Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Adoption of the 16th Amendment – Establishing the Income Tax in 1913

February 25, 2019February 24, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 53 Comments

This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background. Today in 1913 saw the adoption of the 16th amendment establishing the legal basis for the income tax. If you decide to go there, here is a list of things not to do that may prove handy. Also, this week is the anniversary of the battle of the Alamo. I chose not to try and be funny around a significant event in Texas History.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Establishment of the Income Tax in 1913.

10 If you were there, do not try to write off your time travel trip. If you do, at best the agent will have no idea what you are talking about. At worst, an agent will ask more questions than you are willing to answer. (Just how are you going to explain time travel, Grant? You might as well have the agent hop on the traveler and give him a demonstration. I’m sure that will clear things up or get you committed.)

9 If you were there, do not think you don’t have to answer to Tiny the WWF champ and new IRS agent. If you do, at best Tiny will call the Marshalls. At worst, having just graduated from an interrogation school Tiny will not want to give up. (He finds that sitting on tax dodgers is his second most favorite thing to do, Gale. First is a windmill body slam.)

8 If you were there, do not try to hide earnings. If you do, at best your under the table scheme will not be detected. At worst, you will be discovered and learn the pleasures of the Federal pen first hand. (It seems the guy who paid you under the table needed to give you up, Gerald.)

7 If you were there, do not ask an agent if you can file electronically. If you do, at best the agent will think you are nuts. At worst, the agent being a trusting soul will think you are up to something to avoid paying your tax. (Looks like you are going to be the first waterboard interrogation in history, Glenn. If you survive, you’ll be famous. I know small honor)

6 If you were there, do not think by not signing your form in protest you will get out of paying. If you do, at best someone will sign for you. At worst, your form will be rejected, and you will now owe penalties and interest more substantial than the original tax. (I see the protesting business is not so profitable huh, Glen? Next year might be a different story.)

5 If you were there, do not wear your Income Tax Sucks t-shirt. If you do, at best you’ll get some laughs. At worst, your shirt will be taken as an affront to the Federal Government. (Yes, we are having bread and water again today, Grayson. The judge was very clear on how to treat you.)

4 If you were there, do not pay your taxes with bags of pennies. If you do, at best the agent will turn you away. At worst, you will be asked to count and roll all the coins before being accepted. (Since it will take you a month, Garth, this little protest attempt backfired big time.)

3 If you were there, do not try to convince the agent that your dog ate your return. If you do, at best you’ll get a new form. At worst, the agent will want to talk to your dog. (As you know, Garner, Fido has not eaten your return, and it is possible the agent speaks dog. You gotta convince Fido to back you up. Yes, it may cost a few bones for sure.)

2 If you were there, do not try to avoid taxes by declaring yourself to be a non-profit entity. If you do, at best the IRS will just say no. At worst, you will be challenged to prove your non-profit status. (Your bar bills will not hold up as evidence of not having taxable income after you pay them, Gil. You’ll have to do better than that one.)

1 If you were there, do not try to give the auditing agent a gift. If you do, at best you will be rebuffed. At worse, the agent will press charges since bribing an IRS agent is not allowed. (That bottle of wine would have been better placed in your stomach, Goran. Now it looks like real trouble ahead plus you lost the bottle of wine.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Whooping Crane Festival

February 24, 2019February 23, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 71 Comments

This weekend is the Annual Whooping Crane Festival here in Port Aransas. The Whooping Crane Festival celebrates the annual return of the cranes to their wintering habitat at the Aransas National Wildlife Refuge. The Texas Coastal Bend is the only place where you can see the world’s last naturally occurring population of Whooping Cranes. From a low of 16 in the 1940s, the population is now 306. I hope you enjoy the photos. No, I didn’t get a shot of a Whooping Crane.

Cars parked everywhere for the Festival headquarters and exhibition.

The Civic Center. In addition to boat tours and guided forays to the habitat, there is an exposition of all things birding.

Tables loaded with exciting things for birders.

Registration table.

Port Aransas display

Welcome sign and sponsors.

Udder-Balm has been around for ages. I did not expect to see it on display. We use it on Lucy’s nose to keep it from chapping.

Lots of information about birds and the environment.

The heart of every birder’s dream. A new and better way to see the birds.

We’re talking about some serious optics here.

I hope you enjoyed the tour of the exhibition.

A shot of the cranes taken by Mike Sloat Photography.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Critic(al)”

February 23, 2019February 22, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 40 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday again and this week’s prompt is “critic(al).” Linda Hill says we can use the prompt anyway we want. If you would like to join in visit Linda’s blog and read how. Here is the link

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Feb. 23/19

“I see you wrote your review of my book.”

“Yeah, it was tough, but I did it.”

“What do you mean, ‘tough?”‘

“Well, I had to sit down at my computer and think of what to say. That’s tough.”

“Uh huh. I suppose you now have an appreciation of how easy it is to write a book.”

“For one thing, trying to think of good things to say about a book is hard work. I would say writing the book is easy in comparison.”

“So you had a hard time with good things?”

“You know your plot was quite complicated.’

“Some like that.’

“And the characters were hard to like.”

“Yeah, murders and rapists are not the most likable.”

“That cop was very arrogant.”

“Yup so true.”

“The woman was too good-looking.”

“I wonder why I didn’t give her a hideous scar.”

“No one has a dog that loyal.”

“Should have had him turn on his owners.”

“So all in all the hard work was looking for the good stuff.”

“I can see that. So how long have you been a critic?”

“I just started. Your book is the first.”

“Lucky me.”

“I gave it a one star.”

“Oh joy. Why so generous.”

“I thought the cover was nice.”

“Yeah, one of the few things I didn’t create.”

“Want some advice.”

“Sure that is exactly what I want.”

“Write happy stories.”

“Happy stories?”

“Yeah you know where the hero gets the girl, and they all live happily ever after.”

“Sure thing. Let me get right on that.”

“I would be happy to review it when you are done.”

“I’ll give you a call. It might be a while though.”

“I can wait.”

“I’ll bet you can.”

A New Review of The Contract by Victoria Ray

February 22, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

There is a new humorous and kick – butt review of The Contract by an engaging reader known as Victoria Ray. The review is here and I think you will get a kick out of it. Importantly too, the following will give you a little more information about Victoria Ray.

In her words.

Victoria Ray – 4 years of college, 6 years of university, 2 dogs, marriage, 50 countries later, and I’m writing what I’m passionate about. My favourite genres? Non-fiction, crime, and sci-fi. Hobbies? Cooking, drawing, psychology/science, and Ayurveda. What else? Ah, of course: I am simply awesome! I’m living in Sweden, currently working as a Digital Marketing Admin in a consulting company. I hold a Ph.D./MA in Classic Russian Literature.

She just published her first book So Absurd it Must be True, available on Amazon. Thank you for the review, Victoria Ray. I enjoyed it.

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

February 22, 2019February 21, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 96 Comments

“It is Friday Lucy.”
“Yup Little Potato it is.”
“Let’s party.”
“Okay. You get the water bowl, and I’ll get the kibble.”

Here’s Friday. Seems like it was just Friday yesterday. Well, that’s how it goes when busy. What came to my mind this week other than the crappy weather was the subject of newsletters. I guess we all know that one way to boost book sales is to have regular contact with a core fan base. Hence the birth of the newsletter.

The newsletter is supposed to give the subscriber an inside track on giveaways, new launch news, and importantly (to most pushing newsletters) a closer and intimate relationship with your favorite author.

I keep hearing how some authors have amassed thousands of followers on their newsletter. In fact, they have such a good system in gaining followers they are willing to sell you the secret for oh, $250 bucks. Now that $250 also gets you an inside track to Hollywood, an agent, and publishers. Still not convinced? Try it free for 30 days. If you don’t increase your subscriptions and land a Hollywood deal, you can get your money back.

Okay so maybe I exaggerate. I have about 1100 newsletter followers and guess what? During the time I sent entertaining, erudite newsletters I don’t think one of them purchased a book. I could give away books until the cows come home yet I see no reviews. So what am I doing wrong? I guess plenty. I stopped communicating regularly since it was a lot of hard work for very little return.

Much like Amazon advertising, I am in the dark on how to have an energetic newsletter program. I do know that if I signed up for every newsletter offered, I would get over 350 in a month. Can you imagine? Most are about 1200 words. That would be like reading an extra five books a month. No wonder my letter doesn’t get traction. I’ll bet my average subscriber gets quite a few each day and can only skim them at best. I gotta think this through. Today’s JohnKu talks about beating on reader’s doors to get them to buy our books.

Sitting quite content,

The reader’s door gets pounded . . .

An author needs sales.

Also, I am happy to say that The Contract by Gwen Plano and I has been selected as a semifinalist in the Global Thriller Book Awards for 2018. We are among thirteen semi-finalists. This is a juried award and not one that can be decided by reader votes.

Here is the list.

Richard Garis – Magenta is Missing
Randall Krzak – Dangerous Alliance
Timothy S. Johnston – The War Beneath
R. Barber Anderson – The Sunken Forest
John W. Howell & Gwen M. Plano – The Contract Between Heaven and Earth
E.M. Kelly – Addiction & Pestilence
Rachael Sparks – Resistant
Michael Pronko – The Moving Blade
Randall Krzak – The Kurdish Connection
Lawrence Verigin – Beyond Control
Harvey A. Schwartz – Never Again
Elena Mikalsen – All the Silent Voices
Paul McHugh – The Blind Pool

We will find out in April if we have been selected as the first place winner

Thursday – A Little Personal – Rain and Cold

February 21, 2019February 20, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

“Hey, dad. Check out Lucy on the couch.”

“She looks happy.”

“Did I hear my name?”

“That’s okay, Lucy. Dad and I were commenting on how happy you looked.

“Why do I think there is some kind of catch?”

“How about we play with some toys?”

“Hey, Dad. Can you toss the pink cow?”

“Maybe Lucy wants to play.”

“How about it, Lucy. Want to play?”

“I think that would be nice after our walk.”

“Dad. You aren’t going to make us go out in that cold and rain are you?”

“You know if you don’t go out you are like a whirling dervish for the rest of the day. Besides the sun is coming out later when you get back from the beach.”

“Oh man, Lucy. I’m sorry I gave Mom such a hard time about the sweater. Now I’m freezing.”

“Yeah and because of you, mine’s still back at the house. Let’s get this over.”

“That walk was miserable, Lucy.”

“I know next time just stand still and let mom put on the sweater.”

“Wait! What is that bright orb in the sky?”

“Remember Dad said there would be sun after the walk. This must be it.”

“What do you think Little one? Maybe stay all afternoon?”

“I think I could do that, Lucy. This is the best.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

February 20, 2019February 19, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 50 Comments

“Don’t tell me this is Wednesday.”
“It’s Wednesday.”
“I told you not to tell me that.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week we learned that the engineer who verified the fact that Sandusky’s machine did not work died on a ski slope with a blood alcohol level of 2.0. Larry wanted to talk to Captain Swartz who is the head of police at South Lake Tahoe but couldn’t get him on the line. Andrew was tasked in finding the engineer’s wife so that Larry can find out how much the engineer was used to drinking. Andrew is coming back into Larry’s office with a smile on his face. Let’s see what he has found.

“Okay, Larry. I have good news.”

“Be still my beating heart. I’m not sure I can handle good news.”

“I found Raffety’s wife. You know the engineer?”

“My goodness, man I’m not your age. I remember. That is good news. Where is she?”

“She still is in their house in Boxborough. “

“Whoa, that is pretty expensive real estate.”

“Yeah, I know. I did some checking, and their house is a 3200 square foot place, so you know it is over a mil.”

“I wonder why the payments are on a joint like that?”

“Funny thing. I could not find a mortgage holder on that property. Looks like the place is free and clear.”

“What the heck did Rafferty do? Own an engineering company?”

“The best I could find out he only worked for Cortez.”

“So, all his money came from his job?”

“I guess so. I couldn’t find any relationships with big money in his family.”

“So, I’ll bet Cortez more or less owned him. Rafferty got used to the good life and couldn’t break away.”

“You are assuming he wanted to break away.”

“Well, it seems strange that he ends up dead doesn’t it?”

“You have me there. You think he somehow let Cortez know he was through with whatever he was doing?”

“I just have a feeling that Rafferty was into far more with Cortez than just engineering work. Living where he did does not come cheap. Having a house that is paid for is a red light as well.”

“You mean flag, Larry. Red light is a whole different thing. We should talk to the wife. Maybe she knows something.”

“Geez Andrew. Ya think? That’s why I asked you to find her. Do you have a phone number?”

“Yes, sir boss. Here it is.”

“I’m watching you, Andrew. I detect black sarcasm in the classroom.”

“Just pulling your chain, Boss. So much fun.”

“Quiet it’s ringing. Hello. Mrs. Rafferty? This is Detective Dunfee of the Boston Police Department. I’m very sorry to intrude and am sorry for your loss… Yes, well my associate and I are working on a case and think you can shed some light on the circumstances of your husband’s accident…I know the South Tahoe Police talked to you…Yes, I think it is very important…At your convenience…This afternoon would be perfect. Thank you so much. Is two o’clock okay? Yes, we can be there by one. I understand about the kids coming home. We will see you at one. No that’s okay I have your address. Goodbye Mrs. Rafferty.”

“That went well, Mr. Smooth.”

“She sounds like a very nice person. She did tear up though. This is going to be an emotional afternoon Andrew.”

“Sounds like a pastrami kind of day.”

“You are a devil dog you know. I’m in. Let’s hit Sam LaGrassas’ on the way.”

“I’ll drive.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 207 by Keith Channing

February 19, 2019February 18, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 46 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo ( below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“I just love to write cards home.”

“Huh? I’m sorry, but I was concentrating on this dispatch.”

“I said I just love to write cards home. Do you?”

“You know I need to get this out. What was the question?”

“Do you like to write cards home?”

“Sometimes I write home. I can’t say I like it. I would rather be home thank you.”

“That goes without saying, but a card makes you feel a little closer.”

“You are so funny. How can a card make you feel closer?”

“While you are writing, you can think of those who will be reading what you wrote and then you can visualize their smile and feel close.”

“You are quite a romantic. When I write home, I only give the facts like I’ve been taught.”

“Don’t you ever miss home?”

“Of course I do, but it doesn’t help to make up stories about smiles and thinking of those reading what I write.”

“Why not?”

“For one the only people reading what I write want to know what is going on and could care less about feelings.”

“I think you have not had a happy youth.”

“Happy has nothing to do with it. I’m a warrior and what I write is a situation analysis, not a valentine card.”

“Goodness, we are grumpy today.”

“For another what makes you think the folks back home smile?”

“Everybody smiles.”

“See you are now thinking like an Earthling. Everybody here smiles. When was the last time you saw a smile on your controller droid?”

“So you won’t let me dream?”

“You do not have time to dream. We are being extracted in two hours, and if I don’t get this dispatch off, the mission will be scrubbed, and we’ll be trapped here for another hundred Earth years.”

“Would that be so bad? At least we would have our smiles.”

“And pizza. I almost forgot about the pizza.”

“Can we please stay? It’s only a hundred years.”

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt. Go ahead and finish your card. I’m going to color for a while.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of the Postal Department in 1792

February 18, 2019February 17, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical backdrop. This week marks the anniversary of the founding of the postal service in 1792. If you have access to a time travel machine, please take this list with you should you land in 1792. It might help avoid some embarrassment if you end up at the first post office.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of the Postal Service in 1792.

10 If you are at the founding of the Postal Service, do not ask for a roll of stamps. If you do, at best the clerk will be confused. At worst, they will think you are joking with a Federal employee. (Since stamps were not introduced until 1847, you are now involved in a controversy, Greggory. Fooling with a Federal Employee carries a $100.00 fine and ten days in jail or both.)

9 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not yell at Tiny the WWF champ who is working at the postal service to pay off his assault and battery fine. If you do, at best Tiny will have taken his medication. At worst, Tiny is the first recorded episode of an employee “going postal.” (Now you’ve done it, Gregos. You’ve been the reason for the creation of a whole new verb. Countless Postal employees will curse your name from this time on.)

8 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not lie to the clerk about the contents of your package. If you do, at best no one will be any the wiser. At worst, your package has been randomly chosen for inspection. (Funny how those twelve unpaid for letters got into that shipment of socks isn’t it? Grigory? You’ll need a bag of pence to rectify this situation.)

7 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not mark your package fragile. If you do, at best it will be handled carefully. At worst, the word will be a challenge to all handlers to see how well you packed your item. (I guess the recipient of your package was quite surprised to receive a present of ground glass for their birthday, Gualtiero. You could tell them that it is a do it yourself crystal vase hobby kit.)

6 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not mark your letter “air mail.” If you do, at best the clerk will think you have nothing in the envelope. At worst, your letter will end up on Ben Franklin’s desk since it is assumed his experiments with kites have something to do with your correspondence. (In this case, Gunny your private love note has been published in the Philadelphia Inquirer newspaper to the delight of hundreds. Good thing you didn’t sign it.)

5 if you are at the founding of the postal service, do not ring that little bell under the sign that says ‘ring bell for service.’ If you do, at best no one will come anyway. At worst, you’ll be facing a clerk who was just having a sandwich in the back. (That white linen envelope you carefully picked out to deliver your valentine is now decorated with a mustard thumbprint, Gustavus. Best not say anything.)

4 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not stare at the person looking at all the fugitive wanted posters. If you do, at best they are only curious. At worst, they are wanted for robbery and murder and are checking to see if there are any posters on them. (Try to look away quickly, Gwallter. Making eye contact with that person will be hazardous to your health. Oops too late.)

3 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not take the quill pen at the desk. If you do, at best you can call it an accident. At worst, the clerk will alert the sheriff that you have stolen government property. (What a beautiful mess. If only there had been a chain on that quill, Gwernach. Oh well, ten years at hard labor will pass quickly.)

2 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not moan out loud at the unusually long time it seems to take to serve the ten patrons in line ahead of you. If you do, at best everyone will think you have a toothache. At worst, your displeasure will be met with increased slowness on the part of the patrons and clerk. (The guy at the counter is asking the clerk for directions to Plymouth for heaven’s sake. You should have kept quiet, Gwyn.)

1 If you are at the founding of the postal service, do not attempt to mail an oversized package. If you do, at best the clerk will tell you to go away. At worst, you will be advised to read the rules and regulations of acceptable package dimensions. (If you are incredibly unlucky, Gavin the clerk will read you the rules word for word. That is payback for the person who moaned behind you.)