
The inspiration for this list was seeing a guy out in public in a Halloween costume. It struck me that he was unaware of the stares and reaction of those around him. Hope you enjoy.
10 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not go into the bank to make a withdrawal. If you do, at best some will stare. At worst the teller will not look at your withdrawal slip but assume you are holding up the bank. (That zombie makeup had her rattled, Donald. Too bad the SWAT team had no sense of humor.)
9 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not think you have the same powers as the superhero you are dressed to be. If you do, at best you’ll hurt yourself. At worst you will think you can take on Tiny the WWF champ who is in step two of his anger management treatment. (Look like that cape is not going to save you, Dorian. I would just go limp, and maybe Tiny will think you are dead.)
8 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not go shopping at the grocery store. If you do, at best you will have the aisles to yourself. At worst, the store manager will insist that you leave since most of his employees have locked themselves in the lounge and refused to come out. (It could be that the hatchet embedded in your skull looks too real, Dex.)
7 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not go through the fast food drive-through. If you do, at best you may be wearing a chocolate milkshake. At worst, the panicked employee will call 911 and drop your food outside the window. (The police are understanding, but you still have no food, Dante.)
6 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not think you can attend the Saturday night church service. If you do, at best you’ll have a pew all to yourself. At worst, the minister will continually point in your direction when he comes to the phrase, “Devil worship.” ( You didn’t realize Halloween is not a big thing in your church huh, Dacey?)
5 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not keep your doctor’s appointment. If you do, at best you will empty the waiting room. At worst, your doctor will assume you have had a massive mental breakdown and will call the county home for a pickup. (The clown makeup and white straight jacket is quite a look, Dagwood.)
4 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not drive on the freeway. If you do, at best you’ll get some weird looks. At worst you will shock the fragile person in the vehicle next to you, and they will turn into your car as a defensive move. (The cop insists it’s your fault for scaring the wimp next to you, Dalbert.)
3 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not go next door to borrow a cup of sugar. If you do, at best you won’t get the sugar. At worst, your NRA member next door neighbor will not recognize you and will only quit shooting when you dive into your house. (What would have happened if your neighbor was a good shot, Damek?)
2 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not exceed the speed limit. If you do, at best you’ll get home without incident. At worst, you’ll be pulled over and after all is said and done, lying on the street with your hands cuffed behind your back. (Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to dress as Pretty Boy Floyd after all. Although you have to admit that Tommy gun sure looked real, Dareau.)
1 If you are in your Halloween costume, do not go through the TSA security screen at the airport. If you do, at best you will be denied boarding. At worst, the private search that turned up the sword, flintlock pistols, and the grog will be enough to charge you with terrorism. (The pirate idea sounded good at home, Dartagnan. In the airport? Not so much.)