Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Renaissance Faire

~ John W. Howell ~ 73 Comments

 

This post ran on July 30, 2018. I’m not sure how many of you have attended a Renaissance Faire, but if you do go, here is some advice.

* * *

The inspiration for this list was a question by the producer. “Have you done a Top Ten on a Renaissance Faire?” The answer was “No.” So here it is. (I know pretty simple inspiration, isn’t it?)

10 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not raise your hand when the wizard asks for volunteers. If you do, at best, you might get embarrassed. At worst, the trick will go horribly wrong, and you’ll be sporting some Hellboy horns. (I think that stray goat gave a The Fly-like result, Emest. Don’t worry. Maybe the wizard can reverse the spell. Yeah, maybe.)

9 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not boo Tiny, the WWF champ, when he walks onto the jousting field. If you do, at best, he will have lost you in the crowd. At worst, Tiny, who has been attending court-ordered anger management classes, will accidentally let go of his mace as he nears the spectator stand. (You can place money on where that mace will land, Emmanuele. No, that umbrella won’t help at all.)

8 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not accept the invitation to put your head and wrists into the stocks. If you do, at best, you’ll get a humorous photo. At worst, the guy running the stock exhibit forgot the keys, and now you have an afternoon of ridicule. ( It will be fun, he said. How much fun is it, Enar? Oh, that tomato wasn’t quite ripe, was it?)

7 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not think Three Card Monty is an easy way to pick up spending money. If you do, at best, you may only lose a few dollars. At worst, you and the dealer must come to an equitable arrangement to cover that last bet. (I don’t think he will take a check, Engel.)

6 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not accept an invitation to attend the after-hours cast party. If you do, at best, you’ll need to leave early to take the babysitter home. At worst, you’ll be singing “Moma Told Me Not to Come” while trying to find the door out. (Whoever coined the term “hangover,” Enyeto. How you feel is more like “life over.”)

5 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not join the music makers on stage if you are overserved. If you do, at best, no one you know will see your performance. At worst, the videos the audience took when you fell off the stage all went viral. (Hard to explain to your boss what you were thinking huh, Ephrem. He believes the head of HR should set a better example.)

4 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not throw your consumed turkey leg over your shoulder as a supposed imitation of Henry VIII. If you do, at best, by chance it will hit a trash receptacle. At worst, you will catch someone’s grandma in the face with your trash. (That someone just happens to be the big guy wearing the barbarian outfit now holding you off your feet, Erikson. He’s not buying the accident story, and his club looks pretty substantial.)

3 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not wear period armor. If you do, at best, the day will be overcast. At worst, the temperature just hit a new record high. (Now you know what it is like to be in a sweatbox, Erroll. That authentic clasp on the back is just out of reach, and everyone you ask to unhook thinks you’re a perve.)

2 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not get carried away with the thought of quitting work and joining the cast. If you do, at best, your audition will fail. At worst, you will be picked to play the blacksmith. (That hot furnace and pounding metal all day wasn’t what you had in mind; was it Eryk? Too bad you signed a seasonal agreement, and you only have six more months to serve. You found out too late that no one likes to play the blacksmith.)

1 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not think you have to talk to everyone in Renaissance English. If you do, at best, no one will understand you. At worst, a large cast member will think you are making fun of his speech. (It might be a good idea to find a flagon of mead right now, Eskander. Better yet, two flagons. One to share with the guy holding your neck.)

 

Views of the Neighborhood – Lakeway Petting Zoo.

~ John W. Howell ~ 86 Comments

Today, we are visiting the petting zoo at Lakeway City Hall. We will also see a new method of grass and weed control employed by the City using goats. Corner Restaurant of Austin is catered for us, and Julie Felix is our entertainment.

Menu

Avocado Toast – cilantro, rustic bread, spicy seeds
Cinnamon Sugar French Toast Fritters –  caramel apple, whipped cream, candied pepitas
Smoked Salmon Toast – caper whipped cream cheese, pickled onion, arugula, rustic bread
Greek Yogurt Parfait – grapefruit curd, almond granola, vanilla bean, fresh berries
Steel Cut Oats– almonds, dried fruit, caramel apple
All American – scrambled eggs, crispy breakfast potatoes, bacon or pork sausage, sourdough toast
Chipotle Pork Chilaquiles – ranchero sauce, chunky pico de gallo, over easy egg, cotija, tortilla chip
Thick-Cut Bacon & Eggs Benny – oven-roasted tomato, grilled asparagus, classic hollandaise
Rise N Shine Burrito – scrambled eggs, chorizo, bacon, tomato, salsa, queso, crispy potato
Prime Steak And Eggs – flat iron, chimichurri, pickled onion, crispy potatoes, over easy egg
Chorizo & Egg Taco – egg, chorizo, bacon, pepper jack cheese, guacamole, pico de gallo
Egg White Omelet – spinach, mushroom, sun-dried tomato, feta, salsa roja, crispy breakfast potatoes, sourdough.
There’s the bus. Let’s go. You might have to double up on the seats.
There’s the sign. We are close.
A livestock trailer means we are really close now.
Goats and sheep.
Pigmy goats to the right
A pony and a donkey.
Four baby pigs.
The children are arriving.
Refreshment tents.
Games and ice-cold drinks.
Tables for relaxing.
Craigo’s pizza.
Shave ice.
The event is sponsored by the Lakeway Parks and Recreation. Behind the table, you can see a fence that will keep the soon-to-be-released goats busy in the underbrush and not tempted to wander off.
Take a closer look at the fencing put up to contain the goats. Yes, the goats are rented, and the fence is electric. The goats know all about it and avoid it.
The goats just released into the underbrush.
Here is a photo released by the City, giving you a clear view of the goats at work.
That concludes our tour. It is now time to relax with the food and enjoy the music. I hope you have a super week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Hap.”

~ John W. Howell ~ 89 Comments

Happiness is a strong cup of coffee to get the blood moving and the brain in gear. Thank you to my magic potion machine for delivering a cup of the hot steaming stuff with no delay. The functioning brain meant reaching for the clock would not be wasted. The clock is set for August 23, 1924 and the location is St Louis, Missouri. We arrive to pick up the story from the St Louis Dispatch in an article written by Roland Thomas.

He writes that the planets Mars and Earth were the closest today than they had been since August 18, 1845, and the closest since high-power telescopes had been constructed, coming within 34,630,000 miles (55,730,000 km). We know from experience that Mars and Earth would not be this close again until August 28, 2003.

As stories of men on Mars attacking the Earth are rumored, our alarm goes off, and we land safely on the couch. A text from Linda Hill comes through. It reads:

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “hap.’” Find a word that starts with “hap” and use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!

To see what others have done with the prompt, visit Linda Hill’s post. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2024/08/23/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-24-2024/

Hap by John W. Howell © 2024

“Pretty exciting stuff.”

“Back then, it was.”

“When will it happen that Mars will be closest again?”

“Not till 2035.”

“Wow, that is a long wait.”

“Yeah, if you missed it in 2003, it sure is.”

“You going to watch it?”

“Humm. Maybe. I’ll be 94 then.”

“Oh, come on. With your VooDoo Ranger as support, there’s no contest.”

“I suppose you would call it the fountain of youth.”

“Well, maybe not the fountain of youth, but maybe the source of youth.”

“Or at least a haphazard conduit.”

“Well, we are happiest at the pub. Let’s go.”

“Uber?”

“Right over there.”

Photo by Dan Antion

“Okay, I call shotgun.”

“You got it.”

“Do we have a ladder to get up there?”

“It so happens that I’m prepared to give you a boost.”

“Don’t drop a senior citizen.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

 

Friday JohKu – AKA – TGIF – Fri-Yay/Good News

~ John W. Howell ~ 76 Comments
credit – Cheng et al Purdue University

Today’s good news story comes from the Good News Network

Build a Zigzag Pattern onto Walls to Keep Buildings Cool During Heat Waves

By

Andy Corbley –

Structural engineers have discovered that the angles keep the building cooler if you build an apartment building with angled, shark-fin-shaped protrusions on the side where the Sun’s heat is the strongest.

It’s one of various simple new building and design elements proposed for a world where July and August routinely feature stories of droughts, heat waves, and temperature records.

From the dawn of time, humans have been forced to live in hot environments. From the dawn of construction, humans have figured out how to build buildings that take advantage of thermodynamics to cool them naturally. Many of these delightful architectural features are visible in buildings from antiquity, such as the Roman amphitheaters, the Taj Mahal, and the wind towers of Yazd.

Much of that planning was ignored with the advent of the modern age, and homes, whether those of the lower-middle class or the upper-middle class, took on the same character of modular boxes exposed to the mercy of any element that batters them.

In a study at Purdue and Colombia universities, researchers sought to find a simple way to retrofit boxy buildings with features that could help keep them cooler amid rising global temperatures.

One issue their research encountered is that heat hits most urban buildings from two angles—from the Sun and the ground, where cement and asphalt absorb heat and radiate it upwards all day.

“These two directions require different properties for cool walls,” says Qilong Cheng, a postdoctoral researcher at Purdue University who worked on the study as a graduate student at Columbia University. “So we have this two-surface zigzag design, with one surface facing the sky and the other facing the ground.”

The angles, which resemble the sawtooth roofs of factory rooms, can reduce average indoor temperatures by 5.5° Fahrenheit.

One material reduces or deflects radiation coming up from the ground, while heat from the Sun is reflected with ultra-white paint.

Cheng and his colleagues are now looking to patent the design and turn it into a product, perhaps made of corrugated iron, which they used in their study and found could reduce HVAC energy usage by 14%.

The good news in this story is, once again, someone questioned how things were done and came up with a better way. Today’s JohnKu talks about questions. I hope you have a lovely weekend.

Status Quo by John W. Howell

Defending the way,

Most things have always been done . . .

Ensures obsolete.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Tempeste and Twiggy Housebound

~ John W. Howell ~ 107 Comments

“Hey, Twiggy. Want to go outside and ruckus?”

“That sounds like fun. Let’s do it.”

“I think we should start with a game of Panther and Puma.”

“Always fun, Little One.”

“Mom, we need to go out and play.”

“Unless it’s an emergency. It’s too hot. It is 105°F (4o.5°C) out there”

“What do you think? Should we fake an emergency?”

“When you do that, you may be ignored when a real emergency comes up.”

“I’m dying to get outside and play. What do we do?”

“We can still play inside. We just can’t run around as much.”

“How about we switch roles. You be the panther, and I’ll be the puma.”

“You crack me up, Tempeste. You wouldn’t even know where to start being a puma.”

“Oh yeah. How about this roar?”

“You did scare me there. Maybe I could give you a few pointers.”

“I have been watching you, so I think I can handle it.”

“Okay then. Let’s just step over to the mat and give it a go.”

“Hey, what are you doing?”

“Showing you the puma face grab move.”

“Yikes. You caught me off guard.”

“I thought you said you could handle it?”

“Well, maybe I overstated my skill set.”

“The puma holds the panther down for the count of three.”

“Okay, I’ll admit it. We need to stay in our own roles.”

“At least you were willing to try something new. You get kudos for that. You ready to play Puma and Panther?”

“The panther stalks her prey. This will be a clean kill.”

“The puma gets ready for the attack. The panther will be no match.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Finger Point Prompt – “Nothing”

~ John W. Howell ~ 50 Comments

Today, I randomly opened the award-winning book Eternal Road—The Final Stop to page 259 and placed my finger on the page without looking. The word nearest to my finger is ‘nothing.’

Nothing by John W. Howell © 2024

“What are you thinking?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh, come on. Your face tells a different story.”

“What do you mean?”

“That deep frown tells me something is bothering you.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Looks like something.”

“Why can’t you just believe me when I say it’s nothing?”

“Because I’m concerned when it looks like you’re troubled.”

“I’m not troubled.”

“Okay, let’s drop it then.”

“You started it. How about we drop it when I say we drop it?”

“You call it then.”

“I’m not ready to drop it yet.”

“Why not?”

“Because you didn’t accept the fact that I wasn’t thinking about anything.”

“I do now.”

“Yeah, but now I’m not thinking of nothing. I’m thinking about not talking to you for the rest of the day.”

“This got out of hand fast.”

“So next time when I say ‘nothing’ to a question of ‘What are you thinking about?’ You’ll believe me, right?”

“Absolutely.”

“Okay, I forgive you.”

“Thank you.”

“What are you thinking?”

“That I need three fingers of bourbon.”

“You are always thinking about bourbon. I believe you have a problem.”

“Soon to be solved with three fingers.”

“That was funny.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“What are you thinking?”

“Don’t start. Go get your bourbon.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Have a Sitter

~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

 

This post ran on July 16, 2018. Since sitters are still in fashion, I think it might still be good advice.

* * *

The inspiration for this list was a discussion about Alexa and what would happen if one asked Alexa remotely to turn on the lights and music while a sitter was in the house. That was just the priming of the pump I needed to develop Ten Things.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Have a Sitter

10 If you have a sitter, do not say, “Help yourself to anything in the fridge.” If you do, at best, the sitter will be on a diet. At worst, that week’s worth of shopping that you just put in the fridge will need to be replaced tomorrow. (It is amazing how someone so small can put away that kind of food huh, Eaton?)

9 If you have a sitter, do not ask Alexa to turn on the lights and music from a remote location. If you do, at best, the sitter will call the police. At worst, Your sitter, Tiny, the WWF champ, who you hired after the local minister said he needed a chance to be responsible, will knock out each wall with a lamp trying to protect the kids. (Well, the joke is on you, Ed. Looks like your good deed did not go unpunished.)

8 If you have a sitter, do not let them invite their friends over. If you do, at best, the police will be called early. At worst, you will be reading how the party that started at your house spread to a city-wide night of rampage. ( That bill for repairs looks like the national debt, Eddy.)

7 If you have a sitter, do not let them prepare dinner. If you do, at best, 100% of your dishes will find their way to the sink. At worst, the fire department could not find a working hydrant and could only watch as your house became a vacant lot. (Lucky for you, there is insurance. Oh, wait! Someone forgot to send in the premium, and the cancellation notice is in the former mailbox, Elton.)

6 If you have a sitter, do not let them use your computer. If you do, at best, your data cap was reached in two hours, and now you have dial-up speed for the rest of the month. At worst, your computer picked up so many viri the tech at the computer store declared it a DOA. ( It is a shame that you never backed up that 100,000-word novel, Evander.)

5 If you have a sitter, do not let them choose a movie on pay TV. If you do, at best, they will fall asleep after only one selection. At worst, you receive your bill and note that the sitter selected twenty movies and only watched six minutes of each. (Well, Ever. The charges stick after five minutes. You never said, “Just pick one.”)

4 If you have a sitter, do not leave the liquor cabinet unlocked. If you do, at best, your sitter is a teetotaler. At worst, unbeknownst to you, your sitter was just released from a twelve-step residency program. The array of bottles was just too much. (Well, this is a fine mess. Not only is all your liquor gone, but the sitter insists that you need to pay for another stay in the clinic. After all, Elwood. You were the one who left that temptation.)

3 If you have a sitter, do not leave your checkbook on the kitchen counter. If you, at best, the pizza box will cover it. At worst, on the next statement, you’ll find that the sitter has given a self-issued generous tip. (Don’t try to find the sitter, Eadward. Russia has no extradition treaty with the US.)

2 If you have a sitter, do not tell your friends who it is. If you do, at best, the sitter availability will be rare. At worst, you will be in a bidding war for the sitting service and will only quit when the sitter earns more than you. (You would like to make that kind of money, wouldn’t you, Eamon?)

1 If you have a sitter, do not let your kids influence your choice. If you do, at best, none of your rules will be followed. At worst, before you know it, you have an additional member of the family, and now you have to get a new sitter. (At least all the kids get along, Eberhard.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Mailbox Toppers

~ John W. Howell ~ 94 Comments

Yes, we are going to visit some new mailbox toppers in Lakeway. We are catered by Asti of Austin. Our entertainment is The Marvelettes. (Of course)

Menu

ASTI Benedict –  focaccia / prosciutto / poached egg / hollandaise / dressed greens  add sub smoked salmon

Shakshuka – arrabiatta / house ground sausage / baked eggs/parmesan/pecorino / grilled focaccia

Egg White Frittata – roasted romanesco / blistered tomato/butternut squash/fontina / arugula salad

Italian Toast – focaccia / sweet ricotta / lemon curd / merengue / candied rosemary

Shrimp & Polenta – red eye gravy / shaved parmesan

Chicken Cutlet Parmesan – capellini/lemon/capers/garlic/tomato fresca

Picture of an old time school bus

The bus is loaded and ready.

Our first topper is a whimsical frog, giving us a lovely welcome.

Next is a perfect rose. (I’m guessing it is made out of recycled water bottles)

A modern interpretation of the planter.

Wise squared.

A unique feature of the purple house.

A happy turtle, although a little out of scale.

Marigolds, a charming pot, and a flag. Can’t miss on this one.

This is not a topper but I thought a red mailbox is worth the mention.

Here is mama hedgehog and her little one. She has a leaf umbrella for shade.

Well, that is the tour so now it is time to relax, enjoy the food and music. I hope you have a great week.

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Shirt

~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

My coffee machine has started to develop an attitude. After punching the brew button, my fingers start drumming on the countertop. Indeed, you would think the machine could appreciate withdrawal symptoms when they manifest. Instead of sympathy, a message comes up on the touchpad. It says, “Keep your shirt on, this quality brew takes time.” Suitably chastised. Hopefully, my pout has had an impact since the coffee is delivered instantly.

Just after a sip, the doorbell’s Winchester Chime routine causes most of the coffee to hit the floor. Twiggy and Tempiste try to warn whoever is at the door that rabid wolves have taken up residence. A deep sigh and loud “Cut it out” finally bring some sense of quiet as the security system shut-down procedure starts.

The turret machine guns are set to stand by, the boiling oil cauldron tipping mechanism is turned off, and the automated arrow launching pods are unarmed. In addition, the Trebuchet, ballista, and falling rock device are switched to manual. The claymore mines are set to manual, the mote net rolled back, and the concertina wire retracted. The Iron gate is raised, and the bolts are thrown on the front door.

The door is opened, and a character who looks very much like Bug Bunny asks me to sign for a special delivery letter. My only comment is, “I guess you missed the do not ring the doorbell sign.”

He responds, “Don’t know how to read, Doc.” He then turns and hops away.

The letter is from Linda Hill, and it reads: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “shirt.’” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

If you want to see what others have done with the prompt, here is a link to Linda’s post: https://lindaghill.com/2024/08/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-17-2024/

Shirt by John W. Howell © 2024

“So again, no clock.”

“Well, this week, I had a request from an old friend to do the security system.”

“Oh, so you take requests now?”

“No, but in this case, my friend is a loyal follower and misses the old post. The story is a little deeper, too.”

“Do tell.”

“We both lost another friend who enjoyed making suggestions on the post. They both devised the Trebuchet, ballista, and the mote net. So, this post is in honor of Dan. Thanks, Tom, for the suggestion.”

“Well, my suggestion to honor those two with a VooDoo Ranger seems a little shallow.”

“No, I think that is a great way. If Dan were here, he’d jump on that suggestion. Uber?”

“What does my shirt say?”

“Over there?”

“Yup. Look over there.”

Photo by Dan Antion

“OMG, that is a 1976 AMC Gremlin.”

“Well, you would know. All I see is a way to the pub.”

“This should be fun.”

“You can have shotgun.”

“You are a mensch.”

“Gotta treat the bag man with respect.”

 

 

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF -Fri-Yay/Good News

~ John W. Howell ~ 82 Comments
Justin Huang and Victoria Ou – credit Chris Ayers / Society for Science / ISEF

Today’s good news comes from the Good News Network. This story was brought to my attention by Noelle Granger. Thanks, Noelle.

Teens Invent Device that Removes Microplastics with Ultrasound Waves, Winning $50k

By Andy Corbley–

A pair of high schoolers invented a unique water filtration device that uses a wall of sound to hold back microplastic particles from running water.

In lab tests, the acoustic force from the high-frequency sound waves removed between 84% and 94% of the suspended microplastic particles in a single pass, and they are using the reward money from a prestigious prize to attempt to scale up their invention.

Without beating a dead horse, microplastic particles are everywhere on Earth—raining down from the jetstream, blowing up to the summit of Everest, and located at the deepest points of the ocean. Once ingested by humans, they have been found to infiltrate every organ that has been examined for them so far.

Addressing this pan contaminant is a monumental challenge, but high schoolers Justin Huang and Victoria Ou of Woodlands, Texas, may have a clever solution.

Using ultrasonic sound waves that move freely through the water, the teens have managed to capture as much as 94% of microplastic contaminants by pushing them away from the water’s outflow point.

Their device is no bigger than a pen and improves on other designs that have tried to use ultrasonic waves to address microplastics in wastewater and drinking water.

“This is the first year we’ve done this,” Huang told Business Insider backstage after receiving their award. “If we could refine this—maybe use more professional equipment, maybe go to a lab instead of testing from our home—we could really improve our device and get it ready for large-scale manufacturing.”

Ou and Huang presented their work at last week’s Regeneron International Science and Engineering Fair (ISEF) in Los Angeles, during which they won the Gordon E. Moore Award for Positive Outcomes for Future Generations worth $50,000.

They also picked up first place in their Google-sponsored category, Earth and Environmental Sciences.

“This is a pretty new approach. We only found one study that was trying to use ultrasound to predict the flow of particles in water, but it didn’t completely filter them out yet,” said Ou, who has known Huang since elementary school.

In developing their device, the pair visited wastewater and sewage treatment plants near their home and asked how they regulated microplastics. The answer they received was somewhat of a surprise: the plant had no such regulations in place. For starters, there isn’t a cost-effective means of doing so, and also the United States EPA doesn’t have regulations for microplastic contaminants in the water.

Ou and Huang believe their technology could be used in wastewater treatment plants like the one they visited, industrial textile plants, and rural water sources. On a smaller scale, it could filter microplastics in laundry machines and even fish tanks.

Justin and Victoria explain their device in the following video.

The good news about this story is the fact that young people are asking questions about the status quo and then doing something about situations they find needing improvement. Today’s John Ku talks about questioning the way things are done. I hope you have a beautiful weekend.

Status Quo by John W. Howell © 2024

If the question asked,

Does not have a good answer . . .

Find a solution.