Image by Mircea Iancu from Pixabay
First posted on April 21, 2014 by Marie Ann Bailey and me. I don’t know why we posted it back then but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Maybe it is still a good idea although neither Marie or I use dating services.
Top Ten Things Not To Do When Signing Up With an Online Dating Service
10. When signing up for an online dating service, do not use your old high school senior photo in your profile. If you do, at best, your future dates might forgive you for being somewhat more overweight and wrinkled than your photo suggests. At worst, you might get sued by future dates for emotional and psychological trauma especially those who thought they were going to date an 18-year-old.
9. When signing up for an online dating service, do not say that you live in a foreign country because you want to appear exotic. If you do, at best, your future dates will be relieved to find out that you actually live within driving distance of them and they don’t have to pay exorbitant sums of money for a first date. At worst, your dream date who really does live in the country you claim to live in will out you to everyone else in the service and you will have to change your profile and your identity and actually move to a foreign country.
8. When signing up for an online dating service, do not claim to be a great cook when you still can’t make a decent peanut butter and jelly sandwich. If you do, at best, your future dates will prefer to dine out anyway and will never find out your lie. At worst, your dream date will wind up in the ER after you actually try to prepare a romantic, home-cooked meal for your first (and now last) date.
7. When signing up for an online dating service, do not inflate your educational background so you can appear to be more intelligent than you apparently are. If you do, at best, your future dates will not be interested in your opinion on the Dunning-Kruger effect anyway and you’ll be saved from having to present yourself as an example of it. At worst, your profile will be tagged as someone who suffers from the Dunning-Kruger effect (overestimating your abilities) which you will find frustrating since your last name is not Dunning nor is it Kruger.
6. When signing up for an online dating service, do not minimize your educational background to appear to less intelligent than you really are because you are afraid of intimidating anyone. If you do, at best, your future dates won’t be interested in degrees anyway just as long as you can enjoy conversations with each other. At worst, your future dates will look like the cast from “Duck Dynasty.”
5. When signing up for an online dating service, do not claim to be fluent in any language when all you can say is “Hello” and “Goodbye” in that language. If you do, at best, all your future dates have the same native tongue as you, but no foreign language fluency so they get excited when you say “Bonjour” and “Adios” in the same sentence. At worst, your dream date will be fluent in the language you claim to be fluent in (let’s say, French, for fun) and invite you to a romantic getaway to Paris where the best you can do is say “Bonjour” to everything anyone else says to you, with the result that two hours into the romantic getaway, your dream date leaves you at a café with just your French-English dictionary to help you find your way home.
4. When signing up for an online dating service, do not claim to not have cats when you do just because the dream date you picked out is allergic to cats. At best, you never get together with your dream date but the second best date not only asks you out but also happens to like cats (and then you live happily ever after). At worst, your dream date comes to your place for coffee and, within five minutes, develops red, itchy eyes, sneezing and coughing fits, and a facial rash, even though your cats are not in your house because you had them boarded. All of this results in you being on the hook for your dream date’s trip to the ER and allergy medication as well as the boarding fees for a date that went nowhere.
3. When signing up for an online dating service, do not use a glamour photo for your profile, even if your friends insist it will get you more dates. At worst, all your future dates also use glamour photos so no one can complain when none of you look glamorous in real life. At worst, see the worst case scenario for #1 and then double it.
2. When signing up for an online dating service, do not present yourself as a social butterfly when in fact you get panic attacks when you have to speak to more than one person at a time. If you do, at best, your future dates will be flattered when you say you prefer evenings alone so you can get to know them better. At worst, your future dates will think your Howard Hughes profile is creepy since they assumed you loved the party life and eventually leave you to your evenings alone as a party of one.
1. When signing up for an online dating service, do not pretend to be anyone but who you really are. If you do, a©t best, you will find someone who will actually like you for yourself and you will make some new good friends. At worst, you’ll be stuck with a revolving door of dates but no relationships. (On the upside, that could be fodder for some good stories.)
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Sounds like good advice!
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I guess for those who need it. 🤣
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Yes, I wouldn’t know about that!
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Of course not.
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I love these! I once had a boss who used them and brother did she ever get some beauts! haha Only once, did she need a restraining order, but that didn’t stop her!
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What a great story, GP. Thanks for sharing. 😀
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What surprised me was, she brought them to work for us to see!! 🙄
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Ha ha ha. That is a surprise.
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Seems like sound advice. I had to meet girls the old fashioned way.
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Yeah, me, too. Got the scars to prove it.
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1-10. Do not sign up with online dating service. Facebook keeps trying to get me.
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🤣
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Good advice, John. Fortunately, I was married before this was an option.
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Not too useful for you. 😀
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Good list. It even makes sense and not too tongue in cheek. Amused by the Duck Dynasty reference. You don’t look that hairy in your picture….
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😀
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Thankfully I don’t need a dating service, but I’d certainly take your advice if I did. Thanks, John.
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Thank you, Esther
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When signing up for an online dating service, pray that the person you choose to meet adheres to these rules as well!
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Good point, Noelle. 😊
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Oh my! I’d rather face a rabid lion than to sign up on a dating site. 🙂 But, these are great tips for those who do. Thanks for the grins!
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I would join you in the rabid lion face-off. Thanks, Jan
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Excellent and fun advice again. You sure you have no achoo, achoo, cats?
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Nope none.
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: )
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Great advice to which I’d add…don’t sign up for online dating in the first place. 😈 Yes, I’m a bit of a cynic in my old age.
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Ha ha ha. You’ve earned it.
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I can’t see me signing up for a dating service, but I imagine these are good things for those who do to remember.
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Yeah, I can’t see me signing up either
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Good advice, John. It makes me thankful that I never used it.
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Me, too, Tim
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🌞😎
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😊
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I’ve never used an online dating service. I got married before any of that existed. However, it seems like the best policy is to be honest.
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I would say so. Thanks, Thomas
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Did I ever tell you, that Mary and I met on the Internet? But at a time – it was in 1998 – when nobody had yet invented dating services.
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These are funny and a little scary at the same time! Great job, John!
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Thank you, Luanne
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I remember signing up for Yahoo Online Dating (which would later become Match) and having a lot of fun on there after a dubious beginning. Because shortly after signing up, I was perusing single gals in my area and I came across . . . my ex wife. It was jarring to be in the same dating pool. She dated two guys, married the second one. She actually wanted to double date when I was seeing a young lady and I politely declined. Maybe it worked in those old Woody Allen movies but no.
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Yeah, no for sure. What a story, Marco.
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It was one of those dating stories I’ll never forget. Like the time a model stood me up. I mean, she was so stunning that I didn’t care! And no, I will never entertain the idea the model was just some fat slug catfishing me, nope . .
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Ha ha ha
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😉
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I’m so glad that I never had to deal with online dating. I know that times have changed. Our son ended up meeting his future wife through online dating. I wonder how many people embellish their profiles. Then there are the ones who are simply catfishing by toying with others’ affections.
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All of that is true, Pete. Like you, I’m glad I avoided it.
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Then there’s my favorite–“Don’t sign up!”
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Interestingly, I have seen this work with friends and relatives. Hubby’s brother married early, and his wonderful wife stuck by his side until he died in his 70’s. They were together from their teenage years. Some years after his death, their daughter encouraged her mom to sign up for on line dating. It’s a long story, but a good story, and a happy ending.
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Sounds like a good story, Jennie. Thanks.
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One of the few good ones, John.
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😊
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The question that bubbled to the surface when I saw the title was, “Wonder when John tried these strategies out?” and wondered if I shd get Twiggy or Tempeste to call Mom and inform her. Thankfully you clarified in the first para 🙂
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Yes, I have never used a dating service.😀
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I’ll try to get Twiggy to update Mom.
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I wouldn’t date a woman who wasn’t interested in the Dunning-Kruger effect.
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Don’t blame you at all.
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