Top Ten Things Not to Put on Your Bucket List

~ John W. Howell

 

Top Ten Things not to Do

 

The inspiration for this post came from the website https://www.bucketlist.net/

While looking around, I came upon one list that was the top ten crazy things to put on your bucket list. This started me thinking of what not to put on your bucket list for fear of having the list prematurely remain unaccomplished. I did borrow a couple from the list.

10 If you are making a bucket list, do not include swimming with great white sharks. If you do, at best they will have eaten before you show up. At worst, they have all given up their vegan diet, and you are the first animal protein they’ve seen for weeks. (Looks like those extra long flippers might come in handy, Dayson.)

9 If you are making a bucket list, do not include asking Tiny how he got his name the next time you see him. If you do, at best he will have his Airpods in his ears and will miss the question. At worst, you will remind him of the teasing he took in the fourth grade when he stood six feet tall. (This might be a good time to try out those nunchucks, Deavon. Be careful though and don’t let Tiny take them away from you,)

8 If you are making a bucket list, do not decide to ski the Alps. If you do, at best you’ll sober up before the trip. At worst, you’ll get to the mountain and ignore the fact that you really weren’t an excellent skier in the first place. (That thrill of being airborne doesn’t last very long does it, Delbert? Don’t worry the ski patrol is waiting for you at the bottom of the mountain. It is a very short trip to the hospital.)

7 If you are making a bucket list, do not add breaking the world freedive deep dive record. If you do, at best your first try will give you a hint to stop. At worst, you will realize that the 122 meter (400+ feet) record is safe with your ten-foot dive. (Yes, Delsen to break the record you need to hold your breath for over four minutes. So far, your best shot was twenty seconds)

6 If you are making a bucket list, don’t include quitting your job to try something new. If you do, at best your boss will hire you back. At worst, the something new is something that ten million had tried before and failed. (I give it to you that a mail order catalog seemed like a good idea, Donte it’s just that it has all been done before. Why not try to corner the aluminum can market?)

5 If you are making a bucket list, don’t consider a solo skydive. If you do, at best you will take all the training. At worst, you’ll go up in a plane and then have to actually step out the door. (The first thing to remember is when to deploy the chute, Dorian. The second is how to use the other chute. Let’s not worry about the third right now you have enough to deal with.)

4 If you are making a bucket list, don’t think it would be fun to take your life savings to Las Vegas. If you do, at best the casino will have caught on fire. At worst, all those blackjack lessons and theories went out the window when you took a card on fifteen, and it was a ten. (The hotel will be happy to comp your room tonight, Dorrin. It seems you are the most prominent loser today.)

3 If you are making a bucket list, do not include running with the bulls in Pamplona. If you do, at best you will be able to outrun the guy behind you. At worst, your strategy of running up a tree will backfire as six bulls all hit the tree. (You forgot that those horns are pretty tough, Draupnir. Put away that red hanky, nothing can save you now.)

2 If you are making a bucket list, do not note cooking fish at home. If you do, at best someone who loves you will talk you out of it. At worst, you will finish the cooking and realize you have ruined a twenty-dollar fish and a fifty thousand dollar kitchen. (I think you have learned your lesson, Drewes. Now call the bank and get that home improvement loan fast.)

1 If you are making a bucket list, do include becoming a best-selling author. If you do, at best it may happen. At worst, you will live forever trying to complete your bucket list. (Just keep working on it, Drystan. Ninety two is the new sixty-two. Plenty of time.)

66 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Put on Your Bucket List”

  2. I held my breath all the way through (not four minutes though) afraid some of my bucket list may be on here. 🙂 Thankfully, it wasn’t. Whew! Dodged that bullet.

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  3. Deep diving and skydiving are two ends of the same craziness so I am with you as far as they go.
    And your running with the bulls brought to mind the saying “I don’t have to be the fastest, I just have to be faster than the guy next to me,” lol.
    Hey! Maybe next year Tiny can finally get his shot to be a presenter at the Oscars?

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  10. That’s a great list, John. The cartoon looks like my bucket list. I’ll have a bucket of wings. I’m researching 10 things not to do while on jury duty. Let’s hope I don’t do any of them today.

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  14. I love the chickens:) I had once considered sky diving to be on my list and one of my kids actually did it…now though…. Becoming a best selling author I kind of like that idea:)

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  20. Oh, clever to have what NOT to put on your bucket list. #6 & # 4 should definitely not be on a list. I think you have completed #1! Have a great week and enjoy the sunshine and calm before spring break!

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  21. Damn, Buddy … I wish I’d read this list thirty-years back before I did number #1. Okay so I was in a cage, and well protected…who am I kidding? Give me the two-legged sharks anytime… at least they’ve never attempted to add me to their dietary requirements … Yeah, I’m certifiable, Diago.

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  22. So … learning to count should be next on my bucket list. I meant number #10. Although keeping me caged while I’m writing could be a good move.

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  27. 10, 6, and 1 … great list, John! I think sharks are cool, and I might IMAGINE swimming among them, but, in reality, I’d rather watch them on video 😉 #6 haunts me for obvious reasons. #1 — well, you have to at least try 😉

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      1. Hey, you’re living the dream, John, because you persisted and persevered. Jill Weatherholt asked for favorite quotes in one of her latest posts. Mine was “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” (George Eliot). I’m thinking of making that into a poster … maybe several posters … one for every wall of my house 😉

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  28. Great “Ten Things” list, John. I’m in my 70’s so I need to keep telling myself that “92 is the new 62”. That practically makes me a youngster. Now if they’d just put an elevator in this dang building. 🙂 — Suzanne

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