Wednesday Story day – AKA Hump Day

September 3, 2014August 29, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 22 Comments

Wednesday is story time again. I have been fascinated by the concepts of good and evil. Not that the two are particularly interesting but what has been interesting to me is in some cases good and evil are basically defined by the culture in which the acts which are labelled good or evil take place. There are some universal standards of good and evil that transcend cultures such as murder and incest, but there are variable definitions of good and evil which can be found around the world. This week’s story is about Frank and his close encounter with evil titled The Devil You Say? I hope you like it.

“So your name is Frank right?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Do I know you?”

“You may have heard of me.”

“Still doesn’t help. You have a name?”

“Well, I prefer His Highness, but Beelzebub will do.”

“Beezlebub? You mean the devil?”

“Ah yes, there is the word most use.”

W-What do you want with me.”

“I have an opportunity for you.”

“Opportunity?”

“Yup. I like that word. Yup, an opportunity.”

“What is it?”

“Whoa, anxious are we?”

Come on. Is it one of those soul sell deals?”

“Well yes, it is Frank. If you sign away your soul I will grant any wish you may have.”

“No tricks. I have seen this kind of thing on TV where the guy signs over his soul and the devil tricks him out of something.”

“No tricks. What would you wish for?”

“Okay, here it is. I wish for twenty million dollars personally handed to me each year for fifty years.”

“Oh, I see you have the time of your life covered so there is no early out. Very clever. Okay, I can grant that wish. Let me check and see the status of your soul. I’ll just use my iPad for a second. Excuse me.”

“Sure.”

“Frank I have some disappointing news for you. I would have been able to grant your wish, but there is only one problem.”

“Problem? What problem?”

“I already have your soul. It was totally committed to me by your own actions so there is no need to provide incentives to get it.”

“There must be some mistake.”

“And you made it Frank.”

One Lovely Blog Award – Presented by Shannon A Thompson

September 2, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 15 Comments

Normally I don’t do awards. Not because I think they are not really nice, I have a great deal of trouble trying to select award winners. This week I’m making an exception due to the fact that the person nominating my blog for this award is someone I have watched grow from over the last two years. She published her debut novel in 2007 to a full-fledged powerhouse in the blogging and writer world. She has a gazillion books (okay seven) currently available and about fifteen-thousand followers. She is Shannon Thompson and you can visit her here. here. Before I list my nominees, I have to tell seven things about myself. Here goes:

1. I have a book published by Martin Sisters Publishing named My GRL (in case you haven’t heard)

2. I live on the Gulf of Mexico

3. I write Thriller Fiction and short stories to relax from thriller fiction novels.

4. I am halfway through the last of the John J. Cannon trilogy (Should be done by November 1)

5. I will be writing a new set of thrillers which will have new characters and a different setting

6. I plan to start the new set on January 2nd (I put this in here so I won’t slip the date)

7. I write every day and have been doing it since April of 2012

My nominees have been chosen due to the short time they have been following my blog. I hope you will visit them and build them into the kind of powerhouse which has become Shannon A Thompson.

http://paulinekingblog.wordpress.com/

http://silverthreading.com/

http://lovehappynotes.com/

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Walking a Dog

September 1, 2014August 29, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 13 Comments

Here is the 61st installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. The inspiration came from watching a number of people out walking their dogs

Top Ten Things Not to do While Walking a Dog

10. If you are walking your dog, do not stop at a neighbor’s nice grassy place and let your dog do its thing. If you do, at best your neighbor will nicely ask you not to do that again. At worst, you will wake in the morning to a load of manure on your driveway with a note, “sorry about my elephant’s mistake. I’ll be back to pick it up later.”

9. If you are walking your dog, do not think other dogs would be fortunate to meet and play with yours without the other owner’s concurrence. If you do, at best the other dog’s owner will be nice enough to be patient and not sock you. At worst, the other owner’s dog is a rescue from a dog fighting ring and has been in a twelve-step program designed to stop aggressive fighting behavior and up to this moment has been doing beautifully.

8. If you are walking your dog and find you do not have a litter bag at the moment of truth, do not simply leave it there. If you do, at best someone will remind you of proper behavior. At worst, you may run into someone in a very bad mood who has just left the couples counseling session with the knowledge that they are considered a pushover and has just stepped in your dog’s mess.

7. If you are walking your dog do not think it is cute to let it run free with no leash. If you do, at best you will get unapprovingly stern looks from other dog owners. At worst, you may lose your dog around the corner and come to realize the animal control officer pulling away has it and the lion mix it was fighting in the back of the van.

6. If you are walking your dog do not think you can leave your dog tied up outside a store for long. If you do, at best your dog will bark and draw a crowd of unappreciative animal lovers. At worst, you will need to explain to animal control why you left your dog in the sun with no water while you are swinging from a tree upside down where the crowd left you.

5. If you are walking you dog you need to remember that the pavement gets hot in the summer. If you forget a, at best your dog will get tired enough of having hot paws and will jump into your arms to be carried for the rest of the way. At worst, the dog in your arms weighs over one hundred pounds and you will struggle to stay on your feet as you slowly return home barefooted followed by the patrol car with the police officer who threatened to ticket you for animal cruelty unless you gave him your shoes.

4. If you are walking your dog do not forget to bring water for the dog to drink. If you do forget, at best you walk will need to be cut short. At worst your dog will beg passersby to be adopted into foster care.

3. If you are walking your dog at night don’t think everyone can see you if you don’t have a light. If you do, at best you may find yourself jumping into a ditch to avoid the near misses of those who can’t see you. At worst, you may find yourself riding out-of-town on the front of a huge truck whose driver has no idea you and your dog are there hanging on for dear life.

2. If you are walking your dog don’t forget to keep an eye out for coyotes or other animals that might consider your dog a tasty treat. If you do, at best you may have to make a run for it unexpectedly. At worst, you might be in a position of having to go to a primal position and challenge the leader of the pack to a showdown while keeping your frightened pooch safe in your pants.

1. If you walking your dog, don’t forget all is well, and it is a beautiful day there is no more rewarding time. Keep your dog safe on a leash. If you do, at best you will enjoy your friend for years and there is no worse.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday

August 30, 2014August 29, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 31 Comments

This post is in response to the Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt “age.” You will find it here as well as others rendition of their interpretation of the prompt

http://lindaghill.wordpress.com/2014/08/29/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-3014/

I never thought I would ever be considered old. I continued to work in business until I was seventy-one. It wasn’t a matter of loving what I was doing it was a matter of saving retirement money from being spent at one of Texas’ finest private schools for the youngest daughter. She graduated and it then became time to retire.

I did retire and began writing and so far have finished two books. One has been published and the other is with the publisher now. The third is at 36,000 words and should be finished by November first.

I still don’t consider myself old and am very fortunate to be able to function each day. I did get a small wake up call when I was crossing the beach one day while a bunch of college kids were attempting to drink Miller Lite brewery dry. I had to wait while a pickup truck filled with laughing and obviously toasted young girls passed by. One of the girls leaned out of the truck and gave me a greeting. Was the greeting “hi handsome, “or “hi good-looking?” No, it was “hi old man.”

So at least she wanted to say “hi,” and no I did not say “hi young, good looking, drunk and stupid girl,” back. Should have.

Friday TGIF and JohnKu Day

August 29, 2014August 22, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 14 Comments

Such a good feeling when you have put your best effort into something. It is really rewarding when the result of the effort is something you are proud to call your own.

One great thing about being a writer is there are times when no matter how grim things may seem, there is a breakthrough which makes you want to dance around the room. Of course, no one else could possibly appreciate your moment of absolute joy. (unless they have similar moments)

When I worked in organized commerce, I never had as many of the breakthrough feelings as I have as a writer. I have to admit, I never had as many moments of self-doubt then either. I think a writer’s life is a matter of trying to savor the high moments knowing the low ones will be there as well. In organized commerce, I don’t believe I ever knew when to savor what. Just when you thought it was time to savor, there was some boss asking questions about your happiness. Today’s John Ku (a term coined by Words4jp) is titled High and Low. Hope you like it.

Rising to the top,

Savoring the latest joy . . .

Until the plummet.

A little More Information Not About My Book- My GRL

August 28, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 23 Comments

This post was supposed to launch early this morning. Well something went wrong so here it is in the afternoon. Will totally miss the UK, but better late than never.

The picture is of Frank our cat. He is still waiting for me to begin writing. He is like the world’s worst nudge. I can’t walk by the desk without a gentle meow reminding me it is writing time. Just so we are all clear, Frank only wants to drink my water and walk on the keyboard. He has no interest in writing.

I have changed the header to reflect a change in weather for us Southerners. You can see the storm moving off the Gulf. The person walking in the picture is my dear wife. She is not supposed to be in the picture (and doesn’t like to be in my pictures) but in all candor, it is the best one and I’m going to run it anyway.

Finally, the sequel to My GRL which is tentatively titled His Revenge is now at the publisher. I have no idea when it will be launched, but want to let you know you can get on my e-mailing list by going over to the right and signing up. I promise there will only be one launch e-mail.

Wednesday Story Day – Hump Day

August 27, 2014August 22, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

Hard to believe Wednesday is here already, but I’ll take it. Only a few more until the weekend which I’ll definitely take. Before I get into the story I need to do a little explanation of the role of my recurring character Frank. Frank is a metaphor or if your prefer an icon for all that is evil in the human condition. Frank represents a number of really bad people who I have had the displeasure of knowing. Frank is the kind of guy who would ask to borrow your car and then get involved in a hit and run accident. He would not tell you anything about it and you would be the first to know the circumstances while being questioned by the police. I don’t cut Frank any slack since he is also as symbol for all those nasty folks who do dirty deeds and get away with them. You know the type, the guy who waters his lawn on a non-watering day. He is also the guy who brags about the clerk who mistook his weeks story is titled Now What and I hope you like it.

Now What by John W. Howell ©2104

“So wha’ chew in for?”

“Armed robbery.”

“Whoa. Tha’s heavy sheet.”

“You’d better believe it’s heavy.”

“How’d chew ge’ caught?”

“Hada gun that didn’t work.”

“Naw sheet. Tha’ sucks.”

“Bet your ass that sucks.”

“Wha bout m’ ass?”

“I said not having a gun that works sucks and I would bet your ass on it.”

“Y’ain’t in no position ta bet m’ass.”

“It’s an expression.”

“A wha?”

“Expression. You know a saying.”

Y’name’s Frank right?”

“Yes that’s correct.”

“I’m a sayin Ay don think y’unnerstan what happens when y’take somthin thet don belon’ to Ya.”

“What did I take?”

“Y’bet my ass tha’s wot. Now me an th’ boys’ goin to take yers in return.”

A Little More About My Book – My GRL

August 26, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 28 Comments

I have received a number of complements on the dedication of My GRL. This dedication was actually written in my head seventeen years ago before I wrote one word of the novel that was to become My GRL. I was fooling around thinking I would like to write a book and began what was to become about 100,000 words of a hodgepodge of disconnected elements of a story.

My father in law, Bill McCormick was an avid reader of fiction. He was also a master of crossword puzzles and in his working life excelled as a General Manager in advertising for the Pittsburgh Press. Bill surrounded himself with words and the love of them his entire life.

One day Bill asked if he could read any of my writing. To this point no living soul had seen anything contained in my Word file. I was feeling a little timid about my relative skill at laying out a cogent story. I did trust that Bill would certainly let me down easy if my stuff sucked as much as I thought it did.

I gave him about two-hundred pages to read. As you can imagine, I was on pins and needles waiting for a reaction. The reaction finally came. Bill had no quarrel with the story and said he liked the way in which the story was written. I was totally blown away. From this encouragement, I tried unsuccessfully to move the story to a point where it could be a satisfying read. I never published this tome, but Bill’s evaluation carried me to the point where I forced myself to continue to write and learn. So, although Bill had no idea his effect on my writing future, his kind words were the ones sustaining me when I felt like throwing in the towel. I promised myself that I would dedicate my first published novel to him and so here is the dedication:

Dedication

My GRL is dedicated to William McCormick (1925 – 2007) who was not only a loving father, grandfather, and husband, but also a voracious reader of books. Bill taught me the love of the written word through a very practical lifelong dedication to continued improvement of the mind. He spent his working life as a marketing person for the Pittsburgh Press surrounded by meaningful words, finishing his career as Vice President. He and his wife Mary Kay were inseparable in life and are now together. They raised the beautiful woman who steadfastly remains my spouse. Bill was the first person to actually say he liked my writing.

Top Ten Things Not to do Visiting a Doctor

August 25, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

Here is the 60th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. The inspiration for this came from sitting in several doctor’s offices this week.

Top Ten Things Not to do While Visiting a Doctor

10. If you are visiting a doctor, do not listen to your tunes with earphones while in the waiting room. If you do, at best you will miss your name and have a few more hours wait. At worst, you will start humming one of your favorites and will be asked to wait in the hallway until your name is called.

9. If you are visiting a doctor, do not smile at the old lady sitting across from you even thought she is smiling at you. If you do, at best she will think you nuts since her smile will turn out to be gas. At worst, she will think you are from another planet and give you a nice whack with her cane.

8. If you are visiting a doctor, remember to turn off your cellphone. If you don’t, at best you will get some annoying notifications. At worst, you will get a call from another doctor’s office wanting to discuss the results of your last test.

7. If you are visiting a doctor, do not touch anything in the office waiting room. If you do, at best you will only catch a cold. At worst, you will be in line for the next case of Ebola since the first case finished with the magazine you are reading now.

6. If you are visiting a doctor, do not attempt any doctor humor. If you do, at best you will bomb like Henny Youngman at an NRA convention. At worst, you will keep wondering about not being able to feel your leg after the shot from the humorless one in charge.

5. If you are visiting a doctor, do not try to get in without paying your co-payment amount. If you do, at best you will called back to the front to the amusement of all the patients. At worst, you will meet the biggest medical technician who will hold you upside down until you pay up.

4. If you are visiting a doctor do not go through any of the cabinets in the examination room. If you do, at best you will see some unusual instruments that will make you want to leave immediately. At worst, the doctor will walk in just as you come across the samples of products designed to prevent sexually transmitted disease

3. If you are visiting a doctor do not ask questions about the degrees posted on the walls. If you do, at best you will find they don’t belong to your doctor. At worst, you will find out your doctor went to a rival school to yours and one known for its status as a party university.

2. If you are visiting a doctor do not ask for samples of drugs. If you do, at best you will be given a lecture about the evils of addiction. At worst, you will be escorted to the interrogation room of the local DEA office where there will be difficult questions about what you know and when you knew it.

1. If you are visiting a doctor, do not forget to bring your medication list. If you forget, at best your doctor will prescribe something similar to what you already take. At worst, your doctor will prescribe drugs that have contraindications to what you take and you will be found tomorrow wandering naked in the middle of the street babbling something about the giant pink elephant.