Top Ten Things Not to do Visiting a Doctor

~ John W. Howell

 

Here is the 60th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. The inspiration for this came from sitting in several doctor’s offices this week.

Top Ten Things Not to do While Visiting a Doctor

10. If you are visiting a doctor, do not listen to your tunes with earphones while in the waiting room. If you do, at best you will miss your name and have a few more hours wait. At worst, you will start humming one of your favorites and will be asked to wait in the hallway until your name is called.

9. If you are visiting a doctor, do not smile at the old lady sitting across from you even thought she is smiling at you. If you do, at best she will think you nuts since her smile will turn out to be gas. At worst, she will think you are from another planet and give you a nice whack with her cane.

8. If you are visiting a doctor, remember to turn off your cellphone. If you don’t, at best you will get some annoying notifications. At worst, you will get a call from another doctor’s office wanting to discuss the results of your last test.

7. If you are visiting a doctor, do not touch anything in the office waiting room. If you do, at best you will only catch a cold. At worst, you will be in line for the next case of Ebola since the first case finished with the magazine you are reading now.

6. If you are visiting a doctor, do not attempt any doctor humor. If you do, at best you will bomb like Henny Youngman at an NRA convention. At worst, you will keep wondering about not being able to feel your leg after the shot from the humorless one in charge.

5. If you are visiting a doctor, do not try to get in without paying your co-payment amount. If you do, at best you will called back to the front to the amusement of all the patients. At worst, you will meet the biggest medical technician who will hold you upside down until you pay up.

4. If you are visiting a doctor do not go through any of the cabinets in the examination room. If you do, at best you will see some unusual instruments that will make you want to leave immediately. At worst, the doctor will walk in just as you come across the samples of products designed to prevent sexually transmitted disease

3. If you are visiting a doctor do not ask questions about the degrees posted on the walls. If you do, at best you will find they don’t belong to your doctor. At worst, you will find out your doctor went to a rival school to yours and one known for its status as a party university.

2. If you are visiting a doctor do not ask for samples of drugs. If you do, at best you will be given a lecture about the evils of addiction. At worst, you will be escorted to the interrogation room of the local DEA office where there will be difficult questions about what you know and when you knew it.

1. If you are visiting a doctor, do not forget to bring your medication list. If you forget, at best your doctor will prescribe something similar to what you already take. At worst, your doctor will prescribe drugs that have contraindications to what you take and you will be found tomorrow wandering naked in the middle of the street babbling something about the giant pink elephant.

 

 

19 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to do Visiting a Doctor”

  1. I guess visiting a GP in the UK is very different, you would never get to suggest a drug make. Sometimes the Doctor prints your prescription and the Chemist changes the brand. Recently our Doctors went high tech and your name appears large with the GP room number on an electronic name board no more lollipop sticks to wait your turn with a number on it, you rarely get to choose your favourite GP now you get one allocated. You log yourself in on a screen and my Mum takes hand gel to use every time because of germs lol so that made me laugh about magazines, we don’t have them anymore. The cabinets have gone now too and everything is on computer.

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      1. A trip to the UK that’s brilliant, I hope you have a fabulous time. Can’t wait to read about what you get up to :). I try my best to keep in touch. I’ve been singing for a couple or hours so just taking a short break, it’s a bank holiday here so I can concentrate all day on my music.

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  6. I think laughing at the doctor’s jokes is the best idea. I think they had no socialization because they studied too hard in high school and college. To let them know you think they are funny, makes them feel like they are part of the human race!

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    1. I guess we should all prepare a joke for the doctor. As Charles says, it is in our best interest. Her’s one. The guy goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him he has bad news. The guy says he wants a second opinion. The doctor says, “And you’re ugly too.”

      On Mon, Aug 25, 2014 at 1:28 PM, Fiction Favorites wrote:

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  9. LOL #7 this is why I never ever read in waiting rooms. Not even my own reading material because it may just get infected. I blame it on my overactive imagination.

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