Top Ten Things Not to Put on Your Bucket List

 

Top Ten Things not to Do

 

The inspiration for this post came from the website https://www.bucketlist.net/

While looking around, I came upon one list that was the top ten crazy things to put on your bucket list. This started me thinking of what not to put on your bucket list for fear of having the list prematurely remain unaccomplished. I did borrow a couple from the list.

10 If you are making a bucket list, do not include swimming with great white sharks. If you do, at best they will have eaten before you show up. At worst, they have all given up their vegan diet, and you are the first animal protein they’ve seen for weeks. (Looks like those extra long flippers might come in handy, Dayson.)

9 If you are making a bucket list, do not include asking Tiny how he got his name the next time you see him. If you do, at best he will have his Airpods in his ears and will miss the question. At worst, you will remind him of the teasing he took in the fourth grade when he stood six feet tall. (This might be a good time to try out those nunchucks, Deavon. Be careful though and don’t let Tiny take them away from you,)

8 If you are making a bucket list, do not decide to ski the Alps. If you do, at best you’ll sober up before the trip. At worst, you’ll get to the mountain and ignore the fact that you really weren’t an excellent skier in the first place. (That thrill of being airborne doesn’t last very long does it, Delbert? Don’t worry the ski patrol is waiting for you at the bottom of the mountain. It is a very short trip to the hospital.)

7 If you are making a bucket list, do not add breaking the world freedive deep dive record. If you do, at best your first try will give you a hint to stop. At worst, you will realize that the 122 meter (400+ feet) record is safe with your ten-foot dive. (Yes, Delsen to break the record you need to hold your breath for over four minutes. So far, your best shot was twenty seconds)

6 If you are making a bucket list, don’t include quitting your job to try something new. If you do, at best your boss will hire you back. At worst, the something new is something that ten million had tried before and failed. (I give it to you that a mail order catalog seemed like a good idea, Donte it’s just that it has all been done before. Why not try to corner the aluminum can market?)

5 If you are making a bucket list, don’t consider a solo skydive. If you do, at best you will take all the training. At worst, you’ll go up in a plane and then have to actually step out the door. (The first thing to remember is when to deploy the chute, Dorian. The second is how to use the other chute. Let’s not worry about the third right now you have enough to deal with.)

4 If you are making a bucket list, don’t think it would be fun to take your life savings to Las Vegas. If you do, at best the casino will have caught on fire. At worst, all those blackjack lessons and theories went out the window when you took a card on fifteen, and it was a ten. (The hotel will be happy to comp your room tonight, Dorrin. It seems you are the most prominent loser today.)

3 If you are making a bucket list, do not include running with the bulls in Pamplona. If you do, at best you will be able to outrun the guy behind you. At worst, your strategy of running up a tree will backfire as six bulls all hit the tree. (You forgot that those horns are pretty tough, Draupnir. Put away that red hanky, nothing can save you now.)

2 If you are making a bucket list, do not note cooking fish at home. If you do, at best someone who loves you will talk you out of it. At worst, you will finish the cooking and realize you have ruined a twenty-dollar fish and a fifty thousand dollar kitchen. (I think you have learned your lesson, Drewes. Now call the bank and get that home improvement loan fast.)

1 If you are making a bucket list, do include becoming a best-selling author. If you do, at best it may happen. At worst, you will live forever trying to complete your bucket list. (Just keep working on it, Drystan. Ninety two is the new sixty-two. Plenty of time.)

66 comments

  1. Thought you wrote ‘skip the Alps’ for some reason. Oops. Love that chicken cartoon.

    1. Ha ha ha. Skip the Alps works too. I like the cartoon too.

  2. I held my breath all the way through (not four minutes though) afraid some of my bucket list may be on here. 🙂 Thankfully, it wasn’t. Whew! Dodged that bullet.

    1. Ha ha ha. Good thing. Thanks, Jan

  3. Deep diving and skydiving are two ends of the same craziness so I am with you as far as they go.
    And your running with the bulls brought to mind the saying “I don’t have to be the fastest, I just have to be faster than the guy next to me,” lol.
    Hey! Maybe next year Tiny can finally get his shot to be a presenter at the Oscars?

    1. Tiny would be the one to make a confused statement and then announce the wrong winner.

      1. Only in his case, I don’t think they would correct him! lol

      2. Ha ha ha. Not to his face anyway.

      3. There would probably have to be two ‘winners’. AND the Academy would have to bring Tiny back, for doing such an . . ahem . . amazing job.

      4. Yes, they would.

  4. I will make a not on all of those! 👍🏻

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks.

  5. Ninety two is the new sixty two. And the casino on fire. I can’t type because tears of laughter are blurring my vision. Thanks, John! 😂

    1. Thank you, Jennie. 😀

      1. You’re welcome, John! 🙂

  6. I’m in the clear – none of these are on my list. Love the chicken cartoon!

    1. good for you. The cartoon made me laugh.

  7. So I was wrong to put number one on as my bucket list, then?

    1. Not at all. You’re guaranteed to live as long as it takes.

  8. Definitely will not be adding skiing lol Loved the smiles this brought this afternoon 🙂

    1. Thank you, Sue.

  9. That’s a great list, John. The cartoon looks like my bucket list. I’ll have a bucket of wings. I’m researching 10 things not to do while on jury duty. Let’s hope I don’t do any of them today.

    1. Ten things not to do on Jury duty. Can I use that next week?

  10. I can honestly say none of these are on my bucket list, John. I love the meme! 🍗

    1. Thank you , Jill. Like the drumstick

  11. Gwen Plano · ·

    Your #1 is brilliant! “92 is the new 62,” I doubt that but it’s fun to consider. 😀

    1. Yes it is fun to consider. Thanks, Gwen

  12. LOL – #1 is the sovereign remedy! 😛 You can cover so many bases 😀

  13. D.L Finn, Author · ·

    I love the chickens:) I had once considered sky diving to be on my list and one of my kids actually did it…now though…. Becoming a best selling author I kind of like that idea:)

    1. That is a good idea. Thanks, Denise.

  14. I have no desire to make a list of accomplishments that I’ll most likely never achieve.
    I prefer to crash one dream at a time.

  15. I’m still laughing at #1 — “Ninety two is the new sixty-two. Plenty of time.” Okay, then, let’s ALL write!

  16. As always, this list was lots of fun, John!

  17. Bucket lists are a whole bunch of wishful thinking….though I haven’t considered any on this list. Have a good day John.

    1. Good thing, Michael.

  18. haha…im glad i dont have any :))

    1. buckets or list? Or bucket list?

      1. haha, good one!! :))

  19. Oh, clever to have what NOT to put on your bucket list. #6 & # 4 should definitely not be on a list. I think you have completed #1! Have a great week and enjoy the sunshine and calm before spring break!

    1. Thank you, Jo. Have a great week as well.

  20. Damn, Buddy … I wish I’d read this list thirty-years back before I did number #1. Okay so I was in a cage, and well protected…who am I kidding? Give me the two-legged sharks anytime… at least they’ve never attempted to add me to their dietary requirements … Yeah, I’m certifiable, Diago.

    1. More laughs, Soooz

  21. So … learning to count should be next on my bucket list. I meant number #10. Although keeping me caged while I’m writing could be a good move.

  22. Sound advice, John! Thanks for the Monday night giggles. 🙂

    1. Thank you, Natalie.

  23. Brilliant, dear John! Number 10 especially! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    1. Thank you, Maria. 😀

  24. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    It’s another great top ten list from John Howell’s Fiction Favorites blog. This one features the top ten things not to put on your bucket list.

    1. Thank you, Don.

  25. Of course becoming a bestselling author is on my bucket list, John. Why else would any of us write [grin].

    1. Of course it is. Thanks, Robbie.

  26. 10, 6, and 1 … great list, John! I think sharks are cool, and I might IMAGINE swimming among them, but, in reality, I’d rather watch them on video 😉 #6 haunts me for obvious reasons. #1 — well, you have to at least try 😉

    1. Thank you, Marie. All good points. I threw in #1 to give myself resolve. 😀

      1. Hey, you’re living the dream, John, because you persisted and persevered. Jill Weatherholt asked for favorite quotes in one of her latest posts. Mine was “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” (George Eliot). I’m thinking of making that into a poster … maybe several posters … one for every wall of my house 😉

      2. I think that would be a great idea. 🙂

  27. Great “Ten Things” list, John. I’m in my 70’s so I need to keep telling myself that “92 is the new 62”. That practically makes me a youngster. Now if they’d just put an elevator in this dang building. 🙂 — Suzanne

    1. Being 76 myself I can identify with the elevator. Thanks, Suzanne. (I have one in my house.) 😀

%d bloggers like this: