This list has been inspired by numerous friends staying overnight and sad to say doing one or more of the things on the list. Since this week is Thanksgiving I thought it would be a good idea on posting some tips on behavior in case a visit to friends is in the cards. (Oh, I know you would never do any of these)
Ten Things Not to Do While Staying Overnight with Friends
10 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not ask “what’s for dinner?” if you do, at best you will come off as pretty a demanding guest. At worst, your host may send you out for fast food. (by yourself)
9 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not sneak late night snacks. If you do, at best you may scare your guests thinking there is an intruder in the house. At worst, you might be asked to come out of the house over a bullhorn held by a big person from the local SWAT team.
8 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not keep telling jokes in which you keep forgetting the punchline. If you do, at best your friends will take pity on you and try to change the subject. At worst, your friend will believe you are a prime candidate for an intervention much to the amusement of others in the house.
7 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not keep grabbing extra portions of food. If you do, at best your friends will wonder why you are not eating regularly at home. At worst, they will assume you have an eating disorder and will insist you see their couple’s counselor. (which raises a whole new problem)
6 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not assume your friends want to stay up with you to see the dawn. If you do, at best your friends will hope you pass out. At worst, the last few drinks made by your friend will be strong enough to ensure you pass out.
5 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not get sick in their bed. If you do, at best the stay will be very short. At worst, you may wake up in the backyard with a large dog named Bruno who thinks you are cute.
4 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not sleep until noon even if you normally do so at home. If you do, at best your friends will think you rude for missing the brunch they prepared. At worst, your friends will go about their day and leave you in the house to fend for yourself which will include warding off the affections of Bruno.
3 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not think it is okay to adjust the thermostat to suit your own comfort. If you do, at best you might not be invited back. At worst, your friends may surprise you with their deluxe suite which is in actuality the back seat of your own car.
2 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not take an in ordinarily long hot shower. If you do, at best you may encounter some hostile looks since your host community is under severe water restrictions. At worst, the hosts who are under a water restriction will be served with a cease service order which will mean no more water for them and a wanted dead or alive poster for you.
1 If you are staying overnight with friends, don’t forget to say thank you. If you do, at best you won’t be invited back. At worst, your friends will come and stay with you and do their best to eat, drink and create mayhem for revenge.
Fiction Favorites 
number 5 and 9 are the same. I was expecting something different but it was a nice read none-the-less
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You are so right. Take another look. Somehow there was an editing problem. Thanks.
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I know somebody who kept doing #3 when they were visiting me in Florida. It was really annoying.
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Obviously I have as well.
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Great list, John! We like to maintain our friendships so we rarely stay overnight with friends for all the reasons above and especially because of Bruno 😉 Although a while back I house-sat for a friend and had the “pleasure” of sleeping with her pitbull. Sweet dog but she hogged the bed! And every time I moved, she give a big sigh like I was disturbing her. Cracked me up 🙂
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We have a boxer who does the same. It does make you laugh.
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Reblogged this on 1WriteWay and commented:
Plan to stay with friends or family over the holidays? Check out this list of Things Not To Do by John Howell!
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Great tips, John! Number 3 is a great reminder because they might forward their power bill onto you.
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LOL #2: ” in ordinarily” instead of “inordinately”: was that on purpose? Hilarious, either way!
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That was on purpose. Had to override the system. Thanks
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I don’t like staying overnight anywhere except a hotel and I don’t enjoy having overnight guests. In that vein, all of these are outstanding advice. 🙂
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Thanks. I’m with you. The thought of strangers in my beds gives me the willies
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Well, you certainly are sleeping with stranger in hotels…in a matter of speaking but you have your space and aren’t on someone else’s timetable…or are you?
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Hotels give me the willies as well.
On Mon, Nov 24, 2014 at 10:40 AM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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Sigh. I know, but they are lesser of two evils: guest room or hotel room. 😦
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We, fortunately, don’t have room for overnight guests. Unless, of course, you count the two teenagers who keep coming back night after night after night, and do pretty much everything on the list.
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Understand the teenagers. Had three myself.
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My guests are always so very pleasant that I truly enjoy having company, but I really don’t like spending nights over at other people’s homes…not even relatives. I guess that’s because I have no manners and it forces me to avoid doing the things on your list that I normally do at home but wouldn’t want to do in someone else’s home. I would opt for a hotel.
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Yeah, I always feel out of control unless I’m visiting Warren Buffet since he’s never home anyway.
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These are why we’re always happy to recommend the very pleasant hotel just blocks away… 😆
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Yes. The best solution.
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Haha…so true. Wondering if I could pretent to pass out after the strong drinks and shock them when I rise with the sun. 🙂 Maybe even scare them…yeah, you’re right it would probably produce more retaliated meyham.
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Love this lists, John. Thanks for the laugh. 🙂
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You are so welcome. Love laughter.
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Wow. That is truly cringe-worthy! I love having guests but don’t have the opportunity too often. I hope I am a good enough guest myself to not do these things! I try to be a “no-impact” guest…
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I like that. No impact guest. If only all thought the same way.Thanks
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No wonder I never get invited to stay!
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LOL I find it hard to believe given your interesting subject matter.
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