Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Are Hanging Out With a Vampire – Book Launch by Charles E. Yallowitz

Cover Art by Alison Hunt

In celebration of the launch of War of Nytefall, I invited Charles to take over the Top Ten duties for today. Also, it is Charles’ birthday so today is very special. Without delay, I give you Charles E. Yallowitz.

A big thanks to John, especially for letting me do one of his famous ‘Top 10’ lists in order to promote my new book. Since my latest fantasy adventure series, War of Nytefall: Loyalty, revolves around vampires, we’re going to go over some warnings to keep in mind. (For fun, check out the opposing list on My Train of Thoughts On . . .)

  1. If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not try to invite them to brunch. If you do, at best they’ll be a Dawn Fang and say they aren’t hungry. At worst, you will end up eating across from a pile of ashes and be asked to leave since it’s a non-smoking establishment. (You didn’t even get your third mimosa!)
  2. If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not show off your crucifix collection. If you do, at best they’ll run away, and the friendship is over. At worst, they’ll take offense at the pushing of a stereotype and break the cross handed down through the generations over your head. (The time he invited you to a Passover Seder might have been a clue that this wouldn’t work.)
  3. If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not repeatedly ask them if they hang out at high schools. If you do, at best you’ll end up sitting through a long rant about how Joss Whedon and Stephanie Meyers should be sued for defamation of character. At worst, you’ll be stripped naked and put in the nearest school gym locker to see how you like being called a pervert. (What is it with humans and having vampires go after jailbait?)
  4. If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not challenge them to a boxing match. If you do, at best you will be knocked out with one punch and wake up in the hospital. At worst, your head will sail through the window, across the street, and land in the punch bowl of the latest meeting of the ‘Sufferers of Decapitation Nightmares’. (Tiny the WWF Champ never could hold back.)
  5. If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not eat food with tons of garlic. If you do, at best your friend will be a Dawn Fang and politely flick a mint into your mouth. At worst, the vampire goes into anaphylactic shock and ends up in the hospital. (No, doctor, I’m sure this person has a pulse, and it’s the machine that’s wrong.)
  6. If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not take them to the House of Mirrors. If you do, at best they’ll not see their reflection and play pranks on the other people. At worst, they will see their reflection and be violently embarrassed by a large scrap of jogger stuck in their fangs. (It’s hard enough to floss without sword-like teeth stabbing you in the hand.)
  7. If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not talk to them with a corny Dracula accent. If you do, at best they’ll tell you to stop being an idiot. At worst, you’ll learn that Dracula was their uncle and you really shouldn’t make fun of his speech impediment. (Not his fault his fangs were four times larger than that of your average vampire. In fact, most women would say . . . Okay, moving on.)
  8. If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not ask to try what they’re drinking. If you do, at best you’ll get sick and learn your lesson. At worst, you’ll find that you enjoy the taste and go on a feeding frenzy as the ghoulish servant of your new master. (That’s for eating all that garlic. Even a human would have found that stench nauseating.)
  9. If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not tell everyone around that your friend is a blood-drinking creature. If you do, at best people won’t believe you and call the men in white suits. At worst, you’ll find out how many vampire hunters are in the area and be the only one left to explain all the bodies to the cops. (There’s a reason we don’t announce ourselves, Billy!)
  10. If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not insist on watching ‘Blade’ every time you hang out. If you do, at best they’ll say yes. At worst . . . You know what? That’s going to be fine. Even vampires will admit to loving that movie. Just tone down the garlic popcorn this time. (Seriously, do you eat that much to counter a chronic health condition?)

Book Blurb

In the wake of the Great Cataclysm, a new predator will emerge within Windemere’s shadow.

For fifty years, Clyde has remained buried while the rest of the vampires have been battling against their enemies. Only Mab believes that her former partner survived his execution and is determined to bring him back to the city of Nyte. Retrieving the vampiric thief is only the beginning as he comes out of the ground stronger, faster, and demonstrating powers that their kind have never witnessed throughout their ancient history. Thrown into the war, Clyde must be careful to hide his true nature while fighting alongside his old friends. Too bad he is having so much fun that keeping his secret might be furthest from his mind.

Will anyone be ready for the rise of the Dawn Fangs?

Grab your copy of War of Nytefall: Loyalty on Amazon!

Author Info

Charles Yallowitz was born and raised on Long Island, NY, but he has spent most of his life wandering his own imagination in a blissful haze. Occasionally, he would return from this world for the necessities such as food, showers, and Saturday morning cartoons. One day he returned from his imagination and decided he would share his stories with the world. After his wife decided that she was tired of hearing the same stories repeatedly, she convinced him that it would make more sense to follow his dream of being a fantasy author. So, locked within the house under orders to shut up and get to work, Charles brings you Legends of Windemere. He looks forward to sharing all of his stories with you, and his wife is happy he finally has someone else to play with.

Blog: www.legendsofwindemere.com
Twitter: @cyallowitz
Facebook: Charles Yallowitz
Website: www.charleseyallowitz.com

80 comments

  1. Yes! I was wondering if Tiny would make an appearance in this list!

    1. Can’t do a Top Ten here without him. 😁

      1. Charles did an excellent job on this one.

    2. he got him in there. Thanks, Phil.

    3. No list would be complete without Tiny.

  2. Reblogged this on Legends of Windemere and commented:
    Thanks for letting me give this a try and lending me Tiny. 😁

    1. Thanks, I think.

  3. haha funny, I think the boxing match with a vampire sounds like a ‘new idea for the book’ lol

    1. I could see it as a short story. Just a boxer who wants a challenge and goes hunting for supernatural opponents.

    2. Thanks, Ray. I do too.

  4. Good Top Ten list, Charles. I liked #5 with the vampire flicking a mint in the guy’s mouth. I could picture that. Happy Birthday and all the best with your new series. 🙂 — Suzanne

    1. Thanks. I really liked the visual on that one.

    2. Thanks for the visit, Suzanne.

  5. Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
    A hilarious Top Ten list and introduction to Charles’ new vampire series.

    1. Thanks for the reblog.

      1. You’re welcome, Charles. It was a funny post. 😀 — Suzanne

    2. Thank you, Suzanne.

      1. You’re welcome, John. 😀 — Suzanne

  6. Great Top Ten, John! I laughed out loud at #2. Congratulations, Charles!

    1. Thank you, Jill. So much fun. 😀

  7. Oh, this was one of the best Top Ten, Charles (sorry John 🙂). #4 with the head landing into the punch bowl at the meeting… well I laughed my head off (pun intended). Thank you both. Happy Birthday and congratulations, Charles.

    1. Charles is a humorist’s humorist. I agree with you, Jennie.

    2. Now I’m blushing. Honestly, I followed John’s well-established lead here, including an appearance by Tiny. #4 is probably my favorite now that I look at the list again.

      1. #4 was far more than Tiny. I’m still laughing! Really good, Charles.

  8. Great takeover, Charles. And happy birthday!

    1. Thanks for both. Happy to give the Top Ten list a try.

  9. Well-done, Charles!! You did a great Top Ten, and Happy Birthday!

  10. Great list. You slayed me from the first one. Good luck with the new book!

    1. Thanks. Fingers are crossed that all the promos work out.

  11. This is a great idea for promoting the new book, Charles – congrats!

    1. Thanks. It was a fun way to promote it too.

      1. Thank you, Teri

  12. Gwen Plano · ·

    Happy Birthday, Charles. Great list, all the best with your new book.

    1. Thank you, Gwen.

  13. Very nicely done, John. I love the bit about the jogger. Good luck to Charles.

    1. Thanks. Worst is when you unwittingly get a jogger’s headphone cord stuck around the fangs. Total frustration.

    2. Thanks for the comment, Dan

      1. I realize I should aimed the praise at Charles, but old habits die hard. Like joggers

  14. Wow, you go away for a while and all kinds of stuff happens. Congratulations on the new release, and happy birthday.

    1. Thanks. It was a busy weekend over here.

  15. Charles, nice to know the things not to do if ever I am hanging about with a Vampire! Karen 🙂

    1. Thanks for the visit, Karen.

    2. Glad to be of service. 😀

  16. D.L Finn, Author · ·

    Great top ten list and happy birthday and book release. I always am careful to be politically correct around my pulse challenged friends!

    1. Ha haha. Thanks, Denise.

    2. Thanks. The undead can be rather touchy about the lacking of a pulse.

  17. Priceless! Congratulations, Charles, and best wishes for continued success. Happy Birthday!
    Thanks for sharing, John. Cheers to you both. 🙂

    1. Thanks. Have a great week.

    2. Thank you for the visit and support, Natalie.

  18. Melika #8 becoz I’malika de Gahlic! (Okay, I don’t how to mimic a vampire!!!) ♥

    1. Does make one wonder about vampires that come from cultures that use a lot of garlic.

      1. I’ll bet Korean vampires have a tough time.

      2. I think a lot of the Asian-based vampires are soul drinkers and have different immunities. Wonder why garlic was made such a problem though.

      3. Maybe it is a breath thing

    2. I vant to bite you on the neck is about all I have too. Thanks, Billy Ray.

  19. John, thank you for posting Charles’s post! 🙂

    1. Glad you enjoyed it.

      1. My pleasure Karen. I love to participate in Charles’ launch posts.

  20. A great top ten, John. Awesome to see this unique post from Charles about his new book.

      1. Charles is something. Thanks, Robbie.

    1. Thanks, Robbie. 😀

  21. What fun Charles’ list was! Congratulations on the new series and to John for the great piece. ❤

    1. Glad you liked it. Charles is a genius (we all know that)

      1. LOL! That’s a fact! 😀

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