
The inspiration for this list came from listening to comments made by some of the over 100,000 visitors to our island over the weekend. If you plan on visiting an island at least you have been warned.
10 On an island, do not expect the internet to work all day. If you do, at best you’ll miss some precious e-mails. At worst, that report that was due at the office on Friday at noon is still in your outbox Sunday night. (So much for telling the boss you were working from home hey, Homer?)
9 On an island, do not expect the ferry service to run on time. If you do, at best you will have an unplanned delay. At worst, you finally ran out of gas while sitting in the line and Tiny the WWF champ is behind the wheel of a bulldozer driving towards you. (Tiny has his orders to clear the line and no one told him how to do it. Don’t worry, Ferd, your car is now part of the reef infrastructure which is a good thing.)
8 On an island, do not expect continuous electrical service. If you do, at best you’ll miss your favorite TV show. At worst, that two days of fish you caught will give you a great surprise when you discover them at room temperature in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator. (What do they say about guests and fish after three days, huh Putz?)
7 On an island, do not think you will find low-cost anything. If you do, at best you’ll have to get over sticker shock. At worst, you may run out of money early and have to cut your vacation short. (Too bad no one wants to buy or pawn that fishing equipment huh, Bunky?)
6 On an island, do not expect to be anonymous. If you do, at best you will be confused when storekeepers call you by name. At worst, that rude behavior you exhibited while checking into the hotel will follow you everywhere. (Now that you think about it Buford, that bowl of chili that accidentally landed in your lap might not have been so accidental. BTW have you ever heard of the coconut telegraph?)
5 On an island, do not expect peace and quiet during peak tourist days. If you do, at best you will tire of trying to tell everyone to be quiet. At worst, the last folks you told to be quiet were members of the Outlaw chapter of the Hells Angles on their annual Raise Hell Tour.(No there is no one to rescue you Bunkie. You might as well go ahead and drink that half-gallon bong of beer and get it over quickly. Also, I wouldn’t try to convince those guys that you are allergic.)
4 On an island, do not expect to find your favorite brands at the grocery store. If you do, at best you’ll be disappointed. At worst, you’ll try to make do and realize that the items you picked bear no resemblance to what you expected. (You should have read the fine print on the contents of that creamed corn, Buster. If you had you would have spared yourself the apoplectic reaction and EMS trip)
3 On an island, do not expect cell service. If you do, at best you will be highly frustrated. At worst, all those calls you placed on the mainland and asked for a call back have all called back and now assume you don’t care since your phone went to voicemail immediately. ( Gee, Ralph. That agent was so hard to find and now believes you are an inconsiderate ass. I guess that contract won’t get signed after all.)
2 On an island, do not expect to make reservations at the best restaurants. If you do, at best you’ll spend a lot of time with no results. At worst, your refusal to stand in line with forty of your closest fellow tourists means fast food three nights in a row. (Who ever said this food was fast, huh Tex?)
1 On an island, do not expect that you are the only one who has thought of a visit. If you do, at best you will be shocked by the crowds. At worst, you will run into all the people you were trying to avoid by coming to the island in the first place. (The real downer was seeing your boss in a speedo huh, Leroy?)