Thursday – A little More Personal

January 29, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 29 Comments

I read an interesting post by Ronovan on Monday. The long and short of it was those bloggers who have a little of their personality in their blogs make for more interesting reading. As regular readers know, I have four basic features 1. Monday has the Top Ten Things Not to Do list. 2. Wednesday is story day and has been featuring Billy and Frank in their attempt to rob a bank. 3. Is the Friday JohnKu where I have a brief reflection and a Haiku. 4.Saturday is the Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt which comes from Lind Hill’s fine place. The rest of the week is filled on an ad hoc basis with blog tours, cover reveals etc.

I thought I would try something new on Thursday. I take pictures while out and about and thought I could post one and then discuss some aspect of the picture and what it meant to me and why I took it. Perhaps this would add a little personality to the schedule. Well, we will see.

Here is the first.

I ride my bike on the beach three days a week. I usually go about eight miles unless the rain or the wind is too strong. After all, I am in those fragile years where one has to watch the weather carefully. I always wondered why the old folks watched the weather so religiously. Now I have the answer, they needed to plan their ride on the beach and wanted to know what to wear while sweating their butts off. So the picture is of my bike. It is a 3G beach cruiser. It doesn’t have any gears and you can’t see it well but is in a delicate state of repair. The biggest problem, with riding on the beach, is the salt air wants to dissolve everything that is not made out of stainless steel. (The salt has a rough time with stainless but manages to melt it as well over time) To have a bike made of stainless steel would be way more than I would want to pay. So I put up with replacing the chain and wheels frequently as well as the spoke bearings. This picture was taken after a ride this week with the Gulf as a backdrop. Yes, that is a gull behind the bike.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Humpday

January 28, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

Wednesday Story day again. Last week we left Frank and Billy inside the bank and surrounded by police. Frank told Billy to get the manager which Billy did. The manager turned out to be Ms. Sutter and Frank told her to convince the police that are desperate and would kill her and her employees. She then asked Frank if he would, in fact, kill her. Frank has not answered her and that is where we need to join the story.

“Well, will you?”

“I said I was thinking. Would you please give me a minute Ms. Sutter?”

“Come on. It’s not that hard a question.”

“I know the question is not hard. The answer is pretty tough though.”

“How so?”

“You see if I say I won’t kill you then you will have a tough time convincing the police I’m serious.”

“Simple, just tell me you will kill me and my employees then.”

“Hard to do. I really don’t want to kill anyone.”

“Who cares? No one said you had to do it. Just pretend.”

“Yeah, Frank Just pretend.”

“Shut up Billy. I already know where you would come out. So Ms. Sutter are you a good liar?”

“No, not really. I am a manager here and being a liar would undermine my credibility.”

“So if I said I wasn’t going to kill you would somehow make your performance with the police not too convincing.”

“I hate to say it but yes. I’m a professional, after all.”

“Okay then. I will kill all of you if I don’t get a car and safe passage out of here.”

“You mean that Frank?”

“Shut up Billy. I have a job to do here. Now go to the window Ms. Sutter and scream my demands.”

“Uh, may I call you Frank?”

“Sure it’s my name. What’s the problem?”

“I’m not comfortable screaming out the window like fishwives. Could we just send a note instead? Screaming is just not professional.”

“I have to wonder who’s in charge here. Sure let’s make a note. Billy do you think you can find a pen and some paper?”

“I saw one on a chain when we came in. I don’t think it will reach here though Frank.”

“Shut up Billy. I have a pen. Get some paper.”

“Lined or unlined?”

“Shut up Billy.”

Dog Bone Soup by Bette A. Stevens – Launch Tour

January 27, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 2 Comments

DOG BONE SOUP is not only the title of Bette A. Stevens’s debut novel; it ranks high among the paltry meals that the book’s protagonist, Shawn Daniels, wants to forget. Plodding through mounting snow and battling howling winds, Shawn is ready to leave it all behind—living in poverty, Dad’s drinking, life in foster care, the divorce, the bullies….

Travel with Shawn Daniels through the guts and the glories of life. You’ll find them all in DOG BONE SOUP, a Boomer’s coming-of-age saga. Available now at “YOUR AMAZON”

From the Reviewers

“Dog Bone Soup is the poignant tale of a dysfunctional family struggling to survive in America in the 50s and 60s, when most others were on the crest of a wave. It will make you laugh, it will make you cry. But most of all it will make you glad you read it.” ~ Charlie Bray, founder of the Indietribe

“In Dog Bone Soup, Bette Stevens captures the feeling and images of growing up in hardscrabble times perfectly.” ~ John Clark, librarian and author

DOG BONE SOUP

READ the opening Excerpt from Chapter One right here…

The postcard arrived four days before my eighteenth birthday. All I had to do now was sign the final papers and light out for basic training. I could hardly wait to leave this place behind.

There were six of us ready to become soldiers. The other five guys were headed to Fort Dix. Soon as we were inducted, the sergeant who swore us in started calling us a bunch of lily-assed bastards and worse. When the jerk marched the other five guys off, I was happy as hell I wasn’t one of them.

Lieutenant Richards called me into his office. “You’ll be heading out tomorrow, Private Daniels. Here are your tickets.”

We sat in his office and talked about my future with the U.S. Army. Then he handed me a schedule for the next day’s journey and we went over every detail.

“Now let’s get you home so you can get a good night’s sleep before you fly off to serve Uncle Sam, soldier.”

“Good luck Private,” the lieutenant said when he dropped me off at the house. We saluted and I stood there watching until his car disappeared over the hill.

I’d always liked army people. They called me Mr. Daniels and even sir sometimes. Now I was officially a private in the U.S. Army and I was ready to start a new life. I pictured myself in an officer’s uniform one day—a lieutenant, a captain, maybe even a general.

Mum and I didn’t get much more than a few winks of sleep that night. I don’t know how many pots of coffee she perked while we sat at the kitchen table and talked the night away. Of course, it was Mum did most of the talking. Once she opened her picture books, I felt like I was drinking in the life I wanted to leave.

Mum took all of those pictures with her Brownie—that camera was her pride and joy. None of us kids was allowed to touch it unless she supervised a picture-taking every now and then. If Dad wasn’t around, it was me peeking through the lens. Mum was fussy about taking pictures just so.

Five books were piled on the table and we went through them one page at a time. Mum had a story for every snapshot. Some made me laugh so hard that I doubled over.

It was two minutes shy of three when she closed the last album.

“Thanks for staying up. I’ve got the alarm set for six and I know that won’t give us much sleep.” Mum pulled out her hanky, sniffled and hugged me before we turned in. My leaving would be hard on her.

Willie was snoring away, likely dreaming about cars. I slipped in next to him and pulled away some puffs and huddled under them.

The minute I closed my eyes I started dreaming about my new life. No more freezing to death up north. I was headed for southern sunshine and I saw myself soaking it all in.

Bzzzzzzz. I jumped out of bed, threw on my clothes, grabbed the suitcase and headed for the kitchen. Mum already had breakfast on the stove, so I ran outside to do my business and came back in to grab a hot biscuit and down it with a cup of steaming coffee.

I was half-frozen and snow was whipping around me in circles when I headed out on the three-mile walk into town to catch that bus.

I shook flakes big as quarters from my jacket when I climbed the steps of the Greyhound. Two hours and I’d be boarding a plane headed to Fort Jackson. South Carolina was sure the place to be, especially in February.

### end of excerpt

Read all of Chapter One
OR Grab your own copy of DOG BONE SOUP here at “YOUR AMAZON” and dive right in!

About the author

Inspired by nature and human nature, author Bette A. Stevens is a retired elementary and middle school teacher, a wife, mother of two and grandmother of five. Stevens lives in Central Maine with her husband on their 37-acre farmstead where she enjoys writing, gardening, walking and reveling in the beauty of nature. She advocates for children and families, for childhood literacy and for the conservation of monarch butterflies (milkweed is the only plant that monarch caterpillars will eat).

Bette A. Stevens is the author of award-winning picture book AMAZING MATILDA; home/school resource, The Tangram Zoo and Word Puzzles Too!; and PURE TRASH, the short story prequel to DOG BONE SOUP.

Find out more about the author and her books right here on “YOUR AMAZON”

Bette’s WEBSITE/BLOG
Find Bette on FACEBOOK
Follow Bette on TWITTER
Author Bette A. Stevens at “YOUR AMAZON”

Ten Things Not to Do at a Super Bowl Celebration

January 26, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 28 Comments

It will be the Super Bowl this weekend and this list is inspired by watching the last Forty Eight Super Bowl celebrations both on-screen and in various rooms around the planet. Hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Super Bowl Celebration

10 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not arrive wearing team clothing for a team not playing. If you do, at best everyone will think you are a sore loser or are drunk. At worst, the crowd may come to the conclusion you’ve had a stroke or burst aneurysm and call for EMT support and you will end up watching the game on a fifteen inch screen beside your gurney next to the nurses station while waiting for an attending physician.

9 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, remember a lot of people like to watch the ads. If you forget and stand in front of the TV during commercial time, at best you will be called many names in the process of getting you to move. At worst, the largest guy in the room who has been wanting to demonstrate his downfield tackling expertise will use you as his dummy along with several of the extra wooden chairs beside you.

8 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not carry in your famous crab dip that absolutely needs to be kept at forty-two degrees or becomes a hazardous waste site. If you do, at best the temp will stay near the required and only one or two will be overcome. At worst, there will be no way to keep the dip cold enough and you will have singlehandedly wiped out a full production day on Monday for several of the attendees not to mention hurried trips to the ER for a prophylactic pump of the stomach

7 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebrations do not believe your host’s offer “to make yourself at home.” If you do, at best you will be embarrassed when someone asks you to take your feet off the couch. At worst, you will be totally shocked to discover the room you decided to use for a bath is the overflow bathroom for the party and you will spend a good amount of time under water.

6 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not be tempted to look into any drawers or behind any closed doors. If you do, at best only the homeowner will notice the disturbed contents. At worst, the host being a techie nerd has installed cameras in each room which playback on the fifty inch screen that is beside the game screen to the amusement of everyone at the party. (Except the one you came with)

5 if you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not think since the drinks are free you should help yourself to the point of being over-served. If you do, at best you might make a complete ass out of yourself which others will find as typical of a low life. At worst, you will find yourself disoriented while actively looking for the bathroom which you imagined you have found in the large bureau in the corner of a spare bedroom shortly before passing out on the carpet.

4 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not think your duty includes eating a portion of everything that is laid out on the buffet table. If you do, at best several people will believe you have lost your job or recently divorced. At worst, your pile of food will be an indication that you are in need of an intervention which will be organized to take place at the conclusion of the game to the embarrassment of you and the person with which you attended the event.

3 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not be the first to suggest some kind of gambling scheme for the game. If you do, at best several guests will think you make a living that way. At worst, you will have a number of disputes around who really won and will be forced to double pay to several to keep the peace.

2 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not become overly obnoxious when your team is ahead. If you do, at best the lead will be short-lived. At worst, someone will take an exception to your attitude since they feel bad about their team being behind and as much as they have tried to remain under control as they learned in the psycho ward group therapy sessions they are just beginning to lose their grip on reality while holding your shirt.

1 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not even think of driving your car if you have been over served. If you do, there is no best or worst just the potential for disaster for your or an innocent bystander.

Friday -AKA – JohnKu TGIF

January 23, 2015January 23, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 29 Comments

Friday is here and with it a great longing for a continuation of the Football season. Oh sure, there is the Pro Bowl this weekend and the Super Bowl on February 1st but that is still not what I would consider a continuation of the season. Once all the college games were finished I had this hangover like I had been to too many loud parties but like attending loud parties, I have some good memories. My teams (Notre Dame, Michigan State and Baylor) made the season last as long as they could, but it still came to an end with the victory of Ohio State over the Oregon Ducks. My pro hopes were dashed with the defeat of the Pittsburgh Steelers at the hands of the Baltimore Ravens (spit). I did watch the AFC and NFC championships without having a favorite. It is interesting when you are not emotionally involved in the game you can actually appreciate good plays on either side.(and keep the blood pressure under control) I enjoyed the Green Bay/ Seahawks game because of the come from behind effort by the Seahawks. The Baltimore Colts/ New England Patriots game was definitely

I did watch the AFC and NFC championships without having a favorite. It is interesting when you are not emotionally involved in the game you can actually appreciate good plays on either side.(and keep the blood pressure under control) I enjoyed the Green Bay/ Seahawks game because of the come from behind effort by the Seahawks. The Baltimore Colts/ New England Patriots game was definitely one-sided in favor of the Patriots. The Super Bowl should be a good game since I think these teams will give it their best effort. This week’s JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp) is about football (you think?) I hope you like it.

August is happy,

The start of football is here. . .

February mourns.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

January 21, 2015January 18, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 15 Comments

Wednesday Story Day time again. Man, the weeks fly by don’t they. Well they fly from Friday to Monday but not so sure about the Monday to Friday time frame. As usual today we have a story. Last week we left Frank and Billy in a little hot water.(Mostly Billy) The boys checked outside and the police were arriving. It is obvious someone turned in a silent alarm and now Frank will need to figure out what to do. Let’s rejoin them.

“Billy go get the branch manager.”

“Why do we need the branch manager? We’re not making a deposit.”

“Billy just do as I say. We need a hostage.”

“A hostage? That’s kidnapping and it is a federal offense.”

“Billy you idiot. What do you think bank robbery is?”

“Gee Frank. I never thought about it before.”

“Well quit thinking and go get the manager.”

“Okay Frank. I’ll be right back.”

“Oh and Billy?”

“Yes Frank.”

“Do not tell him you are afraid to shoot him.”

“It would be the truth.”

“Forget the truth Billy. We are in a tight spot and need to be able to slow these cops down.”

“Okay Frank. I’ll be right back.”

“Hey you rotten coppers out there. We have hostages in here and we have nothing to lose so you better back off before we kill a couple.”

“ATTENTION YOU IN THE BANK. THIS IS THE PETELUMA POLICE DEPARTMENT. PUT YOUR GUNS DOWN AND WALK OUT WITH YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD AND NO ONE GETS HURT.”

“I told you to back off. We have innocent people in here and we need you to listen to us or we’ll shoot everyone.”

“Uh Frank.”

“Yes Billy.”

“You don’t mean it do you?”

“Shut up Billy. Is that the branch manager?”

“Yes. This is Ms. Sutter the manager.”

“Nice meeting you. We will need your cooperation.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“You need to convince the police that we a desperate and will kill you and your employees. Can you do that?”

“Will you?”

“Will I what?”

“Kill us?”

Yeah Frank will you?”

“Shut up Billy. Let me think.”

Ten Things Not to do When You Are Short of Time

January 19, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

Mondays creep up on me sometimes. I guess I should remember how quickly the weekend goes and not be surprised. Needing to do another Top Ten list got me thinking about time and being under the gun so to speak. I decided to use this situation as an inspiration for this week’s list.

Top Ten Things Not to do When you are short on time.

10 If you are short on time, do not stop to talk to sweet old Mrs. Beagly while she walks her dog. If you do, at best the latest tale will have you captive until you are late. At worst, Mrs. Beagly will sense you are trying to avoid a long chat and in doing so she will believe she has cause to stick those pins she has been soaking in bat guano in that doll that has a lock of your hair on its otherwise bald little head.

9 If you are short on time, do not begin mouth to mouth resuscitation on the neighbor who has fallen and can’t get up. If you do, at best you will hurry the process and the neighbor will be able to tell you don’t have your heart in it.. At worst, in spite of hurrying the process you have yet to get a sign of life and because you are late and not that it matters anyway you call time of death about three minutes too early.

8 If you are short of time do not begin surgery on a brain. If you do, a best you may forget something in your haste to finish. (You know, like reconnecting the pleasure center) At worst, you will totally run out of time and unfortunately, once you start there is no good way to pack everything up and plan on finishing tomorrow so your foursome will just have to find another player or go with three.

7 If you are short of time, do not begin building that rocket to Mars. If you do, at best you might finish with a number of nuts and bolts left over and the answer for this phenomenon is not “they packed extras.” At worst, you may rush through the job and actually finish only to see your beautiful rocket light up the night sky over Disneyland just in time for the Main Street Parade finale.

6 If you are short of time, do not take flying lessons. If you do, at best you will know only half of what you need when the propeller on your airplane decides to visit a local cornfield. At worst, you will have rushed through so many of the classes dealing with things like fuel starvation, magneto malfunction, preflight check, and navigation that on your cross-country flight you might be intercepted by two F18s flown by two very unhappy looking pilots who signal you to follow them.

5 If you are short of time, do not attempt to prepare an elaborate dinner for your boss and her husband. If you do, at best they might overlook the rare chicken and concentrate on the bone in potatoes. At worst you will give your boss a bad case of salmonella from undercooked food and although you try to deny it everyone will assume you did it on purpose so you could have he spot.

4 If you are short of time, do not start a mechanical fix on the family car. If you do, at best you may not have time to put the car back together again in time for work tomorrow. At worst, you hurriedly fix the car and while commuting to work you take notice of the tire passing you on the right followed by a loud screech and sparks from the hub hitting the road. This is only the beginning since the tire went on and found its way into the front seat after passing through the windshield of the police car in the oncoming lane.

3 If you are short of time, do not offer to help with the kid’s homework. If you do, at best you will not finish and the child will get an incomplete the next day. At worst, you will do the best you can in the time allowed and will be more than mortified at the failing grade your child received, as well as, the note attached to the homework reminding parents children should do their own work with a PS that the teacher would like you to come in and discuss the issue.

2 If you are short of time, do not offer to help coach your child’s soccer team. If you do, at best the parents will forgive a couple of your absences. At worst, the parents will blame you for the losing season and the stigma will stick with you and your child until the child graduates from high school and for their own good enroll in a college in Spain.

1 If you are short of time, do not offer to watch someone else’s kids for just a moment. If you do, at best the other parent will only be a few minutes late and there will be no harm done. At worst, the other parent will arrive way past the time you were to be at your meeting for the bid parameters on a building. The explanation will range from a “to die for” sale at Niemen’s to “I just lost track of time.” The net result is you have been excluded from the bidding on the new project whose scope has changed from one building to a whole shopping center.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Heal/Heel

January 17, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 17 Comments

Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This week’s prompt is heal/heel and if you would like to join in just click on this link and get all the info. http://lindaghill.com/2015/01/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-january-1715 This is my interpretation of heal/heel.

“So how long do I have to stay like this?”

“Until you realize you need to walk to my right and not pull.”

“This collar is hurting me.”

“Nonsense. It is one of best rated for kindness.”

“My haunches hurt from sitting.”

“Oh, come on. It has been two minutes max.”

“I think it’s going to rain.”

“The weather channel didn’t say anything about rain.”

“You’re a heel you know.”

“Yes, yes, I know. And you are a bad dog you know.”

“Just cause I won’t heel?”

“No, not just cause you won’t heel. Mostly because after all your treatments you refuse to heal.”

“But I want to be a dog.”

“You are not a dog and I’m getting tired taking you for walks.”

“But look how much better I am.”

“Better? You kidding me?”

“No, I’m not kidding. I am better. Just feel my nose.”

Friday – TGIF JohnKu

January 16, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 30 Comments

Friday at last. The weather has been so cold and miserable the days drag by. I know everyone is having a similar bout of lousy stuff this week. My only salvation is there is no snow. The rain has been pretty steady for a couple of days and at least the driving isn’t affected, unlike the northern areas. I guess we should expect this kind of treatment in mid-January, but it doesn’t make it any more acceptable. Is anyone having nice weather? Let us know about it so we can either be extremely jealous or happy to hear good thoughts. Today’s JohnKu (a term coined by Words 4jp) talks about the weather. Hope you like it.

January’s here,

To some it’s a big surprise. . .

Snow, ice, bitter cold.

Wednesday Story Day- AKA Hump Day

January 14, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 31 Comments

Wednesday Story day is here. Last week we found Billy and Frank inside the bank ready to do the job. All of a sudden Billy needed to use the restroom. Obviously Frank lost it and told everyone in the bank to get on the floor totally ignoring Billy’s needs. Let’s join the pair where we left off.

“Frank I really have to go.”

“Shut up and might I remind you although it’s probably too late. No names.”

“Okay, Mr. X I really have to go.”

“Tell you what Billy, you and I can just grab the money and then you can use the restroom before we go okay?”

“I guess that will work.”

“Okay everyone listen up. We don’t have much time so I want you to remain calm and no one will get hurt.’

“You tell ’em Fr─ er Mr. X.”

“Take this bag you there on the floor. Get up and take this bag.”

“Yeah, take the bag.”

“Shut up Billy.”

“Hey no names.”

“Shut up Billy. Now put as much money as you can into the bag and be quick about it.”