Top Ten Things Not to Do While Tailgating at a Football Game.

September 11, 2017September 10, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

Tailgating

The inspiration for this list is the return of the American football season. The college schedule is in full swing and here are a few things to avoid this year.

10 If you are tailgating, do not set out an overstuffed couch. If you do, at best folks will think you are so seventies. At worst, someone may get confused and believe that they are in Morgantown West Virginia and set fire to it. (You thought it was going to be a statement of elegance didn’t you, Baltizar?)

9 If you are tailgating, do not think a candelabra belongs in a stadium parking lot. If you do, at best your fellow tailgaters will take you for an effete intellectual snob. At worst, Tiny the WWF champ who has been mourning the passing of Liberace will believe you mean for him to join your party. (A sad, drunk Tiny is not a pretty picture is it, Barnaby?)

8 If you are tailgating, do not set up a beer pong table. If you do, at best you might attract the wrong crowd. At worst, that young person who has been playing so well is carded by the police. (Nice to know you are now charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor huh, Barrington?)

7 If you are tailgating, do not think yours is going to be the best grill in the lot. If you do, at best the one next door is better. At worst, your grill does not even rank in the top one hundred. (CNN wants to interview you for a feature named “The Biggest Grill Losers.” Time to pack up, Beauregard)

6 If you are tailgating, do not think your propane tank is full without checking. If you do, at best you give new meaning to medium rare. At worst, no one in the lot will be willing to loan you their propane tank. (Everyone you ask gives you that “Get away from me look right, Bennet?)

5 If you are tailgating, do not forget your portable satellite antenna. If you do, at best you’ll have to attend the game. At worst, you may get caught trying to tap into the antenna cable next door. (You thought it would be a quick splice and done. How’s that black eye feeling, Bixby?)

4 If you are tailgating, do not run out of your favorite beverage. If you do, at best you’ll have water. At worst, trying to borrow a cup of beer from your neighbors will be met with scorn. (Who knew everyone would turn their back on you, Bronson?)

3 If you are tailgating, do not forget to wear your team colors. If you do, at best everyone will assume you are a guest. At worst, those around you who are in favor of one team will think you are in favor of the other. (No use trying to explain that you love their team, Byron.)

2 If you are tailgating, do not serve petits-fours to your guests. At best they will claim to be full. At worst, you see them at another tailgate gorging themselves on chili and polish sausage. (You have to remember where you are, Baldwin.)

1 If you are tailgating, do not over serve yourself. If you do, at best you can über home. At worst, you’ll have to ask your partner to drive home. (How many lectures will it take so you never do that again, Barnabas?)

Views of the Neighborhood

September 10, 2017September 10, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 74 Comments

We are so happy to finally be able to go back to our home in Port Aransas. The water, electricity, and sewer are all functional. None of the repairs have started, but the house is livable. We need to say goodbye to Austin

This first picture is of the State Capital building in Austin

The spirit of Texas is reflected in the inlay of the floor directly below the dome. You can see the inlay pays homage to the five countries who at one time ruled the Republic of Texas. Counter clockwise from the top left is Spain, Next is France, next to Mexico, which is next to the Confederate States of America, and finally The United States of America.

The dome is directly above

Here is a memorial to those who lost their lives in the Alamo.

A photo of the downtown from Mount Bonnell which is the highest point in the city.

We cannot leave Austin without paying homage to its weirdness. The photo below shows a group on a pub crawl which is a mechanical device that all the participants need to pedal.

Austin and Port Aransas

So now a photo of the dawn over the Gulf in Port Aransas taken on Saturday morning.

Another shot taken Saturday

I will be able to show you some before and after shots of the community. It is still too soon, and people do not need me taking up space shooting photos around town while they are trying to restore their lives.

We all need to remember those who are in the path of Irma. Thank you for joining me, and it feels good to be home.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Motive”

September 9, 2017September 8, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 34 Comments

It is Steam of Consciousness Saturday and this weeks prompt is “motive.” Linda Hill says we can use the word any way we want. If you would like to join in the fun, please go to Linda’s site and read all about it. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2017/09/08/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-917/

“I wonder what gimmick the seminar leader is going to use to motivate us.”

“Oh, I believe it is the old trust your fellow workers with exercises designed to make us all not trust each other.”

“Ha ha ha. remember that time we were supposed to catch Jenkins as he fell.”

“My gosh, that was funny. He fell right on his head. Did he ever come back to work?”

“I heard they set him to a feelings doctor. He had PSSD.”

“PSSD? What’s that?”

“Post Seminar Stress Disorder.”

“No kidding. I think I have had that myself.”

“What do you suppose is management’s motive for this kind of foolishness.”

“They call it team building. I guess it’s meant to bring us together.”

“I never did forgive Simmons for that paint ball shot to the groin.”

“I’m not surprised. To see you on the ground crying like a baby is not a vision soon forgotten.”

“That was not my proudest moment. How about you? That time you were left out in the woods with no shoes.”

“My team was supposed to fetch me a pair.”

“Too bad the bar opened before they could get back.”

“I hate those people.”

“All we have is each other in this thing. I got your back.”

“Aw, thanks, man. I love you too. Oops here comes the leader.”

“Ladies and gentleman please give me your attention. This seminar is a little different from most. At the end of the week, the company will be promoting half of you based on how well you do with a pay increase of 10% above your current level. The other half will return to their old jobs at a wage level of 90 % of the previous amount.”

“Did you hear that?”

“You talking to me? Do I know you?

Friday John Ku – AKA – TGIF

September 8, 2017September 6, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 47 Comments

TGIF

Another Friday here in Austin Texas. We are still waiting for word on the return to Port Aransas. We can’t go back until the electricity is turned on and it is still off. There was some word that it would be back on by tomorrow but we have heard that word before. All we can do is sit and wait.

We are getting no call backs from suppliers. They are swamped.

We are very concerned for the folks in Florida and today’s JohnKu goes out to them.

When the time comes due,

Get out of the way of storms . . .

To stay is not brave.

Thursday – A Little Personal – A call for Volunteers

September 7, 2017September 5, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

Lucy

“Hey, Boss.”

“Yes, Lucy?”

“Aren’t you releasing a book on October 1st?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Don’t you think it is time to ask for some help?”

“So stand aside and I’ll make a call for volunteers.”

I will be launching Circumstances of Childhood, a fictional family life story, with a traditional blog tour. The material will be ready for publication and just needs a copy and paste. The scheduled launch is October 1st. and the material will get to you a week before. If you would like to participate please send an e-mail to me at:

johnhowell (dot) wave (at) gmail.com

Here is the blurb.

When a former pro football star and broadcaster, now a Wall Street maven is accused of insider trading, will he be able to prove his innocence and expose those who are guilty?

Greg and his boyhood pal dreamed of big success in professional football and then later in business. Greg was the only one to live the dream. Now the founder of an investment fund Greg is faced with a routine audit finding by the SEC. The audit points to irregularities and all the tracks lead to Greg. The justice department hits him with an indictment of 23 counts of fraud, money laundering, and insider trading. His firm goes bust, and Greg is on his own.

His best friend knows he is innocent but has been ordered under penalty of eternal damnation not to help.

If you enjoy stories of riches to rags, redemption, brotherly love, and a little of the paranormal, Circumstance of Childhood will keep you riveted.

Thank you.

Stella

“Perfect, John.”

Bailey

“Nice Job, Pop.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

September 6, 2017September 5, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

Hump Day

Wednesday story day again. Last week we were there when Mrs. Murphy came off hook regarding Seth’s pressing an investigation on Lucas. Most of us believe Seth and Harriet have some kind of agenda in this whole matter. I see that Seth is entering Lucas’ room right now, so we better get over there.

“Hey, Lucas. How you doing?”
“F-fine sheriff.”
“You can call me Seth if you want.”
“W-what can I do for you, sir?”
“Okay, Lucas I understand. I just stopped in to see how you were doing.”
“Well, I’m getting better. Some how I think there is another reason.”
“Well, I placed a call to the lawyer your friend Harriet employed, and he said I’m not supposed to ask you any questions until he has a chance to visit with you. So I’m not here to ask anything, just to see how you’re doing.”
“If that’s the case then you should know that I’m doing fine and expect to get out of here soon.”
“That is good news. Where do you plan to go when released?”
“Isn’t that a question?”
“My goodness boy. I can attest to the fact that your brain is working well.”
“Okay, gentlemen. Let’s not have any conversation until I give this man a briefing. Has the sheriff asked you anything Lucas?”
“Just where I’ll be staying after I get out of the hospital. Are you Miss Harriet’s lawyer?”
“That’s correct. Jason McDonnell at your service. Now sheriff would you please excuse us.”
“Sure will uh, Jason. Bear in mind I would like to get a statement from your client here.”
“For what purpose Sheriff Gibson?”
“An ongoing investigation on the murder of his parents and disappearance of his sister.”
“Have you filed any charges?”
“Well, no. I’m just in the investigation phase.”
“We will help in any way we can, Sheriff, but until charges are filed, I see no reason for you to meet with my client. If you want to talk, please call my office, and I will set up a time that is convenient.”
“How about we talk now?”
“Not a chance. I need to discuss this with my client. Please excuse us.”
“You lawyers sure make things complex.”
“And keep innocent people from being railroaded by the likes of you. Good day sheriff.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 138 by Keith Channing

September 5, 2017September 4, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 41 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keith@channing.info before 6 pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The photo:

Kreative Kue #138

“Keep it down. He’s coming.”

“I’m afraid to look.”

“Don’t worry he can’t see you.”

“I’m still afraid. Tell me what he looks like.”

“He is wearing denim pants, a black t-shirt, and get this, he has a buzz cut.”

“A buzz cut?”

“Can you believe it?”

“Aw, this makes it too easy.”

“I know right. Wait he is carrying something in his hand.”

“What is it?”

“Some kind of bag. At least we only have to worry about the one hand. It is the right one by the way.”

“I am always concerned about getting hit by the right hand.”

“There are two of us. Don’t you think we can have our way with him?”

“There is still a chance he could smack one of us with that hand.”

“Well, this is the chance we will have to take. He’s getting closer.”

“Be still my beating heart.”

“Oh, C’mon. Be brave buckaroo. On my count, we will jump him.”

“This is the worst part. I wish I were born as someone else.”

“Why? You have a great life.”

“What’s so great about having to drop down on a mammal and hope not to be slapped flat.”

“But after you get your fill you just sleep. That buzz cut means you can hit the sweet spot on the head and he’ll never know. Now get ready and try not to make that whining noise with your wings.”

“You gotta be kidding me. All mosquitos make that noise.”

“Yeah, I was kidding. Pre-mission humor. Let’s go.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do After a Hurricane Hits Your House

September 4, 2017September 2, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 66 Comments

Top Ten Things Not to Do

10 If a hurricane hits your house, do not start a Go Fund Me campaign. If you do, at best you’ll look like a privateer. At worst, you may not collect anything but some old Chucky Cheese tokens. ( Made you feel better for a day huh, Boewolf?)

9 If a hurricane hits your house, do not rush into the community to see how things are. If you do, at best you won’t be allowed in. At worst, you will get in and then need to be rescued. ( You thought the rain was over didn’t you, Berton?)

8 If a hurricane hits your house and you are allowed to visit, do not plan to stay the night. If you do, at best the police will ask you to leave. At worst, you’ll try to sleep in temperatures above ninety degrees. (You now know what a pig on a spit feels like don’t you, Blaze.)

7 If a hurricane hits your house, do not listen to fast talking con artists. If you do, at best you just say no. At worst, you authorize some repairs and hand over a down payment. (That was the last time you saw your best friend, right, Boswell?)

6 If a hurricane hits your house, do not try to turn on the water and electricity yourself. If you do, at best there will be no leaks. At worst, the broken main flooded the electrical box, and your house burned to the ground. (Gee, Branan. Maybe that plumber and electrician might have been cheaper than DYI.)

5 If a hurricane hits your house, do not open your refrigerator while alone. If you do, at best stand up wind. At worst, you could be overcome by the smell and need to be evacuated. (Shoulda thought about removing that food when you left, Brick.)

4 If a hurricane hits your house, do not drink the water until advised. If you do, at best you’ll survive. At worst, you will get amoebic dysentery. (You will survive, Bren it’s just you’ll pray you won’t.)

3 If a hurricane hits your house, do not violate the curfew. If you do, at best you’ll need to be quiet and not turn on a flashlight. At worst, the police will think you are a looter. (not very comfortable dodging bullets in your own home is it, Bryson?)

2 If a hurricane hits your house, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ to help you remove debris. If you do, at best you’ll have to feed him. At worst, he won’t know the difference between debris and the good stuff. (You were almost positive that west wall was okay before Tiny started working right, Byron?)

1 If a hurricane hits your house, do not delay filing all the forms. If you do, at best you will be at the bottom of the list. At worst, all the funding will be gone, and you will be left without help. (Seems like your distaste for forms has finally caught up with you, Brogan.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Austin

September 3, 2017September 2, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 62 Comments

Since we are still in Austin and looks like we will be for another week at least, this edition of Viewscomes from where we are since the views of Port Aransas are not very pretty.

Views of the Neighborhood

Here is a shot of the capital building taken from 5th Avenue and Lamar which is close to where we are staying.

Lucy and Bailey are used to a morning walk on the beach so if you don’t mind here is a pictorial of our morning walk in Austin. This is a shot of the city looking East back over our shoulders.

The first thing Lucy and Bailey had to get used to was the crosswalk.

Here is the crushed granite trail looking West. Not sand but close.

This is a view of the trail looking back toward the East

A watering station. Bailey says, “Pass.”

A lovely little creek running under the path

A shot of a golden lab hitting the water.

This is Town Lake which runs on the South side of the trail. The Golden Retriever is on the right and boaters way off to the left.

I was surprised to see Poison Ivy warnings.

Views of the Neighborhood

This is the East end of Town Lake

Fluffy white dog in the water.

All I need is the air that I breathe.

This is a platform for viewing Town Lake. The graffiti says SLEEPY and on a hot day this looked like a good nap place.

Historical information about Town Lake (Shoal Creek) and the founding of Austin as the capital

The most Eastern bank of Town Lake

Some turtles in a muddy flooded creek.

Another shot of the Eastern edge of Town Lake.

Hope you enjoyed the walk.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt Birth/Berth

September 2, 2017September 1, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 40 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this weeks prompt is Birth/Berth. Linda Hill says we can use one or the other or both. If you would like to have fun with us, please visit Linda’s blog and read all about it. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2017/09/01/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-217/

“Tell me again. What is your emergency.”

“I’m stuck in the upper berth on a boat, and a deer is giving birth in the lower berth.”

“Okay maybe it has been a long day, but there are a lot of birth words in your statement. Let’s break it down. You are stuck in the upper berth of a boat?”

“Yes. I can’t move.”

“Thank you. Where is the boat?”

“It is berthed in the marina.”

“Of course it is. What is the name of the boat?”

“Birth of the Blues.”

“Why am I not surprised. Tell me what happened?”

“I was trying to get away from the deer and jumped into the upper Berth.”

“Okay, and how did you get stuck?”

“I got wedged. I guess I should have left my tool belt back in the truck.”

“The deer was chasing you?”

“Yes, and I ran for this boat with her in hot pursuit.”

“Tell me about the deer.”