Ten Things Not to do When Visiting a Foreign Country

December 1, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 30 Comments

This list was inspired by watching some tourists on both sides of the Atlantic and Pacific. This advice applies if you are a visitor here or are visiting over there. I hope you enjoy

Ten Things Not to Do When Visiting a Foreign Country

10 If you are visiting a foreign country, do not assume everyone who does not understand what you are saying is stupid. If you do, At best you will get no help. At worst, you will find people going out of their way to make sure your visit is a nightmare.

9 If you are visiting a foreign country, do not continue to believe you will find the same food you have at home. If you do, at best you will deny yourself a learning experience. At worst, you will get very hungry and tired of eating the snacks you brought with you.

8 If you are visiting a foreign country, do not openly compare the rooms and sights with those you have at home. If you do, at best foreigners will think you ignorant. At worst, you will not appreciate what you are seeing and could cause an international incident.

7 If you are visiting a foreign country, do not take pictures of anyone without their permission. If you do, at best you will have nothing but frowning people in your pictures. At worst, that little hand gesture flashed by the last reluctant model just maybe a curse upon your house for ten thousand years

6 If you are visiting a foreign country do not pick up souvenir rocks from sacred sites. If you do, at best you will be asked to give them back. At worst, you will carry the rocks home only to find a little Friday the Thirteenth effect since they have an ancient spell cast by a prehistoric resident wanting to ward off hairless apes from attacking the garden.

5 If you are visiting a foreign country, do not to dress as if you were paid by several manufacturers to be a walking billboard. If you do, at best the only thing you will broadcast is a low IQ (whether deserved or not). At worst, the messages on your clothes might be mistaken for a political or sexist statement which you may find difficult to explain to the magistrate

4 If you are visiting a foreign country, do not wrinkle your nose to each strange smell. If you do, at best the country residents will believe you find their country offensive. At worst, you may run across a disgruntled resident who will be willing to explain how disgusting it was to visit your country and offer to settle the situation with a duel.

3 If you are visiting a foreign country, do not assume the rules in your country are the same rules in the country you are visiting, If you do, At best you will be only a little wrong when the authorities point out your mistake. At worst, you may be a lot wrong as the authorities prepare you for the punishment phase of your trial for what you thought was a small infraction.

2 If you are visiting a foreign country, do not make everyone aware of where you came from by your stereotypical behavior. If you do, at best you will be mocked behind your back. At worst, you will fortify the belief that everyone from your country behaves the same as the stereotype and will not be able to shed that image nor the resulting scorn.

1 If you are visiting a foreign country do not make a mess of the places you visit. If you do, at best people will ask you nicely to leave. At worst, the authorities may ask you nicely to clean up after yourself prior to being a guest in one of their fine, historically chic, damp and moldy holding tanks prior to deportation.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt

November 29, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 17 Comments

Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This week’s prompt is “sense/scents/cents” with a bonus word “ sent.” If you want to know more go to this link and maybe you’ll join in as well. http://lindaghill.com/2014/11/28/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-november-2914/

My interpretation is called Hey You. I hope you like it.

“Hey you! What are you doing there?”

“Nothing. What are you doing?”

“Come on I asked you first.”

“Okay then. I’m trying to make some sense outta this note.”

“Let me see it.”

“It’s private so keep it under your hat.”

“I promise. I won’t say anything.”

“Okay here.”

“It says here you have a coupon for a special selection of scents from the local perfume shop.”

“Perfume shop. Why would I go there?”

“To pick up a nice present and save yourself many cents.”

“So you’re saying I would have the good sense picking up a scent and save some cents.”

Um. Yeah, I guess so.”

“Who sent this to me?”

“I can help you make sense of the scent cent saving but not the sent.”

“Figures. I am so confused.”

“How do you think I feel?”

Friday JohnKu – TGIF

November 28, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 17 Comments

This is Black Friday and I’m spending it hunched over my keyboard as I do so many other days (like 365 of them). I sort of miss the trampling, fighting, hair pulling and dented fenders of yore. You see, on the island where I live we have an event called Shop Around Port Aransas. It takes about an hour to visit all the stores and in reality the bargains are not really designed for the normal gift giving season.

For example at the IGA, bacon is $2.69 a pack. I know I wouldn’t mind getting some gift wrapped bacon, but to give as a gift not so much. Another example would be waist-high waders now 50% off. The populations of men who live here already have waders so what is the point? I guess the tourists might find this a novelty item. I can see someone from San Antonio opening his gift and getting a pair of twenty pound vulcanized rubber waders. The joy in the eyes is indescribable. The gun shop is running a special on duck calls which makes me want to rush right down there and stock up (not). How many duck calls does one person need? So, all in all around here, Black Friday is pretty mild. Today’s John Ku ( a term coined by Words4jp) is a symbolic nod to the rest of the world’s happiness today. The title is (of course) Black Friday.

Day breaks as always,

Anticipation is strong . . .

In scoring, a steal.

Interview of me by Sally Ember Ed.D on Her Show Changes

November 28, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 15 Comments

I am so pleased to be a guest on the Sally Ember Ed.D live interview show. Her show has some of the best interviews since Sally has a great way of asking just the right question to elicit some interesting responses. My appearance will be Episode 14 of the show which Sally has titled Changes. The live show will be on December 3^rd from 10 to 11:00 AM Eastern Standard Time. You can click this link on the day of the broadcast https://plus.google.com/u/0/events/c73le14imljt9q0vn1do99re6fg.

If you miss the broadcast live you can catch up on YouTube any time. You can also view past interviews http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZRG5j5fHuo

In addition to hosting Changes Sally is the author of the Spanner Series a ten volume, original, science fiction/romance/multiverse/paranormal/utopian/speculative fiction e-books series for adults/new adults/young adults.

Volume I of The Spanners Series, This Changes Everything, now FREE everywhere e-books are available.

Vol. II, This Changes My Family and My Life Forever, @$3.99 on Smashwords, iBooks, Barnes & Noble nook, Kobo, Amazon Kindle (USA, France, Germany, UK) and many other global e-book retailers.

Please visit Sally’s The Spanners Series at http://sallyember.com/spanners/ for a complete listing of all the links and her blog at http://sallyember.com/blog/

Please join us for the interview.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

November 26, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

Wednesday is story day and since this is the day before Thanksgiving it feels like Friday. There is usually a story here as those of you who read this blog regularly can attest. Raise your right hand and repeat after me. (This is the attestation) I say your name do attest that this is story day. As such, I expect a story and if there is not a story I will take whatever measures available to me under the constitution to force the author to create a story. So help me Hanna. So for you lawyers out there I’m really sorry to announce YES there is a story. We have Frank and Billy here again. Last week Frank was asking Billy to get rid of his AK47. Charles Yallowitz made a comment in which he wondered if Billy was actually walking around with said AK47. So let’s join this happy duo top see for ourselves. Thanks, Charles for the comment. The title of this week’s story is “Later.”

“So Billy where is the AK now?”

“It’s out in the car.”

“Out in the car? Are you crazy?”

“I don’t think so. Why?”

“Leaving that weapon out in the car for the police to find it? Not smart.”

“They’ll never find it Frank.”

“How can you be so certain?”

“For one thing I have it out of sight.”

“For one thing.”

“Yeah, and for the other I think they will be more interested in the cocaine I have on top of it.”

“Billy. Listen to yourself. Cocaine? What cocaine?”

“The guy who I took the AK from also had five kilos of cocaine.”

“He gave them to you?”

“Not exactly.”

“What do you mean not exactly?”

“He is in the trunk on top of the cocaine and the AK.”

“Aren’t you worried about the police finding him?”

“No he is well hidden.”

“I’m afraid to ask. Well hidden by what.”

“I hit a deer on the way over here. I put it in the trunk on top of the guy.”

“So you think this is safe?”

“Would you mess with a dead smelly deer?”

“You have a point. Although it may take me a minute to understand it.”

“Later then, Frank. Need to dress out that deer for Thanksgiving.”

Ten Things Not to Do While Staying Overnight with Friends

November 24, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 28 Comments

This list has been inspired by numerous friends staying overnight and sad to say doing one or more of the things on the list. Since this week is Thanksgiving I thought it would be a good idea on posting some tips on behavior in case a visit to friends is in the cards. (Oh, I know you would never do any of these)

Ten Things Not to Do While Staying Overnight with Friends

10 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not ask “what’s for dinner?” if you do, at best you will come off as pretty a demanding guest. At worst, your host may send you out for fast food. (by yourself)

9 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not sneak late night snacks. If you do, at best you may scare your guests thinking there is an intruder in the house. At worst, you might be asked to come out of the house over a bullhorn held by a big person from the local SWAT team.

8 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not keep telling jokes in which you keep forgetting the punchline. If you do, at best your friends will take pity on you and try to change the subject. At worst, your friend will believe you are a prime candidate for an intervention much to the amusement of others in the house.

7 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not keep grabbing extra portions of food. If you do, at best your friends will wonder why you are not eating regularly at home. At worst, they will assume you have an eating disorder and will insist you see their couple’s counselor. (which raises a whole new problem)

6 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not assume your friends want to stay up with you to see the dawn. If you do, at best your friends will hope you pass out. At worst, the last few drinks made by your friend will be strong enough to ensure you pass out.

5 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not get sick in their bed. If you do, at best the stay will be very short. At worst, you may wake up in the backyard with a large dog named Bruno who thinks you are cute.

4 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not sleep until noon even if you normally do so at home. If you do, at best your friends will think you rude for missing the brunch they prepared. At worst, your friends will go about their day and leave you in the house to fend for yourself which will include warding off the affections of Bruno.

3 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not think it is okay to adjust the thermostat to suit your own comfort. If you do, at best you might not be invited back. At worst, your friends may surprise you with their deluxe suite which is in actuality the back seat of your own car.

2 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not take an in ordinarily long hot shower. If you do, at best you may encounter some hostile looks since your host community is under severe water restrictions. At worst, the hosts who are under a water restriction will be served with a cease service order which will mean no more water for them and a wanted dead or alive poster for you.

1 If you are staying overnight with friends, don’t forget to say thank you. If you do, at best you won’t be invited back. At worst, your friends will come and stay with you and do their best to eat, drink and create mayhem for revenge.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “In”

November 22, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 21 Comments

Stream of Consciousness Saturday again. This week’s prompt is “In” which can be used by itself or as part of a word. If you would like to join it go here to see the details http://lindaghill.com/2014/11/21/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-november-2214/ My interpretation is titled Out. Hope you like it.

“So when do you go in?”

“In where?”

“Into the church.”

“Oh that. In about a half hour.”

“What do you mean ‘oh that?’”

“In my present state I have been out of it a little.”

“In what present state?”

“Damn you seem slow today.”

“I seem slow?”

“This is my wedding day. Don’t you think I have the right to be in a confused state?”

“You seem not only confused but out of sorts and in some kind of zone.”

“I’m a little nervous. That’s all. It’s a big responsibility.”

“Marriage?”

“No. remembering the vows.”

“I guess you are right. ‘I do’ is a toughie.”

TGIF – Friday JohnKu

November 21, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 21 Comments

Friday is here at last. Today’s margarita is going to be replaced by a steaming cup of mulled cider, I just can’t place an ice-cold drink in your hand when you have a glove on it. I suppose y’all have the same weather issues so we should be glad we can get into the warm to enjoy something hot as we begin to look forward to the holidays. Today’s JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp) celebrates our ability to control our comfort but asks that we think of those less fortunate including the fur people. The title is Cold and hope you enjoy it.

The first of winter,

Creeps in on chilly footfalls . . .

To torture the poor.

Changelings: Into the Mist – Blog Tour – Now Available

November 20, 2014November 11, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 3 Comments

Changelings. They were the descendants of Man and Fae. They walked between worlds – as healers, mystics, even kings – but no more. He thought he was the last, alone and lost, until the day he saw them.

Irish teens Maureen O’Malley and Sean McAndrew are lost in time. To find a way home, they must curry favor with pirates, dodge a revolution, and defy a king out of Ireland’s deepest legends.

They are Changelings, and they have magic in their blood – magic, which will rekindle a centuries-old war that threatens to tear the very fabric of time.

Pirates and rebels and myths, oh my!

Changelings: Into the Mist is the first book in the exciting Changelings series, and it is available in print and digital from Amazon today!

And, check out the IndieGoGo Campaign for your opportunity to not only have Katie sign your copy of Changelings, but to get some gorgeous perks – all while helping an indie author fund her ongoing marketing campaign!

Chapter One

I sat in the grove of my own creation and stared out at a world and a people descended of mine own. As I watched, trees gave way to stone and the Many lost their claim to the priests of the One.

Then the wheel turned. The sacred trees grew around my effigy of stone and the Many came out of hiding. I sat in my grove and watched a world outside my imagination, willing it to see.

She saw. She saw me with uncanny green eyes – the green eyes of my mother and her mother before her: witch’s eyes.

Joy rose in me. It was time – time to join the world after years of solitude, time to act after centuries of stillness.

I closed my eyes and reached across the barrier, to touch my future and my past…

Advanced praise for Changelings: Into the Mist

“It’s a love-letter to Ireland.” ~ Helena Hann-Basquiat, Memoirs of a Dilettante, Vol. One

“Katie Sullivan has penned an imaginative, entertaining debut novel.” ~ Andra Watkins, To Live Forever: An Afterlife Journey of Meriwether Lewis (GoodReads Review)

Get your copy today!

About the Author

Descended of pirates and revolutionaries, Katie Sullivan is a lover and student of all things Irish. Born in the States, she is a dual US/Irish citizen, and studied history and politics at University College, Dublin – although, at the time, she seriously considered switching to law, if only so she could attend lectures at the castle on campus. She lives in the American Midwest with her son, two cats and a pesky character in her head named D (but you can call him Dubh). She can be found writing with said character weekly at her blog, The D/A Dialogues.

Connect with Katie!

The D/A Dialogues | Katie Sullivan, Author Website

Twitter | Facebook | Pinterest | Instagram | Google+

Check out Changelings on GoodReads

Wednesday Story Day – Hump Day

November 19, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

Wednesday Story day is here. Yes, our old friends Billy and Frank are the central characters again. I have had many comments on how these two remind us of Abbott and Costello. I would say the comparison might be closer to Dumb and Dumber. I find Abbott and Costello to be totally funny without a vicious bone in their body. I cannot say the same for Frank. I think Billy is just plain dumb and sometimes wish he would get the hell away from Frank. Much like the little kid following a big kid in school Billy seems to follow Frank for no other reason than he has no one else to follow. Well, enough of the chin music (or finger music) about these two. Here is the story titled Feelings.

“Billy you really need to get rid of the AK47.”

“Why?”

“I don’t think you will be able to handle it and I for one don’t want to get into the line of fire.”

“Aw, Frank you’re hurting my feelings.”

“Billy, I don’t mean to hurt your feelings but this is a little more important than your stupid feelings.”

“Stupid feelings? Why do you say that?”

“You are picking my words apart. What I mean is that gun could get out of control and we all would be sorry.”

“Well, what do you want me to do?”

“How about we sell it?”

“Can’t.”

“What do mean can’t?”

“I never bought it.”