Mayflower
This post ran on December 10, 2018. Since the anniversary of the Pilgrims’ arrival is approaching, I thought preparing would be a good idea.
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The pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock on December 11, 1620. If you were there, here is a list to help you stay out of trouble.
Top Ten Things Not to Do Landing at Plymouth Rock in 1620
10 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not suggest a beach party once reaching land. If you do, at best, no one will understand you. At worst, there will be a realization on the part of the elders that you are possessed. ( You might as well confess, Gabriele. They won’t stop the water board treatment until you do. Of course, confession may lead to an old-fashioned stake burning. Tough decision.)
9 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not try to beat Tiny, the WWF champ, to a long boat. If you do, at best, you’ll trip and miss your chance. At worst, you’ll find yourself in the boat sitting next to Tiny, and he doesn’t look happy. (You’ll soon learn, Gadiel, that Tiny promised his mom that he would be the first to get into the boat and onto land. Now that he has missed his number one promise, it looks like you are about to be tossed overboard. If so, give that anchor he gave you to hold back to Tiny before you go.)
8 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not start telling everyone about planting a fish with the corn. If you do, at best, you will be laughed out of town. At worst, since it is December and the ground is frozen solid, you might be taken for crazy. (Of course, you meant in the spring, Gair. The guys with that ball and chain could care less.)
7 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not mention anything about a turkey dinner for Thanksgiving. If you do, at best, you’ll have to go hunting. At worst, the elders will quiz you closely about why you are thankful. It is cold, wet, and miserable. ( Now that they mention it, Galchobhar, you may have tipped your hand about time travel. This can only lead to the thought that you are a devil. That thought never gets anyone anything.)
6 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not start talking about forming a football team named the Pilgrim Patriots. If you do, at best, no one ever heard of football. At worst, you will immediately be accused of rule violations and forever curse the team to public scorn. (So there is where all this New England Patriot controversy comes from, Galterieo. Might as well label it Pilgrimgate.)
5 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not wear your “I love Pope Paul V” sweatshirt. If you do, at best, no one will notice it under your black tunic. At worst, William Brewster will catch a glimpse and reach an apocalyptic state of the highest order. (Good thing you were able to talk your way out of that one, Galvyn. I’m not sure anything Catholic would be welcome here.)
4 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not make jokes about the native tribe called Wampanoags. If you do, at best, the Native Americans will not hear you. At worst, Massasoit, their leader, will take offense. ( Now we have another fine kettle of fish, Ganesh. The pilgrims need Indian assistance, and the leader is mad at you. Guess who will be eliminated in this standoff?)
3 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not try to convince people to dig up clams for food. If you do, at best, most will simply say, “No, thank you.” At worst, you will be declared a food crank and banished. (You have to remember, Garbhach, that the idea of digging up something in the water and then eating it is not what most people think is normal.)
2 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not insist on building a split-level ranch home with a bay view. If you do, at best, you’ll have to do it alone. At worst, the leadership will put you at the bottom of the priority list. (Nice move, Gared. You’ll be in this lean-to for another year at best.)
1 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not discuss your recipe for the perfect margarita with anyone. If you do, at best, someone will report you. At worst, you’ll be asked to prepare a batch, and there is no tequila or limes anywhere. (How do these stocks feel, Garred? You only have thirty days to go.)
Fiction Favorites 
I love ‘Pilgrimgate’, every generation should have one of those, eh?
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I think so. We sure have our share. Thanks, GP
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It must have been a hoot to land in New England in December and survive the winter. A real winter prior to global warming. I’d be having words with my travel agent.
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They could have aimed the boat a little lower and dropped in on Miami Beach.
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Exactly. A good place for some Puritanism.
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Ha ha ha
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I think I’d be tossed off the Mayflower before they arrived.
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For playing D&D into the night I’m sure.
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I would add that if you land with the Pilgrims, don’t tag Plymouth Rock with your initials.
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Great advice. Stupid people anyway.
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😁
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😊
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Great post, John. All smiles. I’ve visited the Plymouth Plantation but never the rock. If I ever travel that way again… I’ll look for it. 🌞
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I went to see the rock. It is underwhelming like most historical artifacts.
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Underwhelming is an understatement. And then I had to tip the street actor who posed for a picture with us.
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Yes, that is how it goes.
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Ha! Ha! I almost spit out my coffee over the football team. 🙂
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Thanks, Jan. Glad that gotcha.
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I guess a little surfing would be out of the question, too.
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Finding a board might be a problem but I would go ahead if you can find one.
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Best to never land with the Pilgrims.. I certainly would blunder all! 😂
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Yeah, let them go first.
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These are really funny! The Pilgrims didn’t dig up clams at first – lobsters littered the beaches so they ate them until they deemed them food for the poor. They could have used Tiny to help build their houses. Massasoit, chief of the Wampanoags, made a peace treaty with Governor William Bradford that lasted 50 years! Little facts from my book – maybe I should have included some of your humor?
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I have to get to your book. 😁
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Arriving at Plymouth Rock was a challenge for the Pilgrims. For somebody from this day and age, it would be suicide.
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Yes. Where are you going to find a Latte in the woods?
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😊
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😊
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Gotta love Pilgrimgate, John.
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Thanks, Dan
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These are so funny. Wise words, John, and I’ll bear them in mind next time I sail with them.
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Take a life jacket too.
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What a hoot! Fun thing to share again.
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Thank you, Pat
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Very welcome, John.
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😊
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Oh lordy, you are a character, John. I’m thinking, if anyone were to join the Pilgrims, best stay back and shut your trap until you get the lay of the land!
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Very good advice, Dale. Is good in any situation. 😊
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I don’t know, John – a beach party with margaritas while watching beach football sounds pretty good to me.
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Me too. 😁
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This is an especially clever list. Like others, I chuckled at ‘Pilgrimgate.’ It also occurred to me that suggesting a “how many rock songs can you name?” challenge probably would bring blank stares, “Rock Around the Clock” being somewhat in the future.
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Yes. I threw that in since it was so ridiculous. Thanks, Linda.
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Sounds like a very low profile is in order on historic events like this…for one’s own safety!
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Great advice. 😁
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These are hilarious. If only the Pilgrims could appreciate this list as much as we can.
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I’m sure they were too busy for humor. Thanks, Pete.
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Sure would be something to time travel, wouldn’t it! Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and weekend, John. ⛵
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Thanksgiving was great. I’m sure you had a lovely one where it was warm. I would love to time travel. I write about it all the tims. Maybe some day in another dimension. Welcome back. 😊
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No complaints about the weather, that is for sure! I am glad you enjoyed your holiday. Cheers to another dimension! 🥂 Thank you so much! 😊
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Thanks, Michele. 🥂
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😊🙏🏻
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😊
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I wish I’d read this (and that you had written it) back when we-all landed. Sigh.
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I think I would have spent many a day in the stocks for such blasphemy. Thanks, Jacqui.
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Ha!
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Ha ha
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The Pilgrims were never known for being a good time so beach parties and margaritas wouldn’t work for them. But hell, that choice on number 10? Water boarding or burning at the stake? The worst Surf and Turf ever.
What seat does Tiny get? Whatever seat Tiny wants.
Pilgrimgate! Bahahahahaha!
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Thanks for the laughs, Pilgrim.
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😉
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😊
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From someone from Massachusetts, this was a a great Top Ten!
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So glad you liked it. 😊
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🙂
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And don’t everyone try to stand on Plymouth Rock for a group photo, it’s only big enough for 1 adult and a skinny kid, maybe…
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Good advice. I would hate to see someone slip into the water. (With all those clothes it would be a tragedy.)
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I like the one about Pope V. Made me look him up. Thanks.
As to the clams … up until the 1920s clams were used only for fertilizer and only poor people ate them. Now, here in Massachusetts, one needs to take out a second mortgage to buy a plate of ’em.
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I remember going to the Cape in the early 60s. We ate every form of clam known to man. Wonderful.
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Football, ranch homes, margaritas…looks like most meaningful things only got invented later.
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I think you you are right. All good things came later.
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😁😁😁Great list, dear John! Did they brought whiskey, gin or rum, by the way?
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They were very religious and did not drink alcohol.
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