This post was run on November 30th, 2015. Since we still have holidays and shopping, maybe it will be helpful. I hope you enjoy it.

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Top Ten Things Not to do While Shopping for the Holidays

The inspiration for this list is some years of watching the same mistakes made during this festive time.

10 While shopping for the holidays, do not think other shoppers are out to get you. If you do, at best, you will resemble someone who needs hospitalization. At worst, you may retaliate against the city kickboxing champ who accidentally ran into you. (Notice how he doesn’t use his hands to kick your butt.)

9 While shopping for the holidays, do not have a few drinks to ease the pain. If you do, at best, you may give into temptation and overspend. At worst, you will have the best time you’ll never recall except for the car full of stuff you still don’t know how it got there. (That ringing phone is the credit card company wanting to know if your card has been stolen.)

8 While shopping for the holidays, don’t go out without a list. If you do, at best, you will forget some gifts. At worst, you will spend more than you thought and yet have a nagging feeling you forgot a meaningful gift. (How did that office gift exchange go since you were empty-handed?)

7 While shopping for the holidays, do not leave the house without a travel plan. If you do, at best, you will cover the stores in a pattern looking like the infinity symbol. At worst, you will need to use your GPS to finally figure out where you are and to locate the stores you have already passed. (You now notice you passed the gift shop twice but still can’t figure out how to get back there?)

6 While shopping for the holidays, do not take small children with you. If you do, at best, you all will be frustrated doing precisely the opposite of what you want to do. At worst, you will start to deviate from your shopping plan and end up at the McDonald’s Playground trying to figure out what to tell everyone who will not get a gift this year. (That Big Mac and supersized order of fries are starting to look pretty good right now.)

5 While shopping for the holidays, do not think you are saving money by buying things on sale that you know are not perfect gifts. If you do, at best, you can give gift receipts so the gift can be returned. At worst, you will get the ideal gift from the person you gave a less-than-perfect present. (That is Murphy’s Law of scrimping on a gift for someone. It goes like this. The expense of the gift you receive is indirectly proportional to the cheapness of the gift you give. In other words, the less you spend, the more someone else spends on you.)

4 While shopping for the holidays, do not think a gift card takes the place of an actual present. If you do, at best, you will get your shopping done fast and early. At worst, you could spend more on the gift card than you would on a thoughtful gift. (The problem is the recipient knows the amount. Darn it)

3 While shopping for the holidays, do not take gift suggestions from ads on tv. If you do, at best, your present could represent an uninspired choice. At worst, the gift you give could be totally inappropriate. (Yeah, that Victoria’s Secret or Home Depot item should have stayed in the store. Not to mention the My Pillow slippers.)

2 While shopping for the holidays, do not wait until the last minute to decide what gifts to buy. If you do, at best, you will be running around not knowing what you had in mind. At worst, you will be faced with difficult decisions given that everything you want to buy is unavailable. (The net result is much more expensive than originally planned since now your choice is limited to a diamond or a new car.)

1 While shopping for the holidays, do not avoid taking water and eating before the trips. If you do, at best, you will be without energy and parched. At worst, you will finally be forced to take a break at a sit-down restaurant and spend an enormous amount on something to eat and drink. (Sure, you could wait an hour for a fast-food chicken sandwich, but time is money, right?)

This post originally ran on November 28th, 2016. I think with the approaching Thanksgiving holiday, it would be a good thing to review it again. I hope you enjoy it.

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The inspiration for this list came from the just completed Thanksgiving feast. I was very observant and did not see any of these things at our dining room table. I hope you enjoy the list.

10 At the dining room table, do not burp out loud. If you do, at best, you can recover with an “excuse me.” At worst, all the relatives will now have verified evidence that you are an animal. (They long suspected it was true, and you just gave them confirmation, Ferd)

9 At the dining room table, do not help yourself to food from someone else’s plate. If you do, at best, you’ll be told to stop. At worst, your cousin Tiny, the WWF champ, will demonstrate a new hold. (Quit whining. That hand will be okay once you get a cast, Bunky)

8 At the dining room table, do not chew your food with your mouth open. If you do, at best, you will gross out your family. At worst, grandma will take the opportunity to lecture everyone on proper manners. (Nothing like a two-hour tutorial on chewing with your mouth closed to put everyone on edge)

7 At the dining room table, do not assume your hostess meant for you to eat the fruit and nasturtiums out of the centerpiece. If you do, at best, you will be thought of as odd. At worst, your hostess will calmly advise everyone that the centerpiece is to be donated to the local old folks’ home, and she would appreciate it if there was something left to give. (Your face and the red table runner are the same color, huh, Wheezer)

6 At the dining room table, do not talk about sex, politics, or religion. If you do, at best, no one will follow suit. At worst, you will be the root cause of a donnybrook that does not have a good ending. (Those police officers are here to escort you to the station, Bud. It seems your brother-in-law didn’t take kindly to the wine bottle bonk.)

5 At the dining room table, do not insist on rolling in the TV to watch football. If you do, at best, this will be your last invitation to dinner. At worst, your table mates will shout at each other above the game’s noise, and it won’t be worth the hassle. (Did you ever think you should be on a deserted island, Buster?)

4 At the dining room table, do not text or otherwise use your phone. If you do, at best, your family’s looks should make you stop. At worst, someone will finally pluck the phone from your hand. (If you’re lucky, they won’t dump it in the gravy bowl)

3 At the dining room table, do not make any Earth-shattering announcements. If you do, at best, the long silence will be a killer. At worst, everyone will be thrown into disarray and will be sorry for whatever they said in reaction later. (Surely you could have waited to announce you were running away to join the circus, Chum)

2 At the dining room table, do not do your best imitation of a strong silent type. If you do, at best, the conversation will be on everything but your interests. At worst, your table mates will believe something is bothering you and won’t let it rest until you come clean. (They were sure surprised to learn that what they see is what they get, Dork.)

1 At the dining room table, do not think you must race everyone to a clean plate. If you do, at best, you’ll be waiting a long time for others to finish. At worst, the general impression will be that you haven’t had a good meal for a while. (That sure flies in the face of all that success bragging you were doing before dinner, huh, Bruser?)