Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Fair

July 12, 2021July 12, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 75 Comments

This post originally ran on July 13, 2015. It seemed like good advice then. If you haven’t read it, I hope you enjoy it.

Since it is summer, and there are many fairs and carnivals, I thought it would be a good idea to provide a list of things not to do if you plan on visiting one or more. The inspiration for this list is some fair visits and watching several people do what should not be done. Hope you enjoy

Top Ten Things Not to do at the Fair.

10 If you go to the fair and take a shuttle from the parking lot, do not start singing the Trolley Song from Meet me in St Louis. If you do, at best, the crowd will groan at the cliché. At worst, you will forget the words beyond “clang clang clang went the trolley” and look like an idiot. (Hint its “ding ding ding went the bell”)

9 If you go to the fair, do not put your kids on leashes as if they were pets. If you do, at best, you will find folks tripping over the lines. At worst, the kids may decide to play as dogs and lift a leg at an inopportune time.

8 If you go to the fair, do not walk around while stuffing your face with fair goodies. If you do, at best, you might not notice the ketchup running down your arm and alarm others who think you’ve been wounded. At worst, you’ll resemble some of the exhibits in the swine barn. (The plus side you might win a ribbon)

7 If you go to the fair, do not fall for the deep-fried novelties booth. If you do, at best, you will hate yourself in the morning. At worst, you will jeopardize your expensive dental work on the deep-fried Snickers bar. (On second thought, it might be worth it)

6 If you go to the fair, do not pay money to have someone guess your weight. If you do, at best, even if the guesser is wrong, the world now knows how much you weigh. At worst, the guesser will get your weight exactly right and, unfortunately, will announce to the crowd that he wasn’t sure, so he added ten pounds to his guess. (And you did not get a Cupie doll)

5 If you go to the fair, do not ride the ride where everyone is screaming. If you do, at best, you will get a sore throat from your own screaming. At worst, you will make a complete fool out of yourself, crying and begging the operator to let you off. (And this is before the ride starts)

4 If you go to the fair, do not think the house of fun is fun. If you do, at best you will be surprised at all the screaming and find it is you. At worst, you will have trouble holding onto that 32-ounce big gulp you just finished. (And it’s not the cup we are talking about)

3 If you go to the fair, do not think you will win many stuffed animals at the midway. If you do, at best, you will finally figure out the games are not winnable by ordinary people. At worst, you will spend way more than the value of the animal you eventually win. (Of course, you can always keep trying and invest enough that you could have used to buy a car)

2 If you go to the fair, do not announce how stinky you think the barns smell in a loud voice. If you do, at best, you might get a few frowns. At worst, you might be invited outside for a chat by Daniel Yoder, the national tractor throwing champ. (He will want to find out what part of cow poop you don’t like)

1 If you go to the fair and hear the word “stampede,” do not stand there and wonder what it means. If you do, at best, the herd will take the next aisle. At worst, you will be faced with a bunch of panicked cows or horses who will be more than happy to continue the same course whether you are in the way or not. (Those hooves are hard)

Views of the Neighborhood – Explore a New House

July 11, 2021July 11, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 85 Comments

Don’t you find it hard to resist going into a new house to have a look around? Sometimes you want to look but don’t want to get caught. Well, today, you can look all you want and have no fear. No one is going to catch you. So, yup, our trip today is to a new house in the neighborhood, and we are going to have a look. Many thanks to The Producer for the idea. She saved my bacon again.

We are being catered today by The Magnolia in Austin. Our entertainment is Orleans.

The Economical
Two eggs* any style and Two Breakfast Sides (Home Fries, Black Beans, Fruit, Toast, English Muffin)
Bacon Sausage Ham

Love Migas
Eggs or tofu scrambled in spicy LOVE butter (fresh garlic and serrano) with tomato, onion, bell pepper, tortilla chips, and jack cheese. Served with black beans and choice of flour or corn tortillas.

Chicken and the Egg
A cornmeal jalapeno pancake topped with ancho chicken, mixed cheddar/jack cheese, and two eggs over medium. Served with black beans, avocado, pico de gallo, sour cream, and lettuce on the side.

Huevos Rancheros
A grilled corn tortilla topped with two eggs, Arbol sauce, and mixed cheddar/jack cheese. Served with rice, beans, and tortillas on the side.

Eggs Zapatino
Scrambled eggs on a toasted English muffin, smothered in our legendary queso. Served with home fries.
Bacon Sausage Ham Avocado

Eggscape
Two eggs* over medium served on a mini-mountain of seasoned home fries and sausage, topped with cheddar/jack cheese.
Toast or English Muffin 2.00

Order from the top shelf bar selection

Hop on the bus, and let’s go.

The first photo takes us back in time to 2019. The lot is for sale.

The next photo moves us up a bit. Although a little difficult to see, this is an aerial shot of the lot and the foundation. The house is situated to the rear of the lot (Left-hand side of the photo). Does anyone know how to land this thing?

Here we are at the new build. The first thing to notice is it is a flat-roofed house. Also, I have to confess I don’t have any specifications on the house so I can’t give you square feet, numbers of bedrooms and baths.

The entrance is going to be pretty impressive. We have a close-up photo below of the right side.

A three-car garage.

Looking back toward the street. Those rocks will be put to good use.

Here is a view of the part of the air handling system. I also think there is going to be a fireplace. This photo is at the entrance on the right side.

This is the view from the main floor. The house has two floors. This one could be called the ground floor.

A little confusing, but this is a shot of the kitchen island. That whole section will be the kitchen. To the left are a pantry and a laundry room. That view of the lake is to the right of the photo.

The same view but gives you an idea of where the kitchen is in relation to the entrance.

We are now in the lower level, looking toward the lake from the primary bedroom.

The primary bedroom looking from the walk-in closet through the bathroom. The bath has a walk-in shower plus a soaking tub.

This is the swimming pool on the lower level. It will be connected to the house.

Another bedroom on the lower level. Someone left a window open in the recent rain.

Last photo on the lower level. Here is the main double vanity sink layout. The walk-in closet is to the left. There is also a large area that looks like it will be a family room on the lower level. The photo I took did not come out for some reason. Oh well, maybe we’ll come back when the house is nearer to being complete.

A closer look at the laundry room. You can see the water and dryer vent roughed in.

A last look out toward the lake. The kitchen is on the left. There is another bedroom on the right of the photo.

Well, that’s our look around. I hope you liked it. Now sit back and enjoy the music. I hope you all have a great week.

Saturday Stream of Consciousness – Prompt – Hope

July 10, 2021July 9, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 41 Comments

I was lounging in the backyard, thinking pure thoughts about the world at large. All of a sudden, I heard what sounded like a police whistle, and a guy who looked like the McDonald’s Hamburgerler jumped over the fence and landed flat-footed in front of me. “May I help you?” I said. His eyes tightened, and I could see him turn red behind the mask. “You have a gun?” he responded. I told him I didn’t have a gun, but he could borrow my shovel. He burst out laughing and handed me an envelope. He then jumped back over the fence, and I heard more noise, then silence.

I opened the envelope, and here is what was inside written on the back of a canceled cashier’s check.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “hope.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

The check was for a million dollars and since it was canceled, all hope for the Bentley Turbo Convertable went out the window.

If you would like to have fun go to Linda Hill’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2021/07/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-10-2021/

“Hey bud, what’s going on?”

“Saturday prompt.”

“Ah, another stumper?”

“No, this one is easy.”

“Like the bartender asked the horse, why the long face?”

“It is a word that can describe optimism or pessimism depending on how it is used.”

“Humm sounds like when my beer glass is empty.”

“I’m serious. I have a tough time choosing which.”

“Why not both? Then you can call whatever this is a treatise.”

“That is a good idea. The word is hope.”

“OMG, something you need a lot of for sure.”

“Uh..okay. Anyway, the word hope can mean looking forward with the optimism that things will get better.”

“Or?”

“When someone declares there is no hope, it pretty much means things will stay the same or get worse.”

“So you going to give an example of each?”

“Humm. How about I’m out of money, and very thirsty.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I hope some nice guy will stand me to a beer.”

“Yeah, I hope you are right.”

“Wait a minute that was your cue.”

“I don’t want you to lose hope, but I have no money either.”

“A perfect storm and example of no hope.”

“Wait, there is hope yet. I can put the beer on my tab at the Purple Octopus.”

“Gosh I hate that place.”

“But it offers us hope to quench our thirst.”

“Better hope than no hope I guess. Let’s go.”

“By the way. Don’t use their glasses.”

“This gets better and better.”

“Order a bottle and don’t take any of the bar nuts.”

“My hope for a happy ending is now fading.”

“Don’t touch your face until we get hand sanitizer.”

“Hope is gone.”

“Maybe but still there’s beer.”

“There is that.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

July 9, 2021July 8, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 102 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy — “What does the word ‘Friday’ mean Lucy?”
“That the workweek is over I guess.”
“Or that the ruckus week is just beginning.”
“That too. You are it.”

Friday came just in time for me. I have pushed myself so hard since the 5th of July I need another weekend off. I hope you know that I’m kidding. I think I’ve been reading too many Twitter trending tweets.

I saw an article that stated in June, 100% of the COVID deaths in Maryland were among those who were not vaccinated. So I can imagine that would be some wake-up news for those who are still not there. But, of course, some are opposed to being vaccinated, and maybe the news won’t wake anything.

Our county has reached 70% of the population receiving one shot. Looking forward to the time where 70% of the population has had two shots. I have real fear for those not vaccinated as the new variants are beginning to take hold. Also, it will be interesting to see where the case count goes after the Fourth of July weekend. That will be in another week.

Today’s JohnKu talks about getting vaccinated and why not. I hope you all have a safe and restful weekend.

Is it politics?

Maybe a religious fear . . .

Why not? A puzzle.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Another Hole.

July 8, 2021July 8, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 98 Comments

“Every time I turn around, somebody’s doing something.”

“What’s wrong, Twiggy?”

“There’s a big old hole here in the yard. I knew this would happen.”

“What do you mean, ‘I knew this would happen?'”

“I tried to bark those guys to St Louis, and Mom put me inside.”

“What guys?”

“The guys with shovels and a jackhammer. Those guys.”

“You better be careful and not fall in that hole.”

“Twiggy? Where are you? Did you fall in?”

“No, I’m over here.”

“I don’t see you. Where is over here?”

“You have to be kidding. I’m on the porch.”

“Why does your voice sound like it’s coming from that hole?”

“Okay, I’m coming over there, so the old lady doesn’t have a stroke.”

“Here’s Dad. He can explain the hole.”

“I can, Twiggy. That is for my Birthday present.”

“Why the hole Boss?”

“Because, Lucy, my present is a Magnolia tree, and it needs a hole to live in.”

“Well, that explains that. Come on, Twiggy. Let’s play.”

“A tree lives in a hole?”

“You can see how it works next week.”

“Story of my life, Dad.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

July 7, 2021July 6, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 61 Comments

It’s Wednesday Story Day time again, and last week we overheard as Cortez told Larry that he plans to take all the hostages with him and needs a second car. Cortez’s decision does work into the plan to get a delay. Unfortunately, having all the hostages around him will make the job of the sniper more difficult. Larry and Andrew are putting their heads together. I think we ought to get back, so we won’t miss any of the planning. Our boys have an hour to figure something out.

“Okay, Larry, you have a plan?”

“I think we should pull the car we came in into the drive. I could inadvertently forget to leave the keys too.”

“What would that do to help?”

“Cause a little confusion and give our sniper a chance for a shot.”

“Okay, that might work. We have to make sure that when the snipe hits Cortez, all the other hostages are protected.”

“I think the only way to do that is to get more a couple more snipers. Hey Mike.”

“Yes, Larry.”

“You guys have any more snipers?”

“One more that’s equipped.”

“Why don’t you get him in position. We are going to need some pretty rapid-firing once Cortez goes down. The idea is for those guys to take out any of Cortez’s thugs that are still covering a hostage.”

“I’ll call and arrange it. Good thinking.”

“So, Andrew.”

“Yes, Larry.”

“I still want to try and talk Cortez out of this madness.”

“I think if he gave himself up, we could save a lot of bloodshed.”

“I know, right?”

“I think I’m going to ask Cortez for a meeting.”

“You crazy? He’s not going to do that.”

“Remember how nice he was when we first met. I’ll bet this whole thing got sideways when his thugs showed up at his house. I’ll bet he would like an honorable way out of this mess.”

“Maybe it would work. Who the hell knows.”

“I’m calling him now. Hey Joachim. Yeah, I know time’s a-wastin’ We have the car. I’m going to put it in the driveway. Yes me. Also, I want to ask you a question. Yeah, thanks. How about if I come in there and you and I can have a chat. I really think there might be a better way out of this mess than you having to make a run to the airport and all. I’m serious. I’ll come in with no weapons, and you and I can talk. If nothing changes, then no harm, no foul. I just think I can help out, is all. Okay? Aw, I’m glad to hear that. I’ll be pulling a black sedan into the drive. I’ll get out with my hands in the air and approach the house. No tricks. Okay then. See you in a minute.”

“I can’t believe that.”

“I told you. I think he wants to make some kind of a deal.”

“Well, good luck. I hope you won’t regret it.”

“What’s to regret? A couple of guys having a conversation. I sure hope he has some water in there. I’m parched.”

“Hey, Larry.”

“Yeah, Mike.”

“The shooter is heading for a spot. They both have their orders. So you are really going in there.”

“I am.”

“See if you can get eyes on how many are in there and if the hostages are okay.”

“Will do, Mike. Your keys in the car?”

“No, I have them right here. Andrew, pass them to Larry, please.”

“Okay, guys, wish me luck.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #310 by Keith Channing

July 6, 2021July 5, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 66 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“Control. Wolfman.”

“Go ahead, Wolfman.”

“We are circling the target now.”

“You are clear to execute.”

“Roger that control. I have a question.”

“A question, Wolfman?”

“Roger control.”

“Go ahead.”

“You guys sure about this?”

“What do you mean.”

“This doesn’t look like a terrorist camp.”

“Let’s check coordinates. We have you at 225 West Delta sector.”

“Affirmative control. My DME is the same.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“The visual on the target looks very much like a convent.”

“A convent?”

“Affermative.”

“Impossible.”

“Any unfriendly fire?”

“Negative. Also, no visible ground to air emplacements.”

“Intel says the place is thick with anti-aircraft installations.”

“That’s what I was told at the briefing.”

“Your call. Wolfman.”

“Roger that control. Wingman and I will make one more pass over the target, but I’m of a mind to return to base.”

“Roger Wolfman. Your discretion. Control standing by.”

“Coyote?”

“Yeah, Wolfman.”

“You see anything.”

“Negative.”

“We are going to do one more pass, and my guess is someone screwed up on the intel.”

“Right with you, Wolfman.”

“Let’s do a 180 on my mark. Three, two, one. Execute. Control, Wolfman.”

“Go, Wolfman.”

“Wingman and I are turning a 180 to observe. We’ll report what we see.”

“Roger that, Wolfman. Control standing by.”

“Roger Cont—”

“You broke up there, Wolfman. . . Wolfman? Control over. Wolfman? Coyote. Do you read? Wolfman, Coyote, Wolfman, do you read. Control calling. Please come in.”

Top Ten Things Not to do at a School Reunion

July 5, 2021July 4, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 95 Comments

This post was originally run on July 6th, 2015. Since several reunions are going on this summer, I thought you would enjoy it again.

Top Ten Things Not to do at a School Reunion

10 If you attend a school reunion, do not pose for photos that you don’t know where they will be published. If you do at best, the photos will only be traded among classmates. At worst, they will end up on the “what the not to wear, eat, or drink” website. (Which will go viral, and you’ll be getting calls from the Today show to appear on their segment called EXCESS)

9 If you attend a school reunion, do not pretend to be what you are not. If you do, at best, your little fib will be seen as a joke. At worst, your profile on the class newsletter will be featured under the title Most Successful Grad. (Which will be picked up by the news services and published by your hometown newspaper. It does make your job cooking fast food burgers seem more important, though.)

8 If you attend a school reunion, do not bring a date that you do not know simply because they are beautiful. If you do, at best, your charade will be found out early with no consequences. At worst, your date will discover the true reason you brought them and make an exit and a scene remembered for the next five reunions. (Only you passing away will halt the storytelling)

7 If you attend a school reunion, do not rent an expensive car for your grand entrance. If you do, at best, you will look overly anxious to impress and get the opposite reaction. At worst, the valet will take your rental car for a spin and inadvertently leave the side chrome on the street, fleeing a hit-and-run accident. (Which you will easily be able to explain to the judge)

6 If you attend a school reunion, do not try to hide the fact that you don’t remember everyone’s name. If you do, at best, you will look like a fool trying to check name tags without being caught. At worst, you will call someone by a different name, and the name will be associated by that person to an old flame or rival. (You will have a bunch of points on that one)

5 If you attend a school reunion, do not take this time to argue fine points about your grades with your old teachers. If you do, at best, the teachers will wish they had flunked you. At worst, one of them may remember you failed to turn in that assignment in the eleventh grade that will require you to repeat the course and nullify your high school diploma. (Try explaining that to your boss)

4 If you attend a school reunion, do not think your old flame wants to begin where you left off just by smiling at you. If you do, at best, you will be embarrassed to learn they are happily married. At worst, you will be a little too forward thinking all is forgiven. The icing on the cake will be you arrested as you leave the building for assault. ( Gotta remember no means no)

3 If you attend a school reunion, do not assume the free drinks at the bar carry no consequences. If you do, at best, you may exhibit a little tipsiness that everyone will think is cute. At worst, you will have the honor and resulting infamy of passing out on top of the Congratulations Class cake. (The clothes you’re wearing belong to your roommate as well.)

2 If you go to a school reunion, do not offer to be part of the planning committee for the next one. If you do, at best everyone will forget your offer. At worst, you will be appointed chairperson with all the rights and responsibilities to make the next one the best ever. (You will also want to get a Xanax prescription)

1 If you go to a school reunion, do not tell everyone you meet that “we must get together.” If you do at best, they will all wonder if you are having a breakdown. At worst, the ones you least want to see will stay in touch long enough to cop a free overnight on their way through your town. (Plus, they have some kind of foot infection that requires you to burn your sheets when they leave)

Views of the Neighborhood – Fourth of July Parade

July 4, 2021July 4, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 75 Comments

Here is the schedule of events for the Fourth. Today we will be going to the parade. Since the City of Lakeway is buying hot dogs, chips, and drinks, we won’t need to cater for this event. Also, there are a few bands in the parade, so we won’t need outside entertainment. The parade is going right by us too, so we won’t even need the bus. How easy is that? One disclaimer. There were so many entrants in the parade I had to make judgment calls on who to include. I hope you enjoy it, and Happy Birthday to The United States of America.

The first responders presented the colors.

Reserve military band

World War Two Veteran recognition. A replica of the monument in the Freedom Park

Cheerleaders

The bookmobile.

Rolls Royce

Native American recognition.

The drumline.

Lake Travis Mountain Bike Team.

The cub scout float.

A flyover by some local pilots and being joined by a jealous bird.

I can’t even tell you why dinosaurs were in the parade.

Here are the hot dogs getting grilled.

Here is where we can sit down to eat the hot dogs. So make yourself comfortable, and I hope you have a fun holiday.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Contains IGH

July 3, 2021July 2, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 74 Comments

I had just finished my coffee and was looking at an enormous weed that had grown overnight on the lawn. All of a sudden, a little shadow was starting to spread around the weed. Looking up, I could see a still small square getting larger by the second. My brain finally clicked and realized it was an object descending from on high toward the Earth. Taking a glance around, I could see the shadow growing exponentially in four directions with me at the center. I willed my feet to move just as the large ACME fireworks box embedded itself into the ground. When the dust and scraps of lawn settled, I realized that I could have been squashed by the substantial box. The good part was I realized the weed could not have survived the landing.

Gently I removed the cover, and among the rockets and pouches of explosives, I found this:

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “contains ‘igh.’” Find a word that contains the letters “igh” in that order and use it in your post. Enjoy!

Clearly, Linda Hill has found a new delivery service. I did call Wil E. Coyote to come to pick up his stuff. If you would like to have fun like this, visit Linda’s blog and find out how easy it is. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2021/07/02/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-3-2021/

“Why so glum—”

“Don’t say, chum.”

“Okay. What’s the problem as if I couldn’t guess?”

“It’s this prompt. It has me buffaloed.”

“Not a hard thing to do.”

“Come on.”

“Okay, sorry. Why are you buffaloed?”

“Words with igh? Someone is pulling my leg.”

“I can think of high. You could do a diary of our pub work.”

“Nobody is going to be interested in that.”

“I think they would be delighted.”

“Hey, you got one.”