Author: John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Are a Writer

~ John W. Howell ~ 61 Comments

Writing

 

The inspiration for this list is thinking back on all the mistakes I made while trying to become a writer. Not that I made all of them, but maybe most. I hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Are a Writer

10 If you are a writer, do not kill a child or a pet in your story. If you do, at best the fallout will blow over in two years or so. At worst, you will be cavorting with some strange characters in your new witness protection plan. (Don’t get cute with a pen name either. They will find you)

9  If you are a writer, do not show friends and family portions of your work in process. If you do, at best you’ll pick up some unwanted advice on plot direction. At worst, your family will now wonder how in the world you ever got the experience to write that sex scene. (Just how do you explain that one Buford?)

8 If you are a writer, do not think you can take a vacation. If you do, at best your characters will haunt your every moment until you get back to the manuscript. At worst, you’ll suddenly let your insecure inner self convince you to quit and become a McDonald’s employee. (At least the money will be better huh Clyde?)

7 If you are a writer, do not tell people at a cocktail party what you do. If you do, at best they’ll smile and walk away. At worst, you will have to listen to a potential best-selling synopsis that takes over an hour to relate by someone who is thinking of writing a book. (Like it is the easiest thing to do, Ferd)

6 If you are a writer, do not think that life ends when the manuscript is done. If you do, at best your story will take on epic proportions. At worst, you may get the heaviest book award from the New Apple Book  Awards group. (You didn’t know that was a category? It was established primarily for you. No, your manuscript cannot be returned since the flatbed truck is not available.)

5 If you are a writer, do not let your characters take control of the story. If you do, at best you’ll have a pack of amateurs running the show. At worst, your story will take on the appearance of a three-ring circus (You hadn’t intended to write about  entertainment did you, Ernest?)

4 If you are a writer, do not be in a hurry to get published. If you are, at best you may have a plot hole that no one will notice. At worst, the grammar, plot, character, and continuity issues might gain you all the one-star reviews you can handle. (Quite a shock huh?)

3 If you are a writer, do not think you need to do little else. If you do, at best those few books sold will be gravy. At worst, your status as the great undiscovered but brilliant novelist will remain undisturbed. (Best to write your own eulogy as well.)

2 If you are a writer, do not plan to have your retirement income be solely based on your royalties. If you do, at best you can cut expenses enough to survive. At worst, you are allergic to the kind of soup at the Salvation Army kitchen. (All your pals are really impressed that you are an author. Right Bunkie?)

1 If you are a writer, do not argue with your reviewers. If you do, at best the reviews will not improve. At worst, you may pick on the single reviewer who is classically trained in the martial arts and knows where you live. (Is that Tiny the WWF champ tearing your front door off the hinges?)

Views of the Neighborhood

~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

South Jetty

Our local paper The Port Aransas South Jetty summed up the amount of alcohol consumed on the island last year. To quote “Drinkers at bars and restaurants in Port Aransas downed $11.4 million worth of adult beverages during the past year. According to the Texas State Comptroller’s Office, that figure is up 1 percent from the $11.3 million during the same period the previous year.” If we didn’t have help from the tourists it would mean every man, woman and child would have consumed $2,850 worth of adult beverages, and that does not include takeout. (Of course, my analysis is flawed)

So here’s the deal. Our island has been described as a”Drinking village with a fishing problem.” It is no wonder then that the numbers are increasing. The population has a job to do to keep the reputation alive.

Today I want to give you a little flavor of the salty side of Port Aransas. There is no better way than to show you some of the boats moored in the marina.

Here are two boats used for fishing excursions in the Gulf

Port Aransas

This photo shows a couple of boats that are privately owned and docked outside the owner’s condo. The one on the right is clearly a fishing boat. The one on the left is a large catamaran. Pretty convenient I’d say.

Port Aransas

here is a boat that could be a condo unto itself, but it too is parked outside the owner’s condo.

Port Aransas

Now for a couple of shots of the boats that you see the most of here. There are some fishing boats and sailboats scattered together.

Port Aransas

This shot shows more fishing than sail.

Port Aransas

There are boats here that are just for fun.

Port Aransas

Yes, that is a pirate ship. Next to it is a boat used for Dolphin tours. The fun part comes when the dolphin tour boat gets attacked by the pirate ship. They tell me the kids get pretty excited.

I hope you enjoyed the brief tour of the marina.

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Yes”

~ John W. Howell ~ 36 Comments

SOCS

Yes, it is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this week’s prompt is “yes.” Linda Hill says we can use it as a word or part of a word. (Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose) Also this week there is an extra point possibility if we begin and end the post with “yes.” (That’s why you see “yes” as the first word in this post). If you would like to join in this hilarity, go to Linda’s site and read how. Here is the link to Linda Hill’s post

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Nov. 19/16

Yes by John W. Howell © 2016

“Yes, we have no bananas. We have no bananas today.”

“Why are you singing that funny song? I can tell you’ll never make it at Yeshivah.”

“I don’t want to attend Yeshivah. I’m singing a song of yesteryear.”

“Forget the past. It sounds like yesternight. Too much beer huh?”

“No. This song was popular when there was a shortage of bananas. Same time as the invention of polyester.”

“You are a real font of information today. Do you have eyestrain from all that studying?”

“No.  My eyesight is fine, thank you.”

“So are you going to sing any more of yesterday’s hits?”

“I’m reluctant to do so around you. Let’s say I’m the shyest.”

“I can live with that. I say yes.”

 

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

TGIF

This week has gone quickly. I suppose being busy has helped. I managed to get the My GRL manuscript off to the editor for a final go through. I also finalized the cover and will have it to show at a later date. I have been working on a newsletter that isn’t quite right so I think it might take more time. My attempts at humor fell pretty flat. I believe it is hard to write humor when you have no idea what the audience will find funny. Let me give you an example. I wanted to explain that the recipient had the option to cancel their subscription. So I said, “If you find this letter does not live up to the three reasons to keep it, feel free to  dump your subscription like it was last night’s Chorizo burrito.”

*crickets*

At least the political situation is beginning to work its way into some semblance of normalcy. Let’s hope so. Today’s JohnKu talks about situations where we fear the worst but the outcomes are never as bad as feared.

Events of Fear by John W. Howell © 2016

Fearing the worse case,

We build walls of protection. . .

Now feel too cautious.

Thursday a Little Personal – #RRBC Virtual Writer’s Conference and Book Expo

~ John W. Howell ~ 36 Comments

Conference

You may have heard the exciting news about the first *virtual* RRBC WRITERS’ CONFERENCE & BOOK EXPO!! The club is  beyond excited about this event and I also hope you are going to join us. This will be a one-of-a-kind event you do NOT want to miss!!

The Club expects the Conference to be huge and I want to ensure that EVERYONE reading my blog knows about it.  Here is who should attend: new writers, experienced authors, and even readers!
Important information

*Conference Dates: December 1st thru 3rd

*Registration Deadline: November 23rd

*Registration Link: https://rrbcwritersconferencebookexpo.wordpress.com/registration-general-information/register-now/

*Pricing Link: https://rrbcwritersconferencebookexpo.wordpress.com/registration-general-information/registration-packages-pricing/

Here is a list of the sessions.

*Building Your Author Platform

*Why Your Brand is Important and Why Protecting It Is Even More Important

*Why You Should Never Refuse LIVE Media Interviews

*Blogging for Success

*Literary Lingo 101

*Marketing 101

*Indie vs Traditional: Which One Wins?

*Social Media Dos & Don’ts

*Editors: Sniffing Out The Right One

*Formatting Made Easy

*Your Best Self Promotion Tool…

*Writing In The Senior Season

*Writing the Perfect Book Review

*Book Blurbs Do’s & Don’ts

*Cover Design (FREE bonus session!)

So go to the RRBC site for more information and sign up. Here is the link again. https://rrbcwritersconferencebookexpo.wordpress.com/registration-general-information/

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 40 Comments

Hump Day

 

It is Wednesday Storytime again, and last week we left Ralph telling the commander that he was coming out. We need to get back quickly so that we don’t miss any of the action. This episode could be the end of Ralph and we wouldn’t want to miss that circumstance. Unfortunately, we do not have a sponsor this week, but the good part is we don’t have to worry about offending someone directly.
“Okay, Y’all need to gather around. We are going out there, and I need everyone to get close.”
“Daddy. You can’t be serious. You want us to protect you without bodies.”
“Don’t be a simp Alexis. They’re not going to shoot you innocents.”
“How do you know that, daddy?”
“Yeah, Ralph. How do your know that?”
“Trudy and Alexis. What federal officer in his right mind would take out an innocent bystander or a hostage?”
“I would do that, Ralph.”
“Shut up Ben. Don’t call me Ralph. Its Mr. Worthe to you.”
“Mr. Worthe. How do you know all those Federal Agents are in their right mind?”
“Lightfoot. I think you need to shut up as well.”
“But Daddy. You know about all those shootings by police officers. How do you know there isn’t one of those out there?”
“For heaven’s sake. You all sound like you are lunatics. Enough talk. Gather round.”
“Not going to do it, Ralph.”
“Trudy. You know this will work.”
“Nope. You have been a lousy husband, and I’m not taking one in the head for you. I’m sitting right here. Have a safe trip.”
“Trudy. You sure pick a fine time to bring up our marital problems. Okay so who cares. You stay here. I’m sure you will love spending the next fifty years in jail.”
“Would be better than being with you. Besides, they have nothing on me. You’re the guilty one.”
“Don’t make me laugh Trudy. Everyone knows I don’t have the sense to come in out of the rain and you are the mastermind.”
“Whatever Ralph. As I said, have a nice trip.”
“Okay, the rest of you. On your feet.”
“Sorry Daddy. My mind’s made up too. I’m staying.”
“Suit yourself. I think two hostages will be enough.”
“Count me out pops.”
“Ben. How about I give you a third eye? There is no reason to shoot my loved ones. I can’t say the same for you. Now get up.”
“Well, now that you put it that way.”
“Next time you call me anything but Mr. Worthe I’m going to put one in your kneecap. Got it junior?”
“Sheesh, what a grouch.”
Well, it is too bad we have run out of time. Tune in next week for a conclusion. (er maybe)

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #100 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 43 Comments

It is hard to believe this edition of Kreative Kue is number 100. I have enjoyed each in which I have participated. If you want to do it here is Keith Channing to explain it all.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

Here is the photo.

Kreative Kue 100

Our House by John W. Howell © 2016

“Man alive, you are so in trouble.”

“I don’t need to hear that. I know it. What I need to hear is suggestions on how to fix this mess.”

“How on earth did this happen?”

“I’m not sure. I was feeding my rabbits and all of a sudden this thing drops out of the sky.”

“Out of the sky? This must be hundreds of tons. How could it just drop out of the sky?”

“I don’t know, but you can see the rabbit hutches are untouched. in fact when the thing hit they along with me just popped up onto this ledge.”

“You were lucky you weren’t killed.”

“Well, we need to figure out how to move this thing before my father gets home.”

“I don’t think that is possible. Your house is under there somewhere and even if you could move it there won’t be anything left.”

“So what can I tell my father.”

“How about the truth?”

“I’m not sure he would believe me.”

“Why not? You said you were feeding your rabbits and this thing fell out of the sky. That’s the truth right?”

“Not exactly.”

“Not exactly? What does that mean?”

“Well, I wasn’t feeding the rabbits. I was on my computer and having a chat with a guy whose name is Zeus.”

“Chat name of Zeus? What were you talking about?”

“Aw he was saying how great he is and I called his bluff.”

“Called his bluff? How?”

“I told him if he was so great and could do what he said why not show me something.”

“Like what?”

“Like putting the Brooklyn Bridge in my back yard.”

“Man, I’ve told you before that those chat rooms are dangerous.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do When the Time Changes

~ John W. Howell ~ 43 Comments

 

Daylight Savings time

I dislike the time change situation and have to guard against doing some unnatural things during the “getting used to” period. I hope this list is not too late.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When the Time Changes

10 When there is a time change, do not think “fall back ” will really give you an hour of extra sleep. If you do, at best you will be grumpy and disappointed. At worst, you will hold a grudge against the government until the “spring forward” time comes around. (Those threatening letters to the President have a way of coming back to haunt you. Don’t they felon?)

9 When there is a time change, do not expect your pets to understand the difference. If you do, at best you will have a lot of whining around the house. At worst, those routines that are now disrupted will cause some major animal errors. (What part of going outside by 7:00 did you miss trying to extend the visit by an hour?)

8 When there is a time change, do not expect your boss to understand your inability to adapt. If you do, at best your boss has the same problem. At worst, the meeting called for your performance appraisal was an hour ago. (I’ll bet you are happy with your raise this year Ferd. Is giving back some of last year’s a thing?)

7 When there is a time change, do not think the rest of the world needs to understand your disorganization. If you do, at best you will only miss a couple of scheduled events. At worst, your no-show profile will be noted, and the next event invitation will conveniently arrive one hour after the event is over. (There is only so much planners can take and after all it’s been three months since the change.)

6 When there is a time change, do not forget to reset your timers. If you do forget, at best there will be minor inconveniences until set. At worst, that oven setting will be an hour late, and you’ll be faced with raw chicken, and you invited your boss for dinner. (Lucky you there is a Kentucky Fried outlet just down the block. What you don’t know is your boss can’t eat fried food and just walked through the front door.)

5 When there is a time change, do not forget it gets dark earlier in the fall. If you do, at best you’ll need to remember a flashlight next time. At worst, that sinkhole which is very visible in the light somehow disappears in the dark. (That is until you manage to step in it and go up to your knees in freezing water huh Bunky?)

4 When there is a time change, do not take out the fact that you are out of sorts on others. If you do, at best you will be ignored. At worst, you will insult those whose job it is to serve you. (You can’t tell but Tiny the WWF champ is heading to your table to personally deliver the perfectly cooked meal you sent back. It seems that Tiny was on probation as a chef and your meal was the test case. Hope your health insurance is in effect Buster.)

3 When there is a time change, do not keep one clock on the previous time. If you do, at best you might pay attention to that clock and miss something. At worst, you will keep reminding yourself of your unfortunate lack of ability to adapt and continue to measure your life in terms of what is missing as opposed to what you have. (A deep philosophical point which can be summed up with the word “stubborn.” Right Clyde?)

2 When there is a time change, do not be concerned that you have to calculate scheduled times for your favorite shows. If you do, at best you will miss a few shows due to your own error. At worst, you will employ a tremendous amount of effort only to discover the shows are on at the same time as usual. (Makes one feel foolish doesn’t it Homer

1 When there is a time change, do not attempt to change your car clock yourself. If you do, at best you’ll realize quickly you need help. At worst , you’ll make some adjustment that has never been seen before and will require a replacement clock to fix. (The clock reset is a little car manufacturer humor built into each car. Maybe this is the only exception to point number three.)