Top Ten Things Not to Do on Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2022February 13, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 83 Comments

Since today is Valentine’s Day (Happy Day to all), I thought you would enjoy a post from February 2015. I hope you enjoy the list.

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Since most of America goes bonkers to create the perfect Valentine experience, I thought it would be a good idea to list some things that just might cause the Day to backfire. One thing to keep in mind, Valentine’s Day does not in itself become the measure of the value of a relationship. However, mess it up, and there will be a substantial discount on the relationship’s value for the foreseeable future. So here is the list. I hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on Valentine’s Day

10 On Valentine’s Day, do not accept the phrase “We love each other and don’t have to show it on an obvious Hallmark holiday” as the truth. If you do, at best, you might be able to work your way back into good graces in due time (like at Christmas). At worst, your loved one will present you with the most touching card and gift, which will immediately cause your scalp to sweat and the urge to run off a nearby cliff that can’t be covered with a last-minute run to Wal-Mart. (The only cards left at this hour are the big lace-lined mushy verses to grandma, and who wants to be a valentine with grandma? Well, maybe grandpa.)

9 On Valentine’s Day, do not plan an expensive dinner out as your gift. If you do, at best, you will be seated next to the restroom after a two-hour wait. At worst, the waiter will announce the regular menu has been replaced with the $300.00 per couple Prix fix tasting menu, which has everything you and your partner would call Terminex to come to get. (Don’t forget the ten flights of wine which only someone in trouble with alcohol could finish)

8 On Valentine’s Day, do not buy a gift even remotely related to sex. If you do, at best, you may be using the gift yourself. At worst, you will be broadcasting a desire that may not be mutually felt, and your partner may feel uncomfortable and pressured to engage in some activity. (This will probably end up badly, not to mention an intervention by the local community police)

7 On valentine’s Day, do not think it is the thought that matters. If you do, at best, you will only survive the following year with the belief that you will part with a little more cash on a better gift. At worst, you will be forced to endure the sympathies of your partner’s friends as expressed on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. (Also, the notoriety that comes from the YouTube video of your paltry gift, which goes viral with over a million views, is all yours)

6 On Valentine’s Day, do not make anything by hand that you hope to pass off as a sentimental offering. If you do, at best, be prepared to see your item on eBay priced way below the cost of materials. At worst, the item you handcrafted for the occasion will more than likely be the item you uncover in a remote part of the garage two years from now. (You notice the price on a tag of $1.50 which has been marked down from $25.00 from several previous garage sales)

5 On Valentine’s Day, do not buy chocolate-covered strawberries from a street vendor. If you do, at best, your valentine will eat off the chocolate and not touch the strawberry. At worst, your valentine will wolf down the whole thing only to discover later in the ER after a healthy dose of Ipecac the claim by the street vendor of 98% salmonella-free fruit was way overstated. (Another romantic ceramic microphone moment)

4 On Valentine’s Day, do not buy a dozen red roses from the guy alongside the highway. If you do, at best, you will make it home before the rosebuds fall off. At worst, the roses will come packed with several kinds of insects, including bed bugs from the local no-tell motel, and, unfortunately, your partner has a rare and severe allergy to Japanese beetles who just have formed an independent state in the rose bouquet. (The embassy should be informed to come to get them)

3 On Valentine’s Day, do not think the chocolates you froze from the last Costco truffle sale will not show signs of wear. If you do, at best, the freezer burn will give you away, and you will be forced to buy some See’s chocolate quickly at the mall. At worst, the truffles will somehow fall apart. You will need to invent a story on how the greenhouse effect has contributed to the instability of the typical chocolate truffle, which your partner will try to verify by making an inquiry on Google. (Sadly, the results rendered your story a complete fabrication)

2 On Valentine’s Day, do not think the commercial cards say precisely what you want to say. If you do, at best, you will settle on something that causes both of you to scream “AWKWARD” after the poem is read aloud. At worst, you failed to read the whole message and find at the end a slight reference to being “good friends,” which will spiral your partner into a troubled space. (Only a qualified therapist will be able to talk them down)

1 On Valentine’s Day, do not think ignoring the Day will eliminate responsibility. If you do, at best, you might be forced into a year of make-up favors. At worst, the brother of your partner left word he wants to talk to you. (You know the one who served with the Navy Seals on three tours in Afghanistan)

Views of the Neighborhood – Story Book Walk for Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2022February 12, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 79 Comments

Every year the Lakeway Department of Parks and Recreation conducts a storybook walk. This year it was in honor of Valentine’s Day. Here’s our invitation.

Also, in honor of Valentine’s Day, we have a unique Valentine’s dinner catered by Roosevelt’s in Port Aransas. Our entertainment is Chris Botti and Sting.

Here is the menu.

So get on the bus.

Today’s book walk is with Todd Parr’s The I Love You Book. Since the book is so long, I will be showing only a few pages. After dinner, you can walk around and view the rest.

I love you when you are silly.

I love you when you hide my keys.

I love you when you are stinky.

I love you when you are squeaky clean.

I love you when we stroll.

I love you when you are shy.

I love you when you share.

But most of all.

Just the way you are.

I hope you enjoyed the book walk and wish you a great week. Have some food and listen to Chris Botti and Sting.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Fortune

February 12, 2022February 11, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 65 Comments

The alarm came from somewhere far away and entered my consciousness like a bolt from a crossbow. I’m trying hard to turn it off before another bolt out of the blue finds its mark. Silence is golden, and the only sound now is the cracking of my knees as I make motions to begin the day.

Getting to the coffee reminded me of someone crossing the arctic ice in their bare feet. It’s hell to get old, is the thought of the morning. But, the aroma of the brewing cup brought a new thought, it’s great to be alive.

A few sips and the memory bell rang its Westminster chime. The tune accompanied a lyric, ‘Is the box still on the driveway from last week?’ Rushing to the front door for a look, I was crestfallen. (I still don’t know where my crest is) To help my dubious fortune, the box is still there. Now, you may wonder why it took a week to discover the status of the box? You see, in the age of COVID, I have become a virus recluse. “No use going to the front of the house if I’m not going anywhere” is my motto.

I carefully opened the door and walked out to the box. To give you an idea of its size, it was a perfect cube that came up to my shoulder. So that makes it about five feet cubed. While I was looking for clues on who I could call to get rid of it, I felt a tap on my backside. Turning around, I came face to face with a coyote. One that was standing on his hind legs and holding out a card. I took the card and glanced at it. ‘Wile E. Coyote Esq.’ was the only thing printed on it. The card was embossed and had a high cotton content level, but I digress.

“Pleased to meet you,” I said. “When are you going to take possession of this box?”

He looked at me. I looked at him. He made a rotation gesture with his hand. I didn’t catch his meaning until he pointed at the card. I flipped it over, and on the back was written. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “fortune.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!

If you want to ‘enjoy,’ visit Linda’s post and read how easy it is. Here is the link.

https://lindaghill.com/2022/02/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-12-2022/

“Here, we took all that time and still don’t know what’s in the box.”

“Well, it takes a while to give all the information.”

“Like the freaking card is made of cotton?”

“High cotton content.”

“Whatever. What was the bit about your crest?”

“That word always makes me wonder. So I looked it up one time, and its origins may be that when roosters don’t feel well, their crest folds over.”

“No one cares. We want to know what is in that box.”

“I would love to tell you, but I don’t know. Maybe a fortune teller could help you out.”

“So you bring in that stupid cartoon coyote?”

“Always good for a laugh.”

“You a stand-up comic now?”

“No, but humor is one element of a story.”

“And the other is telling us what is in the box.”

“Okay, it is dynamite.”

“Really?”

“No. I don’t know.”

“Why’d you say dynamite?”

“To get you to think of something else.”

“Like what.”

“Your turn to buy.”

“Not till I know what’s in the box.”

“I’ll buy then.”

“Forget the box. Let’s go.”

“You are so easy it scares me.”

“Smart, though. My brains are my fortune.”

“A small fortune indeed.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – Fri-Yay/Good News

February 11, 2022February 10, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 103 Comments

Today’s good news story comes from the Good News Network. Here it is in its entirety.

Marine biologists have found that $8 green LEDs affixed to fishermen’s gill nets were enough to dissuade vast amounts of sea animals like turtles, rays, and sharks from falling prey to these nets.

Originally tested by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration on sea turtles off the coast of Hawai’i, they are proving even more effective on Humboldt squid and the elasmobranch family, which contains sharks and rays.

Gill nets are indiscriminate, and if a fisherman snags a thrashing shark, a four-foot-long Humboldt squid—known in Spanish as the “Red Devil”—or an unwelcome stingray, it can be incredibly dangerous entangling them without out-rightly killing them first.

Termed bycatch, the catching of unsought marine life accounts for 40% of all net-caught animals around the world and has been a major threat to sharks, rays, and turtles.

Jesse Senko, a biologist at the State University of Arizona’s School of Life Sciences, found that just a few green lights reduced the amount of elasmobranch and squid caught in fisherman’s nets by 95% and 81%, respectively.

The all-important loggerhead sea turtle was also bycaught 51% less frequently.

Furthermore, even non-game species of fish steered clear of the green light more than in the unlit control nets.

“We were stunned with our findings,” one researcher told Reuters.

In their study published in Cell.com, Senko and the rest of the research team compared 5,000 lit nets to 5,000 unlit nets off the coast of the Baja Peninsula in Mexico, where several species of sharks and rays are declining due to bycatch, including the devil and manta rays.

Somehow, even though regular non-game fish were reduced, there was no difference statistically in the amount of game species caught in the lit and unlit nets, meaning there was no change to fishermen’s income.

“Regardless, the increased operational efficiency and reduction in total bycatch could justify the costs to fishers that convert to illuminated nets. In cases of high biodiversity and conservation importance, governments and NGOs could subsidize their adoption,” Senko wrote.

“In other gillnet fisheries, net illumination has been estimated to cost as little as $16 to $34 to prevent a sea turtle bycatch event. We encourage conservation practitioners, fishery managers, and other stakeholders to work with industry to develop new technologies, domestically manufacture LED lights, and seek new methods to increase efficiency and availability.”

One of the unexpected and rather cool reactions of reducing this bycatch was the amount of time it took to haul in and untangle nets, saving an average of 63 minutes per trip.

The good news here is game saving fishing techniques also bring higher profits to fisherfolk.

Today’s JohnKu talks about a winning solution. I hope you all have a great weekend.

The best solution,

To a problem is crafted. . .

Where everyone wins.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Here Comes Warmer Weather for Twiggy and Lucy

February 10, 2022February 9, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 112 Comments

“Look at that, Little One. Sunshine.”

“Seems like it has been weeks rather than days. Let’s get in it.”

“What did you find?”

“I’m not sure. I think it might be a weed.”

“A weed? That’s impossible. You sure?”

“Give me another sniffing moment and I’ll tell you.”

“That’s not a weed. It’s just the way the turf sits.”

“Yeah I thought that would be a problem if true. I’m going to go take a sun bath.”

“The sun is nice in the yard too.”

“I like these black rocks. It’s like going to a spa. They feel real good on the bones.”

“I don’t know I’m just going to check out the patio.”

“You will be missing a lot. You just find a comfy place and relax.”

“All those little stones look uncomfortable.”

“Well, they really aren’t.”

“Hey look at these shadows. I think they make me look different.”

“Different how?”

“I could pass for a zebra or something.”

“I would choose an animal more fierce. Say a tiger.”

“You might be on to something, Little One.”

“Let’s hear you roar.”

“Arf.”

“We’ll work on that.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 346 by Keith Channing

February 8, 2022February 7, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 66 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo ( below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next time.”

The photo.

“So Trevor, what are you doing out here?”

“I, uh misplaced something.”

“Misplaced something? What is it?”

“Not really a what. More like a who.”

“Ah, I see. A lost love, perhaps.”

“Well, I guess you could put it that way.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“Yeah, sure. Not much to say, though.”

“Well, share what you feel comfortable sharing. Say, is that lipstick on your neck?”

“Okay, I tell you. I met this girl and invited her to the camper.”

“Sounds romantic.”

“She said she would love to go with me.”

“Yes?”

“So we came here and got inside where it was warm.”

“It’s getting interesting.”

“We decided to sing some songs.”

“Sing? Is that a code word?”

“No. Really sing. Trouble was she couldn’t carry a tune.”

“Where was I when all this was going on?”

“Still in town, I suspect.”

“Okay, go on.”

“Well, I started to teach her how to carry a tune.”

“And?”

“She became distraught, so I thought I would try something else.”

“Is this where the lipstick comes in?”

“You are very wise. Yes, I decided to put some on her.”

“Then what happened.”

“She bolted for the door, and here we are.”

“Boy, that’s too bad. Did you learn anything with this experience?”

“Yeah, I sure did.”

“Tell me.”

“When you try to teach a pig to sing, you end up with a frustrated pig and teacher.”

“She was a pig?”

“Didn’t I tell you that?”

“No. No matter. Did you learn anything else?”

“You can put lipstick on a pig, but you still have a pig.”

“Wisdom beyond your years. I would write those down.”

“No opposable thumb, remember.”

“Have Seri remind you then.”

“Will do.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do in a Fancy Coffee Chain Store

February 7, 2022February 6, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 87 Comments

This post originally ran on February 1st, 2016. Since all the coffee chains haven’t gone out of business, the advice is still helpful. I hope you enjoy it.

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The inspiration for this list was a visit to a bustling Coffee chain and then a need to put down in words some of the thoughts that have bothered me since.

Top Ten Things Not to Do in a Fancy Coffee Chain Store

10 Do not try to maintain your individuality by insisting your name be spelled correctly on your cup. If you do, at best, your exact words will be handed back to you with your drink. (see above) At worst, the rest of the room will take notice of your insecurity and cover you with eye rolls. (You are bothered by eye rolls, or you wouldn’t have been so particular about your name. Right?)

9 Do not order a fancy drink believing it makes you a superstar. If you do, at best, the drink will be wrong. At worst, the drink will be wrong, and you’ll not know it. (Exactly what that twenty-something was counting on when she handed you that regular coffee)

8 Do not look at the pastries while standing in the longest line ever. If you do, at best, your stomach will announce to those in front, and behind that, you are an animal. At worst, you pick one up and suffer from calorie and budget overload. (How could something so small cost so much?)

7 Do not offer to pick up something for your co-workers. If you do, at best, they’ll order strange coffees and give you money. At worst, they’ll order several breakfast sandwiches and give you enough money to cover about half. (The reaction when you ask for the rest is like you embezzled the funds)

6 Do not go to the drive-through with less than half a tank of gas. If you do, at best, you will need to shut the car off several times. At worst, you will forget and run out of gas before you reach the window. (It makes you wonder why you didn’t just go in the first place.)

5 Do not attempt to strike up a conversation with the barista. If you do, at best, you’ll realize you are talking to yourself. At worst, the barista will be distracted and make your drink the way the previous person ordered it. (Just try and get that corrected)

4 Do not stand in line and then start thinking about what you want when you reach the point of ordering. If you do, at best, the audible groan from your fellow fancy coffee drinkers will make you nervous. At worst, you will be the recipient of the kind of insults last heard during the NFL season directed at the commissioner. (You are not making the kind of money to put up with that abuse)

3 Do not pass the tip jar without making a deposit. If you do, at best, you will be marked for special treatment next time. At worst, you are still waiting for your drink, and everyone behind you has left. (Yes, a tip is for good service, but here it is paid in advance, much like a toll to the troll under the bridge)

2 Do not take more than one napkin and one stir stick from the condiment bar. If you do, at best, you will be reminded to conserve paper. At worst, the environmental enforcer who looks much like Tiny, the World Wrestling Federation champ, will relieve you of the extra. (You hope he puts you down on your feet after he is through holding you by the ankles and shaking the napkin free)

1 Do not try to pay for your drink with a gift card that does not have enough to cover. If you do, at best. You will be delayed while the difference is figured out. At worst, you will get the feeling that the next move will be the arrival of a SWAT team to take you down for violating what the cashier is sure is a Federal offense. (You have to wonder why you don’t keep the receipt from the previous visit since it clearly states your balance. Silly you.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Winter Wonderland.

February 6, 2022February 5, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 114 Comments

Well, it was a mess on Friday and way too dangerous to go out on a photo tour of the neighborhood, which is when most of them are taken. Instead, I took a tour around the yard, and hopefully, these photos will take the place of a full-blown tour. Since we will stay at the house, we don’t need the bus today. We will need food, so I have called out for delivery from Nomatic Beer Works (Yes, they deliver beer too). Our entertainment is again Bob Seger. (A fellow Detroit native)

REUBEN (Turkey) – Turkey Breast | Swiss | Sauerkraut | Thousand Island | Easy Tiger Rye

VEGETARIAN – Artichoke | Garlic Hummus | Arugula | Roasted Red Pepper | Easy Tiger Sourdough

TOASTED CHEESER – Cheddar | Provolone | Havarti | Parmesan | Easy Tiger Sourdough

We’ll star in the back. Make sure you have your gloves and hats on.

First, a look in the backyard looking Northwest. The hanging basket is wrapped in a hibiscus towel.

The backyard looking Southeast. The turf is covered with frozen sleet.

The patio area is covered. You can see the frozen sleet in the blackstone bed to the left.

A closer look at the patio. The magnolia tree and mountain laurel are covered in ice.

A close-up of the magnolia. The ice acts as an insulator since the air is colder than 32 degrees F. ( 0 degrees C )

A close-up of the mountain laurel.

Our rain gauge took on one inch of rain and is frozen. You can see ice on the fence as well.

Our motion light and irrigation monitor show the effect of frozen rain. So let’s go back inside.

Lucy and Twiggy wonder who the new playmates are. These are the plants that need protection from temperatures below freezing.

Here is a shot of the hibiscus in bloom. The other plans are dracaena, salvia, and a pot with pansies and alyssum.

Looking out the front, you can see the ice on the driveway and frozen sleet in the rocks.

One shot of the deer who are not bothered by a little frozen rain.

I hope you enjoyed a look at the Texas version of winter. Now relax, have some food and enjoy Bob.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Page

February 5, 2022February 5, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 88 Comments

Gazing at my watch convinced me to stay inside this morning. The temperature is below freezing, and the wind chill is in the teens. This is not a day to consider opening the front door. Getting settled with a hot cup of coffee and my trusty Apple, I was looking forward to a productive day of writing. That is when the sound of something hitting the roof caused me to jump.

The coffee was dripping behind me as I ran across the floor to the window. The cold of the glass caused my breath to fog the view. I couldn’t see what was lying in the driveway. Clearly, whatever it was had first impacted the roof and then come to rest out there.

There was no choice but to open the door and enter the deep freeze. Oh sure, I could have left the item laying there till spring, but what fun is there in that? Besides, not knowing what it is would make this a brief post.

Suitability outfitted with the latest winter gear, I undid the deadbolt and made one small step for knowledge. With the ice crunching under my feet, I arrived at the object. A quick investigation determined a box addressed to Wile E Coyote in care of my address. Feeling somewhat put out, I decided to simply leave the box where it was, and if Mr. Coyote wants to get it, he will need to swing by and pick it up.

Turning to go back inside, I heard a horn sound followed by the sound of a panic stop. Looking down, there was what appeared to be a drawing of a roadrunner with a printed page from an e-mail in its mouth. Taking the page, I could see it was a prompt from Linda Hill. Here’s what it said. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “page.” Use it as a noun or a verb. Have fun! If you want to join in this fun, go to Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here’s the link. https://lindaghill.com/2022/02/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-5-2022/

The horn sounded again, and with a swishing sound, the bird was gone.

“Don’t you dare leave us hanging like that.”

“Like what?”

“We want to know what’s in the box.”

“Who are we? I only see you.”

“Never mind. What’s in the box?”

“I have no idea.”

“Come on. You are writing this trash. Tell me.”

“You saw where I walked away, right?”

“Yeah, but you must know what’s inside.”

“I didn’t open it.”

“Arrrgg. Okay then. Let me ask a question.”

“Shoot.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Your question?”

“Why would you bring in something that was supposed to be delivered to Wile E. Coyote yet shows up on your driveway.”

“Simple.”

“Uh, go ahead.”

“It sets up a story for the next time.”

“I get that, but why can’t we have the story now?”

“No time. I ran out of available words. In fact, folks are starting to hit “like” and move on even as we speak.”

“What, folks?”

“Fourth wall, folks. Right out there.”

“OMG. I never saw them before.”

“Behave then.”

“H-how do we get out of this mess?”

“We get on the same page. You offer to buy the beer, and we exit stage left.”

“I’m buying.”

“Let’s go.”

“Don’t we need to do the soft shoe or anything?”

“You can if you wish.”

“No, let’s just go.”

“After you, my man. Page the bartender and tell her to set ’em up.”

“Page?”

“Never mind, I was just taking another kick at the prompt.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – Fri-Yay/Good News

February 4, 2022February 3, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 115 Comments

Good to see Friday here. This means we can take a short break from the week and do some fun things.

Today’s Good News story is about Bee Cave Bob You all have heard of Punxsutawney Phil, the famous groundhog who predicts the arrival of spring . This year he predicted 6 more weeks of winter. I bet not too many of you have heard of Bee Cave Bob.

You see,, Bee Cave Bob was born in Bee Cave,, Texas, which is a short way up the road from our house, and he is an Armadillo. Bob has the distinction of being the Texas answer to Punxsutawney Phil. Now you may wonder why Texas feels the need to have its own version of a prognosticator of the duration of winter. The answer is best explained by Bob’s owner Ralph Fisher. “The Armadillo is the Texas state small mammal.”

Athough Bob lives in a farm community named Swiss Alp he travels back to Bee Cave every year to predict the end of winter. In an event, sponsored by the Benevelent Order of the Racoon (Not a typo), Bob is released on Feburary 2nd and watched. If Bob sees his shadow there will be 6 more weeks of winter.

In contradiction to Punxsutawney Phil, Bob is predicting an early spring. As I sit here with below freezing temperatures and a wind chill in the teens I can say Bob’s prediction is good news indeed.

Here is a Video telling the story.

Today’s JohnKu is about the weather. I hope you have a great weekend

There is Bob and Phil,

Trying to decide how long . . .

I’ll wait for mother.