Tuesday – Anything Possible – Creative Kue #68

March 15, 2016September 15, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 43 Comments

As most of you know, I enjoy prompts from Keith Channing. Here is what he says, “Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t seem to be working, and I haven’t yet figured out why.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

Here is the photo.

“Oh, my gosh Helen.”

“What Seal?”

“did you see those things that those performers threw up in the air?”

“No what are they?”

“I’m not sure, but one is crawling around in my hair.”

“EW. Get it out.”

“I can’t. The bugger runs to the other side of my head.”

“Hey you performers.”

“Yes, Ma’am. What is it?”

“What did you just throw into the air?”

“You mean the confetti?”

“No not confetti. There are some things moving in my girlfriend’s hair.’

“Let me see. Oh, those. Don’t worry. Besides, we didn’t throw them.”

“What do you mean ‘don’t worry?’ They are moving for heaven’s sake. What are they?”

“We call them Nee Nahs.”

“Nee Nahs? Do they have another name.”

“Hmm. Let me see. I think they are called crab lice in your country.”

Top Ten Things Not to do on Spring Break

March 14, 2016March 14, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 33 Comments

spring-break-3

This list is inspired by watching almost every weird occurrence that can transpire in a two-week spring break period. I did a previous post on the subject but decided to take it from the sane adult perspective. After all for every drunken idiot spring breaker antic, there is an equally sober witness to that action. (It’s called the law of disgust) This list is for those innocent souls who happen to be living in a place that is a destination for spring breakers.

Ten Things Not to Do During Spring Break

10 If you live in a spring break area, do not react to a group of spring breakers in a pick-up who ask you to pull up your shirt. If you do, at best you might get a string of beads. At worst, you may cause the group irreparable psychological harm. (They were talking to the young woman behind you. Not you old man.)

9 If you live in a spring break area, do not try to cross the street. If you do, at best you will become a laughable imitation of the game Frogger. At worst, you may end up on the hood of a pick-up and realize the driver is too drunk to see that far. (You won’t mind riding there for the next ten miles right?)

8 If you live in a spring break area, do not think you will be able to drive downtown to the store. If you do, at best what was a five-minute round trip will be a three-hour tour. At worst, you will never get to the store and will, in fact, be carried by the traffic to the next county. (The city tried to warn you about traffic flow)

7 If you live in a spring break area, do not think you can go to the beach. If you do, at best you will not find a place. At worst, you will be caught up in a game of beer pong and never make it home. (So it was the only way you could find a place you say?)

6 If you live in a spring break area, do not take any insults personally. If you do, at best you will be the source of much laughter. At worst, you will need transport to the ER for heart attack symptoms. (Guess which EMS vehicle can’t get through the crowds?)

5 If you live in a spring break area, do not worry about the ten tons of trash laying on the beach. If you do, at best you will want to do something to the next person you see toss a beer can. At worst, the next person you see toss a bear can is nicknamed “killer.” (This will not turn out well will it?)

4 If you live in a spring break area, do not try to help a person who appears lost and disoriented. If you do, at best they will not understand you. At worst, you could be the recipient of a barf shower. (Of course, you wanted to help. You can’t help stupid)

3 If you live in a spring break area, do not try to do anything about all the noise coming from your neighbor’s house. If you do, at best your neighbor will tell you where to go. At worst, the noise will increase since your neighbor is someone who doesn’t like being told what to do.(He is especially stubborn after twelve beers. Just ask his wife.)

2 If you live in a spring break area, do not use any sharp knives or dangerous tools for the duration. If you do, at best you won’t need emergency attention. At worst, you will need to know first aid since it will be about two days until someone can come help you. (The police and medical teams are dealing with big problems like passed out underage drinkers.)

1 If you live in a spring break area, do not leave your doors unlocked. If you do, at best you may wake up with unknown guests on your couch. At worst, all your furniture could be on the front lawn. (Just because a bunch of kids thought it would be funny)

Sunday – Fifty-Two Views of the Gulf

March 13, 2016March 12, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 36 Comments

Beautiful day here on the island. Had to maneuver around to avoid spring breakers in the picture. Nothing like a bunch of half dressed teens asking me to take off my shirt for some beads to ruin an image.

I thought I would post one of the last photos of the crossover. I took it from the beach side and it gives you an idea of the scope of the thing. The debris around the base of the structure is what the high tides brought in. That black thing sticking up in the air is a sign warning trespassers that our area is mined and patrolled by black ops mercenaries. (just kidding). It does inform the lost that this is private property

That little mound on the left is the piece of the dune that the pictures previous to the walk over would show. I now take the Gulf picture from the platform to the left of the sign.

Last week’s photo

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Ball”

March 12, 2016March 11, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 34 Comments

Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This week’s prompt is “Ball.” Linda Hills says “go have fun with it.” If you would like to join in the fun, go to Linda’s site and get briefed on how to do it. http://lindaghill.com/2016/03/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-1216/

Here is my interpretation.

“Have a ball. That’s what she said?”

“Well, not exactly. She said Have fun.”

“So we should have fun but keep it under control?”

“I don’t know how you got there. Have a ball. Have fun. It’s all the same to me.”

“That is because you are pretty sloppy with your word use.”

“Sloppy? How do you figure.”

“Just take the last example. You use fun and ball as if they represent the same level of enjoyment.”

“Yeah so?”

“So? When I say ‘have a ball’ the word ball congers up music, dancing outrageous behavior.

“Maybe to you. I’ve never been to a ball, so I don’t know what goes on there. Is it fun?”

“Sure it’s fun, but that is only half of it.”

“What half?”

“A small subset of the entire experience.”

“So when I say ‘have fun’ it is only half of when I say ‘have a ball.’

“Now you’ve got it.”

“Okay tell me. After the fun part, what goes on.”

“I don’t mean to say there is a part. ‘Fun’ just doesn’t cover everything.’

“Like what?”

“Dancing close to a beautiful woman.”

“I’ve done that, and I call it fun.”

“Just fun?”

Hmmm, I think I’m getting what you are saying.”

“Good man. Then there is the music, and everyone all dressed up.”

“Okay, okay. I get it. Never been but I’ve seen movies. So Linda made up the prompt ‘ball’ but only wanted us to have fun and not a ball.”

“Looks that way.”

“I need to talk to her.”

“You go boy.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

March 11, 2016March 10, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 37 Comments

Excited-about-Friday

Friday again. YAY. This has been a week of taxes. Ugh, spit. It seems every year they become more complex and take more time to complete. Oh, I know what you are saying. “You do your own taxes?” Yes, I do. I have been doing them for thirty years and before that, I had a tax guy for four years. Before that, I did my taxes for 21 years. The tax guy (Big Eight firm) was a requirement by the company I worked for so there would be no conflict between personal and business. The Big Eight guy would drive me up the wall since I never seemed to have the right documentation in the right place at the right time. I spent so much time chasing requests for things that once my tour was over with the company I vowed to go back and do my own. After all, I am a business school graduate with a concentration in finance. What could be so hard? Also, I have my friends at Turbo Tax to help me out. So there you are. The tax law changes have done little but add more paperwork which I just love. (don’t believe it). My John Ku today discusses the frustration of missing things at tax time. I hope you like it.

All systems ready,

Burning the midnight candle. . .

Can’t find the W2.

Thursday – A Little Personal

March 10, 2016March 9, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments

So here it is Thursday and I usually post something about my book or maybe a picture of something. Today is raining and overcast so the picture idea is not a good one. Of course, the Birds of Paradise are blooming nicely. Hold on I’ll be right back. I’m going to see if they are picture worthy. I’m back. Well, they have some soggy and spent blooms but here they are.

I also took a photo of our Norfolk pines which are in the front yard to the right side.

They are definitely getting big. The last photo is of a bush that behaves like a rhododendron but is for sure something else. The blooms are just starting to pop and they have a sweet smell. Here is a shot of the blooms. We don’t know the name. Maybe you can help.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

March 9, 2016March 8, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 29 Comments

college 3-9

Wednesday Story Day again. Last week we left Mrs. Worthe waiting for Ben to come out of x-ray. She warned him to keep his mouth shut and delivered a subtle threat if he didn’t. So let’s go back to the hospital.
“How long will this take?”
“Not long may man. I just have to get a shot of your foot, and we’ll be done.”
“Has Mrs. Worthe given you any money?”
“Huh. What’s that you saying?”
“I just wanted to know if Mrs. Worthe gave you any money.”
“Money? Money for what?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe to tell her if I say anything about her.”
“How do I get in on this money? Who do I have to kill?”
“Yeah, that’s kind of funny. I’m serious. Did she?”
“Hell no. No one has offered me money for anything. Now hold still and don’t move that foot.”
“So she—”
“Quiet, please. No talking. I need you to take a breath and hold it. Good. Breathe.”
“So she never asked a favor of you?’
“No, she didn’t. We are done. I’ll take you back now.”
“Wait. I need to tell you something, and you need to promise you will call the police after I tell you.”
“Now wait a minute bud. I don’t want to get involved in any shit. You hear me?”
“I hear you, but all you have to do is call the police when you drop me off back at the ER.”
“I don’t need to do anything else?”
“No just call the cops. Tell them you think one of the patients is a criminal. That’s all.”
“I guess I could so that. What do you need to tell me?“
“Please promise me.”
“Okay guy, I promise.”
“I’m part of a group who is going to blow up the Student Union at the University”
“Oh is that all? I wanted to do the same thing myself.”
“You don’t understand. This is a major terrorist group and Mrs. Worthe is the leader.”
“Okay guy you rest now. I’m going to roll you back to the ER.”
“I’m serious. How do you think I got this wound?”
“I heard the doc say you shot yourself.”
“Okay but doesn’t that sound serious.”
“Sure does. Now you relax. I’m sure the nurse can give you something. I have felt like you after a hard night. Take it easy bud. I’ll be right back.”
“You have got to believe me.’
“Oh I do my man. Here give me your arm.”
“What are you doing.’
“This is for your own protection. Orderly get that other arm.’
“Wait don’t do this. Help me.”
“Strap him down good. I think he might get violent.”
“People are going to die.”
“Whew he is getting out of control. Call the doc stat.”
“Please?”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Creative Kue #67 by Keith Channing

March 8, 2016March 7, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 39 Comments

Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t seem to be working, and I haven’t yet figured out why.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or website, next Monday.

Here is the photo.

Kreative Kue #67

“So tell me again what the mechanic said.”

“Why? I’ve told you ten times.”

“I just can’t believe he would give you that advice.”

“Why not. He’s the mechanic.”

“I know but it seems a little dumb to me is all.’

“Dumb? What do you mean dumb?”

“I have never heard of such a thing is all I’M saying.”

“Well, maybe there are new procedures for roadside repairs.”

“I can’t believe roadside repairs have changed over the years. You come out, try to fix the problem and then if you can’t you tow the vehicle into the shop.”

“Yeah so don’t forget we are in a strange part of the country. These people probably have their ways of doing things.”

“Tell me again what the mechanic said to you. mary and I were over at the field looking at the beautiful flowers and didn’t hear anything.”

“Fine. This is the last time, though.”

“Okay, just tell me.”

“The mechanic came out here. He looked at the motor.”

“Yes?”

“He said we needed a repair that could only be done at the shop.”

“So far sounds normal.”

“He then backed his wrecker up to the car.”

“Yeah we saw that.”

“He then pulled out the motor and said he would be back shortly.”

“And you let him do this?”

“I had no choice the motor was out and hanging from his wrecker.”

“When did he say he would be back?”

“Shortly.”

“It’s been four hours.”

“Well maybe shortly means something else here.”

“Call him.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t? Why not?”

“My phone is in the wrecker.”

“Damnation.”

“Yup.”

Top Ten Things Not to Say to Your Household Staff

March 7, 2016March 6, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

milionaire

This list was inspired by taking a moment to walk in the shoes of the one thousand or so Billionaires in this world. I wanted to imagine how hard it would be to stay on the good side of the household staff dedicated to serving the billionaire day in and day out. So come with me on this fictional walk among the privileged.

Ten Things Not to Say to Your Household Staff

10 Do not ask your chauffeur to wash the car. If you do, at best you’ll get a look that can’t be explained. At worst, you will be treated to a ride through the car wash while you are supposed to be headed for the airport. (Your chauffeur never left the front seat either)

9 Do not ask your butler to empty a wastebasket. If you do, at best the basket will be there untouched. At worst, you will find the basket contents under your clothes that have been laid out for the day. (That lint is a killer isn’t it?)

8 Do not ask the chambermaid to get a cup of coffee. If you do, at best you will have a very grumpy butler on your hands. At worst the chambermaid may bring you a cup of coffee that is only 99% spit-free. (One would hope you knew the duty roster better )

7 Do not ask the cabana person to pick some leaves out of the spa. If you do, at best he will report you to the pool man. At worst, he will pick the leaves out, and the pool man will threaten him to the point where he is forced to leave. (This was the best cabana person of the last five who quit after picking out some leaves)

6 Do not ask the yard man to sweep the garage. If you do, at best the yard man will tell the garage man that the garage needs cleaning. At worst, the yard man will sweep out the garage along with the ten irreplaceable bolts required to hold your Rolls Royce transmission in place. (Don’t worry the replacement bolts can be sent from the UK at the cost of $1000.00 each.)

5 Do not ask the chef to run out and pick up a few things at the store. If you do, at best they will get someone else to do it. At worst, you will still be perplexed why tonight’s dinner is Kraft Macaroni and cheese. (There is nothing wrong with a sample of proletariat cuisine even though your guest is the German ambassador.Right?)

4 Do not tell the House administrator that you think there is too much spending on household items. If you do, at best the spending will increase. At worst, you will need to get used to lower winter and higher summer temperatures in the house as well as hot dogs twice a week. (How do you feel about a foot high lawn)

3 Do not mention to your pilot that you thought the last landing was a bit rough. If you do, at best she will try a softer one next time. At worst you might be treated to what’s called a touch and go landing with several touches. (You never knew this plane could bounce that high did you?)

2 Do not tell your yacht captain how to get from here to there. If you do, at best he will avoid heavy seas even though they are on your route. At worst, you will spend several agonizing hours wondering if you will survive the storm that was right in the way. (You never knew how much the body could send back till now did you?)

1 Do not tell your personal trainer how to train you. If you do, at best your workout will be something short of worthless. At worst, you will be hurting in all the wrong places at all the wrong times. (Pretty tough picking up that pen heh?)