Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

April 18, 2018April 17, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 61 Comments

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week we were present when Frank Plano made a statement that there was a guy in Kenosha who would swear that Jason McDonnell was in the Severide house the night of the killing. A reader asked the appropriate question, “Who wasn’t at the Severide house the night they were killed?” Jason denied he was there. We did not believe him, and we don’t know if Frank found him truthful either. Let’s get back to Jason’s office and see if we can learn more.

“I’m telling you, Frank whoever said I was in that house is lying.”

“He seemed pretty sure, boss.”

“ Who is this guy anyway?”

“I think he is a very credible witness. Well except that he’s been supplying phony prescriptions to half the town.”

“I don’t get you. What do you mean phony prescriptions?”

“He’s the local pharmacist. He’s the guy that gave Sheriff Gibson the information that Trish was on drugs. Well, he gave an opinion that Lucas was getting drugs for his sister. He also told the Sheriff that he thought Trish was buried somewhere in Kenosha.”

“Well, that part is not true. Why is he saying I was at the Severide house?”

“That part is not clear. This guy has a hundred stories, and I think he is looking for fifteen minutes of fame.”

“He is treading on some pretty dangerous ground. Slander carries some pretty costly penalties.”

“I thought you should know what the guy is saying.”

“I appreciate that. Now, what are the next steps.”

“I think I should finish up my report and let you know who killed the Severides.”

“Good idea. Can you give me a hint?”

“It is a little more complex than that. Let me say, My case against this individual might be difficult to prove so I think I may want to set a little trap and maybe get a confession or at the very least some incriminating statement on tape.”

“This sounds dangerous. How you going to do it.”

“I’ll need your help.”

“How so.”

“You know those old Agatha Christie books and movies where everyone has gathered in a room and the inspector nails the guilty party?”

“Yeah. We going to do that?”

“Not exactly. I do intend to meet with this person and hopefully get the information I need. Otherwise, it will be my word against theirs.”

“So tell me. Who did it.”

“I need you to be patient. I don’t want any slip-ups. If you know you may inadvertently let the person know.”

“I know this person?”

“I didn’t say that. Trust me, boss. I need to set it up.”

“Okay, Frank. I must say you are acting very strange, but I’ll go with it. Let me know what I have to do.”

“Thanks, Boss. You won’t be sorry.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #170 by Keith Channing

April 17, 2018April 16, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 45 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The photo.

“How much air does he have left in there?”

“I would say about ten minutes.”

“Hello out there.”

“Yes, sir what is it?”

“You know I can hear you through the intercom?”

“Yes, we know that. We are trying to figure a way to get you out of there.”

“What do you mean by ten minutes of air.”

“Uh, that is a hermetically sealed capsule. The only air you have is what is inside. The canisters look to have about ten minutes left.”

“Don’t sugar coat it. How much time do I have?”

“My God, Man. I just told you. Ten— excuse me, Nine minutes.”

“Y’all better get humping on that solution then.”

“Well, sir. We thought we would take our lunch break now.”

“Don’t get cute. You know what I mean.”

“Unfortunately we do, sir.”

“I wish my hands weren’t handcuffed I would try to help.”

“Oh, don’t worry sir. We doubt you would be able to do too much to help.”

“Why say something mean like that?”

“Not to point out the obvious but you were the one insisting on the handcuffs.”

“Makes for a better simulation.”

“And I have the key. See it here.”

“I see it. I gave it to you when we closed the hatch.”

“That you did sir. Tell me again what you hoped to accomplish?”

“This is going to be the greatest escape trick ever. An astronaut handcuffed in space does the amazing feat of freeing himself and then gliding to earth.”

“You insisted on locking the hatch as well.”

“Of course. Don’t you see how difficult it will make the trick seem.”

“Not only seem, sir. But in reality almost impossible.”

“What do you mean?”

“Remember when you grabbed the key just as the hatch slammed shut.”

“Yes, I wanted to be able to open it.”

“Good thinking, sir. Except, the key works from the outside. The hatch automatically locks when shut. Hmm. Six minutes.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Photographing Doors

April 16, 2018April 15, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 60 Comments

The inspiration for this list is the Thursday Door prompt as interpreted by Dan Antion. I have often thought when looking at his photos what would happen if certain things went wrong. So here they are, and I’m glad to report Dan has done none of these things.

10 If you are taking door photos, do not ignore that no trespassing sign. If you do, at best you’ll get a warning shot. At worst, the owner will have a pack of wild dogs trained to discourage trespassing. (You finally found out how quickly you can run, Donahue. Too bad those dogs are faster.)

9 If you are taking door photos, do not keep shooting pictures while Tiny, the WWF Champ is waving at you. If you do, at best, he is friendly. At worst, he just entered the witness protection program and thinks you are on the opposite team. (This would be a good time to try out those new Nike running shoes, Donato. Oh dear, you forgot to wear them? Try not to scream then.)

8 If you are taking door photos, do not try to shoot and drive. If you do, at best, you’ll get many photos of your reflection. At worst, you are so occupied you miss that curve. (Looks like you are in someone’s bedroom, Donny. I think I would make up a story and fast.)

7 If you are taking door photos, do not continue to back up without looking behind you. If you do, at best you’ll fall into a flower bed. At worst, you now know the meaning of free fall, Dontell. I don’t think flapping your arms is going to help. You can try it though.)

6 If you are taking door photos, do not forget to keep your thumb out of the field of vision. If you do, at best one or two will turn out. At worse, your door photos all have a significant close up of your thumb. (No matter how you try to sell the shot as artistic, Duante, everyone knows what really happened.)

5 If you are taking door photos, do not become distracted by the obscure. If you do, at best some of your fans might enjoy the “door to the alley” shot. At worst, that close up of a ham sandwich looks to be anything but a ham sandwich. (Looks like those comments are not going in your favor, huh Dorion?)

4 If you are taking door photos, do not focus on only those door you like. If you do, at best your audience will fade. At worst, after the one-hundredth shot of the Burger King entrance, someone will mercifully take your camera away from you. (You’ll be able to get it back, Doughall after a hundred hours of community service.)

3 If you are taking door photos, do not try to include exciting people. If you do, at best they’ll only cover up the door. At worst, you’ll have someone in your shot who has a thing about obscene gestures. (Okay I would take that one over, Draven. This is a family post after all.)

2 If you are taking door photos, do not think the weather will co-operate. If you do, at best some will think that door photo with snowflakes is artistic. At worst, your light setting will be thrown off by the repeated lightning strikes. (You need to find cover, Driscol. You also need to get some rubber shoes for grounding. My goodness the last bolt did some funny things to your hair.)

1 If you are taking door photos, do not think you need to have each one be perfect. If you do, at best you will shoot so many that you run out of memory. At worst, you will photo shop the photo until it no longer looks like the door you shot. (What makes you think folks want to see a business building door look like the entrance to the Vatican, Duff?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Belt Sander Races

April 15, 2018April 14, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 78 Comments

There is a saying around town that we now know things are getting back to normal after Hurricane Harvey. Evidence of regular is as follows:

The popcorn machine and coffee pot are back in operation at the ACE Hardware store.

The lights at Alister and Avenue C are now working.

The Belt Sander Races are on again at the Gaff. The truck in the foreground is the Gaff delivery vehicle or a chicken coop. No one knows for sure.

Here is a photo of the race contestants.

Here is the track. Notice the extension cords running the length of the path. That’s so the belt sanders can keep going.

The spectators are fueling up for an afternoon of racing. There is music as well. The one thing that is missing is the roof. Last year there was a roof.

The announcers stand.

A warning to parents about rowdy kids.

Pit crew

A bold statement but as far as I know totally true.

One last look at the contestants.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Mon.”

April 14, 2018April 13, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 31 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this week’s prompt is “mon.” Linda Hill says we can use “mon” as part of a word or by itself. The only word I can think of that is a stand-alone use of mon is a greeting from Jamaica. “Hey mon!” After that, I have a problem. I guess I will soldier on. If you would like to increase your stress level go to Linda’s blog and read how. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/04/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-14-18/

Mon by John W. Howell © 2108

“Monday, Monday, so good to me
Monday mornin´, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday mornin´, Monday mornin´ couldn´t guarantee
That Monday evenin´ you would still be here with me.”

“Okay, what is going on.”

“I have a song in my heart, and it is Monday, Monday.”

“This is Saturday. Why Monday?”

“Hey, mon. I’m an entertainer don’t ya know.”

“Bob Marley, right?”

“You are a monumental genius, mon.”

“You can stop anytime now.”

“You afraid I will monopolize the women at the party tonight?”

“Not really. More like you’ll drive them away with your monotonous one-man act.”

“You want to join in? This could be a moneymaker.”

“Moneymaker how could that be possible?”

“You think my singing is pretty monstrous, right?”

“Um, sort of an understatement.”

“Well then what do you think the people will do when I offer to stop for a monetary consideration?”

“I suppose they will give you money.”

“Right you are. What if I give them a full monte?”

“They will throw the money at you and then throw you out.”

“Perfect plan. Want to join?”

Friday John Ku – AKA – TGIF

April 13, 2018April 12, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 73 Comments

Friday has arrived once more. Given the way the stock market has been behaving, I have one more reason to love Friday. It is the eve of two days where the idiots of Wall Street have to be content with no trades. So, no matter what Trump Tweets, or what Congress does not decide, or who Syria decides to murder, the market stays where it is for two blessed days.

When we decide to give up our day jobs things like market volatility take on a new perspective. While working, any drops in the market can be viewed as an “oh well,” situation. While retired, such declines are accompanied by a nitro-glycerin capsule under the tongue. Sage advice is to think in long-term concepts both for those still working and retired folks. That is good advice to follow as long as there is still some lifeline in the long-term.

Today’s JohnKu talks about stability. I hope you have a great weekend.

Steady as she goes,

Is good for the heart and soul . . .

Chaos takes its toll.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy, Lucy, and Bailey Playtime

April 12, 2018April 11, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 96 Comments

“Okay, Dad. Mom got me this terrific toy, and I wonder if Lucy and Bailey want to play.”

“Well, let’s just go up and see.”

“Hey, Boss. What’s this thing you dropped on the floor.”

“That is Frenchie Vanilla. Twiggy’s toy.”

“Frenchie Vanilla, Pops? Pretty cute I would say.”

“Yes, and Twiggy wants to know if you want to play?”

“Woah. Here she comes. You mean play with her don’t, you? Excuse me I gotta dash.”

“Yes, that is exactly what I mean you big chicken.”

“I can play from up here, Pops.”

“I don’t know, Baily. She looks pretty much fun.”

“Hey, Lucy. Got you on the butt. You’re it.”

“Yeah. A lot of fun, Lucy.”

“Okay, Lucy. Bet I can make you blink.”

“Not me, little stuff. I come from a long line of non-blinkers.”

“See, little one. Made you blink.”

“Okay, you win. What’s with Bailey and the couch?”

“She likes her playmates to be a bit bigger. She doesn’t want to hurt you is all.”

“Is that the truth, Dad?”

“I think so, Twiggy. Lucy would know better than me. Go play with her.”

“So Lucy. Want to play hide and seek?”

“Sure. You go hide.”

“How about you Bailey. I’ll be ‘it’ if you want.”

“Well, Twiggy. You promise not to get underfoot?”

“Sure I promise. I’ll spit in my paw and kiss this cover so you know I’m sincere.”

“Good enough for me. Come on Lucy. Let’s go hide. Twiggy count to twenty.”

“One, Two, uh three. Hey Dad.”

“Yes, Twiggy?”

“What comes after three?”

“I think I would sing ‘rock a bye baby’ instead.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

April 11, 2018April 10, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

Thank heavens it’s Wednesday. Twiggy’s all in.

Wednesday Story day again and last we were somewhat mortified to know that Trish Severide and Jason McDonnell have been carrying on an affair. They thought it was all a secret until Frank Plano openly asked Trish about it. She immediately went to Jason to complain about his telling Frank. To her surprise, Jason had not said a word. So the plot, stew, soup, oatmeal, milkshake or whatever descriptor you want to pick, thickens. I see Jason just hung up the phone and Frank is sitting in the outer office. This scene may give Dan Antion (the namesake for the town of Antion, Illinois) some badly needed information which may help him get out of that neck brace. Let’s go.

“Frank. Come on in. Have a seat.”
“I was just around the corner when you called. What’s up?”
“Guess who just left here in a fit of pique.”
“Fit of pique? What does that mean?”
“Sorry. Old time expression. With her panties in a wad. How’s that?”
“I’m sure I don’t know for sure, but I could guess, Trish.”
“And why do you suppose she was so upset?”
“Um. Cause I mentioned, she was having sex with you.”
“Correctamundo, Frank. What the hell are you trying to do anyway?”
“Me? I’m not the one having sex with her. I could ask you the same question.”
“Yes you could but see the difference is you work for me not the other way around.”
“Okay, now that you played the boss card. What’s next. Huh, boss?”
“I would like to know how you found out Trish and I were having an affair.”
“I don’t think you’ll buy the little birdie story.”
“Knock it off, Frank. This is not a laughing matter.”
“Boss. Uh, may I call you boss? You must know I can’t divulge my sources. I gave them assurance that the information was safe with me.”
“I don’t give a rip about your assurances. I want to know who tipped you off?”
“Let’s just say when you go out-of-town to have some yum yum with a woman who has a reputation, there are folks who notice.”
“Out of town? What the hell are you talking about?”
“Did you not go to Kenosha for one of your love fests?”
“Um. Let me think. Why, yes. Yes, we did. That was weeks ago.”
“Must have made an impression on the poor soul who witnessed a lawyer falling all over a client much to the violation of the code of ethics.”
“Okay, now that sounds like a threat.”
“Settle down, boss. You have much more to worry about than me turning you in to the State Bar.”
“What do you mean?”
“There is a guy in Kenosha who will swear you were in the Severide house the night they were killed.”
“Bullshit. That’s a bald-faced lie.”
“Is it, boss? Is it?

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 168 by Keith Channing

April 10, 2018April 9, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 41 Comments

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The photo.

“Okay, you guys. We need to take a break.”

“Gee, dad we just got started.”

“Well, we have been hiking for an hour, so we need to rest.”

“Aw come on Randy. Give pop a break. He’s getting older now and needs his rest.”

“Very funny, Joe. I think we need to conserve our energy is all.”

“You bring any snacks?”

“Yes, Randy. I brought some trail mix to munch on. It’s way too early for that though. We just had breakfast.”

“I was just checking.”

“So, pop what are we going to see today?”

“I’m glad you asked, Joe. Here is a booklet of the kinds of things we should see.”

“Awesome. Are you sure all of these are in this area.”

“Well, I can’t guarantee every one of those, but hopefully we will see a lot of them.”

“Let me look, Joe.”

“Here you go, little guy.”

“Wow. I can’t wait to get going again.”

“You guys know we have to be very quiet if we are going to spot them.”

“We know dad. Trying to keep pipsqueak quiet might be a chore.”

“I’m not a pipsqueak. Did we bring a camera?”

“Yes, Randy. We have a camera. Okay, guys, before we begin, let’s go over a couple of rules.”

“Aw, dad. We don’t need rules.”

“Quiet Randy. Let pop explain.”

“Thank you, Joe. Okay, here they are. Short and simple. Try not to make any noise. Don’t move when we get near them. This one is the most important. Do not run if they come toward us. Just hold still. Any questions?”

“I can’t wait.”

“Which is your favorite Randy?”

“I think I like the Rapters best.”

“I have to go for good old T-Rex. Those teeth. Massive.”

“Okay, boys. Let’s go.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Are Hanging Out With a Vampire – Book Launch by Charles E. Yallowitz

April 9, 2018April 7, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 80 Comments

In celebration of the launch of War of Nytefall, I invited Charles to take over the Top Ten duties for today. Also, it is Charles’ birthday so today is very special. Without delay, I give you Charles E. Yallowitz.

A big thanks to John, especially for letting me do one of his famous ‘Top 10’ lists in order to promote my new book. Since my latest fantasy adventure series, War of Nytefall: Loyalty, revolves around vampires, we’re going to go over some warnings to keep in mind. (For fun, check out the opposing list on My Train of Thoughts On . . .)

If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not try to invite them to brunch. If you do, at best they’ll be a Dawn Fang and say they aren’t hungry. At worst, you will end up eating across from a pile of ashes and be asked to leave since it’s a non-smoking establishment. (You didn’t even get your third mimosa!)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not show off your crucifix collection. If you do, at best they’ll run away, and the friendship is over. At worst, they’ll take offense at the pushing of a stereotype and break the cross handed down through the generations over your head. (The time he invited you to a Passover Seder might have been a clue that this wouldn’t work.)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not repeatedly ask them if they hang out at high schools. If you do, at best you’ll end up sitting through a long rant about how Joss Whedon and Stephanie Meyers should be sued for defamation of character. At worst, you’ll be stripped naked and put in the nearest school gym locker to see how you like being called a pervert. (What is it with humans and having vampires go after jailbait?)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not challenge them to a boxing match. If you do, at best you will be knocked out with one punch and wake up in the hospital. At worst, your head will sail through the window, across the street, and land in the punch bowl of the latest meeting of the ‘Sufferers of Decapitation Nightmares’. (Tiny the WWF Champ never could hold back.)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not eat food with tons of garlic. If you do, at best your friend will be a Dawn Fang and politely flick a mint into your mouth. At worst, the vampire goes into anaphylactic shock and ends up in the hospital. (No, doctor, I’m sure this person has a pulse, and it’s the machine that’s wrong.)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not take them to the House of Mirrors. If you do, at best they’ll not see their reflection and play pranks on the other people. At worst, they will see their reflection and be violently embarrassed by a large scrap of jogger stuck in their fangs. (It’s hard enough to floss without sword-like teeth stabbing you in the hand.)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not talk to them with a corny Dracula accent. If you do, at best they’ll tell you to stop being an idiot. At worst, you’ll learn that Dracula was their uncle and you really shouldn’t make fun of his speech impediment. (Not his fault his fangs were four times larger than that of your average vampire. In fact, most women would say . . . Okay, moving on.)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not ask to try what they’re drinking. If you do, at best you’ll get sick and learn your lesson. At worst, you’ll find that you enjoy the taste and go on a feeding frenzy as the ghoulish servant of your new master. (That’s for eating all that garlic. Even a human would have found that stench nauseating.)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not tell everyone around that your friend is a blood-drinking creature. If you do, at best people won’t believe you and call the men in white suits. At worst, you’ll find out how many vampire hunters are in the area and be the only one left to explain all the bodies to the cops. (There’s a reason we don’t announce ourselves, Billy!)
If you are hanging out with a vampire, do not insist on watching ‘Blade’ every time you hang out. If you do, at best they’ll say yes. At worst . . . You know what? That’s going to be fine. Even vampires will admit to loving that movie. Just tone down the garlic popcorn this time. (Seriously, do you eat that much to counter a chronic health condition?)

Book Blurb

In the wake of the Great Cataclysm, a new predator will emerge within Windemere’s shadow.

For fifty years, Clyde has remained buried while the rest of the vampires have been battling against their enemies. Only Mab believes that her former partner survived his execution and is determined to bring him back to the city of Nyte. Retrieving the vampiric thief is only the beginning as he comes out of the ground stronger, faster, and demonstrating powers that their kind have never witnessed throughout their ancient history. Thrown into the war, Clyde must be careful to hide his true nature while fighting alongside his old friends. Too bad he is having so much fun that keeping his secret might be furthest from his mind.

Will anyone be ready for the rise of the Dawn Fangs?

Grab your copy of War of Nytefall: Loyalty on Amazon!

Author Info

Charles Yallowitz was born and raised on Long Island, NY, but he has spent most of his life wandering his own imagination in a blissful haze. Occasionally, he would return from this world for the necessities such as food, showers, and Saturday morning cartoons. One day he returned from his imagination and decided he would share his stories with the world. After his wife decided that she was tired of hearing the same stories repeatedly, she convinced him that it would make more sense to follow his dream of being a fantasy author. So, locked within the house under orders to shut up and get to work, Charles brings you Legends of Windemere. He looks forward to sharing all of his stories with you, and his wife is happy he finally has someone else to play with.

Blog: www.legendsofwindemere.com
Twitter: @cyallowitz
Facebook: Charles Yallowitz
Website: www.charleseyallowitz.com