Top Ten Things Not to Do at a High School Reunion – Replay

As you may know, I have taken a temporary assignment in organized commerce. I have been entirely consumed in that task so if you will forgive me I’m running a Top Ten Things Not to Do from the past. Next week may not be so hectic, so I will get some new material together (I hope)

This one ran last year on July 16th. I hope you enjoy the replay.

High School Reunion
This list is as a result of seeing some high school reunion photos and messages on some social media sites. I have never attended a high school reunion, so the information captured here has been matters of here say and recounting of others about their reunion.

Top Ten Thing Not to do at a High School Reunion

10 If you attend a high school reunion, do not pose for photos that you don’t know where they will end up. If you do at best, the photos will only be traded among classmates. At worst, they will end up on the “what the not to wear, eat, or drink” website.(Which will go viral and you’ll be getting calls from the Today show to appear on their segment called EXCESS)

9 If you attend a high school reunion, do not pretend to be what you are not. If you do, at best your little fib will be seen as a joke. At worst, your profile on the class newsletter will be featured under the title Most Successful Grad. (Which will be picked up by the news services and published by your newspaper)

8 If you attend a high school reunion, do not bring a date that you do not know simply because they are beautiful. If you do, at best your charade will be found out early with no consequences. At worst, your date will discover the actual reason you brought them and will make an exit and a scene remembered for the next five reunions. (Only you passing away will halt the story telling)

7 If you attend a high school reunion, do not rent an expensive car for your grand entrance. If you do, at best you will look overly anxious to impress and get the opposite reaction. At worst, the valet will take your rental car for a spin and inadvertently leave the side chrome on the street fleeing a hit and run accident. (Which you will easily be able to explain to the judge)

6 If you attend a high school reunion, do not try to hide the fact that you don’t remember everyone’s name. If you do, at best you will look like a fool trying to check name tags without being caught. At worst, you will call someone by a different name, and the name will be associated by that person to an old flame or rival. (You will have lots a bunch of points on that one)

5 If you attend a high school reunion, do not take this time to argue fine points about your grades with your old teachers. If you do, at best the teachers will wish they had flunked you. At worst, one of them may remember you failed to turn in that assignment in the eleventh grade that will require you to repeat the course and nullify your high school diploma. (Try explaining that to your boss)

4 If you attend a high school reunion, do not think your old flame wants to begin where you left off just by smiling at you. If you do, at best you will be embarrassed to learn they are happily married. At worst, you will be a little too forward thinking all is forgiven only to be arrested as you leave the building for assault. ( Gotta remember no means no)

3 If you attend a high school reunion, do not assume the free drinks at the bar carry no consequences. If you do, at best you may exhibit a little tipsiness that everyone will think is cute. At worst, you will have the honor and resulting infamy of passing out on top of the Congratulations Class cake. (The clothes you’re wearing belong to your roommate as well.)

2 If you go to a high school reunion, do not offer to be part of the planning committee for the next one. If you do, at best everyone will forget your offer. At worst, you will be appointed chairperson with all the rights and responsibilities to make the nest one the best ever. (You will also want to get a Xanax prescription)

1 If you go to a high school reunion, do not tell everyone you meet that “we must get together.” If you do at best, they will all wonder if you are having a breakdown. At worst, the ones you least want to see will stay in touch long enough to cop a free overnight on their way through your town. (Plus they have some kind of foot infection that requires you to burn your sheets when they leave)

34 comments

  1. I went to the old post to be a smart ass and repeat my comment. It wasn’t worth it, so a new one:

    I wonder how many people are guilty of #9. They just go to a reunion and flat out line about what they’re doing in their lives. This may have been somewhat effective long ago, but social media would negate it today. Weird what some people think and do when an event like this turns up.

    1. Olivia Stocum · ·

      Yeah, seriously. I caught some people doing that at a writers’ conference (back when I used to go to those). One was like, “I’ve written 60 books, I just haven’t gotten around to publishing them.” 60? Seriously. I mean, make it a good lie. Make it believable at least.

      1. Guess it would depend on their age and what they define as books. I know some people who will write a 100 page book and toss it aside without editing. Though 60 is definitely pushing it.

      2. Olivia Stocum · ·

        Turns out this person hadn’t finished any of them. They were mostly ten pages long.

      3. Ah, one of those authors. Never sure what to think about that. Awesome that they have so many ideas. Kind of confusing that they leave all of them unfinished.

      4. It takes guts to finish a book and put it out there.

      5. OMG. Glad that’s not you or me. 🙂

      6. Olivia Stocum · ·

        Same here!

      7. Ha ha ha. Thanks, Olivia.

    2. Yes it is. Thanks, Charles. 🙂

  2. LOL! Those are even better than “Romy and Michelle’s high school reunion” (full movie on youtube)… Have a marvelous Monday, John. Mega hugs

    1. Magnificent Monday to you. Teagan. 🙂

  3. Just as funny the second time around, John! Have a great day!

    1. Thanks, Jill. 🙂

    1. Thank you, Kim 🙂

      1. My pleasure!

  4. #6 caught me! I have one coming up in September so the tips are timely! Have fun, John!

    1. Good Jo. Glad to be of help. 🙂

  5. It’s worth the replay for #1 alone. So important, John.

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks, Dan

  6. I passed on our last reunion (and might pass on the next one!). I’m one of those who didn’t particularly enjoy high school and could hardly wait to go off to college. Some of these ten things are the reasons why. Well done, John, and I see you’re juggling multiple assignments with ease!

    1. Thanks Debbie. I could use a couple more hours in the day. 🙂

  7. I could be attending my reunion this fall … and this lists is quite helpful. … good luck on your temporary assignment.

    1. Thanks Frank. Sorry I haven’t been around much. Will be back soon

      1. Ow. Yes sir boss.

  8. I was going to go to a school reunion a couple of years back, but it was postponed due to lack of interest.
    Which was a shame, because I’d registered to go as Dale Cooper and had been chatting to various other ex-students (exchanging memories that they we obviously shared) none of whom could quite place me from the old days.

    This sort of thing amuses me.

    1. Ha ha ha. I would have loved to follow behind to listen to the side chat. Like “That guy looks like Guy sort of but he says he is Dale.”

      1. I would have gone in disguise and made a lot of very disparaging remarks about “that Guy bloke, what an idiot, I always hated him…” I even had an outfit picked out.

      2. All this to expose the shallow? You know they are there anyway. Would have been fun.

      3. Oh no, not for any reason but my own twisted entertainment. There wouldn’t be anyone there whose opinion I’d give a toss about anyway.

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