Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Corporate Team Building Event

~ John W. Howell

 

This post was published on October 20, 2014. Since corporation are still holding these events it might be useful.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Corporate Team Building Event

10 If your company is having a team building event, do not think your team relationships will last. If you do, at best, you will be seen as weak and someone to avoid. At worst, the next promotion will go to your new friend who explained to the boss how needy you are.

9 If your company has a team building event, do not fall for the old trust building exercise. If you do, at best, your trust will not be reciprocated. At worst, you will place your trust in someone who in the end wants to see you dead.

8 If your company has a team building event, do not get paired with the boss. If you do, at best, you will get low grades for being too subservient. At worst, your boss will think you are not made of the stuff originally thought and will introduce you to the meaning of the phrase persona non grata.

7 If your company has a team building event, do not believe the idea is to have fun. If you do, at best, you will be the only one. At worst, the note taker will immediately label you as someone who does not take work seriously.

6 If your company has a team building event, do not believe the wearing apparel instructions. If you do, at best, you and the company psychologist will be the only ones dressed in jeans and sweatshirt. At worst, the biggest boss on the planet will drop by the exercise to see how it is going and will inquire of your boss, “who’s the other psychologist?”

5 If your company has a team building event, do not try to be the best player in the skill competition. If you are, at best, your boss will believe you have too much time on your hands. At worst, your boss will appoint you as team leader for the next team building event.

4 If your company has a team building event, do not think the free food and drinks are on an all you can eat buffet. If you do, at best, you will be seen as someone who is obviously lacking self-control. At worst, your boss will wonder if you always take advantage of the company expense account and inform finance to conduct an audit of your expenses.

3 If your company has a team building event, do not think the truth hour is for telling the truth. If you do, at best, you and the company psychologist will become simpatico. At worst, your boss will be counting the moments until you and they will be alone so that the longer term franchise you were counting on can be terminated.

2 If your company has a team building event, do not try to bring any new ideas during creative hour. If you do, at best, your peers will poke enough holes in your idea to kill it. At worst, thinking outside the box will only convince your boss that perhaps your belongings should be in a similar container and both of you escorted out by security.

1 If your company has a team building event do not sing along when the psychologist puts the Queen CD in the player and “We Are the Champions”starts playing. If you do, at best, your co-workers will think you are a throwback to the 80s. At worst, your boss loves “We Are the Champions” and your off note singing is making the neck hair stand up which will be a reminder to ask HR to have you transferred to Guam before the next team building event.

83 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Corporate Team Building Event”

  1. haha, I never worked for a company that had these events. You either joined the team you were assigned to or there would be consequences.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. All true.

    Once was paired with boss in a game called “Dog and the bone” where two people circle around a small object and the winner is the one who can cleanly pick it up and run away without being touched by the other. In a brain-fade moment I managed it. My career in the company did not have a happy ending.

    Take the story with a barrel of salt but I agree with most of your observations.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. #9! Nothing like a team building event where you trust your coworkers–especially that guy in Finance who you have to bug for your reports. Right. Fall backwards and he’s gonna catch me?! 😂 I dreaded these events. Luckily, there were a lot of us who rolled our eyes and made the best of it.

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  5. Well, I’m not a corporation, and I’m the sole member of the company team, so I’d have to say one of the perks of sole proprietorship is not having to endure these things. On the other hand, your list seems like a good one for those who do.

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  9. I worked in retailing management for thirty years and attended too many of these things. I remember one “activity” where we had to use Tinker Toys to build a structure of some kind. The team who built the tallest structure won some sort of no-prize. I turned to the other members of my team and said, “Microphone stand” and unilaterally decided our course of action. A cross for a base and then straight up for maximum height. My team won, but I was criticized because we didn’t make our plan as a team. My defense: democracy ultimately doesn’t work. Teams respond to a leader who takes charge. I know it sounds harsh, but I still think it’s true.

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  11. This list is a hilariously cynical take on corporate team-building events, highlighting all the ways they can backfire. From misplaced trust to awkward karaoke moments, it’s a darkly funny reminder that forced fun at work often comes with unintended consequences. A perfect read for anyone who’s ever suffered through an awkward trust fall! 😆

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  12. This is one of your best and true in so many ways. And, if you do #9 and you trust your team members to catch you, make sure you fall backwards into their benevolent arms and not forward into a full fledge face splatter, unless, of course, you want to test your medical benefit pkg.

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  13. John, this was excellent and provided important career tips for corporate professionals. Also, I learned something I never knew… I thought “persona non grata” was ordering pasta without grated cheese. Silly me.🐳

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Jim, you are a hoot. Extra pepperoni please. Instead of cutting it into 8 slices, please cut into 6. I’m too full to eat 8. Thanks,

      Tom

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      1. Tom, you my friend are a Super Hoot. I mean who else asks for “another shot at it” on a two-question multiple choice question? What’s the matter with you?..

        Liked by 2 people

  15. Just reading this made me twitchy. I hated “team-building” days with a purple passion. And as God is my witness, I will never build a tower out of popsicle sticks and pipe cleaners again!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Oh gosh, I’m not a fan–for some of the reasons you’ve articulated. Since I was working in the education field, the “team building” projects were often tests that required us to solve problems, etc. I liked those. 😊

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    1. I led a team-building exercise with a customer where I took the company logo and had a puzzle made of wood with over 100 pieces. Each of the attendees got a piece, and I held one out. At the right time, they were turned loose to solve the puzzle. They had to organize the work to get it done. They did so, except for the one piece, which I had their CEO place. The lesson was that the puzzle was not complete without everyone working together, and only one piece was the boss. I could not contain the discussions. Folks wanted to talk about what just happened. It was a proud moment. Thanks for the reminder.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re ingenious, John. I bet there was a lot of laughter, along with the challenge of finding the right piece. 😄

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yes, there was. The groups even traded pieces that more looked like their own. You should have seen these people on the floor, laying them out, and then folks passing by and making the trades. BTW, this was in Charlotte, NC. Not a place known for having fun.

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  19. We had a team building event where I discovered that if I said something, until it was repeated by any man (even one that nobody else like), it got no credence until a male of any status repeated it as if it were an original idea. I discovered this same trait in my husband too. (Is it by-product of testosterone poisoning?)

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    1. I don’t know about the generalization around testosterone poisoning, but having been raised by women, I learned to listen and respond to original ideas no matter where they came from.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Number 9 would trip me up every time. I respected most of the people I worked with, but I wouldn’t have trusted any of them with my life 😆 It was fun to go down memory lane with this list, John!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I get what you’re saying about steering clear of the boss, not having fun and not overdoing it on food and drink. But . . not singing along to Queen? It’s gonna be tough.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. One thing I experienced several times during my career with these team-building exercises is that they create a team of people who can’t stand them. 🤣

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      1. I’m glad you reached out to so many and circled back to me so we could brainstorm this idea. Do you think there will be a time when corporate speak is finally sunsetted? 😜

        Liked by 1 person

        2. I agree – and each new generation brings new phrases to replace the old ones. I always feel like the new ones are even more ridiculous than old ones, but it’s probably because I’m older plus I work in a library where there’s a completely different vocabulary. I’m not sure people use “think outside the box” anymore.

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  28. These are pretty accurate, John. I’m guessing you spent some time in the corporate world 😉 By the way, this is Book Club Mom – I’ve been trying to leave a comment here and keep getting prompted to sign in to WP which I have done multiple times!

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  30. This was so funny, and all too true. Out team building event last year was teachers sitting on chairs and then crossing over arms and legs in a certain way. The chairs were taken away, and the teachers remained intact. It was ver cool.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Sounds like life in the corporate world is a bowl of cherries. A bowl of cherries balanced on your head and you better not spill one of them or you’ll be in big trouble, mister!

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