Photo by Elena Leya on Unsplash
Here is the fourth post on the original Top Ten Things Not to Do written by Marie Ann Bailey and me. It was posted in July 2013. I think it might still be helpful.
Top Ten Things not to do When Trying to Lose Weight
10 When trying to lose weight, do not go on a 24-hour fast because it is the “in” diet and then break it with a Chinese buffet binge just because fasting and the sign at the buffet reads, “All you Can Eat Low Cal.” The rapid transition from empty stomach to a stomach brimming with hot and sour soup, General Tso’s Chicken, spring rolls, crab rangoon, snow peas in garlic sauce, fried rice, and chocolate pudding can be hazardous and explosive.
9 When trying to lose weight, do not mistake the South Beach diet for endless daiquiris and tapas in Florida. If you do, you’ll never get into that sleek little bathing suit and could jeopardize getting into the big ole one-piece as well.
8 When trying to lose weight, do not sign up for your very first triathlon if your only familiarity with exercise is being able to juggle multiple remotes for your TV, DVD player, and sound system. You want to lose weight, not your life, which you will likely forfeit in the first five minutes of the competition.
7 When trying to lose weight, by all means, purchase a scale for weighing your food so you can be sure of the size of your portions. Just don’t bring it with you to restaurants; weigh the food served to you. If you do, at best, your friends will find the activity of watching you trying to weigh a dollop of mashed potatoes rather boring. At worst, your food will be unappetizing after the weighing.
6 When trying to lose weight, do not buy spandex for casual wear EVER! No explanation is necessary.
5 When trying to lose weight, do not try to curb your appetite with bottomless cups of coffee, bottles of diet pills, or any other substance. These have less to do with suppressing appetite and much more to do with making you so hyper that you never sleep, ironically giving you more hours to eat.
4 When trying to lose weight, do not take diet pills that promise to block your absorption of fat (e.g., Alli). Yes, they do work, but they work at all the wrong moments–in the middle of a business meeting, during a long commute, or while sitting in the window seat of an airplane with Chris Christie next to you.
3 When trying to lose weight, do not hire a trainer who looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s poor cousin, whose sales pitch is “I want to pump you up!” What you might get “pumped up” with may not be legal.
2 When trying to lose weight, do not take up colon cleansing. As with most of the items on this list, the result of too much of a good thing can result in frequent and expensive calls to your plumber.
1 Finally, when trying to lose weight, take a good, long look in the mirror and ask yourself which is more important: fitting into those skinny jeans you wore in high school or feeling strong, healthy, and happy, even if you are a little soft around the edges.
Fiction Favorites 
Dear John
I love no. 1. I am just trying to lose weight and will keep your ten point in my mind 😉
Wishing you a happy week
Klausbernd 🙂
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At my age, I look in the mirror and am glad I can still see, let alone worry about weight. Have a great week, Klausbernd.
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Oh dear, I am more vain.
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Well, there is that, Too. 😀
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#10 simply sounds like your standard Yom Kippur.
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Ha ha ha. 😀
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Take it from a person perpetually on a diet – # 6 is mandatory!!!!
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Also, avoid those tight exercise outfits.
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I laughed at #6. Spandex is a horror for almost anyone.
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I wonder who invented it?
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I suspect an evil genius, that’s for sure.
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Ha ha ha
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I’ve probably done most of these, excluding spandex. I finally gave up and that helped a bunch.
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That does help. 😊
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Even lost a bit of weight by not worrying so much about
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Good move.
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Good ones–all of them, John. I laugh at one commercial where the guy says, “The hot dog diet got me ssshhhhredded.” The way he says ‘shredded’ cracks me up. He’s the guy who can’t wait to get back into his Spandex. 😧
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That is the commercial where the guy takes forever to unscrew the vitamin bottle. It is almost like he doesn’t want to take the product.
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**gotta fit in those Spanx!!** 😆
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😀
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#9 sounds good to me!
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I think so too, Teri 😀
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#6 for real! lol
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Ha ha ha.
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As someone who has battled weight for most of his life, I appreciated the balance of humor with some truth. The “health” industry has made a fortune off of people looking for a quick fix. Regular exercise is the only thing that works for me.
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As they say, Diet and exercise. Thanks, Pete.
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Good ones, John, for anyone trying to lose weight.
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Thank you, Tim 😊
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😊
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😊
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Hi John, this is highly entertaining. In my house we have three thinifers and three fattipuffs (do you know this book?). I know all about the struggles of the fattipuffs who bitterly resent the thinifers ability to eat what they want. They don’t understand it’s all about quantities.
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I can just imagine. I used to be a thinifer, but after having hormone therapy for cancer, I turned into a fattipuff. My eating habits didn’t change at all.
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Ah, that is difficult, John. Poor Michael also gains weight so easily and its because of the medications and lack of exercise.
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Yeah, I can sympathize. I still exercise every day, but the weight stays constant. At my age, as long as the heart and cholesterol stats are good I don’t get on the scale anymore.
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I can understand that. My mom is 86 and she’s so tiny I’m worried she’ll wash away down the shower drain one day.
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I have no fear of that. 😀
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Haha, my dad neither.
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😀
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Wow, really
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#1 is golden! And YES, especially at my age. It’s okay. Good one, John.
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Thanks, Jan. I think so too.
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Another great list, John. I think your #1 is perfect. 🌞
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Thank you, Gwen. Much ado about weight and most of it unnecessary
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Just got back onto my exercise plan and needed this rather humorous reminder. I am sometimes guilty of the coffee instead of food thing, mostly because I’ve been terrible at planning my meals (getting better) and drink coffee to buy me some time (and stave off the headache).
Hope all are well and #1 needs to be chiseled into stone for everyone. We’re ALL works in progress and tend to shift goalposts ourselves for any reason… but feeling good and being well is never a bad thing to focus on, and far more attainable than some clothing fitting just THAT way.
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I think number one should be the guide. Thanks
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That is some great advice. 🙂
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All good.. Diets are what made me gain weight! 💕
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I believe it. 😀
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Great advice here, especially no 1. Thanks, John.
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Number one is the best. Thanks, Esther.
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Great list, John. And after seeing dozens of people ordering a large diet drink to accompany their Big Mac and Fries, the diet drink will not counterbalance the hundreds of calories of fast food you are about to consume.
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In fact, the sweet taste of the diet drink without the sugar carb just makes the person want carbs.
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Why do I suspect that you the voice of experience talking, John?
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Gee, I have no idea except I used to drink diet cokes and felt hungry after finishing one.
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Thought I heard the voice of experience 🤔
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Yes.
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I would like to emphasize number six, #6, No. 6 and the 6th item in the list.
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Summertime in Florida, Dan….😧
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Yup.
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Do you mean number six?
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Yes, that one.
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😊
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#1 is good advice!!
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The best of the lot. Thanks, Liz.
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You’re welcome, John.
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😊
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Nicely handled, John. I think the most sensible thing is to eat in moderation and keep moving!
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Excellent advice, Debbie.
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After reading no. 10, I now have a hankering for Chinese food! And spandex… my husband used to say that’s why people are so fat – expanding waistlines do NO ONE any good!
Best stick to no. 1, I say.
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I think it is very wise to stay with number I. Thanks, Dale.
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Methinks you are right
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Well done! I will go with #1.
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Good choice. You want fries with that? 😀
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I actually used the “mirror tactic” mentioned in number one, which I was advised against. I tried using a full-body high-definition mirror and ate all my meals naked. It didn’t go well; I only lasted two days!🐳
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I can’t imagine why it didn’t last. Well, except for the catsup and mustard on your chest, that is.
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Now you tell me!!!!!
OX OX
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Better late than never. OX OX OX
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OX OX OX OX
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🏆🏆
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Thankfully I’m at an age where #1 works for me 🙂 I still exercise and (try to) eat healthy, but it’s kind of nice not to care if I ever could look good in a bikini again 😉
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I agree. Of course, I never cared how I looked in a bikini so there is that. 😀
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🤣🤣
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😀
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You have a great list Boss. I wholeheartedly agree with Number 1. Don’t stress the weight loss when it’s all about being healthy. Diets don’t work. Making a concerted effort to eat better can work.
As far as the South Beach Diet . . so THAT’S where I went wrong! Or right. Both.
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Ha ha ha. Add in a couple of Cuban Sandwiches and you can see why it doesn’t work.. 😊
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I’ll take your Cubanos and raise ya a couple of frosty ones. Yeah . . the diet is in the rear view now.
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Maybe next year.
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Snort…these are so funny! Thanks for a great giggle to begin the week.
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Love the *snort. Thanks, Monika.
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I like number one very much. Health is key. Good caution about the pills and no sleep: ironically giving you more hours to eat!
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Ha ha ha. Thanks Rebecca.
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#11–My husband is in charge of getting my 135-pound Lab to lose weight. He gained 2 pounds. #11–don’t take advice from my husband!
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Ha ha ha. Good one.
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Great list, John, and endless daiquiris do sound good! 🙂 And what a great ending!
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Thank you, Lauren.
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LOL! We have to eat less and move more as we get older. I’ve a feeling the gates of heaven are narrow…
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And the scales are very touchy up there.
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Indeed.
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😀
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I’m all for #1.
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Me too. 😊
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What? Are you trying to say that thinking and taking ownership is the only way?
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Well…….yes. 😀
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1 & 2 👍👍👍are the answers. Great list, dear John. And still so useful. I have put on some kg. due to stress after my moving, so now do my best to move more. Movement + sport + high spirit are best remedies to lose weight.🌞🍤🍤🍤🍻
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I think you have the right formula. I put on some KGs after I hit 80. I just ignore them.
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#1 comes closest to my way of thinking. “Finally, when trying to lose weight, take a good, long look in the mirror and ask yourself which is more important:”
I would change it just a little. Take a good, long look in the mirror and ask yourself, “At my age, do I really care what other people think?”
I hit 75 without exercising a day in my life. Drank and ate whatever the hell I wanted and still got laid. I’ve had a good run, so no diets for me.
P.S. Not getting laid as much as I used to, but that’s a good thing. I don’t have the energy anymore.
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You have an excellent outlook on the weight situation. Yes, the energy required to get laid does require pre-planning. At 84, I have to save up energy for a while. Thanks, Andrew.
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