Tuesday – Anything Possible – Finger Point Prompt – Wine/Crackers

You know the drill. I open a book to a random page and then, without looking, point to the page. The word or words closest to the pointing finger will be the prompt. Today I opened Eternal Road to page 111. There are two words under my finger; wine and crackers. So let’s go with those.

Wine/Crackers by John W. Howell © 2023

The old man sits on the bench and uses his two hands on the cane to hold himself upright. Tired would not even come close to describing how he is feeling. The years of work and worry have evaporated any remaining moisture of youth. The cane shakes in response to the hands upon it. His interest in continuing another day is about the same as taking a ten-mile walk home. He might like to do it, but the effort seems overwhelming right now. He wishes he could remember how he got to this bench, but like most of the fog of his days, the mystery is not worth taking time to solve.

Squinting to avoid the sun’s glare, he sees a group of men ambling up the middle of the street, raising small dust clouds with each step. He thinks maybe they will be able to help him get back to his house. He wants to wait until they draw closer since his old man’s voice sounds like a cracking whisper. Repeating what he says has become an annoyance and another drain on what little resources he has left.

The men are abreast of his position, and he calls out, “Hey can anyone help me?” The men stop and look in his direction. One pulls away from the group and approaches the old man. “What’s the matter, pops? Lose your wine and crackers?” The others chuckle and shift on their feet.

“When I was your age, I had a little more respect for old people.”

“Aw, pops, I meant no disrespect. I’m sorry. What can I do to help you?”

The old man explains that he doesn’t know how he got on this bench and would like to go home but has no way to get there. The young man uses his thumb and pushes his wide-brim hat back on his head. “You have any family?”

“I think I used to, but I can’t rightly tell you if they are still around. I live alone.”

“I see. Well, we will be glad to help, but we have a job to do first. Are you going to be okay until we get back? Shouldn’t take more than a half hour.”

“Mighty obliged to you. Yes, I can wait a half hour.”

“Alright then. You stay here in the shade, and we’ll be going over to that corral there to arrest some rustlers.”

“You a lawman?”

“Yup, I’m the marshall hereabouts. Name’s Earp. Wyatt Earp. Them’s my deputies.”

“Pleased to meet you, Wyatt. I’ll be right here awaitin’.”

“Good for you, pops. Don’t you worry; everything’s going to be alright.”

“Bless you, son.”

 

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do in Your Spouse’s New Car

Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash

This post was originally run on May 8th, 2017. I think the advice still holds true.

* * *

The inspiration for the list was the rotation of an old car for a new car for The Producer. Yes, it was her turn for a new vehicle and brought to mind some of the things that I will never even think of doing in it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do in Your Spouse’s New Car

10 In your spouse’s new car, do not eat fast food anything. If you do, at best, the lingering smell will give you away. At worst, all efforts to contain the mustard will fail in one small conspicuous spot. (You never thought mustard could stain leather, did you, Ferd?)

9 In your spouse’s new car, do not park anywhere near the shopping cart return area. If you do, at best, all the returns will be in the slot. At worst, the car will collect shopping carts like a magnet. (Maybe you could claim you were attacked by zombie shopping carts, huh, Bosco?)

8 In your spouse’s new car, do not take the dog. If you do, at best, you’ll need to vacuum out the hair. At worst, the dog needed a nail trim and a bath, so now the seats are not only dirty but also scratched. (You could claim a wild raccoon got in an open window or just leave home, Buford.)

7 In your spouse’s new car, do not pick up anything from Home Depot. If you do, at best, the potting soil dirt can be cleaned up. At worst, the technician forgot to replace the oil cap on that chain saw, which makes the back seat area look like a CSI crime scene. (Don’t worry about the consequences Tex. You won’t live to see tomorrow.)

6 In your spouse’s new car, do not follow that gravel truck. If you do at best, you’ll stay back far enough to avoid the falling rocks. At worst, the replacement windshield is only $1200.00. (You better hope the guy can get it done today, huh, Bunky?)

5 In your spouse’s car, do not park in a tight spot. If you do, at best, your neighbors will take great care not to ding your car. At worst, you’ve blocked in Tiny, the WWF champ who has just arrived to attend his first counseling session on overcoming claustrophobia. (No telling when he will stop trying to get out of his car. Maybe when his door falls off, or the new car has been crushed enough to give him freedom, Putz.)

4 In your spouse’s car, do not change the radio. If you do, at best, you can remember to set it back to the original station. At worst, you will forget and be the recipient of a “no use” order. (Hard to follow that order when your car is blocked in, huh, Buster? Hint. Don’t even think about taking that new car. Get that old Schwinn.)

3 In your spouse’s car, do not exceed the speed limit when told not to do it. If you do, at best, no one will know. At worst, even though you tried to cover it up, your ticket is being used as a training event for the local police and covered by the six o’clock news. (Your best bet is to hit the circuit breaker at 5:59 and blame a power outage. Handling the neighbor’s phone calls will be a trickier matter huh, Ralph?)

2 In your spouse’s car, do not have a cup of hot coffee while you drive. If you do, at best, that small spill will be caught by your shirt. At worst, the unseen pothole makes the coffee go airborne, leaving some interesting stain patterns on the light-colored upholstery. (You now know that those OXY-Clean commercials overpromise, huh, Pal?)

1 In your spouse’s car, do not drive on that new asphalt road. If you do, at best, a few spots will come off with mineral spirits. At worst, your spouse’s white car appears as if it is a prop in a new One Hundred and One Dalmatian film promotion. (The sad part is you were told to avoid that area, right, Pard?)

 

Views of the Neighborhood – Potpourri

 

Today we are going on a trip to the unusual. Today’s collection is varied and not related to a theme. We are catered by Ezov of Austin. Our entertainment is The Eurythmics.

Menu

Appetizer

Crudo – albacore, pistachio, pomegranate, bay leaf oil
Smashed cucumber – smoked labne, nigella, amba, AleppoCampfire Kohlrabi – grilled, braised, fresh, chermoula
Halloumi – date molasses, dukkah, sorrel
Cauliflower – labne, Fresno chile, amaranth, hawaiej spice
Falafel – tahini, amba, green schug
Hummus – oyster mushroom, hazelnuts, tahini, red tatbila
Sigarim – sweetbreads, chicken hearts, yogurt, green schug

Main
Frena – mediterranean wheat, za’atar, lamb butter, beet horseradish
Tilefish – merguez spice, amba aioli, celery, olive gremolata
Sabich Sandwich – frena, eggplant, cucumber, egg, amba, tahini, SchugChicken Shawarma – laffa, caraway cabbage, green tahini, fixins
Kofta- lamb & beef, pine nuts, fire-roasted eggplant, spring onion
Texas Wagyu – muhammara, toum, sunchoke

Dessert
Coconut Malabi – strawberry, toasted coconut, Turkish pistachio, rose
Turkish Coffee Cake – cardamom chocolate sauce, mascarpone, nigella seed
Baklava – caramelized banana, tahini ice cream, texas pecan, pistachio

Picture of an old time school bus

The bus is ready.

A nice friendly welcome.

T-rex and the lamp.

The Octagon House.

Terra cotta turtle. (say that fast)

Have no idea what this is. Maybe a Pterodactyl.

Miniature gecko.

The start of a home expansion (or trash)

Octagon family room.

Froggy rain gauge. ( which has a useless aura about it, given our drought)

JPM Real Estate Photography

The Sand Dollar house.

A flock of Flamingos.

Well, there you have our tour. Now, sit back and enjoy the food and music. I hope you have a wonderful week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Acronym”

A picture of a string with drops of water- the logo for SoCS

My blinking SOS with my eyes had no effect on the clerk. WTF went through my brain as the clerk handed me my temporary membership card. Making faces and rolling my eyes did nothing to alert the clerk that my condition was SOL. Jessica grabs my arm and pulls me away from the desk. “Let’s get to the statue,” she says through her teeth. Seeing that the clerk will be no help, there is no choice but to enter the store.

My mind is racing as the checker waves us on. The only thought that comes is to stall as much as possible. Pointing in the direction of the last row clear across the store, we start moving in that direction. Wishing the opportunity to grab someone and scream bloody murder would come up, my objective is to move as slowly as possible.

“Quit stalling.” Jessica seems to be on to me. We pass the clothing displays, and Jessica does not appreciate me pointing out the terrific saving on bib overalls. We come to a woman holding a tray of cream cheese on cracker samples, and again, Jessica takes exception to my offer of trying one. She grips my arm with enough pressure to turn my hand black. “I’m not afraid to use this gun right here. Unless you want to be DOA, my suggestion is you get to the statue proto.”

A sigh passes my lips, realizing that my goose is now in the oven. Wait, an idea pops into my head. All that needs to be done is to go to the rotisserie oven and grab a couple of hot birds. Tossing them at Jessica and the big guy might be enough of a diversion for me to start screaming like a girl and get some help. With the plan in mind, I steer them toward the hot chickens. Grabbing two birds and flinging them catches both Jessica and the big guy off guard. Jessica starts swearing. The big guy decides to start eating my contribution is a scream that could crack the crystal.

A security guy comes over, and both the big guy and Jessica book for the exit. The security guy looks at my membership card and lets me know there is a message from Linda Hill. He shows me the message on his iPad, and it reads; Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “acronym’.” Choose an acronym and use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!

If you want to see what others have done with this prompt, visit Linda’s blog. Here is the link https://lindaghill.com/2023/07/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-8-2023/

Acronym by John W. Howell © 2023

“SOL? Do you think anyone will know what that means?”

“Yeah. So Outta Luck.”

“That is the family blog meaning. I mean the real one.”

“We’ll just leave it at that.”

“DOA is Dead on Arrival, right?”

“You got it.”

“We all know WTF.”

“Yes, and no need to expand that one.”

“So where did this throwing chicken idea come from.”

“Where most of my hair brain ideas come from.”

“You know I feel a little cheated with that solution.”

“Come on, the whole idea of being hit with a lemon pepper chicken is pretty funny.”

“I suppose, but I expected some kind of gunfight or something.”

“Well, think of the chickens in that context.”

“That’s a stretch.”

“Think of something else then.”

“Like the Uber arrival text.”

“There you go.”

“That’s him over there.”

“In a Good Humor Ice Cream truck?”

“It’s the discount fare vehicle.”

“Can we fit?”

“Yeah, but you need to ring the bells.”

“Figures. Not a direct trip, I’ll bet.”

“Well, just a few stops.”

“OMG.”

“Nice.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – Fri-Yay Good News

Today’s good news story comes from my favorite source, The Good News Network.

– credit Enjoy Port Townsend

Dock Worker Brings Stranded Ferry Passengers Home: ‘You’re all staying at my house tonight.’

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy’s New Toy

“So Twiggy. I want you to evaluate two toys and see which one you like the best.”

“Yes, it sounds like a good way to select a toy. I’m ready.”

“That is a hedgehog toy.”

“It does have an animal scent.”

“How does it feel?”

“The mouthfeel is okay. The stuffing is a little too soft for my taste.”

Is it playable?”

“Yeah, it flips nicely. Doesn’t land on its feet, though.”

“How about durability?”

“Now there’s a problem. As I pull on the fur, it comes off in my mouth. Yuk.”

Here’s the next one. It doesn’t have fur.”

“Sometimes that’s better. At least I don’t have to worry about swallowing some.”

“It is a bumble bee and a heart with ‘Bee Mine’ on it.”

“So, looks like a leftover Valentine’s Day toy. Hmm tastes okay. No unpleasant aftertaste.

“How about the fragrance?”

“Nice bouquet. A bit floral without the usual vinyl interference.”

“Playability?”

“Yeah, it has a pleasing crunch, and these antennae are very satisfying.”

“What is your overall opinion?”

“This toy fulfills all the expectations for a real entertainment treat. It is subtly understated, which then has the effect of overdelivering on the satisfaction promise.”

“Which do you like the best?”

“Unfortunately, the hedgehog has a shedding problem, so I have to select Bee Mine.”

“Maybe we can revisit the hedgehog sometime.”

“If he stops shedding we can.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Cooking.

 

Photo by Katie Smith on Unsplash

 

This post ran on May 15, 2017. I think it is still good advice. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

The inspiration for this list is the fact that I love to cook. I cook a lot and have made some interesting dishes that didn’t quite make the delicious category. So I hope you enjoy this batch.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Cooking.

10 If you are cooking, do not think you can walk away to let things “simmer.” If you do, at best, the dish will burn. At worst, the fire department has opened an investigation to see if the configuration was set on purpose. (You always wondered what the chirping noise in those smoke detectors was huh, Buford. Well, seems they finally died.)

9 If you are cooking, do not think your brother-in-law, Tiny, the WWF champ, is going to act as your sous chef. If you do, at best, there might be some yelling. At worst, Tiny just left his court-ordered anger management session and is taking out his frustration on your new twelve-piece setting of China. (I think asking him to make a souffle was over the top, don’t you, Ferd?)

8 If you are cooking, and have a pan in the oven to finish, do not forget the oven mitt when you take it out. If you do, at best, you’ll remember in a split second after you touch the handle. At worst, you are now the proud owner of a new All-Clad brand in the palm of your hand. (Didn’t you notice the smoke, Buster?)

7 If you are cooking, do not think for every cup of wine in the recipe, you need to drink a like amount. If you do, at best, there is only one cup. At worst, you need to wonder how everyone liked the meal that you slept through. (You are no Julia Child, Tex. Oh, by the way, your wife’s lawyer just called.)

6 If you are cooking, don’t think you don’t need to follow a recipe. If you do, at best, you are making scrambled eggs. At worst, the EMS driver has called the Center for Disease Control, thinking there is a massive epidemic in your sick family. (So you didn’t understand some of the ingredients, Ralph. It still looked good enough to eat, which was unfortunate for everyone.)

5 If you are cooking, do not try to call your local carry-out and pass it off as yours. If you do, at best, you’ll have to fess up. At worst, everyone will compliment your effort as the best ever. (Sadly, they even started to list some of your worst dishes, huh, Pard?)

4 If you are cooking, do not invite anyone over for dinner until you have mastered the dish. If you do, at best, no one will tell you that the meal was bad. At worst, each of your guests had an emergency phone call and had to leave. (Did you wonder why most only took one bite before the emergency, Putz?)

3 If you are cooking, do not do your famous garlic surprise the night before that real estate open house. If you do, at best, the Fabreeze air freshener might cover it. At worst, the attendees will manage a one-minute stay before needing oxygen. (Ever wonder why people never visit you, Jake?)

2 If you are cooking, do not think everyone loves their food spicy hot. If you do, at best, you’ll have a ton of leftovers. At worst, you will have to put up with people running to the nearest faucet for relief. (A little embarrassing to have all your faucets covered by gulping dinner guests, isn’t it, Bunky?)

1 If you are cooking, do not trust that automatic start on the oven. If you do, at best, you can fill in with McDonald’s. At worst, the prospect of serving raw turkey to your boss has you frantically trying to make a reservation. (It seems all the restaurants are booked up, huh, Goofus?)

 

 

 

Views of the Neighborhood – Rockers and Swings

Since this is pre-Fourth of July, The Producer and I thought we might like some Fourth of July decoration photos. Unfortunately, the folks in the neighborhood did not agree since none of the decorations are up. So we had to switch gears and bring you the next best thing. (wait for it) Porch swings and rocking chairs. (I have O2 on the bus for anyone whose breath has been taken away.)  At least it is a nice summer day for an outing. We are being catered by Kome of Austin. Our entertainment is Kid Rock.

Menu

sushi a-go-go classic rolls

Austin – krab salad, avocado, tuna, eel sauce, sesame seeds

crunchy dynamite –  spicy tuna, avocado, tempura crunch, sesame seeds

Earth, wind & fire – avocado, cucumber, carrot, spinach, candied jalapeño, tomato, sunflower seeds

Fat samurai – salmon, yellowtail, tuna, shrimp, krab salad, avocado, cucumber, spinach, carrot

Go-go – bbq eel, cream cheese, avocado, go-go sauce, eel sauce, sesame seeds

Koko – inari, cucumber, avocado, sesame seeds

Chef’s signature rolls

Midnight sun  (tempura fried) – smoked salmon, cream cheese, avocado, candied jalapeño, topped with sunflower seeds and go-go sauce

Endo in NY  (rice paper) – salmon, striped bass, cucumber, cilantro, carrot, spinach, topped with gold tobiko, side of Thai chili fish sauce

Superstar – tuna, shrimp, squid, umè, daikon, cucumber, gold tobiko

Tarantula – shrimp tempura, softshell crab, avocado, carrot, spinach, sesame seeds, topped with black tobiko, go-go sauce, tx green sauce

Alone together – tuna, salmon, yellowtail, topped with bbq eel, go-go sauce, eel sauce, tempura crunch

Picture of an old time school bus

Let’s go.

So here we have a rocker grill combo.

Secluded swing.

Rockers and spitoon. (just kidding. It’s an ashtray.)

Lovely swing.

Classic rockers and fountain.

Treehouse swing.

Rockers and flags.

Classic swing.

Good ole Texas rockers.

Rockers, lantern, and a bong.

Rocker for two.

Sweet porch swing.

Moma, babies, and rockers.

We hope you enjoyed the tour and wish you a super week. Now relax, have some food and listen to the music.

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Rock.”

A picture of a string with drops of water- the logo for SoCS

 

Jessica continues to hold the gun on me. I ask her kindly if she might be willing to aim it at the big guy driving the car. She chuckles and gives me a smile that says, “Fat Chance.” A look out the windshield lets me spot a coffee shop on the next corner. I suggest we all stop in hopes that everyone else in the car is suffering a brain bleed from the lack of caffeine; Jessica scoffs and reminds me that if our destination turns out to be a hoax, I won’t need caffeine ever again.

My mind is racing, trying to figure out a diversion. A well-placed rock thrown with some velocity could be a good diversion. Just as my brain centers on the idea of running for my life, we stop; the guy in front says, “We are at the address.” Jessica looks out the window. “This is a Costco,” she whispers. “How the hell did the statue get into Costco?” She turns to me with fire in her eyes. “This better not be a trick.” To make her point, she shoves the gun under my nose.

My stuttering explanation of the logic of hiding something in plain sight causes her to lower the cannon. She motions for me to get out, and the guy standing outside the door thwarts the thought of running. He opens it and motions for me to step out. Jessica comes around the car, and the gun is hidden somewhere. Her eyebrow lift tells me it is hidden but easy to pull out. “Move it,” she orders. We stroll toward the entrance. When we get inside, a person asks for our membership card. “Show her your card, big shot.” Jessica does not sound pleased.

“I don’t have a card.” My voice comes out in a squeak. Jessica turns a shade of red never before seen by humans. Her snarl causes the Costco person to step back. The big guy comes forward and asks about the next move. Jessica puts her hand to her chin. Her eyes brighten. “Let’s go to the service desk and sign up.” She turns to the Costco person and says. “We can do that, right?” The Costco person nods, and we are off to the desk.

Jessica shoves me to the desk, and the Costco person asks how they can help. I explain I need a membership, and they request my name and address. I tell the employee and start blinking SOS in Morse code with my eyes. The employee looks at the computer screen in a funny way and then says, “I think we have an envelope for you from Linda Hill.”

Jessica leans over my shoulder to see what is in the envelope. She loses interest when she reads Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “rock’.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

If you would like to visit Linda’s blog to see how other folks use the prompt, here is the link https://lindaghill.com/2023/06/30/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-1-2023/

Rock by John W. Howell © 2023

“Who will believe an envelope is waiting for you at Costco?”

“It’s called suspension of belief for the story’s sake.”

“Yeah, but that is ridiculous.”

“You didn’t say that about the bi-plane last week.”

“Cause that could happen. Costco’s not the UPS store.”

“Well, Linda is everywhere.”

“You shoulda found a rock and beaned ole Jessica.”

“I thought of that. But still, there’s the other guy.”

“Use a bigger rock, is all.”

“I don’t think that’s going to work.”

“Is there a literary term for painting yourself into a corner?”

“I think it’s called text Uber.”

“Done. He’s waiting over there.”

“Hold on. I don’t see anything but a Mini Cooper.”

“That’s him.”

“We can’t fit in that thing.”

“He’s got a roof rack.”

“You think I’m going to ride on the roof.”

“Well, I can’t. Arthritis, you know.”

“You rock it well. Let’s go.”