Tag: fiction favorites

Top Ten Things Not to Do on Social Media

~ John W. Howell ~ 85 Comments

 

The inspiration for this post was another post by award-winning author Jan Sikes. Jan was wondering out loud whether or not we were all sharing too much on our social media efforts. In a comment back and forth she suggested doing a “Top Ten Things Not to Do” post. You can see Jan’s post HERE. You should visit her blog just to take a look at the five books she has written.

The Top Ten Things Not to Do on Social Media.

10 If you are on social media, do not publish a photo of yourself making a hand gesture. If you do, at best the gesture has an innocent intent. At worst, your gesture no matter how honest is seen by others as a reason to find out where you live. (It is incredible that you have all those people on your front lawn, Espen. What do you think they are carrying torches and pitchforks?)

9 If you are on social media, do not post that you believe WWF wrestling is fake. If you do, at best Tiny the WWF champ is out of the country without access to the internet. At worst, your post pops up on Tiny’s feed. (Looking through the peephole in your door does not give you the whole view of what is about to happen, Ethan. In fact, I would back up a bit, so you are not hit by flying splinters. Better yet, run for your life.)

8 If you are on social media, do not engage in a back and forth discussion on politics with someone who has an AK 47 as a Gravatar. If you do, at best you’ll stop before going too far. At worst, your last comment which has no retort will be followed by a high-pitched tone. (That tone is the sound of an incoming rocket-propelled grenade, Eupeithes. I would take cover.)

7 If you are on social media, do not publish pictures of your dinner no matter where it is to be eaten. If you do, at best most will miss it. At worst, the two likes you receive will be indicative of how poorly ham hocks and sour kraut with a side of succotash come across in a photo. (The fact that most of your readers decided to skip their dinner will come back to haunt you, Eurystheus.)

6 If you are on social media, do not publish a GIF that blinks on and off with colorful stars and a giant pair of lips. If you do, at best at least one reader will think it is cute. At worst, you will trigger several psychological and physical events that will hold you forever libel. ( I guess you had no idea the strobe effect would cause such a reaction, Evann. The injury attorneys will find that laughable.)

5 If you are on social media, do not broadcast the fact that you are not home. If you do, at best none of your readers is a cat burglar. At worst, you’ll return home from your trip to an empty house. (Normally you are used to being alone at home, Everardo but no furniture is a bit stark.)

4 If you are on social media, do not rant about a minor inconvenience in your day. If you do, at best folks will just ignore you. At worst, you’ll get other stories that make your problem sound like a blessing. (Now don’t you feel like a dope, Evgeni. You just had to demonstrate how shallow you are didn’t you?)

3 If you are on social media, do not publish pictures of your new expensive purchases. If you do, at best your materialism will define you. At worst, those followers who have significantly less than you seem to have will drop you like a hot potato. ( I know you were happy you got that BMW, Evzen. All those folks in a ten-year-old Honda can’t help but be jealous.)

2  If you are on Social media, do not pretend to be recommending products that you like when in reality you are being paid. If you do, at best your recommendations will be ignored. At worst you will support something that doesn’t work. (Now you have an angry bunch of readers, Eric. What’s that they are saying about a class action suit?)

1 If you are on social media, don’t forget that your followers are individuals and deserve the best you have to offer. If you do forget, at best a few unfollows will wake you up. At worst, you will need to start over with a new approach. (Funny how those thousands of followers disappeared isn’t it, Edward?)

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Call”

~ John W. Howell ~ 37 Comments

Stream of Consciousness

 

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday and this weeks prompt is “call.” Linda Hill says we can use it any way we want, including in another word as long as the letters are in the same order. So with all of that if you would like to participate, visit Linda’s blog and find out how. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-4-18/

Call by John W. Howell © 2108

“You look happy.”

“I should be I just got a call from my boss.”

“Uh oh. What did you boss want?”

“Actually it was a good thing.”

“I’m dying to hear. Come on what did your boss want?”

“You know I’ve been learning calligraphy.”

“Yes, and you have been callously avoiding me.”

“Oh, come on. Those classes are callipered to wash some out if they don’t work hard.”

“Just the same, you used to make scalloped potatoes, and it has been weeks.”

“I know I have been lax. You also promised scallops.”

“Yes I did but only if you stay home one night. It shouldn’t be too hard to avoid your callers.”

“Okay, that’s a deal. I’ll make scalloped potatoes with scallions, and you make those delicious garlic scallops.”

“I almost forgot. Why did your boss call?”

“To ask if I would use my calligraphy on some invitations to a party.”

“Thank is not an exciting reason for calling.”

“No, it is not. But calling with some business is better than calling with an assignment.”

“You getting paid for the calligraphy?”

“No. The boss called it job enrichment.”

“Callow indeed.”

“Rascally too.”

 

Friday John Ku – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

TGIF

 

Ah, weekend eve.  This week seems to have been a long one for some reason. I guess it might be the work being done on home projects and trying to balance work on the WIP. Sometimes it makes the days a little longer and the nights a little shorter. All in all the week felt slow, and I’m not complaining. Something about taking things slow seems to work out.

The weather has continued to be hot and humid, but that’s what it is every summer here. The tourists are behaving themselves for the most part. Last night there was some kind of firework extravaganza on the beach. Since they are illegal here, I hope the police cracked down. The noise stopped abruptly so maybe that was why.

Other than that everything has been pretty quiet.

Todays JohnKu talks about the tedious aspect of ordinary. I hope you have a super weekend.

Normal by John W. Howell © 2018

When things are normal,

We may take it for granted. . .

Until the deluge.

 

 

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy’s Toy Basket

~ John W. Howell ~ 78 Comments

Twiggy's toy basket

“Hey, Twiggy. What are we doing?”

“Well, Dad. I’m not sure about you, but mom told me to pick up my toys.”

“Did she mention you might need to get out of your basket to do that?”

“Yes of course. I’m having trouble with motivation. This spring is sooo heavy.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to it.”

“No don’t go. Maybe you could help. Look how weak I am.”

“I think Lucy has been prompting you again.”

“No, not really. Oh, but she did mention that it is better to get help for any job.”

“I can imagine her advice. I don’t suppose mom said you and I should pick up the toys.”

“Why, I think she might have mentioned something like that.”

“Ha ha ha. I’m sure she did. You get started, and I’ll be back to see how you are progressing.”

“I’ll lift this heavy octopus and put it in the basket with me.”

“Oof. Just too heavy.”

“I wonder where that spring went. It was here a minute ago.”

“I don’t think I have a lot of room for much else.”

“I don’t know why I have to do everything.”

“Let me at least try this octopus again.”

“It’s no use. I’m going to wait for dad. He’ll help me out.”

“I don’t think mom would want me to miss my nap over something dumb like picking up toys.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 46 Comments

“There, there, Little One. Friday will be here before you know it.”

 

It is Wednesday Story Day time again. Last week Larry gave Perry instructions on evidence preservation. In the meantime, Andrew went over to the IT department to see if there was any hard drive storage that went back ten years that could possibly have the original file intact. Let’s join Andrew as he talks to the head of IT.

 

“So here is the problem. We have a hard copy of a file that goes back ten years, and the file is not correct.”

“Yeah so why not go to the backup storage file?”

“We did that, and the file has been erased.”

“Well, that is interesting. If a file was erased, then I should have some documentation to that effect.”

“That would be swell if you could tell us who erased the file.”

“What is the file name.”

“It is named Sandusky.”

“Okay let me look that up. A couple of keystrokes should do it. Hmmm.”

“Humm what?”

“There is no Sandusky file..”

“How far back do your records go?”

“The protocol has been in place for about fifteen years, but I know folks kept track of deleted files earlier than that.”

“So whoever deleted the file didn’t follow the protocol.”

“That would be my guess.”

“Can anyone delete a file.”

“If they are authorized on the system they can.”

“So this is a person who had access to the system. In other words an inside job.”

“How far back was the file erased.”

“We are not sure but we think ten years.”

“And you say the hard copy in the file room is not the correct version?”

“Yes. It was printed off the original file that had been adulterated then erased.”

“There is a long shot.”

“I’ll take whatever shot there is.”

“We used to back up everything on tapes before we went to servers and way before the cloud.”

“Are you saying a tape going back ten years may exist?”

“I am. We can’t be sure until I have someone go through the files. We have tons of tapes.”

“Could I ask a favor?”

“Yeah sure, anything.”

“Could you personally look for the tape? I’m thinking whoever erased the backup could still be employed here.”

“You saying one of my employees is responsible?”

“No. I’m just thinking we ought to be careful that’s all.”

“That does make sense. One thing about the tape though.”

“What’s that?”

“We don’t have any equipment to read it.”

“What? How could that be?”

“We got rid of all the old readers when we brought in the servers.”

“So you’re telling me even if we find the tape we may not be able to determine what’s on it?”

“I do have another idea. Our supplier may have a customer still using tapes and we can ask to use a reader.”

“You are a genius. This sounds very encouraging. How long till you locate the tape?”

“Not sure but I’ll spend the rest of the day looking. That good enough?”

“Bless you, my son.”

“One other thing.”

“What’s that.”

“I’m in IT, so genius comes naturally.”

Tuesday Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #185 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 46 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The Photo.

Kreative Kue #185

Today’s Special by John W. Howell © 2018

“Okay pops. Time for a toast.”

“Hold on son. I don’t believe the barman gave me a whole pint.”

“It looks full to me.”

“See this head on here. That is nothing but air. I think there is some missing.”

“Dearest?”

“What Ducky.”

“There is a guy with a camera recording you right now.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll be paying for a pint, and I want a pint. Oh, Barman?”

“Yes, sir what is it.”

“Look at this stout.”

“Yes, sir it is that alright.”

“I mean this is supposed to be a full pint. Look at the head on top.”

“Yes, sir.  The head is what gives the stout its creamy flavor.”

“It also takes up the room.”

“That it does sir.”

“What do you say about that fact.”

“It is definitely a fact sir. Now if you will excuse me.”

“Not so fast my good man. I’m paying for a pint and I expect a full pint.”

“Yes, sir. Take a draught of your pint then.”

“Why Do that?”

“If you do that and hand it over to me, I will refill it, and you will have your full measure.”

“Capital my man. Here it is.”

“Yes sir and here you are. Now I need to attend to the other customers. Will there be anything else.”

“No, you’ve taken care of everything. Wait. What about the next pint?”

“On the house sir. On the house.”

“This is a great place.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Now son the toast.”

“Thank you. Ahem. Here’s to you, pops and your enjoyment of your stout.”

“Thank you, son. It does taste especially good.”

“I reckon its cause it is ninety-eight percent spit-free.”

“You are kidding me?”

“Sure pops I’m kidding.”

“Son?”

“Yes, mom.”

“You are kidding right?”

“Sure mom. You know me. A laugh a minute.”

“That’s why I’m worried. Horace, put that stout down.”

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Renaissance Faire

~ John W. Howell ~ 82 Comments

 

 

The inspiration for this list was a question by the producer. “Have you done a Top Ten on a Renaissance Faire?” The answer was, “No.” So here it is. (I know pretty simple inspiration, isn’t it?) If you read to the end, I have a question about an idea given me by a regular reader. I would appreciate your comments. No poll just comment if you feel like it.

10 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not raise your hand when the wizard asks for volunteers. If you do, at best you might get embarrassed. At worst, the trick will go horribly wrong, and you’ll be sporting some Hellboy horns. (I think it was that stray goat that gave a The Fly like result, Emest. Don’t worry, maybe the wizard can reverse the spell. Yeah, maybe.)

9 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not boo Tiny, the WWF champ, when he walks onto the jousting field. If you do, at best he will have lost you in the crowd. At worst, Tiny who has been attending court-ordered anger management classes will accidentally let go of his mace as he nears the spectator stand. (You can place money as to where that mace will land, Emmanuele. No, that umbrella won’t help at all.)

8 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not accept the invitation to put your head and wrists into the stocks. If you do, at best you’ll get a humorous photo. At worst, the guy running the stocks exhibit forgot the keys, and now you have an afternoon of ridicule. ( It will be fun he said. How much fun is it, Enar? Oh, that tomato wasn’t quite ripe was it?)

7 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not think Three Card Monty is an easy way to pick up spending money. If you do, at best you may only lose a few dollars. At worst, you and the dealer will need to come to an equitable arrangement to cover that last bet. (I don’t think he will take a check, Engel.)

6 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not accept an invitation to attend the after hours cast party. If you do, at best you’ll need to leave early to take the babysitter home. At worst, you’ll be singing “Moma Told Me Not to Come” while trying to find the door out. (Whoever coined the term, “hangover,” Enyeto. How you feel is more like “lifeover.”)

5 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not join the music makers on stage if you are overserved. If you do, at best no one you know will see your performance. At worst, the videos were taken by the audience when you fell off the stage all went viral. (Hard to explain to your boss what you were thinking huh, Ephrem. He believes the head of HR should set a better example.)

4 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not throw your consumed turkey leg over your shoulder as a supposed imitation of Henry VIII. If you do, at best by chance it will hit a trash receptacle. At worst, you will catch someone’s grandma in the face with your trash. (That someone just happens to be the big guy wearing the barbarian outfit which is now holding you off your feet, Erikson. He’s not buying the accident story, and his club looks pretty substantial.)

3 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not dress in period armor. If you do, at best the day will be overcast. At worst, the temperature just hit a new record high. (Now you know what it is like to be in a sweatbox, Erroll. That authentic clasp on the back is just out of reach and everyone you ask to unhook it thinks you’re a perve.)

2 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not get carried away with the thought of quitting work and joining the cast. If you do, at best your audition will fail. At worst, you will be picked to play the blacksmith. (That hot furnace and pounding metal all day wasn’t what you had in mind, was it Eryk? Too bad you signed a seasonal agreement, and you only have six more months to serve. You found out too late that no one likes to play the blacksmith.)

1 If you attend a Renaissance Faire, do not think you have to talk to everyone in Renaissance English. If you do, at best no one will understand you. At worst, a large cast member will think you are making fun of his speech. (Might be a good idea to find a flagon of mead right now, Eskander. Better yet two flagons. One to share with the guy holding your neck.)

I would appreciate a comment on the following:

A reader has suggested that I do a Top Ten Things Not to Do at select historical events. For example, The Top Ten Things Not to Do at Louis XIV’s coronation. Or Top Ten Things Not to Do While Crossing the Delaware with Washington. These would all be ridiculous things (as usual) on a historical backdrop.  I would appreciate it if you could let me know what you think.

 

Views of the Neighborhood -Surf Fishing

~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

As you can see it is a beautiful day. The surf is calm and the winds have slowed. All this means the surf fisherfolk will be out in force. Good time to cruise around and see what we can see.

A young man making breakfast. There is no fish but plenty of bacon. He obviously stayed the night.

Need to have a full bait bucket. He caught and released a shark.

This is how you surf fish. You wade out with a rod and cast as far as you can.

Getting that line ready.

Couple out for a day of fishing. That grill says they have confidence.

Here is a group who have circled the RVs. Pretty safe from wolves.

Here is a shot that could be called, “retrospective for a chair.” Wonder what happens if there is a bite.

You can barely see the guy on top of the camper in a lounge chair. Looks like a cool spot.

Here is how the resorts put up with the sun. Those umbrellas and chairs are set up by the staff.

They even have portable restrooms at this resort.

This is what they use to groom the sand on the beach.

A couple of poles. Looks like they ditched their owners.

Here is what we all hate. Some idiot from San Antonio putting up caution tape to reserve an area that could accommodate twenty people. The big question, “Where the heck are they?” Probably in bed while you are out here trying to find a place. “Go ahead cut the ribbon and pull in.”

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “T, Tea,Tee

~ John W. Howell ~ 45 Comments

Stream of Consciousness

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday and this weeks prompt is . . . Well, I’m going to quote Linda Hill since it is a little complex.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “T, tea, tee.” Theme your post around “tea” or “tee,” or find a word that starts with “T” and talk about that. Bonus points if you manage to incorporate all three. Enjoy!

There you have it. If you would like to join the crew, visit Linda’s blog to find out how. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/07/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-28-18/

T, Tea, Tee by John W. Howell © 2108

“Tremendous prompt.”

“What? Are you having a stroke?”

“No, I just got the e-mail with the prompt for Saturday.”

“Can”t be that exciting.”

“Well, maybe not for you but for an old prompter it is a doozy.”

“What is it?”

“T, Tea, Tee.”

“Come again?”

“A word that starts with T.”

“Uh huh.”

“Tea like the drink.”

“Okay.”

“Tee like in golf.”

“And what makes all these so tremendous?”

“Extra credit.”

“Extra credit?”

“Yeah if you use all three there is extra credit.”

“Like in one sentence?”

“I guess that would be one way. It would be better to make a story around all three.”

“So let’s hear it?”

“What?”

“The story.”

“You have eaten up most of the prompt time with your questions so it will have to be short.”

“Fine with me and I’m sure the fourth wall would thank you for keeping it short.”

“Yes, well here goes. It was a lovely day for a golf match. The greens were perfect and the temperature was ideal. The three golfers approached the tee with one thing in mind. They wanted to trounce the fourth. You see every week the fourth guy would take the total match with the tiniest lead. The other three could taste victory and conspired to try to work together to maybe see the fourth go down in defeat. After the first nine holes, it was apparent that the test the three thought to try was not working. They decided over a cup of tea to tamper with the fourth’s golf balls. While he was occupied with an Earl Grey, they touched each ball with some tincture of lead. They figured with the slight added weight, the ball would tumble out of control and one of the three would be the winner. When fourth returned, they all went to the tee. The three could hardly keep a straight face as the fourth place his ball on the tee and prepared to drive it to the fairway. He swung and with a loud “thwack,” the ball disappeared from sight. The three could not believe it. The ball looked like it was going to hit the green in one stroke.`The Three looked at each other with trepidation. They all teed off, and when they reached the green, they were traumatized. The ball had tipped into the cup as they approached. “That is a fine how do you do,” said the tallest of the three. “Tiddlywinks,” said the timidest. “Tar and feathers,” said the trickiest. The fourth won that day which brings up a lesson. If you are going to cheat, know your business. Tincture of lead does not a tricky ball make.”

“And?”

“What do you mean, ‘And”‘

“Is there more?”

“No.”

“Terrible tale, tacky, turkey.”

“Thank you. I just love reviews.”

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 63 Comments

The week has been a quick one for sure. We continue to have hot and humid days here on the Texas Coast. Of course, people always ask, “So what did you expect?” I think to some degree they are right. Having lived in San Antonio during the summer, one cannot expect snow in August.

When the heat gets really bad, I tend to think back to the times when there was no air conditioning. I always wonder how folks could bear to sleep in temperatures above eighty degrees.  I did it for two nights when the electricity was out during Hurricane Harvey, and I can double dog guarantee doing it for a longer time wouldn’t make it any easier.

I think our technology allows us to exist in areas where we probably should avoid. Also, that is the beauty of technology. Allowing expansion into areas that would otherwise be inhabitable. Today’s JohnKu talks about human destiny.  I hope you have a super weekend.

Destiny by John W. Howell © 2018

From the earliest,

Humans have sought to expand . . .

Where is the boundary?