Photo by Yuheng Ouyang on Unsplash

August marks the anniversary of IBM’s introduction of the first personal computer in 1981. If you want to return to that time, take this list with you. It may save a mistake or even a tear in the time continuum. This post ran first on August 12, 2019

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Introduction of the First IBM Personal Computer in 1981

10 At the intro of the IBM PC, do not laugh out loud at the 16 to 256 kB amount of memory being offered. If you do, at best someone will think you are laughing with delight. At worst, you’ll be put in a position of explaining what you believe to be so funny. (Just because your current laptop has a thousand times that memory, you need not be a snob, Isaias.)

9 At the intro of the IBM PC, do not tell Tiny the WWF champ that he needs to learn to keyboard. If you do, at best Tiny will think you mean someone else. At worst, Tiny will think you are mocking his two-fingered approach to typing. (The other worse part is Tiny just left his self-esteem support group where he was told he is a beautiful, perfect, big boy. I think you will have to deal with his feelings of rejection, Illias. It is going to hurt. I’m just sayin’)

8 At the intro of the IBM PC, do not ask if there are any discounts available on the $1,565.00 price tag. If you do, you’ll likely get a strange look. At worst, the engineers will go into a lot of detail about the components and how expensive everything is inside. (Now don’t you feel foolish, Ismael? Put that Best BUY coupon away. It is not helpful to tell them that you can get a PC priced at $141.00 in 1981 dollars. Might even get you run out of town.)

7 At the intro of the IBM PC, do not ask if you can play Pong on it. If you do, at best, more funny looks. At worst, one of the engineers will suddenly see you as a genius and won’t get away from you. (You may think this is a good thing, Izzy, but the guy hasn’t been out of his clothes for two weeks.)

6 At the intro of the IBM PC, do not use white-out on the screen to correct mistakes you make trying out a unit. If you do, at best the group will think you are cute. At worst, they’ll think you are a technology terrorist. (There are a couple of big guys moving your way, Iban. Might be a good idea to take your white-out and correction tape and head for the door.)

5 At the intro of the IBM PC, do not complain if you get a stripped-down version with no monitor for your $1565.00 ($4313 in 2018 dollars). If you do, you may be told to buy a more expensive model. At worst, the engineers will sit you down and explain that the PC was designed to be hooked to a TV monitor. ( So now you know, Ivo. You just plop that sucker down by your TV and plug it in the back. Well, assuming you have a connection on your TV. If not, come back and get the +$3,000 models. We’ll throw in a couple of floppy disk drives too. Don’t tell me you don’t know what floppy disks are?)

4 At the intro of the IBM PC, do not scoff at Charlie Chaplin’s character The Little Tramp as a spokesperson for the IBM PC. If you do, at best, the market will ignore you. At worst, the advertising folks will lock you in a room and make you watch an endless loop of Little Tramp commercials until you buy a PC. (Best just buy one in the first half-hour, Idal. Otherwise, your brain may melt.)

3 At the intro of the IBM PC, do not buy before you try. If you do, you can expect some inconvenience. At worst, you’ll be trying to save to drives that don’t exist and print to empty slots. (Maybe you should have tried it out first, Isham. Looks like you will need the more expensive one after all.)

2 At the intro of the IBM PC, do not ask if it is compatible with your iPhone. If you do, at best, no one in the room will know what an iPhone is. At worst, the security department will believe you asked the question because you are from a competitor. (Looks like it is going to be a fun ride out the front door, Izak. Try to land on something soft this time.)

1 At the intro of the IBM PC, do not ask if it comes in colors other than grey. If you do, at best the salespeople will think you are joking. At worst, the salespeople will think you are a corporate spy for Apple. (Looks like they are ready for this kind of thing, Issa. Here comes the sheriff with a couple of deputies. Might be a good time to hit the way back button on that cell phone.”