“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”
This post originally ran on August 1, 2016. Since I’m still going to the gym, I still see the same annoying things, so I think it will be helpful.
* * *
Top Ten Things Not to Do at a GYM (or Workout Club)
Having been a gym member for some years, I observed some annoying habits of other attendees. I want to dedicate this blog to y’all. (you know who you are)
10 If you are working out, do not leave the equipment covered in sweat. If you do, at best, you’ll earn the club gross-out award. At worst, you might have a discussion with Tiny, the club rules enforcer. (Tiny tends to talk with his fists, and you could be looking at an incoming knuckle sandwich.)
9 If you are working out, do not do your stretches in a way that blocks others’ use of a machine. If you do, at best, you may find yourself stopped at some point. At worst, a brave soul may only knock you out of the way and use the machine. (You would argue, but it looks like they outweigh you by 100 pounds, and they are wearing a WWF champion belt)
8 If you are working out, do not wear week-old workout clothes. If you do, at best, you’ll have plenty of workout space to yourself. At worst, the membership will take up a collection and present you with the “Sponsor a homeless person” check for twenty-five dollars. (Pretty embarrassing getting into your BMW after the ceremony, isn’t it.)
7 If you are working out, do not drop the bar of weights on the floor. If you do, at best, the population will take cover, thinking an earthquake is in progress. At worst, you happen to hit the floor weak spot, and you and the bar of weights wake up in the basement. (You have to wonder why no one seems to care that you are missing.)
6 If you are working out, do not sing along to the music in your earbuds. If you do, at best, the rest of the club will think you’ve lost your mind. At worst, Someone will call 911 thinking you are in excruciating pain and are in the throes of a heart attack. (You might as well go with the EMTs since they are trained to subdue crazies who resist.)
5 If you are working out, don’t brag about your weight loss. If you do, at best, those who might have considered being a friend are long gone. At worst, you will brag to the wrong person who has a medical condition coupled with psychotic episodes triggered by the word “loss.” (Running fast was never your strong suit, was it?)
4 If you are working out, do not flirt with the instructor. If you do, at best, the instructor will do their best to stay away from you. At worst, the instructor will think you may be the love of their life. (Only now do you find out the instructor is on a work-release program after an episode with a former student.)
3 If you are working out, do not try to hoard as many clean towels as you can fit in your locker. If you do, at best, others will know and treat you like a thief. At worst, security will pay you a visit just as you open your towel-stuffed locker. (Talking fast doesn’t seem to help, does it?)
2 If you are working out, do not make grunting noises as you do your reps. If you do, at best, the room will think you’re obsessed. At worst, the management will send Tiny to discuss proper decorum in the gym. (It seems many folks thought your grunts were a little too personal.)
1 If you are working out, do not make a habit of filling up more than one water bottle at the fountain. If you do, at best, the long line will consist of those who have come to hate you. At worst, the tall guy behind you will cease to be able to control his desire to act on an urge to drown you in the very same fountain. (Wow! “Where did that come from?” You ask.)
An event was held last week in support of Folds of Honor. Due to the magic of time travel, we can go back and check it out. We will be having lunch at Cross Water Yacht Club, the event’s sponsor. Folds of Honor is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that provides educational scholarships to the spouses and children of military members who have fallen or been disabled while serving in the United States Armed Forces. Our entertainment will be Toby Keith.
Menu
Fish & Chips, cole slaw, beans, and a drink.
So jump on the old bus, and let’s get going.
Here we are, and it is a beautiful day. Here is the logo for the organization. The folded flag is the symbol of the sacrifice of those men and women in the military.
A dry-erase board lets us know we are in the right place.
Here is the central cook spot for fries and fish.
The serving tent. So, help yourself when you are ready.
A shot of the Yacht club over a photo of those free to celebrate.
Another photo of the club.
One shot of the venue, which was on a hill overlooking the club.
I hope you enjoyed our trip today. Now sit back and relax and enjoy Toby Keith.
Ah yes, Saturday morning. Birds are chirping, and there is a right feeling about the world. It is a little too warm, but the sky is bright blue without a trace of a cloud, marring the sense of serenity. The mood machine is ready to dispense the calming fluid, and it looks like a relaxing day ahead.
The sound of a far away and tight whistle coming from what seems to be the stratosphere reaches my ears. The tone is getting louder and more distinct. Moving to the patio allows me to witness a shadow growing from the size of a sugar cube. The whistle gets louder and the shadow bigger. The brain finally puts it all together. It appears that another delivery from the sky is about to impact the backyard turf.
Making a move under the porch cover happens with an almost simultaneous explosion of dirt, turf, and pieces of wood. Thank heavens the coffee was covered with my hand before the sunami of debris. Once settled, a cautious walk to the crater is rewarded with the sight of an animal in a skydiving outfit that looks precisely like Daffy Duck. “Suffering succotash. They should have told me to let go of the box.”
“Are you hurt?” is my reply. Daffy leads me to believe he is not hurt but a little disappointed in the instructions given by the ACME air freight company. He also gestures to the mess in the hole and shakes his head. “I’m afraid your product is a total loss,” he says.
Peering over the edge, it is hard to make out the nature of the product, so there is no alternative but to ask, “What’s the product?”
“Produce,” comes the reply. “Cumquats specifically.”
Not having ordered the cumquats, there follows a series of questions regarding where they were from and if the address is correct on the delivery. By this time, Daffy is near the end of his patience. He hands me an envelope and asks if the name on the front is mine. Confirming it is causes him to jump out of the hole. He raises his hand, grabs a bar suspended by a rope from a helicopter, and is plucked away.
Thoughts about who will pay to have the yard fixed run through my mind as I open the envelope. Sure enough, the sender is Linda Hill, and here is what the message says.
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “product/produce.” Use one, use them both, use them any way you’d like. Bonus points if you use both. Have fun!
If you want fun, visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here’s the link.
Once again, today’s story comes from the Good News Network. Here it is in its entirety.
Stray Dog Becomes a Fierce Crossing Guard for These Children Every Day – WATCH
By Andy Corbley –
Instagram/@lovelykupata
A stray dog in the country of Georgia has appointed himself as the local crossing guard for young children crossing a busy intersection.
Every morning, he strongly discourages drivers from encroaching upon the crosswalk by barking wildly at them until the kids, who cross hand-to-hand with their teacher, have made it across.
“He’s a very serious boy. He never goes to other streets,” said Tamta, who is part of the community that takes care of Kupata, the dog. Kupata, by the way, is Georgian for ‘sausage.’
According to ecstatic YouTube commenters, this particular ‘sausage’ is an Australian shepherd—it’s his breed that may have given him his instincts to go running up and down beside the little boys and girls he cares for.
Tamta explained that her friend Beqa videotaped Kupata’s work in order to help show that stray dogs are not as dangerous as old customs would have people believe.
“Kupata is the lucky one because we all take care of him, but there are other dogs that aren’t lucky—that don’t have shelter, they don’t have food,” explains Tamta. “This is a problem in our country.”
Hopefully, footage like this one will help others to see strays differently.
(WATCH the video for this story below.)
The good news in this report is that even stray dogs continue to serve humans and deserve a break. Today’s JohnKu talks about helping animals without a home. I hope you have a fabulous weekend.
“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”
This list was originally posted on September 26th, 2016. Since drive-throughs still exist, I think the advice will be helpful.
* * *
Top Ten Things Not to Do in a Fast Food Drive Through
10 If you are going to a drive-through, do not ask the order taker for a dining recommendation. If you do, at best, you’ll get a repeat of the “how can I help you?” At worst, the order person will tell you to eat somewhere else. (Didn’t expect that did you? You better take the advice so you can be assured your drinks are 99% spit free.)
9 If you are going to a drive-through, do not ask for a description of the special of the day. If you do, at best, there is no special. At worst, the order person will believe you are mocking their position and will get even. (Do not lift that lid on the soft drink; just throw it away.)
8 If you are going to a drive-through, do not tell the order taker that this is a to-go order. At best, you won’t hear the comment since the mic is turned off. At worst, you’ll have to sit and listen to the laughter of the entire order crew and patrons as the order taker broadcasts “THIS IS A TO-GO ORDER” over the loudspeaker. (What were you thinking? DRIVE THROUGH. Duh?)
7 If you are going to a drive-through, do not ask for special handling of your sandwich. If you do, At best, you’ll be asked to pull over. At worst, you will sit in the penalty box in the hot sun until the staff finally remembers you are there. (Your special handling request is forgotten as well.)
6 If you are going to a drive-through, do not joke about a wine pairing. If you do, at best, you’ll confuse the order taker and take more time. At worst, the order taker will seek out a manager to find the answer. (The manager’s name is Tiny, and this is the fourteenth-hour Tiny has been at work. Tiny was also the Class A high school wrestling champ in the state and had to relinquish the title because of anger issues. Bon appetite.)
5 If you are going to a drive-through, do not change your order. If you do, at best, you will get both. At worst, you will get the order of the car behind you, which bears no resemblance to what you wanted. (You have to wonder how a burger that big can fit into a mouth.)
4 If you are going to a drive-through, don’t forget to check your order. If you do forget, at best, the only thing missing is a straw. At worst, that deep-fried chicken sandwich you didn’t order triggers your cholesterol and blood pressure to new levels. (“So how did we come to eat that thing?” is the question asked by your doctor. Regrettably, you try to blame the drive-through.)
3 If you are going to a drive-through, do not try to stock your condiment supply with a request for extra. If you do, at best, you’ll get one more catsup, and that’s all. At worst, you will get too many catsups and not enough mustard and mayonnaise. (The charge for all of this will be on your credit card bill, which will be way too much.)
2 If you are going to a drive-through, do not answer “yes” to any questions regarding quantity. If you do, at best, you will spend more and eat more. At worst, the three-week exercise program that had you feeling good will now need a reset. (How can something that only weighs twelve ounces put three pounds on your frame?)
1 If you are going to a drive-through, don’t wait until you get to the order spot to decide you are a vegan. If you do, at best, there will be nothing on the menu for you. At worst, the cars behind you will raise an uproar as you search for an acceptable item. (That police officer heading toward you is responding to the manager who finally gave up asking you for your order.)
The crape myrtles have been late blooming this year. They have finally made an appearance, and we need to go and check them out. I have to say, some of the shots are a little subdued due to the hazy conditions this week. So that we don’t go hungry on our tour, we are catered by Grizzeldas of Austin. Our entertainment is Neil Diamond.
Menu migas – scrambled eggs, crispy tortilla chips, queso fresco, crema, ranchero sauce Appetizers – house chips & salsa tomato, Quemado & Verde barbacoa taco – dry-aged Jacoby beet, serrano, radish pickled red onion, House crema.
House hot sauce, rice. retried beans choice of tortillas chilaquiles – crispy tortilla chips, salsa Roja, frita, sunny side egg, queso fresco, crema,
cilantro, pico de gallo picadillo taco – dry-aged Jacoby ground beef, potatoes, charred raias, rice, refried beans, choice of tortillas +bacon+egg, queso, or avocado guacamole – cilantro, lime, pico, jalapeños, chips queso Blanco
Monterrey jack cheese, Grizz spice rub, pico de gallo, cilantro, house chips avocado tostada – black beans, scrambled egg, pico de gallo, serrano crema, cilantro horchata french toast – horchata batter, sourdough, strawberry puree. mixed berries. whidded cream vegetarian omelet – spinach, bell pepper, pico de Gallo, fundido cheese, American cheddar steak fajita scramble – Jacoby brand skirt steak, scrambled egg, pickled jalapenos, tomato. white onion American cheddar churro chicken & waffles – house churro waffles dusted in cinnamon and sugar, beer-battered chicken strips, candied pecans, spicy syrup, powdered sugar chorizo brunch burger –6oz dry-aged Jacoby beet and chorizo patty, rajas
fundido cheese, guacamole, spicy mayo served with crispy Kennebec potatoes churros – dulce de leche & cinnamon sugar enchiladas verde –roasted chicken, rajas, queso fundido, house crema,
cilantro, sunny side egg
Jump on, and let’s go.
An example of a large red.
These are Mexican Bird of Paradise (Caesalpinia pulcherrima) I threw these in cause I like them
A lovely pink
One of the lavender shades.
Another pink.
Large soft pink.
White.
Light red.
Deep red.
Another white.
The final is light red with a moon background.
I hope you enjoyed the blooms. Now relax and have some authentic Mexican food and listen to Neil Diamond in one of his later concerts.
The usual Saturday ritual of watching paint dry coffee brew has been completed. A sip of the restorative elixir assures one that life is indeed worth living. A stroll past the windows reinforces the fact that the entire world seems to share the same thought.
A second sip and deep sigh proceed, looking forward to a relaxing time spent with my dear friend caffeine. As the scent of the roasted beans threatens to overtake my consciousness, the doorbell rings. Twiggy and Lucy erupt like the mad dogs of Cerberus, and with the baying hounds behind me, a question is sent out over the Ring camera app. “What the hell do you want.?”
The shivering soul on the porch apologizes for missing the flashing sign and klaxon horn warning about not ringing the doorbell and informs me he was sent by Dan Antion with a message. Dan Antion? is the thought running concurrently through my brain. The other thought is seriously considering murdering the messenger. My opinion of him is not worth a red cent. I finally go through the disarm and unlock process to face the man. He is covered in a curious scent but choosing to ignore it; the inquiry as to the nature of the visit is repeated. He explains that Linda Hill has a temporary electrical problem, and Dan Antion is filling in for her on the prompt delivery.
He hands me an envelope and then asks what spray I was using at the driveway’s entrance. I took the envelope and told him it was the essence of skunk, which helps keep the werewolves away. After that, he spent no more time standing and invested several minutes in running.
After relocking and arming the automatic machine guns, I opened the envelope. Here is the message.
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “cent/scent/sent.” Use them in any form you like. Use one, use two or use them all. Bonus points if you use all three, and Cheryl will put your next drink on David’s tab. I know, you used to get bonus points for two, but inflation… Enjoy! It came to me quickly that David owes me a drink. If you would like to join in go to this link and read how easy it is.
