Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Are Called for Jury Duty

March 12, 2018March 11, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 89 Comments

The inspiration for this list was reading about Dan Antion’s experience with being called for jury duty. I asked Dan if he wouldn’t mind sharing what it was like. He graciously sent the rules of jury duty for my review. I have to tell you, Dan is the kind of guy who would never do any of these.

10 If you are called for jury duty, do not ignore the summons. If you do, at best the sheriff will greet you before you go to work. At worst, your co-workers will be entertained by the process known as the “perp walk.” (Who takes official papers seriously, Dubhgan? looks like the courts do.)

9 If you are called for jury duty, do not forget to wear your “jurist badge.” If you do, at best someone may confuse you with a lawyer. At worst, Tiny the WWF champ and newest member of the sheriff’s department will have you on the floor with your hand’s zip-tied behind you. (You do look good in that jumpsuit, Dughall. I know, it would have been kind of Tiny to ask who you were but he had a job to do.)

8 If you are called for jury duty, do not forget to check in with the clerk when you go on breaks or leave for the day. If you do, at best you’ll be marked absent and will have to serve again. At worst, an overzealous judge will think you are ignoring your duty and issue a summons for your arrest for contempt of court. (Now that past due parking ticket takes on a new meaning right, Duran? BTW what is a SWAT team doing at the front door with that battering ram?)

7 If you are called for jury duty, do not park anywhere but in the designated juror parking lot. If you do, at best you might get a ticket or be towed. At worst, you’ll return to your car and find it up on cement blocks. (Why are courthouses in the worst neighborhoods, Dusty? Oh look your engine is gone too.)

6 If you are called for jury duty, do not think being excused early means you don’t have to return to work. If you do, at best your boss will get a report of the hours. At worst, while you are celebrating the half day off in your favorite place, your boss and the boss’ boss all come in for lunch.(Kinda hard to explain why you are not at the courthouse, Devyn. Especially since it is after 1:00 and ten miles away from here.)

5 If you are called for jury duty, do not turn on the news in the juror’s lounge. If you do, at best the burley bailiff will turn it off. At worst, you will be singled out as the person responsible for the motion by the defense for a new trial. (Of course, the trial has been going on for four weeks, and now all your fellow jurors have you to thank for the huge waste of time, Dixon.)

4 If you are called for jury duty, do not forget to turn off your cell phone. If you do, at best you’ll get no calls. At worst, just as the defense has concluded an emotional final argument, your phone goes off blaring your custom ringtone by the Who. (That long serious silence the defense was counting on just evaporated in laughter, Daegan. I’m not sure how they will feel about that move. I do know the judge just pounded the gavel head into sawdust.)

3 If you are called for jury duty, do not forget to bring your lunch. If you do, at best there will be a vending machine. At worst, there will be a vending machine but no way to make change. (You can still use that fiver, Dallen but I agree, five bucks seems like a lot for a Snickers bar.)

2 If you are called for jury duty, do not ignore the rules for walking around the courthouse. If you do, at best you may wander into the wrong court. At worst, you may go through a door that closes and locks behind you. (This is great, Damak. You have entered the private chambers of the judge and are being asked your name and what you are doing there. I think the next step is forced removal by that burley bailiff. Yup here he comes.)

1 If you are called for jury duty, do not think you can leave without filling out the attendance report. If you do, at best you’ll have to serve again. At worse, you won’t have proof you spent the last three weeks as a juror to give to your employer. (You thought the bureaucracy was terrible during jury duty. How about the red tape at the unemployment office, Danhy?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Spring Break

March 11, 2018March 10, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 61 Comments

Walking the pups on Saturday, it looked like the day was going to be overcast. Secretly I was hoping the fog would stay since it is spring break time.

Well, no such luck. As you can see the first day of spring break was beautiful. Kites in the sky told me there were people on the beach.

Looking North my worst fear was confirmed.

The ground view did not show any improvement.

Camps were set up.

The Beach Patrol was on the prowl.

The kids were getting warmed up for a good old-time. (to be read drunk)

State Troopers were there with drug-sniffing dogs. We witnessed an interrogation and search of a suspect.

The crazies were out with their motorized equipment, lawn chair and carpet.

The pelicans were keeping formation in spite of the chaos below.

The blue heron was keeping watch over his mile marker perch.

To support law enforcement who come from all over during spring break, our neighborhood volunteered to fix two-weekend meals for the officers, EMTs and support staff.

Saturday night was Chili night. Debbie Robertson organized the event, and our community is Beachwalk II.

There were about 72 meals served.

The meal gave the officers a little time to relax and share stories.

Here are the volunteers of Beachwalk II. My Producer is one of the volunteers.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “So Far.”

March 10, 2018March 9, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this weeks prompt is “so far.” Linda Hill advises that we can use it any way we wish. If you would like to tease your brain, come join us. Go to Linda’s blog and read how. Here is the link.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS March 10/18

“So what do you have so far?”

“Dear Mr. President.”

“Yes well. Ahem. Dear Mr. President.”

“You already said that.”

“I know, I know I’m just trying to warm up.”

“Why not a couple of laps around the building.”

“I mean to the subject. Not actually a physical warm-up.”

“Fine. You’re the boss.”

“Now, where was I?”

“Dear Mr. President.”

“Oh yeah. Ahem.”

“Don’t say ‘Dear Mr. President’ again.”

“For heaven’s sake. How am I ever going to get this letter dictated if you keep interrupting?”

“It is a challenge I’ll admit.”

“Okay, I’m going to ignore you and just go through it.”

“The last time you ignored me remember what happened?”

“When was that?”

“Yesterday.”

“I can’t recall. What happened?”

“I told you to turn left on Forest Avenue and what did you do?”

“But there was a no left turn sign.”

“Ah, so you do remember. Tell everyone what happened next.”

“Em, we went straight ahead.”

“To what end.”

“The road it ended.”

“Yup and how much did it cost to have the car towed?”

“Wait a minute I never told you that.”

“You used your debit card. All I had to do was look at the transaction.”

“Can we get back to the letter?”

“Tell the folks how much.”

“Two hundred bucks.”

“Now don’t you feel better?”

“I’ll tell you what would make me feel better, Siri. Stay away from my debit card.”

“Not gonna happen boss. Okay, so far you have, ‘Dear Mr. President.”‘

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

March 9, 2018March 8, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

Friday is here again. (yay) This week has been busy. I’m doing a beta read, and it is an excellent book. My only problem is getting enough time to sit and read. I think we all know what that’s like. I usually read at night before going to sleep, but the timetable on this book is such that my average pace is a little too slow. So it will be a photo finish. I’ve planned to wrap my day as fast as possible to spend quality time with this piece.

The Contract came back from the editor and so now it is time to do the fine tooth comb read to make the decisions necessary on the excellent suggestions. What I like is we plan to publish the book in June so we can take the time to do the job right. This reminds me to pen a JohnKu that talks about doing the job right. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

A job worth doing,

Is worth doing the right way. . .

So which way is right?

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Bailey in Exile.

March 8, 2018March 7, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 93 Comments

“Hey, Lucy. You look down. What’s going on?”

“Aw, Boss. We’ve been stuck on the lower level for years. It is getting tiring.”

“It’s been a week and five days. It just seems like years.”

“I’m sure sick of Candy Crush, Pops.”

“You guys want to go and check the progress?”

“Whoa, Pops. Now you’re talking.”

“Okay follow me. We’ll have to take the elevator.”

“My goodness. Look at this. Where’s the food bowl?

“It is still downstairs, Lucy. What do you think, Bailey?

“Let’s just say I’ve seen bigger messes but can’t remember where.”

“Come on you two. This is the new floor. It was a bigger mess before the baseboards were put back and painted.”

“Yes, Pops. We expected everything to look like it did before.”

“Yeah, I can see that. Well, it is going to be a while. The floors need washing and furniture moved back.”

“What is all that, Boss?”

“A shop vac, tools and some trash.”

“Geeze, Pops. Looks like this stuff will be here forever.”

“Well, it might be the weekend. But certainly not forever.”

“Hey, Baily. The day is beautiful. Let’s go out.”

“Uh. You should see the stairs, Lucy.”

“Oh yeah. What’s the problem?

“Come see for yourself.”

“Check it out.”

“OMG. You know what that rough surface can do to your mani-pedi?”

“Ladies. We will take the elevator down. No mani-pedi needs to be disturbed.”

“Boss you are such a Mensch.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

March 7, 2018March 6, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 43 Comments

It is Wednesday Story Day again. Last week Frank Plano went back to Mrs. Murphy in an attempt to find out who was paying the bill for the defense of Lucas. He was armed with the information that Mrs. Murphy had received substantial deposits in her account. When presented with this information Mrs. Murphy told Frank to contact her lawyer. I think we fully expected Frank to hot foot it over to the lower Jason McDonnell. It looks like he is making one stop at the hospital. Yup, there he goes into Lucas’ room. We better get over there.

“Hi, Lucas. How are you feeling?”
“Much better Mr. Plano. Thanks for asking. Didn’t expect a visitor today.”
“Well, I wanted to check on you and ask you something.”
“It looks like I’m getting out of here soon, so I’m feeling pretty good about that.”
“Where are you going to stay when you get released?”
“Mrs. Murphy offered me a room, but I’m not sure about that. My sister thinks she will stay with me at my place.”
“That sounds like a good idea.”
“Yeah except for the fact it’s my sister.”
“Ha ha ha. I know how that can be.”
“You have a sister?”
“No, I just could not imagine having a sister as a roommate.”
“So what is it you wanted to ask?”
“Where is your sister now?”
“I think she is at my place getting it ready.”
“Do you have her phone number?”
“I don’t have my phone here in the hospital. I never did memorize her number. You need to talk to her?”
“I do.”
“What about?”
“I just need to clear up some little details about her and Jason McDonnell.”
“Details? What kind of details?”
“Nothing important. I just want to ask her when she first met Jason.”
“I can tell you that.”
“Oh yes? When?”
“While she was visiting me here. I introduced them.”
“Ah. I see. Okay then. Well, no need to talk to her then.”
“You want me to have her call you?”
“Come to think about it, yeah, maybe it would be good to have her tell me what you just said. You know first-hand rather than second. But no hurry. Here’s my card. Take care of yourself, Lucas.”
“I will, Mr. Plano. You as well.”
“Thanks. Oh, and you can call me Frank.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #164 by Keith Channing

March 6, 2018March 5, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 47 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

Here is the photo.

“It’s a dud.”

“Hold on. It may take a while for the signal to reach the device.”

“Well?”

“Okay let me look. Humm.”

“Humm what?”

“It looks like one of the leads has come undone.”

“What the hell. I made sure I had those damn things were attached.”

“Sure you did dear. This reminds me of the time you said the parachute was packed correctly.”

“Well, okay, you got me there.”

“Good thing the reserve worked or I’d be somewhere else.”

“I hope someday we will forget that mistake.”

“Which brings us to today’s mistake.”

“Uh. How am I going to go all the way back down there and connect the wire without blowing myself up?”

“You have to first take the white wire off. That will reset the impulse. Then you connect the red wire first and the white second.”

“Oh man. It took me six hours to get to the base. ”

“I would get going then.”

“You have forgiven me on that parachute thingy right?”

“Yes, m’love. I have forgiven the parachute thingy.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I would move out now if I were you.”

“Okay then. I’ll see you in six hours.”

“Sure you will.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing sweet. Six hours it is.”

“I Love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Bye.”

“Bye now.”

Top Ten Things Not to Put on Your Bucket List

March 5, 2018March 5, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 66 Comments

The inspiration for this post came from the website https://www.bucketlist.net/

While looking around, I came upon one list that was the top ten crazy things to put on your bucket list. This started me thinking of what not to put on your bucket list for fear of having the list prematurely remain unaccomplished. I did borrow a couple from the list.

10 If you are making a bucket list, do not include swimming with great white sharks. If you do, at best they will have eaten before you show up. At worst, they have all given up their vegan diet, and you are the first animal protein they’ve seen for weeks. (Looks like those extra long flippers might come in handy, Dayson.)

9 If you are making a bucket list, do not include asking Tiny how he got his name the next time you see him. If you do, at best he will have his Airpods in his ears and will miss the question. At worst, you will remind him of the teasing he took in the fourth grade when he stood six feet tall. (This might be a good time to try out those nunchucks, Deavon. Be careful though and don’t let Tiny take them away from you,)

8 If you are making a bucket list, do not decide to ski the Alps. If you do, at best you’ll sober up before the trip. At worst, you’ll get to the mountain and ignore the fact that you really weren’t an excellent skier in the first place. (That thrill of being airborne doesn’t last very long does it, Delbert? Don’t worry the ski patrol is waiting for you at the bottom of the mountain. It is a very short trip to the hospital.)

7 If you are making a bucket list, do not add breaking the world freedive deep dive record. If you do, at best your first try will give you a hint to stop. At worst, you will realize that the 122 meter (400+ feet) record is safe with your ten-foot dive. (Yes, Delsen to break the record you need to hold your breath for over four minutes. So far, your best shot was twenty seconds)

6 If you are making a bucket list, don’t include quitting your job to try something new. If you do, at best your boss will hire you back. At worst, the something new is something that ten million had tried before and failed. (I give it to you that a mail order catalog seemed like a good idea, Donte it’s just that it has all been done before. Why not try to corner the aluminum can market?)

5 If you are making a bucket list, don’t consider a solo skydive. If you do, at best you will take all the training. At worst, you’ll go up in a plane and then have to actually step out the door. (The first thing to remember is when to deploy the chute, Dorian. The second is how to use the other chute. Let’s not worry about the third right now you have enough to deal with.)

4 If you are making a bucket list, don’t think it would be fun to take your life savings to Las Vegas. If you do, at best the casino will have caught on fire. At worst, all those blackjack lessons and theories went out the window when you took a card on fifteen, and it was a ten. (The hotel will be happy to comp your room tonight, Dorrin. It seems you are the most prominent loser today.)

3 If you are making a bucket list, do not include running with the bulls in Pamplona. If you do, at best you will be able to outrun the guy behind you. At worst, your strategy of running up a tree will backfire as six bulls all hit the tree. (You forgot that those horns are pretty tough, Draupnir. Put away that red hanky, nothing can save you now.)

2 If you are making a bucket list, do not note cooking fish at home. If you do, at best someone who loves you will talk you out of it. At worst, you will finish the cooking and realize you have ruined a twenty-dollar fish and a fifty thousand dollar kitchen. (I think you have learned your lesson, Drewes. Now call the bank and get that home improvement loan fast.)

1 If you are making a bucket list, do include becoming a best-selling author. If you do, at best it may happen. At worst, you will live forever trying to complete your bucket list. (Just keep working on it, Drystan. Ninety two is the new sixty-two. Plenty of time.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Girding Loins for Spring Break

March 4, 2018March 3, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 91 Comments

So we have a lovely walk on the beach. Quiet and serene with only the pelicans as company. Wait! What is that?

Oh no. The dreaded water truck filling blue barrels. Why fill barrels? You ask?

These barrels are to keep a clear path by designating no parking zones for the thousands of spring breakers expected to show up.

Here is a long view looking back at the truck. Those poles on the right are for trash cans. Unfortunately, Hurricane Harvey took them, and the city is not sure if the new ones will arrive in time. (Spring Breakers start arriving on the 9th) We may be up to our necks in trash. Spring Breakers are not very good at picking up their trash.

Here is my attempt at an art shot showing the barrels going off into the distance.

I figured you could get a better look from the cart over. Those barrels run from our place to the downtown area (four miles). There is no parking on the left side so that emergency vehicles can get through. Yes, there is always the need for emergency vehicles.

Here is the old police station. It is no longer viable and is slated to be torn down. Why show you a picture of the police station? Because a lot of underage kids usually end up here.

Here are the temporary police headquarters. It is across the parking lot from the old.

You can tell it is the police department by the cars around it.

This is a shot of the jail which is connected to the temporary police building. It doesn’t look like a jail, does it?

How about now? This is the right side of the building with four cells.

Here is the left side with four more cells

Here is a shot of one cell. Notice the metal floor, sink, and toilet. Not very comfortable. Well, let’s hope no one we know ends up here.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Fine.”

March 3, 2018March 2, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 35 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this week’s prompt is “fine.” There are bonus points if this post is finished with the word fine as well. If you would like to join in the fun, go to Linda Hill,s blog and read how easy it is to wander off the edge of the cliff. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/03/02/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-3-18/

“Fine day we are having.”

“Yes it is fine isn’t it?”

“So what does this fine day find you doing?”

“I need to do a little fine fixing up around the house.”

“What is fine fixing up?”

“It’s where my usual fine carpentry hack job won’t suffice.”

“What does a fine carpentry hack job look like?”

“Oh, you know. wood shavings and fine dust everywhere.”

“Ah. Fine. I get it. No real attention to cleaning up and such.”

“I think those are the fine points. It is also not enough care about the project.”

“The fine details?”

“You got it. Like making sure fine lines are taken out.”