Top Ten Things Not to do When It’s Your Birthday

~ John W. Howell

The inspiration for this is the fact that all of us have a day of birth even those of you from another planet. So I thought we could all use a little advice on that particular day.

a bday-cake1

Ten Things Not to do When It’s Your Birthday

10 When it’s your birthday, do not tell anyone what you want for a present. If you do, at best you won’t get what you asked. At worst, you will get all kinds of things that are sort of like what you wanted but not quite.

9 When it’s your birthday, do not tell anyone you are feeling older. If you do, at best a well-meaning someone will plop a post on Facebook asking everyone to cheer you up. At worst, you will get all those people who are older than you telling you things like “you only live once, enjoy,” and “When I was your age…”

8 When it’s your birthday, do not request a special dinner even if asked If you do, at best the dinner will not resemble what you thought you required. At worst, the dinner will be so complex and require so much prep that you will be forever in the debt of the preparer. (and reminded of same periodically)

7 When it is your birthday, do not let anyone at work know even if you are in a birthday club. If you do, at best all the cake and potluck will be made of everything forbidden on your restricted diet. At worst, since you have no idea which one of the dishes was prepared in the home of an Ebola sufferer, you will be playing potluck roulette with anything you try.

6 When it’s your birthday, do not accept an invitation to celebrate after work. If you do, at best you will only be slightly late to your surprise birthday party at home. At worst, you might forget all about a prior commitment and join in the rest of the work crew for way too many birthday shots that could ultimately end with a late night karaoke sing-off which you will win just prior to passing out in the restroom.

5 When it’s your birthday, do not join everyone and sing Happy Birthday to yourself. If you do, at best the assumption is you had too much punch. At worst, the party goers will come away with the feeling you could have had your own narcissistic party that would have been cheaper for them.

4 When it’s your birthday, try to look pleased with your in-law’s gift. If you don’t, at best you might hurt their feelings. At worst, you will be the center of a raging controversy as to what it takes to please you with no good result.

3 When it’s your birthday, do not tell the restaurant this information. If you do, at best someone will quietly bring a piece of cake and congratulations. At worst, the entire restaurant crew will gather at your table clapping and singing some rendition of Happy Birthday while delivering a cake with a sparkler that gets the attention of the whole room.

2 When it’s your birthday, do not stop at a store just to see what’s new. If you do, at best you will only look around and realize you don’t need anything. At worst, you will feel as if your birthday somehow suspends any restraint that you have for overspending. The presents you buy yourself will be way too expensive,

1 When it’s your birthday, do not take the occasion to over analyze the significance of the event. If you do, at best you may miss the fun of the day. At worst, you may be unkind to yourself and in the process discount much of your success.

54 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to do When It’s Your Birthday”

  2. I swear, #3 is the thing of nightmares. Not just for the receiver, but a few of the staff. Imagine being a waiter to pay the bills, being a horrible singer, and still having to do that? Yikes.

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      1. This is why I threaten everyone who I go out to eat with on my birthday. Not a real threat, but just that I’ll get revenge. Though I have the new trick of admitting it’s my birthday, but it’d be more fun for them to sing to the kid. Much better reaction.

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  3. I think I’ve done some of these. Maybe you need a rating scale. You know: If you’ve done 1-2 of these you’re normal. …7 or more means you’re an idiot. Just a thought.

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  4. These are all the reasons why I don’t like to tell people when my birthday is … especially at work! I’m the kind of curmudgeon who feels I spend enough time with my coworkers without having to “celebrate” my birthday with them as well. And I don’t care much for cake 😉
    My husband has learned to appreciate his birthdays, however. He says having a birthday is much better than the alternative 😉

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  5. Reblogged this on 1WriteWay and commented:
    Surely you or someone who you know has a birthday, at least once a year, right? Well, read on for 10 things NOT to do when it’s your birthday! Courtesy of John Howell 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Would I be right if I thought someone’s birthday has just occurred is about to? If so, Happy Birthday. ⭐
    I don’t like telling a.n.y.one when it’s my birthday. Hate the fuss an I’m always disappointed. 😥

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  9. The response i always get to #8 (or similar) is “It only gets worse as you get older!” Oh thanks — that’s encouraging, i reply.
    John — I’ve no idea when your birthday is, so I wish you a happy one incase i missed it. Happy Birthday 😀 Mega-hugs!

    I don’t like to tell people my birthday is coming up either (as Tess commented)… that way when they inevitably forget, i can always tell myself that they just didn’t know.

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  10. Is it your birthday? Happy birthday if so!
    Been there done that with number 3!!! The most embarrassing time was when I was at Benihana and had to stand up and say a few words! Everyone stared. I wanted to crawl away.

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    1. I think the best words would have been “damn this hibachi is hot.” No it is not my birthday until later in the month. I’ll call yours an early wish.

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  15. Thanks for the laugh. I’ll be with my sister, aunt and mom later in the week to celebrate my mom’s birthday. We go away every year and she tells EVERYONE! When the four of us went away for my aunt’s birthday a few years ago my mom still managed to tell everyone how old she was. I’d print this list out for her but it wouldn’t do any good 🙂

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  16. My son begs us every year not to do #3, but someone (not me) always does which has resulted in him wearing a sombrero one year and trying to hula hoop (which he’s never had the coordination for) in front of a bunch of Hooters girls – mortifying.

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  17. Ha! Great list! Michael (Summerstommy) sent me over here and I’m glad he did. I guess it’s fair to say that birthdays are the most potentially embarrassing day of the year! 😀

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  19. First, a question … Was this posted on your birthday?

    Second, a story about #7. It was August … in a department meeting … the supervisor sends around a list to enter your birthday. I write – December 7, 1941. A colleague (now with the list) looks at me with a grin because he knows my warped sense of humor. Dec. 7th arrives, a different colleague goes out of her way to wish me happy birthday – of course I tell her that it isn’t my birthday (the truth) … but she thinks I was doing the birthday denial thing.

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