Top Ten Things Not to do When You Need a Rest Stop

Here is the 56th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do and want you to know, I’m pretty much going it alone. With all the summer travels, I thought I would offer some advice on what not to do when you need to stop. I hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Need a Rest Stop

    10. If you need a rest stop, do not think you need to finish that 32 ounce Big Gulp. If you do, at best you will reach the rest stop          with no delay. At worst, the traffic pile up on the 687 which caused you to run onto the median for relief makes the evening          news with the enhancement of your handcuffed frame over the back of a police car.

  1. If you need a rest stop, do not continue down the highway. If you do, at best you may make it to your destination dog tired but in one piece. At worst, you will be wondering why the police are waking you up knocking on your window and asking you to move your car off the interstate highway into the care of the friendly tow truck driver.
  1. If you need a rest stop do not speed up to get there faster. If you do, at best you may not make it any quicker. At worst, you will be trying to explain to the friendly officer why you have a grimace on your face as well as why you were speeding.
  1. If you need a rest stop do not listen to others in the car who are calling you chicken. If you do, at best you will be uncomfortable. At worst, you will get no credit for being brave when everyone finally gets wind of your mistake.
  1. If you need a rest stop, do not assume there is one every ten miles and go flying by the last one. If you do, at best you may get lucky and there is one close. At worst, you have just seen the last rest area for one thousand miles and you might as well pray for a cover of darkness which you will need in ten minutes.
  1. If you need a rest stop, do not think everyone in the car needs one as well. If you do, at best you will only hear the grumbles about stopping again. At worst, your car mates (or family) will take your frequent needs to stop as evidence you never wanted to go on this trip in the first place and may end up on the roof like granny Griswold.
  1. If you need a rest stop do not think the water found there is safe for drinking. If you do, at best you may only have a slight reaction. At worst you might be spending your entire vacation in the ER strapped to a metal pan begging the attendants for  pain killing drugs or failing that, to use euthanasia as a final solution.
  1. If you need a rest stop do not pull into one of those country kitchen store kind of places. If you do, at best you will only have to shell out a small fortune for the treats everyone picked up. At worst your family will want to stay for a nice $25.00 a plate country fried steak dinner (with all the fixin’s) and before you know it all your vacation money has been spent.
  1. If you need a rest stop do not try to get free air for your tires. If you do at best it will only cost you a dollar to fill them. At worst, the machine has been programmed to actually suck the air out of your tires and the only way to get a refill is to pay an attendant to do it for you and you will probably need to sell your car to settle up
  1. If you need a rest stop, do not get off the interstate to go see a crocodile farm as a way to kill two birds with one stone. If you do, at best the owner of the crocodile farm will not have gas and a rest room. At worst, you will be hearing the music from Deliverance as you meet the lovely down home family who have yet to see a more beautiful car in all their born days.

26 comments

  1. Excellent list, John! Definitely one born out of experience. I like the “subtlety” of #7 😉

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    1. Thanks Marie. Thanks for the reblog as well

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  2. Reblogged this on 1WriteWay and commented:
    Another great top ten list from John Howell at Fiction Favorites!

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  3. This was a cool list. Never trust your rest stop app either. Being the granny, it is good to know I am the adventurous type since I will be strapped to the roof 😉

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  4. #6 makes me glad they have signs that tell you have far the next rest stop is before you reach the closest one. Now I wonder if #2 worst case can actually happen.

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    1. Quite right, but this is fiction.

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      1. You know, I would have believed you if said that was real. 🙂

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      2. 😊

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    1. Thank you. I would say. I should have thought of that.

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  5. 😀 😀 😀
    This cracked me up and I can’t pick a favorite…well maybe I can: #1.

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    1. Thanks. I love your ;-Ds

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      1. Ha ha ha. You’re welcome.

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  6. How do you drive coast-to-coast without stopping? Depends… 😝

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    1. But when you do……

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  7. Now I’m craving a country fried steak dinner with all the fixin’s… Hope San Francisco is treating (or treated) you well, John!

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    1. Heading back now. Been great. Thanks

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  8. You are so right about #4, John. I’ve seen some scary looking water at those rest stops. There always seems to be odd people roaming around too. 🙂
    Thanks again for your spotlight post…you were a hit!

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  9. If you stop at a rest stop in South Carolina, especially at night, do not be dismayed if you trip over men, couples, in various states of sexual union. They’re most likely legislators in the statehouse, and they claim to know what they’re doing……even if they aren’t entirely honest with themselves about their sexual orientations…………..

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    1. LOL This one was absolutely hysterical, I would like to do the top ten things not to do if you work in the statehouse. This would be number one

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      1. This was parodied in that Michael J Fox movie Doc Hollywood…………it was also hysterical.

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  10. Haha, I’ll try to keep them in mind for our next road trip. Thanks.

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    1. Good idea. Thanks

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