Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 200 by Keith Channing

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, on Monday.”

The photo.

kreative kue # 200

The Mistake by John W. Howell

“So who do you have on your list?”

“Looks like an old man named Tasker.”

“Anyone else?”

“Nope. He’s the last one today.”

“Man, Thank the Creator. I’m totally worn out.”

“Me too. We have been at it for thirty days straight without a break.”

“Well, that’s how the collection business goes sometimes. Too bad those other guys got to have a vacation this week. It has made it especially tough on you and me.”

“I’ll second that. What’s say we do this one and then stop for a couple of drinks?”

“You are talking my language. Okay, we are over the guy right now.”

“You being the bombardier, just give me the word and I’ll cut loose.”

“Steady.  The guy is out in a field. Another three feet. Steady. Okay, now. Hit the beam.”

“Beam’s away. The guy should be here any second.”

“I hear him in the transport receptacle. Man, he is a noisy one.”

“Let me check it out on the observation screen. Uh-oh-oh.”

“What do you mean, ‘oh-oh?”‘

“If that is the old man Tasker he sure doesn’t look his age.”

“Let me look I have the facial recognition tool. Lucifer H. Beelzebub. We collected the right guy at the wrong time.”

“What do we do now?”

“I don’t know. I never had this problem before.”

“Are we in trouble?”

“For collecting someone who according to my tablet is not due for another seventy Earth years? You tell me.”

“Crap. We need to do something quick. Can’t we dump him?”

“No once collected, always collected.”

“We’ll just have to beg forgiveness.”

“Beg who, Tasker?”

“Naw. He knows nothing. We’ll have to beg the Creator.”

“No way. The last time I was meeting with the Creator I almost pooped my robes.”

“You don’t poop.”

“That’s what I wanted to do. I said almost. Besides you were the guy responsible for aiming. How did this happen?”

“I had my tablet open to the wrong year. Ever since that last download, this stupid thing reverts to a different year when you are sure you have set it right.”

“You better report that to IT. It may be the only way to save our butts.”

“Good plan. I feel better already.”

“What about Tasker? I wonder how he feels?”

“To be in heaven? I’m sure we can sell the advantages. Maybe we can tell him he was lucky we snatched him while he was in grace. Prevented a trip to the other place.”

“You well know he was in grace right up to the last minute or he would not have been on our list.”

“He doesn’t.”

“You want to lie to him?”

“You know, I think I have Post Collection Stress Disorder. I gotta ask for some time off.”

“Good luck with that. We will be lucky to see a vacation day in the next hundred Earth years.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do Landing at Plymouth Rock in 1620

 

Mayflower

The Mayflower

This post is a continuation of the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background. On December 11th, 1620 the pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. If you were there here is a list to help you stay out of trouble.

Top Ten Things Not to Do Landing at Plymouth Rock in 1620

10 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not suggest a beach party once reaching land. If you do, at best no one will understand you. At worst, there will be a realization on the part of the elders that you are possessed. ( You might as well confess, Gabriele. They won’t stop the water board treatment until you do. Of course, confession may lead to an old-fashioned stake burning. Tough decision.)

9 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not try to beat Tiny the WWF champ to a long-boat. If you do, at best you’ll trip and miss your chance. At worst, you’ll find yourself in the boat sitting next to Tiny, and he doesn’t look happy. (You’ll soon learn, Gadiel that Tiny promised his mom that he would be the first into the boat and first onto land. Now that he has missed his number one promise, it looks like you are about to be tossed overboard. If so, give that anchor he gave you to hold back to Tiny before you go.)

8 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not start telling everyone about planting a fish with the corn. If you do, at best you will be laughed out-of-town. At worst, since it is December and the ground is frozen solid, you might be taken for crazy. (Of course, you meant in the spring, Gair. The guys with that ball and chain could care less.)

7 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not mention anything about a turkey dinner for Thanksgiving. If you do, at best you’ll have to go hunting. At worst, the elders will quiz you closely about the reason to be thankful. It is cold, wet, and miserable. ( Now that they mention it, Galchobhar you may have tipped your hand about time travel. This can only lead to the thought that you are a devil. That thought never gets anyone anything.)

6 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not start talking about forming a football team named the Pilgrim Patriots. If you do, at best no one ever heard of football. At worst, you will immediately be accused of rule violations and will forever curse the team to public scorn. (So there is where all this New England Patriot controversy comes from, Galterieo. Might as well label it Pilgrimgate.)

5 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not wear your “I love Pope Paul V,” sweatshirt. If you do, at best no one will notice it under your black tunic. At worst, William Brewster will catch a glimpse, and reach an apocalyptic state of the highest order. (Good thing you were able to talk your way out of that one, Galvyn. Not sure anything Catholic would be welcome here.)

4 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not make jokes about the native tribe name Wampanoags. If you do, at best the native Americans will not hear you. At worst, Massasoit, their leader will take offense. ( Now we have another fine kettle of fish, Ganesh. The pilgrims need the Indian assistance, and the leader is mad at you. Guess who will be eliminated in this standoff?)

3 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not try to convince people to dig up clams for food. If you do, at best most will simply say, “No thank you.” At worst, you will be declared a food crank and banished. (You have to remember, Garbhach the idea of digging up something in the water and then eating it is not what most people think is normal.)

2 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not insist on building a split-level ranch home with a bay view. If you do, at best you’ll have to do it alone. At worst, the leadership will put you at the bottom of the priority list. (Nice move, Gared. You’ll be in this lean-to for another year at best.)

1 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not discuss your recipe for the perfect margarita with anyone. If you do, at best someone will report you. At worst, you’ll be asked to prepare a batch, and there is no tequila or limes anywhere. (How do these stocks feel, Garred? You only have thirty days to go.)

Views of the Neighborhood – A Little Like Christmas

Port Aransas is looking a little bit like Christmas, so I thought I would do a quick run through town and see what evidence I could find of holiday preparations

A Little Christmas

My first stop was Winton’s candy store. They have a pet rattlesnake inside, and sure enough, there is a cartoon version on one of the front windows.

The other window featured snow people who are very rare here unless served with some kind of syrup.

On to the souvenir shop for a look at an entirely non-commercial holiday message.

The other window had a festive message as well.

The IGA is all decked out.

The city banners are up. Here is a message from Port Aransas to you.

The city tree is ready with gifts and decorations.

The motel with an airplane theme has Snoopy out front preparing to meet the Red Baron.

Here is a shot of one of the resorts holiday display.

My summation is not everyone is ready for the holiday. Maybe there will be more this week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Musical”

 

Stream of Consciousness

It is Stream of Consciousness time again and this week’s prompt is “musical.” Linda Hill advises that we can use it any way we want. I love this kind of empowerment. If you would like to be too big for your shoes visit Linda’s blog and read how to join this band of hyperactive keyboard abusers.  Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/12/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-8-18/

Musical by John W. Howell © 2018

“What is that tune you are humming?”

“Tune?”

“Yes. You’ve been humming it all morning.”

“I have not.”

“Okay, then I need to go to the ear specialist to check for tinnitus.”

“What does it sound like?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Sometimes like the song from the Sound of Music musical.”

“Which one?”

“The Hills are alive with the sound of music, one.”

“I like that song. If I put my ear to yours do you think I could hear it too?”

“Get away from me. Other times it sounds like something classical.”

“Can you name it?”

“Night on Bald Mountain by Mussorgsky.”

“I’m not familiar. Can you hum it?”

“You have got to be kidding me. It is a full orchestration.”

“Anything else?”

“Maybe the Air That I Breathe by the Hollies.”

“Oh, I know that one. All I need is the air that I breathe and to love you.”

“You’re a little flat.”

“Finally Queen’s greatest hits.”

“You are kidding. The entire album? This sound like you are having some kind of musical breakdown.”

“I don’t think so. Lots of people have tinnitus.”

“Wait. What is that thing in your ear?”

“What thing?”

“That white thing.”

“Oh my gosh. It is my AirPod. I forgot it was there.”

“What about the tinnitus?”

“Without the AirPod it’s gone.”

“Yet more evidence that you are an idiot.”

“Anyone can forget an AirPod.”

“Anyone with the intelligence of a grape.”

“I think I was happier with tinnitus.”

“At least you had great music.”

“And I was never alone.”

“Spoken like someone who needs an intervention.”

 

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

Twiggy
“And who’s bright idea was this?”
“Looks like a Twiggy repellent device to me.”

 

The week has flown by. I’m not sure if it is because I don’t have my Christmas shopping started yet, or just a busy week. I always get a sense of panic when I don’t have my shopping done. This year is unusual in that I don’t even have an idea of the items to shop for as yet. Usually, I am ahead of the curve, but with all that’s been going on, I haven’t had the mental capacity to really concentrate.

Bailey takes a good deal of attention and time. She needs to go out every two hours which makes for a regulated day. On top of that, her medications and general care eat up some time as well. It isn’t the amount of time but the frequency of delivery.

We found out last week that the chemo treatments were causing some increased heart stress. So, for the second time, the cancer treatment was creating life-threatening problems. We have now stopped the chemotherapy. We know that in the end, this will shorten Bailey’s life. We also know that Bailey feels better without the treatment and so we are defaulting to quality vs. quantity. We tried everything, and now the objective is to make sure she is comfortable and loved for as long as she has.

Today’s JohnKu talks about hard decisions. I hope you all have a peaceful and fun weekend.

Decisions by John W. Howell © 2108

Some are easier,

Others are extremely tough. . .

All need to be made.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Setting Up the Tree

Lucy, Bailey, Twiggy

“Twiggy. I don’t think you are supposed to pull that snowman out of the  tote.”

“Yes, Bailey’s right. I feel a yell coming up real soon.”

“Okay, you two can relax. I’ll play with this toy.”

“I’ll keep an eye on her, Lucy.”

“Hey, dad. I’m glad you showed up. Bailey and Lucy say I can’t help with the decorations.”

“Well, you have to be careful. There are some things that could hurt puppies.”

“So what can I do to help?”

“Follow me. I’ll show you something you can do.”

“You want me to stand on this tore cover?”

“Yes, I need you to keep it from moving away.”

“Moving away? Aw, dad, this does not really help. You made this up.”

“As long as you stand there, I know it won’t move.”

“How about something meaningful? Like taking these boxes off the ornaments?

“Would be nice, Little Potato but you have no thumbs.”

“Thumbs? You know teeth and jaws were made long before thumbs.”

“That is what concerns me, sweetheart. Come over to the tree and get in the photo.”

 

“Okay, all of you smile.”

“Is it just me or does mom have a treat in her hand?”

“I think she is trying to get us to stay still, Lucy.”

“Well, it certainly is working. I’ll count to three, and we’ll rush her.”

“Okay Girls, thank you.”

“Twiggy. Get out from under that tree.”

“In a minute, Dad. This material is sumptuous.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

“Is it Friday yet?”
“Only Wednesday Little one.”

 

It is Wednesday Story Day again. Last week we were in Micki’s shop when Gloria gave us the news that Louis was not Sandusky’s murderer. She did advise Larry to look for a money angle. Also, Andrew missed the whole thing since he was under some kind of spell. Micki did offer to serve Andrew some tea if he would like to stay. (I think the tea was a metaphor) Well, Andrew turned her down, and he and Larry went back to police headquarters. Let’s join them there.

 

“So, Larry. What the heck went on back there?”

“Between you and Micki? I have no earthly idea.”

“No, you dolt. What happened during the séance?”

“Gloria made a brief appearance and declared Louis to be innocent.”

“Damn. You don’t say. This puts us back to square one.”

“Wait a minute. Do you believe in what Gloria says?”

“I have no other choice. You and I aren’t doing too well on collecting evidence.”

“That’s true but why all of a sudden are you accepting Gloria’s word with no reservations.”

“The mere fact I have no recall of the séance is enough to convince me. I wasn’t asleep, and I wasn’t awake. That was the work of spirits.”

“Well, whatever it takes. I’m glad you have come around fully.”

“It was my idea to consult Gloria this time around.”

“I thought you were just humoring me.”

“I plead guilty. Now I’m a convert. So what else did she say”?

“In so many words, chercher de l’argent.”

“Search for the money?”

“Yeah. That was it. Then she left.”

“So, you and I have to figure out what money she is talking about.”

“Which brings to mind that banker guy. What was his name.”

“Dixon, I think. Wait, I wrote his name down. Here it is, Ned Dixon.”

“Since he is a banker and banks have money, I think we should start with Ned.”

“That does make some sense, I guess. What will we ask him?”

“I think we start off with him explaining everything he knows about Sandusky and the business. Then as we get into it, we wait for him to make some mistake or another.”

“Mistake? What kind of mistake?”

“Oh, I don’t know. An inconsistency perhaps. Some facts that change. We’ll have him explain things several times to see how his story holds up.”

“What reason are you going to give for the questions.”

“I think I’ll just say we are investigating Sandusky’s death and that any information Dixon knows that might help would be appreciated.”

“You know if he has something to do with the killing, he’s going to bolt.”

“Yeah, but that will tell us something. I’m going to call him and get an appointment.”

“So, you’re doing an in-person interview?”

“Yup. The best way to be able to tell if the guy is hiding something.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Creative Kue #199 by Keith Channing

In Keith’s words now that he is back. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, on Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue # 199

The Square by John W. Howell © 2018

“Okay this is part 24B so why doesn’t it fit in slot 24?”

“You sure you read the instructions right?”

“I did. The next step is to fit part 24B into slot 24.”

“Why is the part so short then? Slot 24 is a foot bigger.”

“Yeah, that has me puzzled as well.”

“I have never seen such a confused mess in my whole life.”

“What do you mean ‘confused mess?'”

“Just look at this thing. Half the parts are not the right size, and it seems some are missing.”

“I checked all the parts before I began and they were all here.”

“Then why do you seem to have run out of material?”

“If I knew that I would have this conundrum solved. I called you for help not for stating the obvious.”

“Okay. I get it. Let me look at the plan.”

“It’s over there under the coffee cups.”

“Let me see. I just love these Ikea directions. I have a mechanical engineering degree and feel underqualified.”

“So what do you think?”

“For starters did you look at the picture?”

“No. Can’t say I did.”

“If you had you would realize this is supposed to be a square.”

“A square? I didn’t buy a square. I bought a rectangle. The foundation is for a rectangle.”

“You better look at your order then. You have a square. Did you get this at the Ikea store?”

“No, I ordered it online.”

“I think you better return it. You will never have enough material to finish a rectangle.”

“Look at my order. It clearly says the measurements are a rectangle.”

“All the better. It is their fault then. Wait what is this message in red?”

“Please check your order carefully before you begin assembly. No refunds or returns once assembly has begun.”

“Looks like you are screwed.”

“What if I order another square?”

“Humm let me see.  If I measure the sides and multiply by two. Yes, that will work.”

“I’m going to do it right now.”

“Just your luck you will get a rectangle.”

“That will work too.”

“Just think of the money you saved by ordering online.”

“Dark sarcasm in the classroom.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

 

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do at Napoleon’s Emperor Crowning Ceremony in 1804

napoleon-bonaparte

 

This post continues the Top Ten things not to do with a historical backdrop. On December 2, 1804, Napoleon Bonaparte himself Emperor of France. If you were there here are at least ten things that I hope you did not do. I hope you enjoy this list.

10 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not boo when he takes the crown from the pope and puts it on his head. If you do, at best do it quietly. At worst, you will be the new Emperor’s first guest at the guillotine. (This didn’t turn out the way you planned huh, Guy? Who would have thought the Emperor had no sense of humor? Hello, like everyone knew that, idiot.)

9 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not rush up to congratulate the new Emperor. If you do, at best, too many will be ahead of you. At worst, Tiny the WWF champ has been given the job of the Emperor’s bodyguard. (It is just your luck, Georgio that Tiny reacts to motion as opposed to intellect. Maybe the court doctor can reset those bones. In the meantime, drink more Champaign.)

8 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not think your old buddy is the same good guy as before becoming Emperor. If you do, at best, your hug of congratulations will be forgiven. At worst, you will wake up in the dungeon facing an assault charge. (For as many times as you and Boney partied together this comes as a complete surprise right, Garrett? Don’t worry I’m sure your buddy will reconsider. I would not hold your breath waiting though.)

7 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not wear your “Bring Back Louis XVI,” t-shirt. If you do, at best it will be taken as a joke. At worst, you will be the second guillotine guest of the Emperor. ( Whatever were you thinking when you decided to wear that shirt, Gunther? Sure it was your color but come on. )

6 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not overdo the champagne toasts. If you do, at best you have a terrible headache tomorrow. At worst, although you meant to say only complimentary comments in your last toast somehow it didn’t come out the way you planned. (Congratulations, Gallagher you are now a field marshal in charge of the Siberian front. Don’t forget your long underwear.)

5 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not ask Josephine to dance. If you do, at best she’ll say no thank you. At worst the full effect of the tap on the shoulder for a cut in by the Emperor will be realized. (What you didn’t know is the Emperor is a very jealous man. That tap signaled the home guard to drop you off in Spain, Garson.  Hope you enjoy paella.)

4 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not fail to laugh at the Emperor’s jokes. If you do, at best you can feign a cough. At worst, even though the Emperor tells the lousiest jokes the laughing guards will see you out. (Maybe a lesson learned, Garcia. I’ll bet you are hoping these laughing guards are going to see you home safely. That dungeon straight ahead might mean otherwise.)

3 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not make comments about the Emperors New Clothes. If you do, at best every one read the story. At worst, Napoleon who has not read the story will believe he is naked. (You know what they say about the messenger, Giuseppe. Sayonara.)

2 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not do karaoke. If you do, at best your song will be Happy Days Are Here Again. At worst, your song will be The Bohemian Rhapsody. (Good luck with the Freddy Mercury part, Grover. Just your luck the Emperor is a big fan of Queen.)

1 At Napoleon’s crowning, do not offer to fire the cannon in salute. If you do, at best the wick will go out. At worst, your cannon is not aimed well, and you just took out the Emperor’s bedroom. (You could offer your place for sleeping, Gebek or maybe better, just start running.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Holiday Parade

There was a parade yesterday in Port Aransas. It was the annual holiday parade to benefit the EMS toy roundup. There were so many who came to participate that to take photo’s of the parade itself would have made selecting which carts to show here an impossible task. So I went to the staging area and took some shots. Hopefully, you’ll get an idea of the festive nature of this parade.

Santa in an Aloha shirt

Folks decorate their golf carts and make a voluntary donation to the EMS toy roundup. Here is a number of carts arriving at the staging area.

The staging area is getting quite crowded.

Love the nose.

Gifts under the Christmas Palm tree

Quite a decorating job.

The kids love it.

The dogs love it.

Santa’s elves

EMS will lead the parade

Holiday dog.

A common sentiment here.

A jeep  to enforce the Don’t mess with Texas mantra.

Tree on a cart.

Holiday parade

Snowmen on a cart.

Old faithful.

Merry participants.

More participants.

Boat float.

Santa on a cart.