Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

December 4, 2019December 3, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 39 Comments

“What’s that noise? Lucy.”
“Sounds like Wednesday hit a hump.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and the last time we learned that Larry wants to talk one more time to Charles the server. Charles had spent some time with Mrs. Rafferty that he never mentioned. Jerry, the server, told Andrew and Larry that Charles left a party with Mrs. Rafferty and didn’t show up for work the next day, so now Charles is a person of interest. I see Charles is just now entering the conference room let’s hot foot it over there before we miss any of the juicy stuff.

“You wanted to see me again, detective?”

“Yes, Charles have a seat.”

“What’s this about?”

“Well, Charles, my man. It seems you left a little bit of information out of our last discussion. I would like to catch up with it.”

“What do you mean?”

“You went through an elaborate process of trying to remember Mrs. Rafferty. Do you recall that?”

“You mean the dates and the room service order?”

“Exactly.”

“So?”

“You failed to tell us you were at a party where Mrs. Rafferty attended as well.”

“I go to a lot of parties, detective. How am I to remember who is who.”

“Uh, huh. Did you forget who you escorted out of the party?”

“Escorted out? Excuse me detective but I’m having difficulty following your line of questions.”

“Did you leave the party with Mrs. Rafferty?”

“I don’t recall the party, let alone who I took home. I can assure you that if I left a party with Mrs. Rafferty, I would remember. She is stunning and I don’t get around much.”

“So how about work the next day.”

“What about it?”

“You missed work.”

“If you say so. What day was that again?”

“The fourteenth of February.”

“Valentine’s day?”

“That’s right.”

“Oh, wait. Now I remember. I went to that party, and after a while, I was not feeling well. I tried a drink but couldn’t even get it down. I want home alone and went straight to bed. I was still sick the next day and called it in. Jerry took my place.”

“Can anyone corroborate your story.”

“It’s the truth why do I need to corroborate it?”

“Cause an eyewitness says you left the party with Mrs. Rafferty on the night her husband had his accident.”

“That’s not true. Even if it was, what would it mean?”

“That maybe you helped Mrs. Raffery arrange the accident.”

“Oh, no way. You saying I need a lawyer?”

“Why? Do you have something to hide?”

“No, but you are accusing me of being an accessory.”

“You know the term?”

“Yeah, I was in pre-law in college. I certainly know the term.”

“No one is accusing you of anything. You can get a lawyer if you wish but I think it might be a little early for that. Why do you think Jerry told us that you left with Mrs. Rafferty?”

“I have no idea. You have made me a little uncomfortable detective so if you don’t mind, I would like to go.”

“This is a free country, Charles. I’m going to ask you to stay in town if you don’t mind. We may have some more questions that we would be happy to share with your attorney. Here’s my card. Let me know when you are ready to talk more.”

“You really think I am involved in this, don’t you?”

“Right now, we are just keeping our options open. Thank you for the conversation.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #240 by Keith Channing

December 3, 2019December 2, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 42 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem, anything, really, even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar.

The photo

Old St. Nick by John W. Howell

“Why is that guy hanging on the wall there.”

“That’s not a guy. It’s St. Nicholas.”

“I still would like to know what he’s doing on the wall there.”

“I imagine he’s trying to gain access to that apartment through the window.”

“Seems like a hard way to go. Why not just go up the stairs and knock on the door?”

“You do know that St. Nick is supposed to come down the chimney, don’t you?”

“Yeah. That’s what makes this guy’s moves all the more particular.”

“Well. there is no chimney big enough for the old guy, so he is using the window.”

“Still seems odd.”

“Why? He is supposed to surprise everyone when we all find gifts under the tree in the morning.”

“You just said it.”

“What?”

“In the morning. It’s barely past three in the afternoon. I thought St. Nick came at night.”

“Now, I get it. You think it is odd that St Nick is trying to enter that apartment in broad daylight?”

“You are pretty quick. Yes, that is what I’m saying.”

“So you think that guy is up to no good?”

“Yup. Way up.”

“I’ll dial the police. I must say, I never thought there was anything out of place with a St. Nick hanging on a wall.”

“Well, this is coming from someone who has the world’s biggest wooden nickel collection.”

“You wait. They will be valuable someday.”

“Like your salted gold mine stock.”

“That was cold.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Text Message Sent in 1992

December 2, 2019December 15, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

Top Ten Things Not to Do

This week on December 3rd marks the 28th anniversary of the first text message sent in 1992. A test engineer for Sema Group sent the world’s first text message, using a personal computer and the Vodafone network. Engineer Neil Papworth sent the first SMS on December 3rd, 1992, when he wrote “Merry Christmas” on a computer and sent it to the cellphone of Vodafone director Richard Jarvis. Since this event has changed the way we communicate, it might be helpful to time travel and visit the scene. I have developed a list so that we don’t make any mistakes that could put a tear in the time continuum.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Text Message Sent in 1992

10 If you are there, do not suggest to the engineer that a smiley face at the end of his message might be well received. If you do, at best, he will thank you but send the message without it. At worst, he will stop the message and try to figure out how to make a smiley face on the keyboard. (Well done, Jussi. You slowed the progress of the SMS world. Although the smiley face has been around since 1963, it took the engineer two weeks to figure out: :-). He also had a nervous breakdown.)

9 If you are there, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ and head of security to check his cell phone for messages. If you do, at best, Tiny will not understand you. At worst, Tiny, who missed his personal development support group meeting, will feel left out since he has no messages. (The problem is, Justice, when Tiny feels left out, he wants to hug someone tightly. It looks like you are the one. Yes, that might be the sound of bones breaking that you are hearing.)

8 If you are there, do not suggest to the engineer a number of shortcuts to messaging communication. If you do, at best, he will be too busy to pay attention to you. At worst, your netspeak suggestions will give him a migraine. (It appears the engineer had to go home, Justyn. Your LMAO, ROTFL, OMG, and BFF sent him over the edge. He can’t imagine that his idea will end up in such a way.)

7 If you are there, do not suggest to the engineer that he might be better understood if he uses all caps in his message. If you do, at best, the engineer knows better. At worst, he will send a message that looks like he is yelling. (A funny thing about yelling at a director, Jacob is they usually don’t like it. It looks like the engineer wants to talk with you. If you ask me he has a bizarre look in his eye.)

6 If you are there, do not try to explain hashtags. If you do, at best, the engineer will fall asleep. At worst, the engineer will keep asking, “Why.” (You will never get to the bottom of the “Whys,” Joseph. And really #whynot will not work.)

5 If you are there, do not try to convince the engineer that life would be easier if he did group texts. If you do, at best, the engineer will wait before he sends his first group text. At worst, the engineer will send out a group text to the wrong group. (Well, Justin. It looks like you need to help the engineer explain to the group of senior citizens what he meant by “Let’s get naked, which was intended for his nudist friends.)

4 If you are there, do not suggest to the engineer that he should invent something that will autocorrect misspellings in texts. If you do, at best, he’ll do a better job. At worst, the engineer writes a special program that has the effect of turning all four-letter words into NSFW messages. (Wow, Josiah. You are solely responsible for the engineer having to go into a witness protection program.)

3 If you are there, do not show the engineer how easy it might be to take a picture of your dinner and send it to all his friends. If you do, at best, the engineer will think it foolish. At worst, the engineer will like the concept and begin texting pictures of his math calculations. (The engineer’s boss finally laid down the law, Jeremiah. The engineer has been banned from texting period. You must be proud.)

2 If you are there, do not warn the engineer that sometimes people will send the wrong text to the wrong person. If you do, at best, the engineer is a pragmatist and will accept the idea as natural. At worst, the engineer is a Type A obsessive-compulsive and will want to build a program to prevent such a mistake. (Congratulations, Julian. You are solely responsible for a ten-step verification protocol ensuring that the sender has indeed checked to see the message is going to the intended receiver. Also, you have personally killed the text message vehicle of communication.)

1 If you are there, do not ask to use the engineer’s computer to ask his assistant for a date. If you do, at best, he’ll not let you. At worst, he will allow you to use the computer and the assistant turned you into the police as a stalker. (You see, Jared. Such important messages should be done in person and not from behind a computer screen. Don’t worry many have made the same mistake. They were not the first, however.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Trail of Lights Part II

December 1, 2019November 30, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 64 Comments

Last week was part I of the Trail of Lights, an annual event in Lakeway. This is the second part and conclusion.

A gingerbread house.

Some pine trees and Mrs. Clause on a rocker.

Raindeer and another view of the tree.

A North Pole condo.

Some skaters and a pond of lights.

A light tunnel and civilian caught in the headlights. (have no idea who it is.)

Rudolf running for office and a long line to see Santa.

A band playing Jingle Bell Rock and kids dancing.

Santa and Mrs. Clause with kids.

Firepit and Smores in the making.

Hot chocolate stand.

A decorated Agave succulent and another view of the Santa line.

It wouldn’t be Texas without a chuckwagon.

Decorate cookie stand.

I hope you enjoyed the light tour. Happy Holidays to all.

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #239 by Keith Channing

November 26, 2019November 25, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 36 Comments

First, a note about this week. My sister is visiting from Michigan, so this holiday is extraordinary. I intend to spend as much time with her as possible, so I will be on a blog break until Sunday, December 1st. Please excuse me if I don’t reply or comment on your posts in a timely manner. I will disable comments on this post since commenting back will be difficult. I wish you in the US a very Happy Thanksgiving. I’ll be back with a Views of the Neighborhood on December 1st.

Now to today’s post

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #239

“Who turned up the fog machine?”

“I was going to ask the same question.”

“Boys. Take it easy. The air just got a little warmer than the snow, so fog is formed.”

“Thanks, pop, but the information doesn’t help us see any better.”

“That’s just it. It doesn’t matter about the visibility. I’ve been over this area hundreds of times. It’s flat as a board. No fear of falling into a crevasse.”

“You just said ass. Heh, heh.”

“I just said a word that stands for a crack in the Earth’s crust that could be dangerous should you fall into it.”

“Heh, heh, heh.”

“What now?”

“You said crack.”

“Okay, let’s just keep on walking.”

“Where are we going?”

“I’m glad you finally asked. We are heading for Bald Mountain.”

“What’s there?”

“There is an old gold mine that I think will be pretty interesting.”

“Real gold?”

“Yup.”

“Wow, that sounds exciting. How long till we get there?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Are we lost?”

“No. I just don’t know where we are exactly.”

“I see now why you named this expedition the way you did.”

“Smart boy.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the George Washington Proclamation of Thanksgiving in 1789

November 25, 2019November 24, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

George Washington

George Washington proclaimed November 25th as a day of Thanksgiving in honor of the new constitution. This day has been used to eventually set Thanksgiving as the last Thursday in November. Although the first Thanksgiving might have been held with the pilgrims and native Americans much earlier, it was George who really established the date. As a side note of interest, it wasn’t until 1863 that a national day of thanksgiving was held. I’m sure you would like to go to George’s house and help him and Martha celebrate the day. Here is a list of things not to do so that we can keep history intact.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the George Washington Proclamation of Thanksgiving in 1789.

10 If you go to George’s place, do not bring a box of Stove Top stuffing as your contribution to the dinner. If you do, at best, no one will know what it is. At worst, someone may feed it to the horses. (Now you have a problem, Josephe. George wants to know who brought the stuff that gave his horses the colic)

9 If you go to George’s place, do not hand Tiny the WWF champ a dollar for holding the door for you. If you do, at best, Tiny will need the money. At worst, Tiny just left his self-esteem discussion group and believes he is a close friend of George Washington. (So now you have made Tiny feel like the help, Josue. Don’t worry that step over toe hold never works to take off the toe. Of course, there is always the first time.)

8 If you go to George’s place, do not suggest a game of monopoly after dinner. If you do, at best you’ll get some stares. At worst, George will think it a fun idea. (Now you have to construct the whole game out of paper and a quill pen, Jourdan. Good luck making the tokens.)

7 If you go to George’s place, do not bring up politics as a dinner discussion item. If you do, at best, everyone will ignore you. At worst, you’ll pick a fight with Aaron Burr. (The instructions are correct, Jovan. You walk 25 paces, turn and fire. Yes, I think Aaron has done this before.)

6 If you go to George’s place, do not tell George the turkey is tough when he asks. If you do, at best, he won’t hear you. At worst, he’ll hand you a musket. (He is politely suggesting you go out and shoot your own turkey, Jozsef. Maybe next time you’ll just say it is excellent.)

5 If you go to George’s place, do not suggest to Martha that the sweet potatoes would be better with marshmallow bits. If you do, at best, Martha will be too busy to hear you. At worst, Martha will think your suggestion is a good one and hand you a ten-pound bag of sweet potatoes. (Well now you are in a pickle, Judd. You need to figure out how to do sweet potatoes and make marshmallow bits.)

4 If you go to George’s house, do not ask for Jellied cranberry sauce. If you do, at best, you have created a discussion topic. At worst, the chef just reached the end of his rope. (Seems there have been several menu changes, Julito. Yours is the straw that broke the camel’s back. That knife looks pretty big from here. I think a good before dinner run is in order.)

3 If you go to George’s house, do not decide to give a toast to the new constitution. If you do, at best, there will be too many in line before you. At worst, George will ask you about one of the articles. (So as a product of public education, Jullien, have you ever read the constitution, let alone know what is in the section? I thought not. Just say you need the outhouse and be gone.)

2 If you go to George’s house, do not stare at George’s teeth. If you do, at best, he’ll think you are looking at something else. At worst, he will catch on. (So now that you have made your host uncomfortable, Junien. I think you better cut your losses by saying something like, “Are those mahoganies?” Or I guess you could say you were looking at his nose. Either way, I hope you have a horse standing by.)

1 If you go to George’s house, do not ask if you can try on a powdered wig. If you do, at best, you’ll be told no. At worst, someone will plop a wig on your head. (Lucky you, Jurgen. You are now wearing the lice and bedbug infected wig that remained after the last redcoat left Washington. Maybe setting your hair on fire will save you. In any case, you have got to find some alcohol fast.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Trail of Lights Edition One

November 24, 2019November 23, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 70 Comments

Each year the city of Lakeway sets up a trail of lights around city hall. This weekend was the opening of the display, which runs until January 2, 2020. There was a band, Santa and Mrs. Claus, Smores and more. As you can imagine, there are a ton of photos since the event is enormous. Rather than try to do it in one post, I have broken it into two posts. Next week will be the second edition.

There’s a signpost up ahead.

The first stop is a giant Holiday Tree.

Several figures

A Snowperson

Bridge to more lights

Snowflake

Heron and Flamingo.

Globes in the trees.

Santa on a train.

Santa on a Harley

A Longhorn. (Of course)

A stagecoach.

Skaters on a light pond

A shooting star and family taking photos of a child on dad’s shoulders.

When I took this, I thought it was an Eagle. It looks more like an owl.

Next week we will see more lights and visit some of the activities.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Flyer/Ad”

November 23, 2019November 22, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 46 Comments

Stream of Consciousness

Yes, it is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this week’s prompt is going to take some explanation. I think I’ll let Linda Hill explain. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “flyer/ad.” Look at the latest ad you got in the mail (if it’s a store flyer, choose the product right in the middle of the page) or choose the next online ad you find, and theme your post on whatever the product is. Do not name the brand if you hate it unless you add that it’s an opinion/review of the product in question. You don’t want to chance getting sued. Have fun!”

Somehow I find the chance of getting sued and the word fun in the same sentence as ironic. If you would like to experience irony first hand, go to Linda’s blog and read how to participate. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2019/11/22/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-23-19/

“Why do you care where the flyer is from yesterday?”

“I almost hate to tell you.”

“Oh, let me guess. You are doing that Saturday Stream thing, right?”

“Er… In a word, yes.”

“I threw it in the trash.”

“Darn. I just dumped the coffee grounds into the trash.”

“No, wait. I think I may have put it in the wastebasket.”

“Okay, that would be better than going through the coffee grounds.”

“Here is the flyer.”

“Oh, thank you. This is a mattress company.”

“Well, can you work with that?”

“I’ll have to, I suppose.”

“So I can go back to living my life?”

“Yes. I have a question, though.”

“Okay, shoot.”

“Have you ever heard of The Casper Mattress Company?”

“Nope.”

“I haven’t either. Maybe this is some kind of joke.”

“Well, they paid the postage to prank us.”

“So, you are saying they are a real company?”

“Yes, I have no reason to doubt them.”

“Do we need a mattress?”

“Why do you think the flyer was in the wastebasket? Why don’t you write the Saturday post and be done with it?”

“Cause now I’m curious. Maybe this company is named after the ghost.”

“You are killing me now.”

“Don’t you think it possible?”

“Anything is possible, including manslaughter.”

“Hmmm. I’ll be in my office if you need me.”

“‘Need’ is a relative term.”

“Well, you’ll know where I’ll be.”

“I hope you and Casper have a great time.”

“Me and Casper? It sounds like a great title to a post.”

“Knock yourself out.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

November 22, 2019November 21, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy — “So you don’t want to play? It’s Friday.”
“Oh, that’s right. Okay, you’re it.”

Another Friday has finally graced us with its presence. I think most of us are glad to see it here. I can imagine a nightclub bouncer would not be too thrilled with Friday, but for the rest of us, it means the eve of freedom. It means the beginning of the end of the workweek. Eight hours is all that separates us from our work world and our relaxing world.

I think given all that is going on in our country these days we definitely need to spend time in the relaxing world. I’m not sure but I have to wonder who is really enjoying all the vitriol coming out of Washington. I for one have had my fill.

Today’s JohnKu talks about trying to live through stressful times.

I hope you all have a very relaxing weekend.

It’s not all roses,

And living can be stressful. . .

Need an inner strength.