As you may know, I have taken a temporary assignment in organized commerce. I have been entirely consumed in that task so if you will forgive me I’m running a Top Ten Things Not to Do from the past. Next week may not be so hectic, so I will get some new material together (I hope)
This one ran last year on July 16th. I hope you enjoy the replay.
This list is as a result of seeing some high school reunion photos and messages on some social media sites. I have never attended a high school reunion, so the information captured here has been matters of here say and recounting of others about their reunion.
Top Ten Thing Not to do at a High School Reunion
10 If you attend a high school reunion, do not pose for photos that you don’t know where they will end up. If you do at best, the photos will only be traded among classmates. At worst, they will end up on the “what the not to wear, eat, or drink” website.(Which will go viral and you’ll be getting calls from the Today show to appear on their segment called EXCESS)
9 If you attend a high school reunion, do not pretend to be what you are not. If you do, at best your little fib will be seen as a joke. At worst, your profile on the class newsletter will be featured under the title Most Successful Grad. (Which will be picked up by the news services and published by your newspaper)
8 If you attend a high school reunion, do not bring a date that you do not know simply because they are beautiful. If you do, at best your charade will be found out early with no consequences. At worst, your date will discover the actual reason you brought them and will make an exit and a scene remembered for the next five reunions. (Only you passing away will halt the story telling)
7 If you attend a high school reunion, do not rent an expensive car for your grand entrance. If you do, at best you will look overly anxious to impress and get the opposite reaction. At worst, the valet will take your rental car for a spin and inadvertently leave the side chrome on the street fleeing a hit and run accident. (Which you will easily be able to explain to the judge)
6 If you attend a high school reunion, do not try to hide the fact that you don’t remember everyone’s name. If you do, at best you will look like a fool trying to check name tags without being caught. At worst, you will call someone by a different name, and the name will be associated by that person to an old flame or rival. (You will have lots a bunch of points on that one)
5 If you attend a high school reunion, do not take this time to argue fine points about your grades with your old teachers. If you do, at best the teachers will wish they had flunked you. At worst, one of them may remember you failed to turn in that assignment in the eleventh grade that will require you to repeat the course and nullify your high school diploma. (Try explaining that to your boss)
4 If you attend a high school reunion, do not think your old flame wants to begin where you left off just by smiling at you. If you do, at best you will be embarrassed to learn they are happily married. At worst, you will be a little too forward thinking all is forgiven only to be arrested as you leave the building for assault. ( Gotta remember no means no)
3 If you attend a high school reunion, do not assume the free drinks at the bar carry no consequences. If you do, at best you may exhibit a little tipsiness that everyone will think is cute. At worst, you will have the honor and resulting infamy of passing out on top of the Congratulations Class cake. (The clothes you’re wearing belong to your roommate as well.)
2 If you go to a high school reunion, do not offer to be part of the planning committee for the next one. If you do, at best everyone will forget your offer. At worst, you will be appointed chairperson with all the rights and responsibilities to make the nest one the best ever. (You will also want to get a Xanax prescription)
1 If you go to a high school reunion, do not tell everyone you meet that “we must get together.” If you do at best, they will all wonder if you are having a breakdown. At worst, the ones you least want to see will stay in touch long enough to cop a free overnight on their way through your town. (Plus they have some kind of foot infection that requires you to burn your sheets when they leave)