Top Ten Things not to do When Trying to Lose Weight

~ John W. Howell
Photo by Elena Leya on Unsplash

 

Here is the fourth post on the original Top Ten Things Not to Do written by Marie Ann Bailey and me. It was posted in July 2013. I think it might still be helpful.

Top Ten Things not to do When Trying to Lose Weight

10  When trying to lose weight, do not go on a 24-hour fast because it is the “in” diet and then break it with a Chinese buffet binge just because fasting and the sign at the buffet reads, “All you Can Eat Low Cal.”  The rapid transition from empty stomach to a stomach brimming with hot and sour soup, General Tso’s Chicken, spring rolls, crab rangoon, snow peas in garlic sauce, fried rice, and chocolate pudding can be hazardous and explosive.

9  When trying to lose weight, do not mistake the South Beach diet for endless daiquiris and tapas in Florida. If you do, you’ll never get into that sleek little bathing suit and could jeopardize getting into the big ole one-piece as well.

8  When trying to lose weight, do not sign up for your very first triathlon if your only familiarity with exercise is being able to juggle multiple remotes for your TV, DVD player, and sound system.  You want to lose weight, not your life, which you will likely forfeit in the first five minutes of the competition.

7  When trying to lose weight, by all means, purchase a scale for weighing your food so you can be sure of the size of your portions.  Just don’t bring it with you to restaurants; weigh the food served to you.  If you do, at best, your friends will find the activity of watching you trying to weigh a dollop of mashed potatoes rather boring.  At worst, your food will be unappetizing after the weighing.

6  When trying to lose weight, do not buy spandex for casual wear EVER!  No explanation is necessary.

5  When trying to lose weight, do not try to curb your appetite with bottomless cups of coffee, bottles of diet pills, or any other substance.  These have less to do with suppressing appetite and much more to do with making you so hyper that you never sleep, ironically giving you more hours to eat.

4  When trying to lose weight, do not take diet pills that promise to block your absorption of fat (e.g., Alli).  Yes, they do work, but they work at all the wrong moments–in the middle of a business meeting, during a long commute, or while sitting in the window seat of an airplane with Chris Christie next to you.

3  When trying to lose weight, do not hire a trainer who looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s poor cousin, whose sales pitch is “I want to pump you up!”  What you might get “pumped up” with may not be legal.

2  When trying to lose weight, do not take up colon cleansing.  As with most of the items on this list, the result of too much of a good thing can result in frequent and expensive calls to your plumber.

1  Finally, when trying to lose weight, take a good, long look in the mirror and ask yourself which is more important:  fitting into those skinny jeans you wore in high school or feeling strong, healthy, and happy, even if you are a little soft around the edges.

107 thoughts on “Top Ten Things not to do When Trying to Lose Weight”

  6. Good ones–all of them, John. I laugh at one commercial where the guy says, “The hot dog diet got me ssshhhhredded.” The way he says ‘shredded’ cracks me up. He’s the guy who can’t wait to get back into his Spandex. 😧

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  9. As someone who has battled weight for most of his life, I appreciated the balance of humor with some truth. The “health” industry has made a fortune off of people looking for a quick fix. Regular exercise is the only thing that works for me.

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  11. Hi John, this is highly entertaining. In my house we have three thinifers and three fattipuffs (do you know this book?). I know all about the struggles of the fattipuffs who bitterly resent the thinifers ability to eat what they want. They don’t understand it’s all about quantities.

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    1. I can just imagine. I used to be a thinifer, but after having hormone therapy for cancer, I turned into a fattipuff. My eating habits didn’t change at all.

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        1. Yeah, I can sympathize. I still exercise every day, but the weight stays constant. At my age, as long as the heart and cholesterol stats are good I don’t get on the scale anymore.

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  15. Just got back onto my exercise plan and needed this rather humorous reminder. I am sometimes guilty of the coffee instead of food thing, mostly because I’ve been terrible at planning my meals (getting better) and drink coffee to buy me some time (and stave off the headache).

    Hope all are well and #1 needs to be chiseled into stone for everyone. We’re ALL works in progress and tend to shift goalposts ourselves for any reason… but feeling good and being well is never a bad thing to focus on, and far more attainable than some clothing fitting just THAT way.

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  19. Great list, John. And after seeing dozens of people ordering a large diet drink to accompany their Big Mac and Fries, the diet drink will not counterbalance the hundreds of calories of fast food you are about to consume.

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  23. After reading no. 10, I now have a hankering for Chinese food! And spandex… my husband used to say that’s why people are so fat – expanding waistlines do NO ONE any good!

    Best stick to no. 1, I say.

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  25. I actually used the “mirror tactic” mentioned in number one, which I was advised against. I tried using a full-body high-definition mirror and ate all my meals naked. It didn’t go well; I only lasted two days!🐳

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  27. Thankfully I’m at an age where #1 works for me 🙂 I still exercise and (try to) eat healthy, but it’s kind of nice not to care if I ever could look good in a bikini again 😉

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  28. You have a great list Boss. I wholeheartedly agree with Number 1. Don’t stress the weight loss when it’s all about being healthy. Diets don’t work. Making a concerted effort to eat better can work.

    As far as the South Beach Diet . . so THAT’S where I went wrong! Or right. Both.

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  36. 1 & 2 👍👍👍are the answers. Great list, dear John. And still so useful. I have put on some kg. due to stress after my moving, so now do my best to move more. Movement + sport + high spirit are best remedies to lose weight.🌞🍤🍤🍤🍻

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  37. ​#1 comes closest to my way of thinking. “Finally, when trying to lose weight, take a good, long look in the mirror and ask yourself which is more important:”

    I would change it just a little. Take a good, long look in the mirror and ask yourself, “At my age, do I really care what other people think?”

    I hit 75 without exercising a day in my life. Drank and ate whatever the hell I wanted and still got laid. I’ve had a good run, so no diets for me. 

    ​P.S. Not getting laid as much as I used to, but that’s a good thing. I don’t have the energy anymore.

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    1. You have an excellent outlook on the weight situation. Yes, the energy required to get laid does require pre-planning. At 84, I have to save up energy for a while. Thanks, Andrew.

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