Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Are Hanging Out With a Vampire – Book Launch by Charles E. Yallowitz

April 9, 2018April 7, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 80 Comments

In celebration of the launch of War of Nytefall, I invited Charles to take over the Top Ten duties for today. Also, it is Charles’ birthday so today is very special. Without delay, I give you Charles E. Yallowitz.

A big thanks to John, especially for letting me do one of his famous ‘Top 10’ lists in order to promote my new book. Since my latest fantasy adventure series, War of Nytefall: Loyalty, revolves around vampires, we’re going to go over some warnings to keep in mind. (For fun, check out the opposing list on My Train of Thoughts On . . .)

If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not try to invite them to brunch. If you do, at best they’ll be a Dawn Fang and say they aren’t hungry. At worst, you will end up eating across from a pile of ashes and be asked to leave since it’s a non-smoking establishment. (You didn’t even get your third mimosa!)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not show off your crucifix collection. If you do, at best they’ll run away, and the friendship is over. At worst, they’ll take offense at the pushing of a stereotype and break the cross handed down through the generations over your head. (The time he invited you to a Passover Seder might have been a clue that this wouldn’t work.)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not repeatedly ask them if they hang out at high schools. If you do, at best you’ll end up sitting through a long rant about how Joss Whedon and Stephanie Meyers should be sued for defamation of character. At worst, you’ll be stripped naked and put in the nearest school gym locker to see how you like being called a pervert. (What is it with humans and having vampires go after jailbait?)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not challenge them to a boxing match. If you do, at best you will be knocked out with one punch and wake up in the hospital. At worst, your head will sail through the window, across the street, and land in the punch bowl of the latest meeting of the ‘Sufferers of Decapitation Nightmares’. (Tiny the WWF Champ never could hold back.)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not eat food with tons of garlic. If you do, at best your friend will be a Dawn Fang and politely flick a mint into your mouth. At worst, the vampire goes into anaphylactic shock and ends up in the hospital. (No, doctor, I’m sure this person has a pulse, and it’s the machine that’s wrong.)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not take them to the House of Mirrors. If you do, at best they’ll not see their reflection and play pranks on the other people. At worst, they will see their reflection and be violently embarrassed by a large scrap of jogger stuck in their fangs. (It’s hard enough to floss without sword-like teeth stabbing you in the hand.)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not talk to them with a corny Dracula accent. If you do, at best they’ll tell you to stop being an idiot. At worst, you’ll learn that Dracula was their uncle and you really shouldn’t make fun of his speech impediment. (Not his fault his fangs were four times larger than that of your average vampire. In fact, most women would say . . . Okay, moving on.)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not ask to try what they’re drinking. If you do, at best you’ll get sick and learn your lesson. At worst, you’ll find that you enjoy the taste and go on a feeding frenzy as the ghoulish servant of your new master. (That’s for eating all that garlic. Even a human would have found that stench nauseating.)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not tell everyone around that your friend is a blood-drinking creature. If you do, at best people won’t believe you and call the men in white suits. At worst, you’ll find out how many vampire hunters are in the area and be the only one left to explain all the bodies to the cops. (There’s a reason we don’t announce ourselves, Billy!)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not insist on watching ‘Blade’ every time you hang out. If you do, at best they’ll say yes. At worst . . . You know what? That’s going to be fine. Even vampires will admit to loving that movie. Just tone down the garlic popcorn this time. (Seriously, do you eat that much to counter a chronic health condition?)

Book Blurb

In the wake of the Great Cataclysm, a new predator will emerge within Windemere’s shadow.

For fifty years, Clyde has remained buried while the rest of the vampires have been battling against their enemies. Only Mab believes that her former partner survived his execution and is determined to bring him back to the city of Nyte. Retrieving the vampiric thief is only the beginning as he comes out of the ground stronger, faster, and demonstrating powers that their kind have never witnessed throughout their ancient history. Thrown into the war, Clyde must be careful to hide his true nature while fighting alongside his old friends. Too bad he is having so much fun that keeping his secret might be furthest from his mind.

Will anyone be ready for the rise of the Dawn Fangs?

Grab your copy of War of Nytefall: Loyalty on Amazon!

Author Info

Charles Yallowitz was born and raised on Long Island, NY, but he has spent most of his life wandering his own imagination in a blissful haze. Occasionally, he would return from this world for the necessities such as food, showers, and Saturday morning cartoons. One day he returned from his imagination and decided he would share his stories with the world. After his wife decided that she was tired of hearing the same stories repeatedly, she convinced him that it would make more sense to follow his dream of being a fantasy author. So, locked within the house under orders to shut up and get to work, Charles brings you Legends of Windemere. He looks forward to sharing all of his stories with you, and his wife is happy he finally has someone else to play with.

Blog: www.legendsofwindemere.com
Twitter: @cyallowitz
Facebook: Charles Yallowitz
Website: www.charleseyallowitz.com

Views of the Neighborhood – Wooden Boat Festival

April 8, 2018April 7, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

This weekend is the Wooden Boat Festival. The business is all things wooden and boats. I started taking photos on Friday so that you would be able to see the progress of the family boat builders. These folks are building an entire boat over the weekend.

Here we are on Friday at the boat building tent. That big piece of plywood will become the hull.

This shows parts that will be used to build the boat.

This photo shows a group of experts all concentrating on one thing. Building plans you ask? No. How to get the glue opened.

Work is underway.

Here is a shot of the grounds on Friday. The weather was in the high 70’s and beautiful.

Checking in on Saturday we find the boat builders have made real progress.

There are two boats being built. The one in the background can’t be seen in this photo.

Here is another shot of the grounds on Saturday. A front moved in, and the temps are in the 50’s with a feel like in the 40’s. It is also misting rain.

Part of the festival includes a silent auction. Here are some old spikes and charts.

There is also an antique ship’s binnacle available to buy. What’s a binnacle? It houses the compass and other navigational aids and keeps them safe from wind and sea.

There are lectures on many subjects.

Many boats

I like the colors on this sailboat.

Here is a sailboat with an enclosed cockpit. The important thing about the festival is that the boats are made of wood and are constructed by hobbyists.

I hope you enjoyed the wet, chilly, walk.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Passive /Aggressive”

April 7, 2018April 6, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments

Passive/aggressive is part of Stream of Conscious Saturday. Not necessarily behaviors of any of the principles it’s just that today’s prompt is passive/aggressive. There are bonus points for starting the post with either. (Cha-ching) If you would like to participate please visit Linda Hill’s blog and learn how to manage both passive and aggressive prompts. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/04/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-7-18/

“Passive is my mode of dealing with challenges.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I was just getting ready for my support group meeting tonight.”

“What support group meeting?”

“Oh, I didn’t tell you. I have decided I need to talk out some things.”

“And my ears have been cut off I suppose.”

“Now come on. You know you get tired of hearing about all my little quirks.”

“No, I find your quirks as you call them, very endearing.”

“I can’t believe that.”

“Well, it’s true.”

“The fact that I can’t cross the kitchen floor.”

“Endearing.”

“Or can’t stand the tentative nature of living in a house that we don’t own.”

“Endearing.”

“Of wanting to have more babies.”

“Yes, endearing.”

“Of being afraid of aggressive insects.”

“Totally endearing.”

“Being allergic to flies.”

“The most endearing.”

“Afraid of being stepped on.”

“I share that fear and it is endearing.”

“I can’t weave a web.”

“I always help. Endearing.”

“Well, maybe I’m overreacting a bit. I think I need to put my feet down and get a grip.”

“That’s my love. Put all eight down and take a deep breath. I like it when your six eyes are shining. You look so aggressive.”

Friday John Ku – AKA – TGIF

April 6, 2018April 5, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

Another Friday is upon us. I hope your week was good. Ours was fantastic. Our little rescue puppy, Twiggy arrived, and we haven’t been the same since. She is a bundle of energy and has a household of boxers and humans attending to her every whim. Of course, Eight-week-old puppies don’t have many whims. Eat, play, poop, pee, and sleep is about the repertoire. She does love to chase the boxers, and one cannot help laughing out loud at that scene. Two huge dogs running from her as if she just stepped out of an MGM lion logo shot.

The Contract is nearing completion. The paper edition is formatted, and the e-book should be done by the weekend. Gwen and I are formulating the marketing plan and know we will need some volunteers for a launch post. The launch is scheduled for June 11th with a pre-order period of a week before. We will need enough blog stops to fill two weeks. Stay tuned.

Today’s John Ku talks about the newness of life to the young. I hope you have a super weekend.

What seems old to us,

Takes on a new-minted face. . .

When a baby looks.

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #168 by Keith Channing

April 3, 2018April 2, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 43 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The Photo.

“So why did you hit me?”

“You’re being a jerk.”

“I still don’t think that is a reason to slug me in the arm.”

“Quit being a crybaby. I didn’t hurt you.”

“Yes, you did. I think I’m going to have a bruise.”

“Oh please. I barely touched you.”

“So what makes you think I’m a jerk?”

“What else would I think. Did you hear yourself?”

“My self? What about you? You marched in here and without a howdy do and started issuing orders. I could report you to HR you know.”

“Oh, Come on. You and I have worked together long enough that you don’t have to resort to chicken tactics.”

“Now you are threatening me and denying me due process. There’s another charge.”

“Come off it. Take a look at these papers, and I think you will be pleased enough to forget all this foolishness.”

“What do you have there?”

“Just the biggest order we have ever had.”

“Let me look. My goodness, this is big.”

“And all the credit will fall to you.”

“You’re the one who wrote the order. Why would I get the credit. You trying to bribe me?”

“Come on boss. You know that everything I do, people believe it’s because of your fine leadership.”

“Well, I am a good leader, aren’t I? Just no more punching.”

“Yes, boss. Anything you say.”

The Top Ten Things Not to Do When Talking to a Customer Service Representative

April 2, 2018April 2, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 62 Comments

The inspiration for this list came to me as I was engaged in discussions with a customer care representative. The positive side is the creation of this list.

10 If you are talking with customer care, do not forget that “Customer Care.” is an oxymoron. If you do, at best you’ll retain hope of getting your problem resolved. At worst, you will continue to pull on your hair until a large area of exposed scalp occurs. (Now, don’t you look good, Derwin. Folks are going to be asking about that bald spot on the side of your head. I would make up some kind of medical treatment story.)

9 If you are talking with customer care, do not forget they have your address. If you do, at best you won’t insult tiny the WWF champ. At worst, you will challenge Tiny to meet you outside. Tiny just graduated from his tenth stint of anger management, and he is more than glad to take you up on your offer since he still doesn’t get the management part. (Who’d a thought Tiny was in the next town, Deveon. I don’t think I would go out to meet him no matter how many rocks he throws at your house.)

8 If you are talking with customer care, do not become impatient if the rep can’t understand or hear you. If you do, at best they will hang up. At worst, you will be put into the penalty box for an hour cooling off period. (One nice thing about being on hold, Deverel is you get to listen to music that sounds like it is piped through sandpaper. Don’t get upset by that announcement every minute that tries to convince you of your importance to the company as a customer. They don’t give a rip.)

7 If you are talking with customer care, do not give any helpful information before the rep asks for it. If you do, at best you’ll be repeating yourself often. At worst, the rep will become confused, and your problem will only be made worse by a duplicate shipment.(Yeah that second shipment was as wrong as the first huh, Deylin. This time though it cost twenty dollars more. Good luck on returning two.)

6 If you are talking with customer care, do not ask to speak to a supervisor. If you do, at best you’ll get another rep worse than the first. At worst, you’ll get a supervisor who was told by the boss to reduce call times and refunds. (That was a delightful two-second conversation, Diarmid. I’ll bet you are trying to translate the phrase, “Get off the phone,” as it related to your problem, right?)

5 If you are talking with customer care, do not try to be friendly by asking where the rep is located. If you do, at best you’ll get, “Somewhere in the World,” as an answer. At worst, the rep will interpret your friendliness as a hostile threat much like the previous one hundred hostile threats before you. (That tone you hear means you have been disconnected, Dilan. Don’t call back for a while. Maybe that rep will need to take a break.)

4 If you are talking with customer care, do not try to impress the rep with your long-standing good customer profile. If you do, at best the rep will not laugh openly in your ear. At worst, the rep will put you on speaker phone so that the rest of the reps in the calling center can have a good laugh at your expense. (Now that you think of it, Dimas there are other outlets which might welcome your business.)

3 If you are talking with customer care, do not think the rep is qualified to solve your problem. If you do, at best you will be confused as to why the solution is so difficult. At worst, you will end the call and give a ten out of ten rating only to find the problem is still there. (Not only is the problem still there, Dino but now is complicated by a bill collector pounding on your door.)

2 If you are talking with customer care, do not have mistakenly called another company. If you do, at best the rep will spot the problem right away. At worst, the rep will provide excellent service to no avail when it is discovered you are not returning a John Deere tractor. (How could the customer service numbers for the two companies be so close, Dmitri? You sure you dialed correctly? Now give that nice person a ten-star rating. After all, you were only on the phone for an hour.)

1 If you are talking with customer care, do not call if you have anything else in the world to do. If you do, at best you’ll finally give up for the lack of time. At worst, you will continue to hang on while that doctor appointment scheduled for three hours after you started the call will go unattended. (You know in your heart that the doctor was more important than getting the right lamp, Dolphus. You just felt you were close enough to victory to hang on just a little longer. Well, the doc is going to bill you. Better you should have tossed the lamp and ordered another one.)

Views of the Neighborhood

April 1, 2018March 31, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 73 Comments

Here are a few photos that should serve as a catch-up kind of post. The reason this situation has occurred is my Producer is out of town for puppy pick up duty. Usually, she has investigated what is going on in Port Aransas and sets up the shooting schedule. Well left to my own devices you can see what happens. We all miss the Producer I’m sure.

Looking North, this looks much like Spring Break. There is a difference most of these people are adults.

Same kind of scene looking south.

The kites were out in force.

A couple of more beauties.

Notice there are no police cars. Mostly families enjoying the sun.

Full moon last night.

Finally, a shot of a storm over the Gulf taken last September but I never ran it. (this is called filler)

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Bun”

March 31, 2018March 30, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 43 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday and this weeks prompt is “bun.” Linda Hill further advises that the word bun can be used as part of a word or alone. If you would like to participate in this prompt, hop like a bunny (oh my) over to Linda’s blog and read all about it. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/03/30/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-30-18/

Bun by John W. Howell @ 2018

“Bun in the oven. Bunsen burner. Easter Bunny.”

“What are you doing?”

“I signed up for the Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt.”

“And you have lost your mind?”

“No, I’m trying to get a story developed around this week’s prompt.”

“Let me guess. The prompt is bun.”

“You are amazing.”

“So how hard can it be? How about a bun vendor who has a magic bun that he gives to a bun eater.”

“That is your story, not mine.”

“Why does it have to be yours anyway.”

“There are rules.”

“And if you break them you go to jail right?”

“It is a matter of pride and honesty.”

“Okay then put on your thinking cap and get a story going.”

“Okay here goes. There is this guy who is a bun vendor and has a magic bun. He gives it to a princess who needs the bun to attract the bun eating prince.”

“Why would the guy give away a magic bun?”

“He was actually a frog before the princess kissed him and now he needs to show his gratitude.”

“Gratitude for rising to the exalted position of bun vendor?”

“Well, he is human now and happy about that.”

“So no more fly eating.”

“May I finish.”

“You go.”

“Okay, so the princess takes the magic bun with her to the ball.”

“What ball?”

“The prince is throwing a ball to meet all the fair ladies in the kingdom.”

“A fine point left out of the story.”

“A big line forms and the ladies are meeting the prince.”

“Before cocktails? That must have been nerve-wracking.”

“Yes. I mean, may I continue?”

“Knock yourself out.”

“The princess gets in line and finally approaches the prince. She reaches out and has the bun hidden in her palm. She and the prince look into each other’s eyes as they eagerly grasp each other’s hand.”

“Wow. Romantic or what?”

“They pull together and as if magnetized, touch lips.”

“Okay. Now we are getting somewhere.”

“The magic bun melts in their fevered grip forming a permanent bond between the two.”

“And they live happily ever after right?”

“Well, let’s just say the magic bun did its job.”

“What does that mean?”

“The prince was turned into a frog and the princess had a frog attached to her hand.”

“OMG. Are you nuts?”

“Well, unlike every other prince in the kingdom, the bun vendor didn’t mind the frog and married the princess.”

“His plan all along?”

“He was the only one living happily ever after.”

“You need professional help. You know that?”

“Here, have a bun.”

Friday John Ku – AKA – TGIF

March 30, 2018March 29, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

Another week in the bag. (so to speak). We are happy that all the repairs have been made at our house. Yesterday was the first day in six months that no one was scheduled to come in and do something. The sound of silence is deafening. I have to say after all the angst and loss of hair, the house looks great.

Here is the photo I ran on this blog before the flooring work started.

So here is the finished item. Wider planks, darker wood, more texture in keeping with a beach house.

Today’s John Ku talks about the new normal in a disaster area. I hope you have a great weekend.

Normal completion,

Can be months instead of weeks . . .

Learn patience virtue.

Thursday – A Little personal – New Arrival

March 29, 2018March 28, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 122 Comments

“Hey, Boss.”

“Hi, Lucy. How are you today?”

“Not sure.”

“What’s the problem?”

“There’s a pile of stuff over there that I don’t recognize.”

“Mom is putting the things she will need for the puppy arrival.”

“I know you mentioned a puppy, but are you actually going to adopt one? Look at this stuff Bailey.”

I see it. Yeah, Pops. Come clean. What’s going on?

Okay, Girls. Here’s the deal. You know Mom, and I believe in the rescue of animals?”

“Yes, Boss and Baily and I love you for that.”

“Well, there is an organization named Dog Ranch Rescue who have as a mission to rescue enslaved dogs from puppy mills.”

“This story could take a while, so I’m going to go and lay down.”

“Okay, Bailey. You can listen from the couch. As I was saying, the rescue people go to auctions and buy as many puppy mothers as they can.”

“Puppy auctions? What are those, Pops.”

“These are places where breeders sell dogs they no longer want. Maybe the dogs are older or have had too many litters. Anyway, this group buys these dogs to give them freedom from being used in puppy mills.”

“Puppy mills sound like a bad place to be if you are a puppy.”

“That’s true, Lucy. They are even worse places for mothers of puppies. Sometimes the group is able to buy a mother who already has puppies inside her. Then this is an opportunity to free the mother and have the puppies born in freedom as well. Which brings us to Little Twiggy.”

“Twiggy? Is that the puppy’s name?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Can we see her?”.

Well, I happen to have a photo taken by her foster mom for Easter, and you can also go to the Dog Ranch Rescue website. The group gave her the name Maraschino which is her name on the site. We are naming her Twiggy.”