Top Ten Things Not to Do if Your Inhibitions Have Been Set Free.

April 25, 2022April 24, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 63 Comments

This post ran in June of 2015. However, I think it may still have some worthy seeds of advice.

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The inspiration for this list is a lifetime of observation of people’s behavior who finally let down their defenses. The lowering of defenses may have resulted from being over-served or just a decision of not wanting to hold back any longer. Although becoming open and honest without pretense can be the right thing, the consequences of Id liberation make such a move potentially the source of regret. I hope you enjoy the list.

Top Ten Things Not to Do if Your Inhibitions Have Been Set Free.

10 If you feel uninhibited, do not free your body from clothes to match your mind. If you do, at best, you will be all alone in the woods. At worst, you will become aware of your condition as the mall cops wrestle you to the floor and try to hide your parts. (Besides, i’s cold on that floor.)

9 If you feel uninhibited, do not ignore the speed laws. If you do, at best, you’ll get home in one piece. At worst, you will find it hard to explain to the justice system that you no longer think the laws of the land apply to you since you feel free. (You will also risk having a mandatory psych evaluation before your trial.)

8 If you feel uninhibited, do not walk out of a store with unpaid merchandise. If you do, at best, you can explain you forgot to check out, and no harm done. At worst, you will be escorted to the rear of the store by a guy with SECURITY on his shirt. (Walking past the fifth grade class of your kid’s school on their annual retail field trip.)

7 If you feel uninhibited, do not overestimate the value of the truth. If you do, at best, your truthful comments will be limited to the weather. At worst, your truth-telling on some subjects will lead you to be asked to leave the country for good by some somber-looking people. (Their shirts have the word ICE on them. They are not selling drinks.)

6 If you feel uninhibited, do not blow your horn to encourage the pack of Hells Angles to get out of your way. If you do, at best, they might move over to let you pass. At worst, you will find yourself on the back of a Harley Softail hanging on to Moose for dear life with the next stop in Sturgis. (Oh, and your car is in several of the member’s saddlebags. (They promise they will put it back together after the rally.)

5 If you feel uninhibited, do not tell the checkout person about all the things you couldn’t find today. (Even if asked) If you do, at best, you will realize no one cares about what you couldn’t find. At worst, the checkout person will call the manager with the words “whining customer on register four.” (Those behind you will be calling for some tar and feathers.)

4 If you feel uninhibited, do not take the survey you are offered during your call to customer service of the electric company to report that your power has been off for four hours. If you do, at best, you will not see your power for three days. At worst, your survey will be handed to the uncooperative employee you talked with and includes your home address, phone number, and hours when your electricity usage is lowest. (You will wonder what that black car is doing across the street every night. Hint, leave town)

3 If you feel uninhibited, do not answer the question, “Where would you like to go for dinner?” If you do, at best, you will resent the fact you had to decide the rest of the night. At worst, you will rant about why you always have to arrange everything. You will ask, “Why just this once can’t you make the $#@*&% decision.” (The result will be carry-out and total silence at dinner and for the rest of the month.)

2 If you feel uninhibited and someone from management asks what you think should be done to improve the workplace, do not tell everyone what you think. If you do, at best, your coworkers will endeavor to move away from you. At worst, you will, in two minutes of meaningful suggestions, render yourself a pariah. (And a perfect candidate for that assignment in Iraq.)

1 If you feel uninhibited, do not visit any store with merchandise priced any higher than a dollar. If you do, At best, you will snap out of it in time. At worst, you will finally be stopped by the credit card security group, which honestly believes your card has been stolen. (Your limit was reached in only two stops, and one was a diamond store.)

Views of the neighborhood – Earth Day in Lakeway

April 24, 2022April 22, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 89 Comments

Today we are celebrating Earth Day in Lakeway. (It was Friday but we are taking a trip back in the wayback machine) Here is the announcement from the city.

Celebrate Earth Day, The Lake Way on Friday, April 22, 2022 by volunteering to help pick up trash along some of our local roadways and in our area parks. The City of Lakeway will supply trash pickers, safety vests, trash bags and a map for volunteers the day of the event. Volunteers will then team up and head to their designated areas on the map to pick up trash, and then head back to City Hall to receive a special certificate, lunchtime snacks and pick-up some other Earth Day goodies and information. It’s an engaging way to help keep Lakeway beautiful and meet some of your neighbors in the process. We are catered by Brooklyn Breakfast Shop in Austin. Our entertainment is Willie Nelson

Classic Bacon, Egg & Cheese On A House Made Bagel – Substitute bacon for sausage, avocado, or brisket
Braised Brisket, Smoked Pepper Jelly, Pickled Red Onions & An Egg On A Biscuit
Fennel Sausage, Fresno Pimento, Cheese, House Pickles, Sunny Egg On Our House Made Whey Biscuit
Hatch Chile Sausage And Pimento Everything Bagel Kolache
Croissant With Two Eggs & Cheese
Sweet Potato Hash, Shishito Pepper Sauce, Pickled Red Onions gluten free, vegan
Buttermilk Fried Chicken, House Pickles, Sweet Heat Sauce& An Egg On A Biscuit
Double Smash Breakfast Burger, Bacon, Sunny Egg, Cheese, Charred Onion Aioli On Brioche
Green Chile/Smoked Cheddar Mac & Cheese
“The Jessica” Buttermilk Fried Chicken, Green Chile/Smoked Cheddar Queso, Avocado. Pickled Serranos on Brioche
We have everything you wish to drink as well.

So let’s go. Get on the bus.

Here is Lakeway City Hall. All the volunteers willmeet here.

Lots of givaways.

Another shot of the giveaways.

Here are the tools being supplied. Vests, Gloves, Trashbags and picker uppers (My term)

There is fruit, cold water and snacks when the work is done.

The mayor will be joining a crew.

Volunteers starting to arrive.

Getting outfitted.

Here’s the map where trash will be picked up. We’ll be heading to the City Park.

And here we are to observe a team hard at work. Congratulations everyone for participating. Now let’s have some food and listen to Willie sing “Always onMy Mind.” I hope you all have a super week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Too/To/Two

April 23, 2022April 22, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

Too many times, the Saturday mornings have started the same. Get out of bed, make coffee, be stunned by something on the porch or falling from the sky. Today will be different. To this end, there will be two cups of coffee instead of one. It is hoped that this break from the routine will act as a catalyst for change.

The only change desired is that the day is typical without a cartoon character causing an exponential increase in heart rate. Just the idea alone makes for a calmer morning. Taking the last sip of the magic soothing syrup is interrupted by a notification that something has entered the optical path of the Ring doorbell.

Hands shaking causes the image on my phone to look like a 3-D movie without the glasses. Taking two hands to steady the vibration, it is clear something has been left on the front porch. A deep sigh escapes knowing the worst has probably been visited upon me. I cross the moat, raise the timber, throw back the series of bolts, disengage the electronic shock barrier, punch in the secret code, and open the front door.

It’s a box, my Lord, on a flatbed Ford. Taking it easy is the first thought that crosses my mind. I approach the Ford hoping nothing will pop out of the box. As happens to most of my hopes, the box’s lid pops off and out jumps a perfect replica of Yosemite Sam. “Howdy, Partner,” he yells and then starts shooting two six-guns into the air. I caution Sam that shooting six guns in the air in Austin is usually as welcome as a government mandate. He stops and wonders if there are any varmints in the area. I point him to city hall. He hands me an envelope and runs off down the street. Of course, the envelope contains the prompt from Linda Hill.

I read the prompt, wondering why I can’t get this off the internet. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “too/to/two.” Use one, use ’em all, bonus points if you use all three. Extra bonus points if you start your post with one. Enjoy!

You can join in too. Just go to Linda’s blog and read how easy it is to have fun. Here’s the link https://lindaghill.com/2022/04/22/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-23-2022/

“Too much.”

“What’s too much.”

“These intros to the prompt.”

“Why’s that?”

“Two reasons.”

“Okay.”

“One. You take all the time.”

“And?”

“Two. You put people to sleep.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“Oh yeah. Look out there.’

“Where?”

“Beyond that screen.”

“Yes?”

“See those closed eyes.”

“People are looking down to type.”

“Oh, come on. Not everyone has your inability to use a keyboard.”

“That was harsh.”

“Got your mellow, huh?”

“You plowed a part in it.”

“Maybe I can make it up.”

“I’m open.”

“Does the word VooDoo Ranger mean anything.”

“If you are buying it, men’s a glorious day of friendship and forgetting past hurts.”

“Let’s go.”

“Can I have two to go too?”

“Let’s have half a dozen first, then see how you feel.”

“You are the doctor.”

“Not really, but I play one on TV.”

“Good enough.”

Friday – AKA – TGIF – Fri-Yay/Good News

April 22, 2022April 22, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 80 Comments

Bigger than Texas: Huge New Marine Park Will Protect ‘Australia’s Galapagos’

By

Good News Network Apr 16, 2022

Massive new marine parks will now protect and preserve the Australian oceans surrounding Christmas Island and Cocos (Keeling) Islands—home to life found nowhere else on earth.

These two parks in the Indian Ocean will protect over 287,000 square miles of spectacular seascapes (744k square km), an area greater in size than Texas, and twice as large as the Great Barrier Reef.

Australian Minister for the Environment Sussan Ley called it a “globally significant contribution to marine conservation and a further demonstration of Australia’s leadership in ocean protection.”

“The region, which is often described as Australia’s Galapagos Islands, supports unique underwater reefs and rare aquatic species which act as a natural laboratory, helping us to understand more about the evolution of the oceans.”

60 Commonwealth marine parks around Australia are now protecting 45 percent of the island country’s territorial waters.

Officials wanted to ensure that island fishermen could maintain their sustainable local food source and way of life.

“The offshore parts of these parks will be placed under the highest level of protection, while the inshore areas important to island communities will continue to enable sustainable fishing to occur,” said Nola Marino, the Assistant Minister for Regional Development and Territories.

Gaze at the local wildlife in this beautiful video from Australian Parks

The government allocated $5.4 million to manage the marine parks—which are 99% offshore, and one percent inshore to support local fisheries.

The good news here is real action is being taken by the Australian government to protect its natural resources. Today’s JohnKu supports that activity. I hope you all have a super weekend.

They always say that,

A penny saved is like earned . . .

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy and Lucy Toy Choices

April 21, 2022April 20, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 100 Comments

“Hey, Twiggy. What you doing?”

“Playing with Eel. Do you want to play?”

“I appreciate the invite, but Eel just isn’t my thing.”

“Why not? He’s fun.”

“Maybe fun to you. To me, he is just flat.”

“Aw, don’t say that. You’ll hurt his feelings.”

“After a thousand tug-o-war games, I doubt he has any feelings.”

“So, what would you rather do?”

“I think I’m doing it right now.”

“For heaven’s sake. You don’t need a nap now.”

“It’s not a matter of need. It is one of those want things.”

“I have a secret.”

“What is it?”

“If I tell you will you play?”

Okay, I’ll bite. What’s your secret?”

“Cheeseburger likes you.”

“Not much of a secret, but what’s fair is fair. What do you want to play?”

“Tug-o-war with Eel.”

“Why do I think I’ve been had?”

“The water buffalo needs to get up early to put one over on the puma.”

“I can see that.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #356 by Keith Channing

April 19, 2022April 18, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 76 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”

The Photo.

“See anything yet?”

“Just the mountains.”

“Not very comforting.”

“Yeah, for sure.”

“So, what are we going to do?”

“I can’t think of anything but wait.”

“You sure someone’s coming.”

“Positive.”

“It’s getting colder.”

“Yeah. We should have brought warmer jackets.”

“Says the guy who mocked us for wanting to bring the winter stuff.”

“Well, that’s done. No use dwelling on it.”

“Except you have a heavy jacket.”

“You can have it.”

“Thanks. By the way, how do you know someone’s coming.”

“Before we made the emergency landing, I radioed our location with a mayday call.”

“Landing? I wouldn’t call an upside-down airplane a landing.”

“It was rockier here than I thought.”

“What made the engine fail anyway.”

“Fuel starvation.”

“Ran out of gas?”

“Well, that is another way of putting it.”

“Didn’t you fill up before taking off?”

“With the four of us, I had to take a lighter fuel load. I think the gage was off.”

“You’re supposed to do a visual on the fuel level.”

“I know, but we were in a hurry.”

“Haste makes waste.”

“Thanks, I’ll remember that.”

“Should we build a fire?”

“If you want to get warm, I’m pretty sure the burning plane won’t blow up. After all, the fuel level was pretty low.”

“Is that a joke?”

“It did sound funny.”

“Excuse me for not laughing.”

“You know a more positive attitude would go a long way.”

“Okay, how about this. I’m so glad your mistake didn’t get us all killed.”

“Now you’re talking. Look, here comes a vehicle. See, we are saved.”

“That vehicle, as you call it, looks like a truck full of pigs.”

“It is still a way out of here.”

“Remind me to make an appointment when we get back.”

“An appointment?”

“I think you need to have your head examined.”

“Yeah, good. I’ll remind you.”

“Come on, kids. Daddy is treating us to a ride with his family.”

“See, your attitude is improving already.”

Top Ten Things Not to do if You Plan to Attend a MLB Game

April 18, 2022April 17, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 80 Comments

We are all not Major League Baseball fans but if you are, here is some advice written back in April of 2016

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This list has inspired the fact that the Major League Baseball season is underway, and there are things you need to know if you plan to attend a game.

Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Plan to Attend an MLB Game.

10 If you plan to attend a game, do not call in sick to work. If you do, at best, no one will see you that day. At worst, you will be highlighted as the 1,000,000th attendee, including an interview playing on the 6:00 and 10:00 news. (You hope that fake nose, mustache, and glasses get up will keep your boss in the dark.)

9 If you plan to attend a game, do not bring your favorite glove in hopes of catching a home run. If you do, at best, those around you will assume you have some kind of mental illness that focuses on balls. At worst, you will have the opportunity to catch a home run ball only to drop it in front of thousands of fans on the jumbotron and those watching the game on TV. (Can you say, “Clumsy idiot,” Bucky?”)

8 If you plan to attend a game, do not drive your car to the ballpark. If you do, at best, you’ll pay more for parking than the ticket. At worst, you’ll have trouble finding a place to park and take up the offer by the guy in sunglasses and a knit cap to watch your car for five dollars. (The tow truck didn’t do too much damage, and you understand a new bumper will cost under a thousand.)

7 If you plan to attend a game and take a date, do not try to avoid the kiss cam by talking on your phone. If you do, at best, this will be the last time with this person. At worst, the commentary from the TV coverage will ensure you may never get a date again. (Sure, you are the Wolf of Wall Street, Ace, and now might be a lone wolf).

6 If you plan to attend a game and want to sit close to the players, do not yell insults that the players can hear. If you do, at best, you’ll get some fierce looks. At worst, you might have to think fast to avoid that Louisville slugger heading your way. (Man! Those bats are hard, aren’t they, Buster?)

5. If you plan to go to the game, do not try to best your old beer per hour record. If you do, at best, you will fall short and be glad later. At worst, you will soundly beat your old record, which you will celebrate by calling trains (Pittsburgh, Poughkeepsie, and Albuquerque) in the ceramic microphone. (Those cheese nachos looked better an hour ago, didn’t they? Ferd.)

4 If you plan to go to the game, do not think it will be a cheap day. If you do, at best, you will have sticker shock at the end of the day. At worst, you will overspend to the point that you realize you could have had a trip to a lovely resort. (Who was to know those peanut’s prices were by the piece rather than the bag.)

3 If you plan to go to the game, do not sit in a part of the stadium where the away team fans sit and root for your team. If you do, at best, everyone will take your loyalties good-naturedly. At worst, you may find that the guy everyone calls Brutus has finally had it with your cheers and decides to give you a close-up view of a knuckle sandwich. (It was a brief look before the lights went out, wasn’t it?)

2 If you plan to go to the game, do not keep up a running chatter about the team and individual statistics. If you do, at best, you have everyone wanting to move away. At worst, while you impress yourself, you are not paying attention to that large man with cauliflower ears pushing people out of his way and heading in your direction. (It seems odd that he can pick you up by the neck, doesn’t it?)

1 If you plan to attend a game, do not assume that the umpire is not qualified and has been on the waiting list for a Lasik procedure. If you do, at best, your accusations of sight and skill problems will fall on deaf ears. At worst, security will help you to a position in the park where no one can hear you. (If you need help, you are now in a place where no one can hear you scream. Heh heh heh.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Easter Tour

April 17, 2022April 17, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 111 Comments

Happy Easter, everyone. In celebration of the holiday, we are going on a brief hunt for Easter decorations in the neighborhood. We are catered today by Forthright in Austin, TX. Our entertainment is The Corrs.

Americana Breakfast – two eggs, sourdough toast with jam, hash-brown & choice of bacon, sausage, or avocado
Biscuits & Gravy – fluffy house-made biscuits with chicken sausage gravy
Breakfast Melt – your choice of bacon, ham, avocado on brioche Texas toast, scrambled eggs, cheddar cheese & chipotle mayo
Chicken & Waffles – two boneless fried chicken thighs, honey butter, pecans, maple syrup, powdered sugar
Chilaquiles Verde – fried corn tortillas tossed in salsa verde, two sunny eggs, poblano peppers, hominy, black beans, pickled onions
Pastrami Eggs Benedict – poached eggs, collard greens, sliced pastrami, pickled veg & hollandaise on English muffins
Pork Shoulder Hash – shredded al pastor pork shoulder, smashed & fried potatoes, onions, corn, black beans, cauliflower & two sunny eggs

Drinks – You name it, we’ve got it.

So, let’s get on the bus.

You may remember this from last year. However, this year has a surprise.

A bunny appears while you read the message.

Eggs in the ground cover.

A tiny library, a pickup, a gnome, and some eggs.

Bunny mailbox topper.

Another more philosophical bunny mailbox topper.

Running bunny.

Two bunnies. Can you find them?

An egg flag.

Happy Easter door decoration.

Well, that’s it for this year. Now is the time for food and entertainment. I hope you have a great week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt- Nose/Noes/Knows

April 16, 2022April 15, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 82 Comments

The red light and warning buzzer momentarily freezes my brain. The spots before my eyes are alternating with the red flashes to the point that being able to sort out the confusion was a longer process than necessary. Finally, the logic caught up with the visual effects of alternating red bursts. The coffee machine needed a descaling.

A fate almost matching a blue screen computer event sends the message to all points of the body – NO CAFFEINE. Reason eventually prevails, and a punch of the reset button yields one more ten-ounce cup of soothing syrup. “No more till the descale,” is the warning. Sure, sure is the thought. The event is to be forgotten for 24 more hours.

Taking a life-affirming sip of the foamy hot stuff almost causes a miss of the Ring Doorbell notification. Checking my phone shows a blurry figure obviously moving fast. Opening the front door presents a challenge. Rolling aside the chest of drawers, clicking off the deadbolts, disarming the pepper spray, unlocking the latch, removing the chains, lifting the heavy timber, and carefully moving the concertina wire, the door is ready to open.

It has to be done quickly since the creature could still be standing there. Quickly is as quickly does, and before me is a huge egg. It has lovely decorations and pastel colors. My nose tells me it is an Easter egg. The opposing mental noes try to tell me it could be a bomb. Resisting those negative thoughts, I knock on the egg with full confidence that it knows the intent of being here. The egg falls open, and inside is a lifetime supply of Jelly Bellys. There is also a note. It reads. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “nose/noes/knows.” Use one, use ’em all, bonus points if you use all three. Have fun!

If you want to have fun, visit Linda Hills’ blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2022/04/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-16-2022/

“So you got the bonus points?”

“Yup. Put them in my Bentley Turbo account.”

“Never heard of that.”

“A Bentley Turbo? You’re kidding.”

“No, not the car. The fact that you can redeem Linda Hill bonus points for a Bentley.”

“Have you heard of anyone saying I can’t?”

“Well…No. But that’s not the point.”

“What’s the point?”

“You thinking you can take something as worthless as a Linda Hill bonus and converting it to a $300,000 car.”

“I don’t see what you are getting at.”

“Those bonus points are made up. There’s no market for them.”

“Like bitcoin?”

“Huh?”

“Show me a bitcoin.”

“I can’t. They are digital units of exchange.”

“Uh-huh. You have any?”

“No, they are too expensive.”

“So, what makes you believe they exist?”

“There is an exchange. They are traded. Everyone knows that.”

“So if I tell you there is a Linda Hill Bonus Point Exchange, you’ll admit they have value?”

“Uh, I guess so, but my nose tells me you are making that up.”

“So I can get rid of your noes, call this number.”

“Why?”

“To speak to someone on the Linda Hill Bonus Point Exchange.”

“For heaven’s sake. Never mind. I believe you. It’s not worth the trouble. I’ll just humor your fantasy.”

“Suit yourself. I’m going to the bar.”

“Your turn to buy.”

“I have a bonus point.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m going to buy our beer with a bonus point. I have to warn you, though.”

“About what?”

“One bonus point is worth 500 beers.”

“Can you get change?”

“Sadly no.”

“Oh my, what a dilemma. Whatever shall we do with 500 beers?”

“A believer.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – Fri-Yay/Good News

April 15, 2022April 14, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 88 Comments

On this Good Friday, I want to wish everyone the peace and joy that comes from the knowledge of renewal that this day and Easter and Passover represent. Today’s JohnKu carries that message.

No matter your belief,

This day gives you a sign that . . .

A fresh start is here.

I hope you all have a peaceful weekend.