Top Ten Things Not to Do at a GYM (or Workout Club)

 

Workout Meme

Having been a member of a gym for some years, I managed to observe some annoying habits of other attendees. Since I no longer have access to a fitness facility I want to dedicate this blog to y’all. (you know who you are)

10 If you are working out, do not leave the equipment covered in sweat. If you do, at best you’ll earn the club gross-out award. At worst, you might have a discussion with Tiny the club rules enforcer. (Tiny tends to talk with his fists, and you could be looking at an incoming knuckle sandwich.)

9 If you are working out, do not do your stretches in a way that blocks others use of a machine. If you do, at best you may find yourself blocked at some point. At worst, a brave soul may only knock you out of the way and use the machine. (You would argue but it looks like they outweigh you by 100 pounds and they are wearing a WWF champion belt)

8 If you are working out, do not wear week-old workout clothes. If you do, at best you’ll have plenty of workout space to yourself. At worst, the membership will take up a collection and present you with the “Sponsor a homeless person” Β check for twenty-five dollars. (Pretty embarrassing getting into your BMW after the ceremony isn’t it.)

7 If you are working out, do not drop the bar of weights on the floor. If you do, at best the population will take cover thinking an earthquake is in progress. At worst, you happen to hit the floor weak spot, and you and the bar of weights wake up in the basement. (You have to wonder why no one seems to care that you are missing.)

6 If you are working out, do not sing along to the music in your earbuds. If you do, at best the rest of the club will think you’ve lost your mind. At worst, Someone will call 911 thinking you are in excruciating pain and are in the throes of a heart attack. (You might as well go with the EMT’s since they are trained to subdue crazies who resist.)

5 If you are working out, don’t brag about your weight loss. If you do, at best those who might have considered being a friend are long gone. At worst, you will brag to the wrong person who has a medical condition coupled with a psychotic episodes triggered by the word “loss.” (Running fast was never your strong suit was it?)

4 If you are working out, do not flirt with the instructor. If you do, at best the instructor will do their best to stay away from you. At worst, the instructor will think you may be the love of their life. (Only now do you find out the instructor is on a work release program after an episode with a former student.)

3 If you are working out, do not try to hoard as many clean towels as you can fit in your locker. If you do, at best others will know and treat you like a thief. At worst, security will pay you a visit just as you open your towel stuffed locker. (Talking fast doesn’t seem to help does it?)

2 If you are working out, do not make grunting noises as you do your reps. If you do, at best the room will think you’re obsessed. At worst the management will send Tiny to discuss proper decorum in the gym. (Seems a lot of folks thought your grunts were a little too personal.)

1 If you are working out, do not make a habit of filling up more than one water bottle at the fountain. If you do, at best the long line will consist of those who have come to hate you. At worst, the tall guy behind you will cease to be able to control his desire to act on an urge to drown you in the very same fountain. (Wow! “Where did that come from?” You ask.)

40 comments

  1. Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
    For all you work-out fiends.. here is a guide to proper behaviour in the Gym… from John Howell… I get the sweaty equipment .. it is gross.

    1. Thanks, Sally. Another big HUG for you.:-)

  2. This is reminding me of why I don’t like the gym atmosphere. Never feel comfortable trying to workout in those areas.

    1. I know right? Lot of inconsiderate folks there. πŸ™‚

      1. A lot of judging too. At least that’s what I remember from my few times.

      2. Yes that too. *flexes pecs*

    2. They always seemed like meat markets to me… And definitely the judging too.

      1. Never got the meat market feeling, but I can see what you mean now that I think about it.

      2. No one ever showed any interest in me in the gym so I missed the meat market feel. πŸ™‚

      3. Yeah, The judging is there. As I said to Charles I missed the meat market feeling since no one ever showed any interest in me. Might have been my four day old clothes.

  3. This is why I work out at home. Hilarious, John!

    1. I ride my bike now so I don’t have to watch this kind of stuff anymore. Thanks, Jill. πŸ™‚

  4. Great list John. I don’t work out in a gym, but: Number six can apply to coworkers in their cubicles, people walking themselves or their dog and people in other cars.

    And…number one can be adapted/extended to the ice-maker in the community kitchen, where someone is trying to fill a 48oz used Slurpie mug while I’m waiting for three cubes for my can of Seltzer.

    Is Tiny available for freelance work?

    1. Let me ask Tiny if he is free. He could definitely bring order to the ice cube situation

  5. #8 is why I prefer road-bicycling, and just on my own at that. Then I can really wear weeks-old bicycling clothes! πŸ˜‰

    1. Ha ha ha. i know what you mean. I use a beach cruiser and see or talk to no-one.

      1. I’ve always been one to prefer exercising just on my own.

      2. πŸ™‚ I do now.

  6. Gyms are fine for those who LOVE other people, can tolerate these sorts of nuisance behaviors, and are afflicted with a bit of ego. Me? I prefer working out by myself in the comfort of my home!

    1. That’s why I take to the beach on a bike. Just me and the waves (oh and a little music too.)

  7. LOL… Great advice John.
    Are you still back at the Gulf? Or did the gig gear up again? Either way, have a marvelous Monday. Mega hugs!

    1. I am back for good I think. The project is pretty much over. (no award awwwww) Hugs

      1. Oh… sorry they didn’t get the award. I know you gave it your all. LOL, but it’s okay to be relieved too. πŸ˜€

      2. Was a lot of work and many hours. The loss was not a happy thing but as you say the relief is good. Hugs.

  8. Gee, now I know how not to behave the next time I go to a gym, LOL! I enjoyed these, John!

    1. I can just see you in a gym. Ha ha ha. Eh?

  9. I always wondered why i don’t like going to the gym, as if i had known why. Now i finally know. thank you for that, John. We have an outside gym, build by the city council, that is great. do it there, when no others are there. works wonders.

    1. I’ll bet. Thanks Gigi for the nice words and visit.

      1. You are welcome. πŸ˜€

  10. I am glad that I never joined a gym – now I am too old unless they have one for the older ladies crowd. I jog, ride a stationary bike and life a few weights at home. Too much of an independent exerciser. Too funny though – rules for the gym!

    1. Mer too, Jo. I ride the beach on my cruiser bike.

  11. Funny stuff, John. I loved Tiny. He sounds like the gym’s version of a bouncer. πŸ˜€ — Suzanne

    1. Yes Tiny is a reoccurring character in these Top Ten lists. He always has a short temper. Thanks, Suzanne.

  12. Soooo many of these apply to my gym – especially #8. During yoga class, I don’t think the woman is wearing week old clothes, but she smells like pickles – EVERY week – and it permeates the whole room. Not a good thing when you’re doing yoga breathing.

    1. Pickles???? Hmmm wonder what causes that?

  13. This is why I don’t work out.
    Are you buyin’ this…

    1. Nope. I think there are other reasons. No time for example.

  14. The reasons listed here are why I haven’t had a gym membership for some time. The home gym is the only way to go!
    πŸ™‚

    1. I agree. Thanks. πŸ™‚

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