Top Ten Things Not to Do at a GYM (or Workout Club)

~ John W. Howell
Photo by Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash

 

This post originally ran on August 1, 2016. Since I’m still going to the gym, I still see the same annoying things, so I think it will be helpful.

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Top Ten Things Not to Do at a GYM (or Workout Club)

Having been a gym member for some years, I observed some annoying habits of other attendees. I want to dedicate this blog to y’all. (you know who you are)

10 If you are working out, do not leave the equipment covered in sweat. If you do, at best, you’ll earn the club gross-out award. At worst, you might have a discussion with Tiny, the club rules enforcer. (Tiny tends to talk with his fists, and you could be looking at an incoming knuckle sandwich.)

9 If you are working out, do not do your stretches in a way that blocks others’ use of a machine. If you do, at best, you may find yourself stopped at some point. At worst, a brave soul may only knock you out of the way and use the machine. (You would argue, but it looks like they outweigh you by 100 pounds, and they are wearing a WWF champion belt)

8 If you are working out, do not wear week-old workout clothes. If you do, at best, you’ll have plenty of workout space to yourself. At worst, the membership will take up a collection and present you with the “Sponsor a homeless person” check for twenty-five dollars. (Pretty embarrassing getting into your BMW after the ceremony, isn’t it.)

7 If you are working out, do not drop the bar of weights on the floor. If you do, at best, the population will take cover, thinking an earthquake is in progress. At worst, you happen to hit the floor weak spot, and you and the bar of weights wake up in the basement. (You have to wonder why no one seems to care that you are missing.)

6 If you are working out, do not sing along to the music in your earbuds. If you do, at best, the rest of the club will think you’ve lost your mind. At worst, Someone will call 911 thinking you are in excruciating pain and are in the throes of a heart attack. (You might as well go with the EMTs since they are trained to subdue crazies who resist.)

5 If you are working out, don’t brag about your weight loss. If you do, at best, those who might have considered being a friend are long gone. At worst, you will brag to the wrong person who has a medical condition coupled with psychotic episodes triggered by the word “loss.” (Running fast was never your strong suit, was it?)

4 If you are working out, do not flirt with the instructor. If you do, at best, the instructor will do their best to stay away from you. At worst, the instructor will think you may be the love of their life. (Only now do you find out the instructor is on a work-release program after an episode with a former student.)

3 If you are working out, do not try to hoard as many clean towels as you can fit in your locker. If you do, at best, others will know and treat you like a thief. At worst, security will pay you a visit just as you open your towel-stuffed locker. (Talking fast doesn’t seem to help, does it?)

2 If you are working out, do not make grunting noises as you do your reps. If you do, at best, the room will think you’re obsessed. At worst, the management will send Tiny to discuss proper decorum in the gym. (It seems many folks thought your grunts were a little too personal.)

1 If you are working out, do not make a habit of filling up more than one water bottle at the fountain. If you do, at best, the long line will consist of those who have come to hate you. At worst, the tall guy behind you will cease to be able to control his desire to act on an urge to drown you in the very same fountain. (Wow! “Where did that come from?” You ask.)

61 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at a GYM (or Workout Club)”

  2. Yep, I’ve seen all types at the gym. It never ceases to amaze me why some never wipe down the machines. They apparently can’t read the signs instructing them to do so.

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      1. I do too at the store, but I made it this far and even if there’s no Covid lurking around, there are plenty of other diseases to avoid!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Numbers 6 and 2 are especially annoying. Since Monkey isn’t permitted in most gyms, we’ll just do our exercising at home and our walkies outdoors!

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  12. Yes to all of these! You could also add the people who do a rep on a machine and then continue to sit there and play on their phone for another ten minutes. Or the people who gather around machines and weights, act like it’s social hour and carry on coversations for waaayyyy too long. Can you tell I get annoyed?

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  13. I’ve met pretty much every one of them over the years. The worst one was in an all-women gym. As soon as I walked into the locker room, I knew she was there. The crazy part is, she lived in a very ritzy part of town. You’d think she would take her workout clothes and toss them. The stink was obviously stuck into the fibre and no amount of washing would get rid of it. There were a few complaints and one day she came in sporting new duds. Thank Gawd!
    Excellent list, my friend!

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  14. I’m a gym rat, and I’ve seen every one of these things in the last month. I’ll add to your list, John. Don’t be that person in the gym who feels the need to walk up to strangers and coach them because they aren’t doing an exercise correctly. It’s one thing when people ask for advice, but it’s entirely different when it’s unsolicited.

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  15. When I did belong to a gym, I brought my own sweat towels. I didn’t trust it otherwise. I used one of their towels to clean off equipment, but mine were for me.

    And Tiny is back!

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