The inspiration for this is the fact that all of us have a day of birth even those of you from another planet. So I thought we could all use a little advice on that particular day.
Ten Things Not to do When It’s Your Birthday
10 When it’s your birthday, do not tell anyone what you want for a present. If you do, at best you won’t get what you asked. At worst, you will get all kinds of things that are sort of like what you wanted but not quite.
9 When it’s your birthday, do not tell anyone you are feeling older. If you do, at best a well-meaning someone will plop a post on Facebook asking everyone to cheer you up. At worst, you will get all those people who are older than you telling you things like “you only live once, enjoy,” and “When I was your age…”
8 When it’s your birthday, do not request a special dinner even if asked If you do, at best the dinner will not resemble what you thought you required. At worst, the dinner will be so complex and require so much prep that you will be forever in the debt of the preparer. (and reminded of same periodically)
7 When it is your birthday, do not let anyone at work know even if you are in a birthday club. If you do, at best all the cake and potluck will be made of everything forbidden on your restricted diet. At worst, since you have no idea which one of the dishes was prepared in the home of an Ebola sufferer, you will be playing potluck roulette with anything you try.
6 When it’s your birthday, do not accept an invitation to celebrate after work. If you do, at best you will only be slightly late to your surprise birthday party at home. At worst, you might forget all about a prior commitment and join in the rest of the work crew for way too many birthday shots that could ultimately end with a late night karaoke sing-off which you will win just prior to passing out in the restroom.
5 When it’s your birthday, do not join everyone and sing Happy Birthday to yourself. If you do, at best the assumption is you had too much punch. At worst, the party goers will come away with the feeling you could have had your own narcissistic party that would have been cheaper for them.
4 When it’s your birthday, try to look pleased with your in-law’s gift. If you don’t, at best you might hurt their feelings. At worst, you will be the center of a raging controversy as to what it takes to please you with no good result.
3 When it’s your birthday, do not tell the restaurant this information. If you do, at best someone will quietly bring a piece of cake and congratulations. At worst, the entire restaurant crew will gather at your table clapping and singing some rendition of Happy Birthday while delivering a cake with a sparkler that gets the attention of the whole room.
2 When it’s your birthday, do not stop at a store just to see what’s new. If you do, at best you will only look around and realize you don’t need anything. At worst, you will feel as if your birthday somehow suspends any restraint that you have for overspending. The presents you buy yourself will be way too expensive,
1 When it’s your birthday, do not take the occasion to over analyze the significance of the event. If you do, at best you may miss the fun of the day. At worst, you may be unkind to yourself and in the process discount much of your success.