Ten Things Not to Do at a Super Bowl Celebration

It will be the Super Bowl this weekend and this list is inspired by watching the last Forty Eight Super Bowl celebrations both on-screen and in various rooms around the planet. Hope you enjoy.

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Super Bowl Celebration

10 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not arrive wearing team clothing for a team not playing. If you do, at best everyone will think you are a sore loser or are drunk.  At worst, the crowd may come to the conclusion you’ve had a stroke or burst aneurysm and call for EMT support and you will end up watching the game on a fifteen inch screen beside your gurney next to the nurses station while waiting for an attending physician.

9 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, remember a lot of people like to watch the ads. If you forget and stand in front of the TV during commercial time, at best you will be called many names in the process of getting you to move. At worst, the largest guy in the room who has been wanting to demonstrate his downfield tackling expertise will use you as his dummy along with several of the extra wooden chairs beside you.

8 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not carry in your famous crab dip that absolutely needs to be kept at forty-two degrees or becomes a hazardous waste site. If you do, at best the temp will stay near the required and only one or two will be overcome. At worst, there will be no way to keep the dip cold enough and you will have singlehandedly wiped out a full production day on Monday for several of the attendees not to mention hurried trips to the ER for a prophylactic pump of the stomach

7 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebrations do not believe your host’s offer “to make yourself at home.”  If you do, at best you will be embarrassed when someone asks you to take your feet off the couch. At worst, you will be totally shocked to discover the room you decided to use for a bath is the overflow bathroom for the party and you will spend a good amount of time under water.

6 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not be tempted to look into any drawers or behind any closed doors. If you do, at best only the homeowner will notice the disturbed contents. At worst, the host being a techie nerd has installed cameras in each room which playback on the fifty inch screen that is beside the game screen to the amusement of everyone at the party. (Except the one you came with)

5 if you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not think since the drinks are free you should help yourself to the point of being over-served. If you do, at best you might make a complete ass out of yourself which others will find as typical of a low life. At worst, you will find yourself disoriented while actively looking for the bathroom which you imagined you have found in the large bureau in the corner  of a spare bedroom shortly before passing out on the carpet.

4 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not think your duty includes eating a portion of everything that is laid out on the buffet table. If you do, at best several people will believe you have lost your job or recently divorced.  At worst, your pile of food will be an indication that you are in need of an intervention which will be organized to take place at the conclusion of the game to the embarrassment of you and the person with which you attended the event.

3 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not be the first to suggest some kind of gambling scheme for the game. If you do, at best several guests will think you make a living that way. At worst, you will have a number of disputes around who really won and will be forced to double pay to several to keep the peace.

2 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not become overly obnoxious when your team is ahead. If you do, at best the lead will be short-lived. At worst, someone will take an exception to your attitude since they feel bad about their team being behind and as much as they have tried to remain under control as they learned in the psycho ward group therapy sessions they are just beginning to lose their grip on reality while holding your shirt.

1 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not even think of driving your car if you have been over served. If you do, there is no best or worst just the potential for disaster for your or an innocent bystander.

28 comments

  1. I got another one. If you are at a Super Bowl party and not interested in the game, don’t sit among those who are watching and talk louder than the TV. At best, the volume button will be hit long enough for you to take the hint and move somewhere else. At worst, you will find yourself with a helmet duct taped to your head . . . backwards. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love it. Thanks.

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  2. Well,, I made it through your top ten unscathed. Maybe I’m an okay Super Bowl party guest after all. Not that I’m going to one…but if I was. And big props on number one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There was never a doubt about you pilgrim. After all “Drinks Well with Others,” has to mean something. Thanks

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  3. Great list, John! And I’m glad none of them apply to me 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As I said, these were from attending 48 celebrations. Not saying if I was guilty of any. Thanks for the re-blog. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on 1WriteWay and commented:
    For all you Superbowl fans, heed this list before the games begin! Courtesy of John Howell over at Fiction Favorites.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Marie. You are the best!!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I might violate #10. It’s a company party, and being from Connecticut, I like to wear a Steelers jersey to make sure nobody thinks I like the Patriots. No danger on 9-1 though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can see it now. Terrible Towel in the back pocket as well.

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      1. I’m thinking a classic Steelers tee shirt under a black denim shirt (unbuttoned enough to see the gold lettering). No towel and I won’t pull my Antonio Brown jersey over the whole thing.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sounds very dignified

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  6. This is hilarious, John. You had me laughing at number ten and on down. Thumbs up for number one. Enjoy the game!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You as well Jill. Thanks for stopping by.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. These are priceless – well done. I shall print them out for future reference! 😄

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If you host a party you could post them on the front door and have a Microsoft like “I agree” box to check. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I learned so much from this list and I’m not even a sports fan. 😀 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. All you need to be is a party fan. 🙂

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      1. Not my kind or party. Sigh.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. “Over served.” Heh heh.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It tends to be someone else’s problem

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  10. I forgot about the Super Bowl. I won’t be at a party. I probably won’t see an ad. I’m a dweeb.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You might be. A successful dweeb though.

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  11. aFrankAngle · ·

    The last one is the perfect icing for the cake!

    Meanwhile, the bit about the commercials is so true. Tone it done during the commercials … and hey hosts … if you don’t have enough sound, don’t host!

    We’ll be attending a gathering in our new neighbor. Although no driving, many unknowns.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. New neighbor is a warning sign. Be careful

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      1. aFrankAngle · ·

        Oh yes … entire new neighborhood … but the hosts are normal.

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  12. In our house if our team is in the Champions League final or similar you just can’t talk whatsoever unless it is to scream when a goal is scored by our team, only my little brother is allowed to run commentary all the way through! I like the big event surrounding the SuperBowl in America, cheerleaders, half time entertainment etc. I’ll try to remember your tips if i ever get to see this spectacle 🙂

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