Ten Things Not to Do at an ART Show

July 25, 2016July 24, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

The inspiration for this list is some art shows going on here in South Texas. I can’t say I have done any of these things but have certainly witnessed some of them. I hope you enjoy.

Art show.

Ten Things Not to Do at an Art Show

10 If you are attending an art show, do not touch any of the art. If you do, at best you’ll be reprimanded by the artist. At worst, that blotch of tomato sauce from your stromboli which now sits on the piece of art marks it as yours. (You always wanted to own a painting with the obsessive/compulsive title “My Evil Obsession.” didn’t you Slick.)

9 If you are attending an art show, do not ask the artist if they give a discount. If you do, at best you will have to listen to a monologue about the value of hand-crafted art. At worst, you will be called certain names which you probably haven’t been called before. (That peyote sure gets those artist folks fired up doesn’t it?)

8 If you are attending an art show, do not sit in a chair that is clearly a work of art. If you do, at best you will be asked kindly to get up. At worst, you might face Tiny, the WWF ex-champ who is also a very close friend of the artist. (That crack you just heard better be a bone and not the chair.)

7 If you are attending an art show, do not interact with an exhibit that has a sign “Look but don’t touch.” If you do, at best nothing will break, and you’ll make a clean getaway. At worst, although fun the cost of that broken piece will keep you on peanut butter sandwiches for months. (Who ever heard of a wind-up toy that doesn’t wind up?)

6 If you are attending an art show, do not let your kids run helter skelter through the exhibits. If you do, at best the organizer will return them to you with a stern warning. At worst, your youngest will come screaming to you with a ransom note demanding payment before the release of the others. (A bit costly for a few minutes entertainment. Wouldn’t you say?)

5 If you are attending an art show, do not pick up objects to see how they feel. If you do, at best you’ll be lucky and not drop one. At worst, that eagle feather that looked so light will turn out to be made of concrete that unfortunately broke in two as it took out the mirror covered table. (A two-finger lift was not the best way.)

4 If you are attending an art show, do not try to impress the artist if you know nothing about art. If you do, at best you will confirm you know nothing. At worst, the artist will kindly listen and then call upon the local shaman to strike you mute. (Was fun listening to yourself talk until you couldn’t any more right?)

3 If you are attending an art show, do not eat anything while touring the booths. If you do, at best most of the artists will warn you away. At worst, you could be the proud owner of an unusual weaving kissed with Philly Cheesesteak juice. (Wasn’t your fist choice was it?)

2 If you are attending an art show, do not try to barter your books for a piece of art of your choice. If you do, at best the artist will say they have already read your book. At worst, the artist will flip through your book and hand it back. (You didn’t need to hear that they don’t ever read your genre.)

1 If you are attending an art show, do not think your purchase has a money back guarantee. If you do, at best you will be embarrassed when you try to bring it back. At worst, the artist will be insulted that you didn’t want to keep the precious item. (That lawyer they hired just won’t go away darn it.)

Views of the Neighborhood

July 24, 2016July 23, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 36 Comments

My apologies in advance for a somewhat random post. I began the day with the desire to put up some pictures of a few of the unusual ways businesses attract customers. We have our share of sharks and Octopuses, but there are a few others. As I was heading out, I happen to catch a photo of a gray heron in our backyard. He wanted to pose so I thought what the heck. Here he is.

Herron

Then walking on the beach, I came across this bouquet of flowers. My imagination took hold, and I decided a brokenhearted lover who lost his true love to a boating accident made a visit to the beach and brought her a gift. Well, that’s my version maybe you have one of your own.

Memorial

Finally, I turned my concentration to the project at hand, unusual ways to attract customers. The first I call, “shower your customers.”

shower your customers

Yes, that is a waterfall over the entrance of the shop. One does not get wet going inside but the potential is certainly there.

This next shot is a new RV resort in town. Oh yes, we need another RV resort almost like we need a case of black mold. If the resort isn’t enough, check the anchor out front.

Day Glo Anchor

Yup. That’s Day-Glo pink. So in keeping with the environment. (not) The next photo is also an abundance of pink but done in the style of the island.

Gratitude

Gratitude is a gift shop that uses pink to the ultimate, and it works.

Hope you like the views this week. I’ll leave you with a quiz.

for sale

What do bikinis, flip-flops, and sunglasses all have in common? Give up? They are all disposable at these prices. Have a good week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Second”

July 23, 2016July 22, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 16 Comments

Time again for another prompt from Linda Hill in support of Saturday Stream of Consciousness. This week’s prompt is “second.” The beautiful part Linda says we can use it any way we want. Reminds me of Janice Joplin’s lyric from the song “Me and Bobby McGee.” It goes like this, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” If you would like to join in, go to Linda’s site. https://lindaghill.com/2016/07/22/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-2316/

“I can’t believe it.”

“What?”

“I came in second.”

“Second on what.”

“Second on the poetry contest.”

“Well, that sounds pretty good. What did second get you.”

“You don’t understand. Second is nothing. Second is a failure. I wanted to be first.”

“Calm down. Not everyone can be first. I think second is quite an honor.”

“You would. You don’t understand my poetry.”

“Now that’s not true.”
Yeah well, you always glaze over when I read it to you.”

“I don’t glaze over. Sometimes I don’t think it is spot on.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Okay read me the second place entry then.”

“All righty then. I’ll read it, and you won’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“Okay here goes. Ahem. ‘Rise, fall, fail.”‘

“That won second place? You are upset with second place with that piece? Who won first.”

“Here is the first place poem. ‘Born, die.”‘

“I take it back. I don’t understand anything. You are so right. Congratulations on the second place finish.”

“Neanderthal.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

July 22, 2016July 17, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

Another long week. Been working long hours, but it looks like the project will be taking a lull for a while. It is good to have a breather. Makes it like a vacation. Of course, when consulting vacations come more frequently than normal. I do apologize that I have not been on top of my blog visits but there is only so much time. Today’s JohnKu talks about missing out on important things. Hope you like it.

Doing something swell,

Means missing out on something…

Choices involve stress.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Our Justice Cover Reveal

July 21, 2016July 20, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

As you know, I have been slowly plugging away at getting Our Justice, the last of the John J. Cannon Trilogy, ready for launch.

I am very pleased to reveal the e-book copy of the book cover. So without much fanfare, I give you Our Justice and John J. Cannon.

Our Justice

Our Justice Cover

I am now taking orders for Advanced Reading Copies. These are a copy of the edited and formatted book without a cover. If you would like a copy, please e-mail me at johnhowell (dot) wave (at) gmail.com. Please indicate your preference of PDF, e-pub, or Mobi. Although I place no restrictions on the ARCs, it is hoped you will review the published book when you have finished it. The expected publication date is September first, and the copies will be available August first. I will send an ARC to the first Twenty, who e-mail me.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

July 20, 2016July 17, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 34 Comments

Drunk in College

Wednesday Story Day again. Last week we left Ben acting on the suggestion of Father Lightfoot (Raymond)and trying (in his own way) to seduce Mrs. Worth. I’m almost afraid to go back for fear we’ll see Trudy Worthe embraced in a long hug with Ben. Go back we must, or there will be no point in reading this post any further. (tempting isn’t it?)
“There now doesn’t that feel good.”
“For heaven’s sake, you are holding me too tight. I can’t get my breath.”
“Oh really. You know when I was in High school I was the wrestling champion of my state.”
“That’s not too romantic. Especially when I’m having a tough time breathing.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Is that better?”
“Yes, much better. I must say you have powerful arms.”
“Thank you. I think they were made to be wrapped around you.”
“You naughty boy. That was sweet.”
“Tell me. Do you trust me a little more?”
“I have to admit lying here in your arms does feel good.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“Yes. I trust you more.”
“Do you think we have a future together?”
“What do you mean future?”
“Well, stuff like having sex and hanging out.”
“I’m not sure I could have sex with you.”
“Why?”
“For one thing, I’m married. For another, there is no end of the road. It would be sex for sex’s sake.”
“What’s wrong with that arrangement?”
“I just need security too much I think. If I had sex with you, I would have to leave Mr. Worthe, and he and I have too much joint property to have that happen.”
“Do you have to tell him?”
“He would know.”
“How?”
“He is superb at picking up little signs. He might smell your aftershave or detect a change in me.”
“Sounds like you have gone through this before.”
“I have, and it wasn’t pretty.”
“Any chance of fooling him?”
“Not a chance.”
“Maybe we can think of a way.”
“I’m all ears.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible Kreative Kue #86 by Keith Channing

July 19, 2016July 18, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 45 Comments

Keith Channing has been passing us photo prompts for about a year. In his words “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – for reasons I have yet to fathom, pingbacks don’t seem to be working.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #86

“Martha get out of that drug store and come see this.”

“What is it?”

“See that girl over there?”

“Girl? Oh, you mean that young woman by the statue.”

“Yes, that’s the one.”

“So what about her?”

“I think I saw her touch the statue.”

“Well, that’s not against the law.”

“I know, but I believe she reached for his parts.”

“Parts? What the heck are you talking about?”

“You know his equipment.”

“How can you tell this happened?”

“I was minding my own business and happen to look over, and the statue started moving after the gi….er woman reached her hand up in front. I couldn’t see if she touched him but he started waving his hands.”

“Okay, that will be the last time we have wine with lunch. You know statues can’t move.”

“I’m telling you that one did. Come and look.”

“Oh my gosh. He doesn’t have any clothes on.”

“When is the last time you saw a statue with clothes. No more lunch wine for you either Martha.”

“My goodness he looks alive, and I think he should put his pants on.”

“Do you know how silly that sounds?”

“Why is that young woman laughing.”

“You tell me.”

“I feel like giggling myself.”

“Behave yourself.”

“Maybe one little touch.”

“Martha, you’re making a fool out of yourself. I’m going to get someone to find that statue some clothes.”

“Yes, Clarence you do that. Take your time darling. I’ll keep watch to make sure he doesn’t get away.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a High School Reunion – Replay

July 18, 2016July 17, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 34 Comments

As you may know, I have taken a temporary assignment in organized commerce. I have been entirely consumed in that task so if you will forgive me I’m running a Top Ten Things Not to Do from the past. Next week may not be so hectic, so I will get some new material together (I hope)

This one ran last year on July 16th. I hope you enjoy the replay.

This list is as a result of seeing some high school reunion photos and messages on some social media sites. I have never attended a high school reunion, so the information captured here has been matters of here say and recounting of others about their reunion.

Top Ten Thing Not to do at a High School Reunion

10 If you attend a high school reunion, do not pose for photos that you don’t know where they will end up. If you do at best, the photos will only be traded among classmates. At worst, they will end up on the “what the not to wear, eat, or drink” website.(Which will go viral and you’ll be getting calls from the Today show to appear on their segment called EXCESS)

9 If you attend a high school reunion, do not pretend to be what you are not. If you do, at best your little fib will be seen as a joke. At worst, your profile on the class newsletter will be featured under the title Most Successful Grad. (Which will be picked up by the news services and published by your newspaper)

8 If you attend a high school reunion, do not bring a date that you do not know simply because they are beautiful. If you do, at best your charade will be found out early with no consequences. At worst, your date will discover the actual reason you brought them and will make an exit and a scene remembered for the next five reunions. (Only you passing away will halt the story telling)

7 If you attend a high school reunion, do not rent an expensive car for your grand entrance. If you do, at best you will look overly anxious to impress and get the opposite reaction. At worst, the valet will take your rental car for a spin and inadvertently leave the side chrome on the street fleeing a hit and run accident. (Which you will easily be able to explain to the judge)

6 If you attend a high school reunion, do not try to hide the fact that you don’t remember everyone’s name. If you do, at best you will look like a fool trying to check name tags without being caught. At worst, you will call someone by a different name, and the name will be associated by that person to an old flame or rival. (You will have lots a bunch of points on that one)

5 If you attend a high school reunion, do not take this time to argue fine points about your grades with your old teachers. If you do, at best the teachers will wish they had flunked you. At worst, one of them may remember you failed to turn in that assignment in the eleventh grade that will require you to repeat the course and nullify your high school diploma. (Try explaining that to your boss)

4 If you attend a high school reunion, do not think your old flame wants to begin where you left off just by smiling at you. If you do, at best you will be embarrassed to learn they are happily married. At worst, you will be a little too forward thinking all is forgiven only to be arrested as you leave the building for assault. ( Gotta remember no means no)

3 If you attend a high school reunion, do not assume the free drinks at the bar carry no consequences. If you do, at best you may exhibit a little tipsiness that everyone will think is cute. At worst, you will have the honor and resulting infamy of passing out on top of the Congratulations Class cake. (The clothes you’re wearing belong to your roommate as well.)

2 If you go to a high school reunion, do not offer to be part of the planning committee for the next one. If you do, at best everyone will forget your offer. At worst, you will be appointed chairperson with all the rights and responsibilities to make the nest one the best ever. (You will also want to get a Xanax prescription)

1 If you go to a high school reunion, do not tell everyone you meet that “we must get together.” If you do at best, they will all wonder if you are having a breakdown. At worst, the ones you least want to see will stay in touch long enough to cop a free overnight on their way through your town. (Plus they have some kind of foot infection that requires you to burn your sheets when they leave)

Views of the Neighborhood

July 17, 2016July 16, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 44 Comments

The city of Port Aransas does not allow food trucks to operate within the city limits. If you want a good meal, snack or drink on the quick and you want high quality there are some excellent places to go.

Tropical Snow

Here is one of the famous places. It is called Tropical Sno and is in the parking lot of a liquor store. As you can see, it is kind of busy. Yes, those are people standing in line. There are two cute signs in the window that you can read in this photo.

Tropic Sno

“Here I am. What are your other two wishes?” and “Making Mouths weird colors.”

Another outlet is the Lemonade stand. Here is one run by some young folks. They make a mean Arnold Palmer. (Of course, they never heard of Arnold Palmer)

Lemonade stand

For some real down home cooking with a gourmet flair, you can’t beat John Shaw and his Hog Island Taco stand. Here is what he was cooking yesterday.

Menue

Sounds delicious and you can bet it is. John is a fabulous cook and puts out some satisfying, delicious food.

Here is a shot of the outside of John’s restaurant.

Hog Island Tacos

Inside was jam packed with folks waiting for their food. That’s Johh Shaw on the left doing the cooking.

John Shaw

When any of us get the craving for fresh shrimp, we go to the dock and check out when the next load of shrimp is do to arrive.

Shrimp sign

It looks like when you are reading this blog, I should be down standing in line for $5.00 a pound jumbo shrimp.

Here is the boat that brings it all in. The Polly Anna.

Shrimp boat

Well, that’s the View for this week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “If/Then”

July 16, 2016July 15, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

If you don’t know, it is Saturday Stream of Consciousness time again. This week’s prompt is “If/Then.” Linda Hill also is allowing bonus points for beginning the post with “If” and ending the post with “Then.” If you would like to participate here is the link to check out. https://lindaghill.com/2016/07/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-1616/

“If I told you that I love you what would you do?”

“If you said that, I’d wonder what you’re up to.”

“Aw come on. You know I like you.”

“Like is one thing. Love is another.”

“Okay, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself.”

“So what thoughts do you have.”

“I think I will keep them to myself.”

“Oh, pouting are we?”

“No. I just don’t want you to get spooked.”

“I don’t spook easily.”

“Let’s just say I want you to know I care for you.”

“That is so sweet.”