Top Ten Things Not to Do at the George Washington Proclamation of Thanksgiving in 1789

George Washington

George Washington proclaimed November 25th as a day of Thanksgiving in honor of the new constitution. This day has been used to eventually set Thanksgiving as the last Thursday in November. Although the first Thanksgiving might have been held with the pilgrims and native Americans much earlier, it was George who really established the date. As a side note of interest, it wasn’t until 1863 that a national day of thanksgiving was held. I’m sure you would like to go to George’s house and help him and Martha celebrate the day. Here is a list of things not to do so that we can keep history intact.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the George Washington Proclamation of Thanksgiving in 1789.

10 If you go to George’s place, do not bring a box of Stove Top stuffing as your contribution to the dinner. If you do, at best, no one will know what it is. At worst, someone may feed it to the horses. (Now you have a problem, Josephe. George wants to know who brought the stuff that gave his horses the colic)

9 If you go to George’s place, do not hand Tiny the WWF champ a dollar for holding the door for you. If you do, at best, Tiny will need the money. At worst, Tiny just left his self-esteem discussion group and believes he is a close friend of George Washington. (So now you have made Tiny feel like the help, Josue. Don’t worry that step over toe hold never works to take off the toe. Of course, there is always the first time.)

8 If you go to George’s place, do not suggest a game of monopoly after dinner. If you do, at best you’ll get some stares. At worst, George will think it a fun idea. (Now you have to construct the whole game out of paper and a quill pen, Jourdan. Good luck making the tokens.)

7 If you go to George’s place, do not bring up politics as a dinner discussion item. If you do, at best, everyone will ignore you. At worst, you’ll pick a fight with Aaron Burr. (The instructions are correct, Jovan. You walk 25 paces, turn and fire. Yes, I think Aaron has done this before.)

6 If you go to George’s place, do not tell George the turkey is tough when he asks. If you do, at best, he won’t hear you. At worst, he’ll hand you a musket. (He is politely suggesting you go out and shoot your own turkey, Jozsef. Maybe next time you’ll just say it is excellent.)

5 If you go to George’s place, do not suggest to Martha that the sweet potatoes would be better with marshmallow bits. If you do, at best, Martha will be too busy to hear you. At worst, Martha will think your suggestion is a good one and hand you a ten-pound bag of sweet potatoes. (Well now you are in a pickle, Judd. You need to figure out how to do sweet potatoes and make marshmallow bits.)

4 If you go to George’s house, do not ask for Jellied cranberry sauce. If you do, at best, you have created a discussion topic. At worst, the chef just reached the end of his rope. (Seems there have been several menu changes, Julito. Yours is the straw that broke the camel’s back. That knife looks pretty big from here. I think a good before dinner run is in order.)

3 If you go to George’s house, do not decide to give a toast to the new constitution. If you do, at best, there will be too many in line before you. At worst, George will ask you about one of the articles. (So as a product of public education, Jullien, have you ever read the constitution, let alone know what is in the section? I thought not. Just say you need the outhouse and be gone.)

2 If you go to George’s house, do not stare at George’s teeth. If you do, at best, he’ll think you are looking at something else. At worst, he will catch on. (So now that you have made your host uncomfortable, Junien. I think you better cut your losses by saying something like, “Are those mahoganies?” Or I guess you could say you were looking at his nose. Either way, I hope you have a horse standing by.)

1 If you go to George’s house, do not ask if you can try on a powdered wig. If you do, at best, you’ll be told no. At worst, someone will plop a wig on your head. (Lucky you, Jurgen. You are now wearing the lice and bedbug infected wig that remained after the last redcoat left Washington. Maybe setting your hair on fire will save you. In any case, you have got to find some alcohol fast.)

56 comments

  1. For some reason, I always thought Lincoln declared Thanksgiving a holiday. Not sure why.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The first national thanksgiving was in 1863. Lincoln set that one up.

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      1. Okay. My own fault for skipping right to the list. Thanks.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Don’t worry this won’t be on the midterm.

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  2. I thought Stove Top Stuffing giving the horses colic was the best on the list–until I got to #1. *shudder*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know right? Thanks, Liz.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I like # 8, good luck making the tokens!! πŸ™‚ Fun post, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Might have to make a quick trip back to 2019 to pick some up. Thanks, GP.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Someone should send Stovetop Stuffing into its own time warp. I was ready to declare the list complete when I saw that one. Then I found your wry suggestion that time travelers might want to read the Constitution, and bumped that one up to my fav.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahaha Thank you, Linda.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh my…you had me cracking up from the start, John. Great job!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jill. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Very funny. It probably be best not to argue that the second Monday of October is the real Thanksgiving. Can you be shot if they find out you are Canadian and from the 21st century?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. All you have to do to be discovered is manke a point about it, eh? Thaks, Darlene.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. A lot of history embedded here within … presented with your usual humor. But on a lighter note, I find it ironic and interesting (is that redundant?) that Thanksgiving was first made a national holiday right smack in the middle of a war that killed 620,000 Americans (more than half of all those killed in all our wars combined).

    Happy Thanksgiving, John, to you and yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I found thanksgiving in the middle of the Civil War to be rather odd myself.I guess a diversion was needed. Thanks, Andrew.

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  8. #3 – And, don’t ask! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I think I’ll take a small keg of ale, sit in the corner and drink it quietly. I’ll be sure to give Tiny a mug. Good list John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Dan.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I suppose asking if anyone knows the football scores is bad form.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You could try but then you would have to explain football.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Any mention of Black Friday would probably get me burned at the stake.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. As it should be.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. These should be packaged as “The Big Book Of Time Traveler Tips”.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahahaha. Thanks, Hook.

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      1. It could actually sell, John, seriously.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. I ain’t picking a fight with Aaron Burr OR Tiny, thank you very much.

    Now umm . . could you please pass the gravy?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sure. Here you go.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Noted. George might want to know who ‘wised’ me up.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He already told me to knock it off.

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  14. A timely list, John — thank you. Probably best if we assume the role of good guests and speak only when spoken to, eat everything placed before us, and leave before we become a nuisance!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that is the best way to avoid trouble.

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  15. I say, dear John” Gorge Washington would have been happy with your list! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think so, Maria. He had a good sense of humor.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have no doubt! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Lovely humour for Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving, John! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Kevin. Happy Thanksgiving to you.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. I was doing mighty fine with this list ’til I reached number 1. Now, for some strange reason, I am itchy all over… you are a cruel, cruel man!!
    I’ll bring my cranberry-rum sauce….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oooooh sounds so good.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is, I assure you πŸ˜‰

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  18. Are those mahoganies… one of your best ever lines! And setting your hair on fire. Really funny John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Jennie. Glad to see you laugh

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, John. Big time mahogany laugh! πŸ˜…

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  19. D.L. Finn, Author · · Reply

    Great list, John! Happy Thanksgiving:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thak you, Denise. To you as well.

      Like

  20. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    Check out this post from John Howell’s blog with the TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO AT THE GEORGE WASHINGTON PROCLAMATION OF THANKSGIVING IN 1789

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome.

        Liked by 1 person

  21. I like finding the alcohol the best. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Deborah.

      Liked by 1 person

  22. #1 just makes me feel itchy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is what I thought when I wrote it. Thanks, Teri.

      Liked by 1 person

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