It will be the Super Bowl this weekend and this list is inspired by watching the last Forty Eight Super Bowl celebrations both on-screen and in various rooms around the planet. Hope you enjoy.
Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Super Bowl Celebration
10 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not arrive wearing team clothing for a team not playing. If you do, at best everyone will think you are a sore loser or are drunk. At worst, the crowd may come to the conclusion you’ve had a stroke or burst aneurysm and call for EMT support and you will end up watching the game on a fifteen inch screen beside your gurney next to the nurses station while waiting for an attending physician.
9 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, remember a lot of people like to watch the ads. If you forget and stand in front of the TV during commercial time, at best you will be called many names in the process of getting you to move. At worst, the largest guy in the room who has been wanting to demonstrate his downfield tackling expertise will use you as his dummy along with several of the extra wooden chairs beside you.
8 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not carry in your famous crab dip that absolutely needs to be kept at forty-two degrees or becomes a hazardous waste site. If you do, at best the temp will stay near the required and only one or two will be overcome. At worst, there will be no way to keep the dip cold enough and you will have singlehandedly wiped out a full production day on Monday for several of the attendees not to mention hurried trips to the ER for a prophylactic pump of the stomach
7 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebrations do not believe your host’s offer “to make yourself at home.” If you do, at best you will be embarrassed when someone asks you to take your feet off the couch. At worst, you will be totally shocked to discover the room you decided to use for a bath is the overflow bathroom for the party and you will spend a good amount of time under water.
6 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not be tempted to look into any drawers or behind any closed doors. If you do, at best only the homeowner will notice the disturbed contents. At worst, the host being a techie nerd has installed cameras in each room which playback on the fifty inch screen that is beside the game screen to the amusement of everyone at the party. (Except the one you came with)
5 if you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not think since the drinks are free you should help yourself to the point of being over-served. If you do, at best you might make a complete ass out of yourself which others will find as typical of a low life. At worst, you will find yourself disoriented while actively looking for the bathroom which you imagined you have found in the large bureau in the corner of a spare bedroom shortly before passing out on the carpet.
4 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not think your duty includes eating a portion of everything that is laid out on the buffet table. If you do, at best several people will believe you have lost your job or recently divorced. At worst, your pile of food will be an indication that you are in need of an intervention which will be organized to take place at the conclusion of the game to the embarrassment of you and the person with which you attended the event.
3 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not be the first to suggest some kind of gambling scheme for the game. If you do, at best several guests will think you make a living that way. At worst, you will have a number of disputes around who really won and will be forced to double pay to several to keep the peace.
2 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not become overly obnoxious when your team is ahead. If you do, at best the lead will be short-lived. At worst, someone will take an exception to your attitude since they feel bad about their team being behind and as much as they have tried to remain under control as they learned in the psycho ward group therapy sessions they are just beginning to lose their grip on reality while holding your shirt.
1 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not even think of driving your car if you have been over served. If you do, there is no best or worst just the potential for disaster for your or an innocent bystander.