterday but there was none.
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I know how that is. 😊
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💓
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😊
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I’ve done that paper on the head thing, John, and also watched a sandwich collapse on the sidewalk from the weight of the water soaking it!
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😁 Great visual. Thanks, Noelle.
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Timely advice, John, as it’s raining here right now (and probably will for the next couple of days). No. 3 had me agreeing wholeheartedly. You know that every dog knows when its owner is in a hurry for it to do its business … and thus does its best to dawdle!
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So true, Debbie.
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#1 made me laugh. Years ago, our very proper company attorney was heading out to her car when she realized it was a downpour. She removed her shoes, and I gasped! Her toenails were painted this very vivid shade of blue. The heck with what she was going to be stepping on as she ran to her car–our attorney had blue toenail polish on! Floored me. The image you get of certain people…🙄
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I can just imagine your shock. Thanks, Lois.
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Very sound advice to be sure. I could not fathom eating a sandwich whilst standing in the rain. The level of gross is far too high!
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Yes it is. Thanks, Dale.
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I had to drive back home in the rain yesterday and on I-20, that’s a scary thing. Great list!
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I can imagine it is. I’ve never been on I-20 but most highway driving in the rain is not for the faint of heart.
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It’s ironic that you’re posting this today, a day with a spot of rain mixed with tiny flakes of snow here in the Mile High. It rains so infrequently, I have to remind myself all the things not to do in the rain. And today, staying warm was at the top of the list! 😊
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I can imagine staying warm was a biggie. Ran and snow mixed is not pleasant. Thanks, Monika.
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It was definitely a shock to the system, that’s for sure! I think the forecast calls for more snow later this week. It’s that time of year so I shouldn’t be surprised. The first storm is late and the 27 flakes that fell today really don’t count. 😉
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The Producer and Daughter are taking a relax in Aspen in two weeks. The temps are forecasted to be pretty chilly but they are looking forward to it.
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We hadn’t had rain for weeks – until Halloween night, of course. Only half the usual number of trick or treaters.
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That is so typical.
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That is good advice and #9. was pretty funny. Incidentally, it is raining heavily here in Dallas. We are having severe thunderstorms and a tornado watch. I am following your advice.
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Tornado watches must make you nervous, Thomas, given the past.
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Well, I know a tornado is a rare event. But we also have a flash flood warning. Rollo is the one who suffers the most. It seems like the last thunderstorm for the day has finally settled down.
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Excellent.
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Well I spoke too soon. Here comes another thunderstorm. This one was not predicted by Accuweather,
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We had a doozy last night.
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You also had a storm?
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Two inches of rain, thunder and lightning.
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So you got it too
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Yes we did.
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Number 2… it could happen, after all truth is stranger than fiction, right? I will follow your advice and not take a chance. 😅
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Why take a chance? 🤣
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Could be an adventure, but I’d rather call AAA. 🆘📲😌
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There you go. Very wise. 😊
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Funny list. I especially could relate to the challenges of walking a dog in the rain. They seem to go at a snail’s pace then.
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Or they avoid it like the plague
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Such fun! Love the cooler temps the rain has brought here in Texas.
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Me too, Becky. It has been a hot one for sure.
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That #1–it’s a killer, John!
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Yes it is. Thanks, Jacqui.
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I definitely slow down if I am walking in the rain. We got a little shower around 4 this morning but was gone by the time I walked. Good advice, John. We could use more rain here.
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We had tow inches last night. Was very welcome. Thanks, Jo
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This was funny! The paper mache head scaring children cracked me up.
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It was funny. Thanks, Jennie.
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Yes! You’re welcome, John.
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What? Humans haven’t solved “rain” yet?
I hypervent because we have made a business of screwing up everything fun, such as getting wet in the rain. While I do understand that rain and cold weather may not be the most comfortable and your list makes eminent sense in such, the ideology has rubbed off on the hot-weather lands too. In our childhood, rain was fun. Children could get wet in the rain and adults did not worry about them getting killed, or catching a cold, while doing so. But alas, since then, we have become developed…
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It is like a wearing a helmet while riding a bike. There is no going back.
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Once again, it looks like you took a few of theses from personal experience. The second option of #2 seems just a little too specific to be your ruminations of “what might happen.”
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Yeah, guilty. Thanks, Andrew.
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great tips
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Thank you.
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Wonderful!
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Thank you, Caleb.
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