Ten Things Not to Do at an ART Show

The inspiration for this list is some art shows going on here in South Texas. I can’t say I have done any of these things but have certainly witnessed some of them. I hope you enjoy.

Art show.

Ten Things Not to Do at an Art Show

10 If you are attending an art show, do not touch any of the art. If you do, at best you’ll be reprimanded by the artist. At worst, that blotch of tomato sauce from your stromboli which now sits on the piece of art marks it as yours. (You always wanted to own a painting with the obsessive/compulsive title “My Evil Obsession.” didn’t you Slick.)

9 If you are attending an art show, do not ask the artist if they give a discount. If you do, at best you will have to listen to a monologue about the value of hand-crafted art. At worst, you will be called certain names which you probably haven’t been called before. (That peyote sure gets those artist folks fired up doesn’t it?)

8 If you are attending an art show, do not sit in a chair that is clearly a work of art. If you do, at best you will be asked kindly to get up. At worst, you might face Tiny, the WWF ex-champ who is also a very close friend of the artist. (That crack you just heard better be a bone and not the chair.)

7 If you are attending an art show, do not interact with an exhibit that has a sign “Look but don’t touch.” If you do, at best nothing will break, and you’ll make a clean getaway. At worst, although fun the cost of that broken piece will keep you on peanut butter sandwiches for months. (Who ever heard of a wind-up toy that doesn’t wind up?)

6 If you are attending an art show, do not let your kids run helter skelter through the exhibits. If you do, at best the organizer will return them to you with a stern warning. At worst, your youngest will come screaming to you with a ransom note demanding payment before the release of the others. (A bit costly for a few minutes entertainment. Wouldn’t you say?)

5 If you are attending an art show, do not pick up objects to see how they feel. If you do, at best you’ll be lucky and not drop one. At worst, that eagle feather that looked so light will turn out to be made of concrete that unfortunately broke in two as it took out the mirror covered table. (A two-finger lift was not the best way.)

4 If you are attending an art show, do not try to impress the artist if you know nothing about art. If you do, at best you will confirm you know nothing. At worst, the artist will kindly listen and then call upon the local shaman to strike you mute. (Was fun listening to yourself talk until you couldn’t any more right?)

3 If you are attending an art show, do not eat anything while touring the booths. If you do, at best most of the artists will warn you away. At worst, you could be the proud owner of an unusual weaving kissed with Philly Cheesesteak juice. (Wasn’t your fist choice was it?)

2 If you are attending an art show, do not try to barter your books for a piece of art of your choice. If you do, at best the artist will say they have already read your book. At worst, the artist will flip through your book and hand it back. (You didn’t need to hear that they don’t ever read your genre.)

1 If you are attending an art show, do not think your purchase has a money back guarantee. If you do, at best you will be embarrassed when you try to bring it back. At worst, the artist will be insulted that you didn’t want to keep the precious item. (That lawyer they hired just won’t go away darn it.)

 

20 comments

  1. #10 Reminded me of the statue from last week. So I’m already giggling.
    Have a marvelous Monday, John. Mega hugs.

    1. Yes. Number ten is like that, Teagan. Glad you could giggle. Magnificent Monday wish to you.

  2. #8 reminds me of those articles and pictures about trash or random items being left in a gallery. People stop to look at them as if they’re exhibits. Guess it’s all in the presentation when it comes to art.

    1. Ha ha ha. I can imagine someone looking at a half filled glass of wine as an installation.

      1. It is a statement on optimism and pessimism. At least until the owner comes back from the bathroom and finishes it.

      2. Ha ha ha. Good one.

  3. Another great list John – Having raised a daughter who graduated with a BFA, I’m familiar with art shows and many of these items, John. From the other side of the equation, the having an art show side, I’d offer “don’t agree to buy all the alcohol and get reimbursed by the other artists / their parents” you didn’t need that money, did you 🙂

    1. Ha ha ha. That’s like buying lunch at a horse show. The money never changes hands. Thanks, Dan

  4. Interesting how many art shows will have wine and cheese receptions given, as your lists suggests, how easy it would be for people to muck it up 😉 Good one, John! Happy Monday!

    1. Thanks, Marie. 😀

  5. A concrete feather sounds pretty artsy – but why make it if people aren’t allowed to get the full experience for themselves? 😛

    1. Ask the artist. You have to be there I guess.

  6. “If you are attending an art show, do not ask the artist if they give a discount.” You mean I can’t use my AARP card? Great job, John!

    1. You can but they will think it is a forgery. 🙂

  7. Nicely done, John. I’m not an avid art show attendee, but even I know #2 isn’t the accepted form of behavior (though, gee, you’d think bartering would fly, huh??!)

    1. Yeah, especially when one has a lot of books hanging around.

  8. Book bartering seems like a good idea…from one artist to another!

  9. Hi. How are you? Thank you for registering to participate in the Cherished Blogfest 2016. I look forward to reading your post.

  10. This is why I’m glad I’m white trash…

    1. Ha ha ha.You kill me.

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