Tag: His Revenge

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

Funny college

 

Wednesday Story Day time again. Last week we left Trudy and Ben in an icky situation where Ben is trying to convince her he is sincere about his passion and Trudy is doubting every word. Although I would rather open a beer and sit in the sun, I’m afraid I’ll have to go back and see what’s going on. You can stay here with your feet up. Oh, yes, help yourself to something in the cooler. I won’t be too long, after all, I can only hold my nose and breath so long. Are you coming with me? Well, don’t say you haven’t been warned. Here put some of this Vick’s Vap-O-Rub under your nose. It will help.
“I’m not getting into that bed with you. I know what you are up to Benjamin.”
“So tell me, Trudy. What am I up to now?”
“You want to get me to relax and then start spilling the beans about our operations.”
“That is ridiculous. Who told you that lie?”
“I believe it is true, and no one said anything. I figured it out on my own. Why else would a young man like yourself want to bed an older woman.”
“Cause you’re sexy?”
“Come off that crap. You want something, and I demand to know what it is.”
“Trudy you have me all wrong. Here come under the covers and I’ll show you.”
“Put those covers down. I don’t need to be bothered with likes of you.”
“Now where did that come from? I’ve been nothing but kind to you.”
“Yeah, and that’s what bothers me.”
“Trudy please trust me. I only want what is best for you.”
“Okay prove it.”
“How?”
“Get out of that bed. Get dressed. Meet me in the kitchen.”
“Kitchen? You’re not going to pull a knife are you.”
“Trust me if I wanted to pull a knife I would already have one, and your thumb would be in the wastebasket.”
“Lovely thought.”
“I’m leaving. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Well, you are acting like a school marm.”
“Just do it. See you there.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible Kreative Kue #88 By Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 37 Comments

Another photo prompt from Keith Channing. In his words, he can explain. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – for reasons I have yet to fathom, pingbacks don’t seem to be working.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

Here is the photo.

Kreative Kue #88

The Catch by John W. Howell ©2016

“So when you set the trap didn’t you wonder that it was a little big?”

“I didn’t think about it at the time. I was worried that I would get caught in it myself.”

“How on earth did you get those trap jaws separated and set?”

“That was tricky. I had to get a tree limb and leverage the jaws open. I then jumped for my life hoping the trigger would hold.”

“Who put you up to this anyway?”

“Old Trapper John. He sold me the trap and told me I would be in National Geographic and get a reward if I caught the thing.”

“How did you get the trap into the woods. It weighs a ton.”

“Old John has a tractor, and he hauled it in for me.”

“Why didn’t you call anyone for help?”

“What? If I did that, I would have to split the reward.”

“How about now? You’ve got us all hauling this thing out of the woods. You didn’t think twice about asking for help after the trap was sprung.”

“Well I figured since there would be no reward Y’all would take pity on me and help.”

“You know we are all right here. Why tell us to our face that we are fools?”

“I didn’t mean that. I’m very grateful for the help.”

“Why no reward?”

“I didn’t trap the right thing.”

“Well, this is big and heavy enough to be the right thing. What’s the problem.”

“Take a look. What you are hauling isn’t an animal it’s a hot air balloon. The damn balloon came down right on my trap.”

“What happened to the occupants?”

“They all scattered, and that’s why I called you guys.”

“If this isn’t an animal why do you have to haul it out of the woods?”

“Cause the pilot said he would beat my butt if I didn’t.”

“Hmmm. The pilot definitely has an idea.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a GYM (or Workout Club)

~ John W. Howell ~ 40 Comments

 

Workout Meme

Having been a member of a gym for some years, I managed to observe some annoying habits of other attendees. Since I no longer have access to a fitness facility I want to dedicate this blog to y’all. (you know who you are)

10 If you are working out, do not leave the equipment covered in sweat. If you do, at best you’ll earn the club gross-out award. At worst, you might have a discussion with Tiny the club rules enforcer. (Tiny tends to talk with his fists, and you could be looking at an incoming knuckle sandwich.)

9 If you are working out, do not do your stretches in a way that blocks others use of a machine. If you do, at best you may find yourself blocked at some point. At worst, a brave soul may only knock you out of the way and use the machine. (You would argue but it looks like they outweigh you by 100 pounds and they are wearing a WWF champion belt)

8 If you are working out, do not wear week-old workout clothes. If you do, at best you’ll have plenty of workout space to yourself. At worst, the membership will take up a collection and present you with the “Sponsor a homeless person”  check for twenty-five dollars. (Pretty embarrassing getting into your BMW after the ceremony isn’t it.)

7 If you are working out, do not drop the bar of weights on the floor. If you do, at best the population will take cover thinking an earthquake is in progress. At worst, you happen to hit the floor weak spot, and you and the bar of weights wake up in the basement. (You have to wonder why no one seems to care that you are missing.)

6 If you are working out, do not sing along to the music in your earbuds. If you do, at best the rest of the club will think you’ve lost your mind. At worst, Someone will call 911 thinking you are in excruciating pain and are in the throes of a heart attack. (You might as well go with the EMT’s since they are trained to subdue crazies who resist.)

5 If you are working out, don’t brag about your weight loss. If you do, at best those who might have considered being a friend are long gone. At worst, you will brag to the wrong person who has a medical condition coupled with a psychotic episodes triggered by the word “loss.” (Running fast was never your strong suit was it?)

4 If you are working out, do not flirt with the instructor. If you do, at best the instructor will do their best to stay away from you. At worst, the instructor will think you may be the love of their life. (Only now do you find out the instructor is on a work release program after an episode with a former student.)

3 If you are working out, do not try to hoard as many clean towels as you can fit in your locker. If you do, at best others will know and treat you like a thief. At worst, security will pay you a visit just as you open your towel stuffed locker. (Talking fast doesn’t seem to help does it?)

2 If you are working out, do not make grunting noises as you do your reps. If you do, at best the room will think you’re obsessed. At worst the management will send Tiny to discuss proper decorum in the gym. (Seems a lot of folks thought your grunts were a little too personal.)

1 If you are working out, do not make a habit of filling up more than one water bottle at the fountain. If you do, at best the long line will consist of those who have come to hate you. At worst, the tall guy behind you will cease to be able to control his desire to act on an urge to drown you in the very same fountain. (Wow! “Where did that come from?” You ask.)

Views of the Neighborhood

~ John W. Howell ~ 39 Comments

Another big oil drilling rig has come to Port Aransas on Thursday for refitting.

Big Rig

This platform is the Noble Jim Day, and it has moved from the Gulf of Mexico to its mooring on Harbor Island in Port Aransas. The Nobel Jim Day is owned by the Nobel Corporation with offices in London and Sugarland, Texas. The unit is a semi-submersible and capable of operating in 12,000 feet of water and can drill to 37,000 feet. She was built in 1999 and retrofitted in 2010. She was primarily deployed in North America.

You can see in the background another rig The West Sirus that was parked back in July of 2015. This shot shows how the tug boats push and pull the deepwater drilling rig into place.

big rig

This photo is a shot of the rig nearing Harbor Island. It is now blocking the other apparatus from view. While the platform passed through the channel, all ferry-boat activity was halted.

big rig

Once the platform moved by the ferry-boat landing, the boats began running. You can see the long white ferries in the foreground beginning their crossing.

This photo shows the emergence of Harbor Island to the right as the big rig gets closer. Also, the ferries take on a frenzied appearance.

Big rig

The final shot shows the big rig in its new home.

Big rig

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “ART”

~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

Stream Of Consciousness Saturday

It is Stream of Consciousness time again. This week’s prompt is “Art.” Linda Hill says we can use the word as it is or as a name. She also say’s we don’t have to draw. That is a big load off my mind since drawing is something I don’t do. If you would like to participate here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2016/07/29/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-3016/

Art by John W. Howell © 2016

“Art?”

“Yes, my man. What cam I do for you?”

“Huh? I was just wondering if this mess on canvas was art.”

“Oh, I thought you were asking me a question.”

“I don’t know you. My name’s Art.”

“Can you believe it. My name’s Art too.”

“Go on. What’s the chance of that?”

“Now what were you saying about the mess on canvas?”

“Well, I was wondering if these blobs of paint could be considered art.”

“I think we should ask the artist?”

“Do you know who did this atrocity?”

“I know the artist, yes.”

“Well, maybe we could ask if they consider this art.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, we should ask?”

“No yes. It is art.”

“How do you know?”

“I’m Art, the artist.”

“Oops. I didn’t mean this mess was a mess.”

“No? What did you mean?”

“I guess I don’t like it very much.”

“You’ve made that clear.”

“Aren’t you mad?”

“Not really. You see this canvas was on the floor of my studio. My agent came in and the next thing I knew it was on the wall here in the gallery.”

“So you didn’t paint it?”

“No, I sorta slopped it.”

“What a relief. I enjoy your other works, and this was out of synch.”

“Well, They say art is in the eye of the beholder.”

“Is this for sale?”

“Yup.”

“How much?”

“Fifty Thousand.”

“You’re kidding?”

“All the way to the bank Art.”

Friday JohnKu – Cherished Blog Event

~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

Typically I run my Friday JohnKu today, but since I’m participating in the Cherished Blogfest, I will post a JohnKu next week. The cherished Blogfest is a three-day event where bloggers write about a cherished item. If you would like to participate or just want more information here is the link to the site.

https://cherishedblogfest.wordpress.com/2016/06/26/cherished-blogfest-2016/

Cherished Blogfest

My Cherished item is a gold pocket watch that my grandfather carried. He was quite a man. Although he died in 1932, long before I was born, his legacy has continued through the years. Like all the men in our family, his name was John and unlike all the men in our family, he became a surgeon. He practiced medicine until his death. He was a field surgeon during World War I and suffered mustard gas wounds but managed a medical career in spite of his ailment. He is interred in Arlington National cemetary in recognition of his service. His watch is a treasured and cherished item.

Grandfather's watch

Here is the view of the face. The watch was made in Elgin Illinois by the Elgin National Watch Company in 1889. These watches were made on a production line and were very popular. Although not the cheapest they were not the most expensive either. The fact that it is over 100 years old is a tribute to the craftsmanship.

Grandfather's watch

Here is a picture of his headstone which carries his permanent military rank of Major and his home state of Missouri.

Grandfather's headstone

Thursday – A little Personal – Call for Tour Volunteers

~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

 

Uncle SamOur Justice

Uncle John and John need you.

I plan to launch the final book in the John Cannon Trilogy, Our Justice during the second week of September. This will be after the labor day holiday to avoid the need to plan a post while trying to have a good time. Since Labor Day is on Monday, September 5th, the launch week will be the 12th through the 18th. You will not have to do anything but copy and paste the post. It will come complete with instructions. Also, if you participate, you can post anytime during that week. So, if you would like to help out please send me an email at johnhowell (dot) wave (at) gmail.com or if you think I have your email you can leave a comment below and I will confirm. I will run another post next week so if you miss this one there will be a reminder.

Thanks in advance.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

College student

Wednesday Story Day again. Last week we left Ben and Trudy clutching each other as if they were going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Ben has some plan whereby he and Mrs. Worthe can carry out an affair without Mr. Worthe finding out. I suppose we have to go back there, but I swear I’m going to need a shower after this visit.
“So Ben. How can we fool Robert.”
“Robert? Who’s Robert?”
“Mr. Worthe.”
“Oh, Robert. Well, I think rather than trying to fool him we busy him out with something to do. You know, send him on an errand. Like overseas. Don’t you have some things needing attention overseas?”
“Hmm. Let me think. Yes, we have some accounts in the Cayman Islands that could be checked.”
“That’s it then. Send him to the Cayman’s and you and I can do what we please. When he comes back, we’ll cool it so he’ll never know.”
“You know Ben that just might work. I think I can convince him to take a couple of weeks and have a nice rest while he is checking on our accounts.”
“That’s the spirit, Trudy. When do you think he can leave?”
“What’s the hurry?”
“I’m just excited to get to know you better. I can hardly wait.”
“There is another consideration.”
“What’s that?”
“Alexis.”
“Yeah, I think she should go with Robert. Sort of a father-daughter holiday.”
“Oh, my goodness. That will be perfect. You are quite the schemer aren’t you.”
“I have an incentive to think clearly.”
“And what’s that?”
“You in my arms and my heart.”
“I must say I love hearing that even though I know you are less than sincere.”
“Trudy. How can you say such a thing? I have a passion for you.”
“Mr. Worthe isn’t the only one who can pick up little signs.”
“Trudy, you’re hurting my feelings.”
“Cross me and you’ll be hurting in more places than feelings.”
“Aw, give me a hug Trudy.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #87 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

This prompt is created by Keith Channing. In his words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – for reasons I have yet to fathom, pingbacks don’t seem to be working.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

Here is the photo

Kreative Kue #87

Incursion by John W. Howell © 2016

“Unit thirty-one.”

“Unit thirty-one go ahead.”

“Unit Thirty and I have canvassed the area and there is nothing suspicious here.”

“Roger thirty-one. Please confirm that all the doors are closed and locked.”

“Roger that. We have been around the perimeter and tried each door. All are locked.”

“Anyone home Unit thirty -one?”

“No. The house seems to be empty right now.”

“Did you try the bell.”

“Yes, we did. There was no answer.”

“Very well Unit thirty-one. You and thirty can resume your patrol.”

“Uh dispatch.”

“Yes, thirty-one.”

“Who called in the alarm?”

“The service. We got a call from the service.”

“What did they say was going on?”

“They said that had an incursion alarm.”

“Could it be the perp is still inside? Maybe he got in and then locked the door behind him.”

“Not likely thirty-one. There are motion detectors that have not tripped. I think it was a faulty door unit is all. You can leave the area.”

“Uh, dispatch?”

“Yes, thirty-one.”

“The house moved.”

“What. Say again you just broke up.”

“The house is rising up into the air.”

“Come on with the jokes.”

“No joke dispatch. The house is rising off the foundation. It is going up into the air. I can see it overhead. Wow.”

“Thirty -one come in. Thirty-one are you still there?”

“Y-yes.I’m still here but thirty is holding on to the garden hose and he must be fifty feet up in the air. I hope he can hold on.”

“Help is on the way Thirty-one.”

“Unless you have a helicopter, I think it is too late. The house has disappeared into the clouds.”

“I think you better get out of there.”

“Why. I don’t want to leave thirty.”

“What if the housed comes back down on you.”

“Good point dispatch thirty-one clear.”

“Take the dog with you thirty-one.”

“Roger. Thirty-one out.”

 

 

 

Ten Things Not to Do at an ART Show

~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

The inspiration for this list is some art shows going on here in South Texas. I can’t say I have done any of these things but have certainly witnessed some of them. I hope you enjoy.

Art show.

Ten Things Not to Do at an Art Show

10 If you are attending an art show, do not touch any of the art. If you do, at best you’ll be reprimanded by the artist. At worst, that blotch of tomato sauce from your stromboli which now sits on the piece of art marks it as yours. (You always wanted to own a painting with the obsessive/compulsive title “My Evil Obsession.” didn’t you Slick.)

9 If you are attending an art show, do not ask the artist if they give a discount. If you do, at best you will have to listen to a monologue about the value of hand-crafted art. At worst, you will be called certain names which you probably haven’t been called before. (That peyote sure gets those artist folks fired up doesn’t it?)

8 If you are attending an art show, do not sit in a chair that is clearly a work of art. If you do, at best you will be asked kindly to get up. At worst, you might face Tiny, the WWF ex-champ who is also a very close friend of the artist. (That crack you just heard better be a bone and not the chair.)

7 If you are attending an art show, do not interact with an exhibit that has a sign “Look but don’t touch.” If you do, at best nothing will break, and you’ll make a clean getaway. At worst, although fun the cost of that broken piece will keep you on peanut butter sandwiches for months. (Who ever heard of a wind-up toy that doesn’t wind up?)

6 If you are attending an art show, do not let your kids run helter skelter through the exhibits. If you do, at best the organizer will return them to you with a stern warning. At worst, your youngest will come screaming to you with a ransom note demanding payment before the release of the others. (A bit costly for a few minutes entertainment. Wouldn’t you say?)

5 If you are attending an art show, do not pick up objects to see how they feel. If you do, at best you’ll be lucky and not drop one. At worst, that eagle feather that looked so light will turn out to be made of concrete that unfortunately broke in two as it took out the mirror covered table. (A two-finger lift was not the best way.)

4 If you are attending an art show, do not try to impress the artist if you know nothing about art. If you do, at best you will confirm you know nothing. At worst, the artist will kindly listen and then call upon the local shaman to strike you mute. (Was fun listening to yourself talk until you couldn’t any more right?)

3 If you are attending an art show, do not eat anything while touring the booths. If you do, at best most of the artists will warn you away. At worst, you could be the proud owner of an unusual weaving kissed with Philly Cheesesteak juice. (Wasn’t your fist choice was it?)

2 If you are attending an art show, do not try to barter your books for a piece of art of your choice. If you do, at best the artist will say they have already read your book. At worst, the artist will flip through your book and hand it back. (You didn’t need to hear that they don’t ever read your genre.)

1 If you are attending an art show, do not think your purchase has a money back guarantee. If you do, at best you will be embarrassed when you try to bring it back. At worst, the artist will be insulted that you didn’t want to keep the precious item. (That lawyer they hired just won’t go away darn it.)