Here is the 59th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. The inspiration for this came from standing in a number of lines Hope you like it.
Top Ten Things Not to do if You Find Yourself Waiting Your Turn
10 If you are in line at a ferry do not turn off your car. If you do, at best the minute you do, the line will start moving. At worst, your car won’t start and the friendly folks behind you will figure out a way to heave your car over the side of the access terminal into thirty feet of water.
9. If you are in line at the pharmacy do not try to horn in on the confidential medical briefing of the person in front of you. If you do, at best you may hear something that your ears won’t forgive. At worst the store will hit you with an HIPPA violation and send you to the back of the line again.
8. If you are in line at the ten items or less express checkout at the supermarket do not comment on the twenty items the person ahead of you has just laid on the counter. If you do, at best you will hear the old excuse “oh I didn’t notice that this was ten items or less.” At worst, you will be savagely attacked by a seemingly quiet unassuming person who (unknown to you ) was just released from a psychiatric hospital due to the lack of funding.
7. If you are in line at a movie theatre do not groan loudly when the person in front of you wants to know the rating of the movie. If you do, At best you will need to suffer through other questions like; “how long does it run?” At worst you will be faced with a spouse of the person in front of you wondering what your problem is and asking you kindly, while showing you a close up of a fist, to cut them some slack.
6. If you are in line at a convenience store do not make any comments about a person in front of you who wants to pick out the specific scratch–off ticket, but can’t make up their mind. If you do, at best you make have to explain your problem when asked. At worst you will need to apologize for your impatience when you learn that the ticket is being purchased as a twenty-fifth wedding anniversary present.
5. If you are in line at the bank do not prompt the half asleep person standing in front of you behind the wait here line that a teller is open. If you do, at best a person may pop awake and think you are being fresh. At worst, the person will take offense since they were not paying attention and ask you something about “where’s the fire?”
4. If you are in line at the doctor’s office do not complain to the receptionist about how valuable you consider your time. If you do, At best you will be waiting twice as long since the receptionist just had an argument with the doctor about how little she makes. At worst, the receptionist will somehow lose your place and you will still be there when the doctor and the receptionist leave for the night asking you to come back tomorrow.
3. If you are waiting to be served at one of the hottest bars in town do not wave at the bartender. If you do, at best he will simple wave back and wait on others. At worst , the bartender will finally give you the old what’ll you have and then tell you they don’t have it and maybe they will across the street.
2. If you are waiting to be seated in a trendy restaurant, do not think you will be seated without tipping the Matre D. If you do, At best you will finally have to break down and either tip or go elsewhere. At worst, you will get a seat in the bar just as they are starting the fastest cigar smoker contest and there are twenty-four contestants all lighting up at the same time..
1. If you find yourself waiting in line at Starbucks do not try to cut the line. If you do, at best you will be chastised by the register barista. At worst, your double decaf, soy, low foam latte will have a taste resembling the faint essence of dirty socks and you should not ask why..
Fiction Favorites 
Great list, John! Number 9 is my favorite. Many a time I’ve stood in line at a pharmacy and tried not to overhear the discussion between the pharmacist and the person ahead of me. Worse is when I’m the one having the discussion and people are eavesdropping behind me 😉
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Thanks Marie. I can’t tell you the number of times I have turned around and actually stumbled into the person listening behind me. I always say, “excuse me,” when I want to say, “heard enough to prescribe a cure?”
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🙂
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Reblogged this on 1WriteWay and commented:
Another great list of things not to do by John Howell. If you’ve ever had to wait in line for anything, this list is for you 🙂
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Excellent topic. #10 is actually a fear of mine even though I’ve never been on a ferry. Funny how people have such terrible line etiquette too. Sure everyone has some story that involves this.
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I had a 100 minute wait on Saturday and the temp was approaching 100 degrees. I was thinking of starting dinner on the hood of the car. The people in front of me actually got out and did a tailgate number like they were at a football game.
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Ouch. I don’t think I can make it 20-30 minutes much less 100 on any line. We were on one at the zoo last week, but it was quick. The only reason it felt slow was because a lot of people weren’t paying attention. It’s rather maddening when you see a huge gap in front of a clan that are staring at their cellphones.
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I also love the people who have stood in line to order something to eat and when it is their trun they seem to have no idea what they want. Grrrrrrrr
On Mon, Aug 18, 2014 at 7:53 AM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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Oh my god! I hate those people. The menu is so huge that I don’t get why anyone would wait until they reach the front of the line.
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People always seem cranky while waiting in line. This is true blue. 😀
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I guess no one gets up in the morning and makes the decision to stand in line as a recreational event. Maybe that’s why.
On Mon, Aug 18, 2014 at 8:37 AM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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True. Waiting is always an inconvenience.
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Yes.
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#11 Old Man buying a train ticket when you are in a rush……AAAARRRGGHH!
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Hold on there sonny. How old do you consider old? *drool*
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73 and a bit
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Great.
On Mon, Aug 18, 2014 at 1:44 PM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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The grocery store line is maddening. So many people do that.
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Tell me. The clerks do nothing about it which makes it more frustrating.
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#2 Could never happen here. I smoke, but only outside and Florida has a law against smoking in a public building. Even in a bar, if they also serve food, there is no smoking. Freaked me out after a years or two, I went back to GA and my son lit up at the dining table. Then people all around us lit up. It seemed so very strange. Twenty-four cigars would make quite a cloud.
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Yup it would. In Texas there are certain towns that allow smoking in bars
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These are great, John! Number 8 is so true.
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Thank you Jill.
On Mon, Aug 18, 2014 at 1:04 PM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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I like these John. Very good! My takeaway is just to keep my mouth shut while waiting in line. I have trouble with that, so these are good reminders. Thanks!
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It might be a good ideas to bring a big chunk of gum to chew. Then you can snap it and perhaps move the line quicker to get away from you. 🙂
On Tue, Aug 19, 2014 at 9:55 AM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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The art of waiting in line (or queuing, as I learned to say once upon a time – and the Irish/Brits are excellent at it, as I was told, over and over, and over again!). Mine is a variant of the bank line: people don’t move up, and there’s a great big gap just waiting to be filled… sigh. Great list!
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I once said something to the person who got in line and then waited until they were at the teller to fill out the slip. He wanted to take me outside.
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