This list was inspired by observing the behaviors of my co-workers when the boss had to leave the office for business travel or vacation. To be clear, I personally never did any of these things since I was always taking notes and was a goodie two shoes. (Don’t forget I’m a fiction writer). Hope you like.
Ten Things Not to Do When Your Boss is Traveling or on Vacation
10 If the boss is out of the office, do not think your workload has been reduced for the length of time the boss is gone. If you do, at best you will get away with the slowdown. At worst, you will be asked by the boss for a status of your projects first thing in the morning of the boss’ return.
9 If the boss is out of the office, do not think you will make brownie points with your boss’ boss. If you do, at best your boss’ boss with think you an opportunist. At worst, the boss’ boss just might give you a ton of extra projects to complete before your boss gets back.
8 If the boss is out of the office, do not think it is your job to be the new boss. If you do, at best your co-workers will ignore you. At worst, your co-workers will actually come to you for decisions on projects that the boss has refused to consider. Your reward will be fully realized when the boss gets back.
7 If the boss is out of the office do not think the dress code is suspended. If you do, at best you’ll be ratted out to the boss by the weenie in the cube next to you. At worst, the boss will come back early and call you into a meeting with the big boss Lederhosen and all.
6 If the boss is out of the office do not think you are due three-hour lunches. If you do, at best you will make your co-workers upset. At worst your boss asked HR to keep an eye on the department and make note of the hours kept by all and you have a number of hours to make up.
5 If your boss is out of the office do not think you can organize an in office football game with the boss’ office on one end and the VP’s office on the other as the goal posts. If you do, at best the team that loses will rat you out to the boss. At worst, although it was supposed to be two-handed touch, Bruno from sales decided to repeat his performance as an All-American tackle. As a result of the hospitalizations, HR and security have been looking for you for days.
4 If your boss is out of the office, do not think you can requisition all the supplies your boss has denied. If you do, at best the supplies will be delivered to your boss’ office for dispersion. At worst, your boss will return to find the budget for supplies has been severally compromised and instead of asking what happened, contacts the internal department of investigation with a fraud investigation request.
3 If your boss is out of the office, do not think you have a carte blanche on business entertainment. If you do, at best you will be asked to reimburse the company for unauthorized expenses. At worst, your co- workers all join you for the meal and thinking you can submit it as a team expense only to find out you will still need to reimburse the company for an unauthorized expense. You also find none of your co-workers knows who you are nor remember any meal.
2 If your boss is out of the office, do not think of bending the alcohol rules for the monthly birthday celebration. If you do, At best the same weenie will rat you out to the boss. At worst, you will have sponsored the best birthday party ever experienced by the team, but unfortunately the party was finally broken up by a city SWAT team after HR and security gave up trying to restore order. Subsequently every attendee claimed to have been drugged without their knowledge and your fingerprints are all over the punch bowl.
1 If your boss is out of the office, do not think you are able to take all the days off. If you do, at best you will not be discovered missing until someone needs a stapler which you have the only one in the office. At worst, you will not be missed until your boss returns early to deal with a problem with one of your accounts due to the fact that the client called the president of the company since they could not reach you. Good luck in the new job hunt.
Fiction Favorites 
I remember those days. With some jobs, I found that I got more done when the boss was away. Others it didn’t make too much of a difference. As for #8, there’s always that one person who decides to step up and take over the office. It either turns into a brief power struggle or a week long ‘Lord of the Flies’ incident. I really don’t miss the office environment. 🙂
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I always love the internal power struggles. So much fun to watch.
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Definitely. Not a fan of being dragged into it though. Guess very few people enjoy that kind of stuff.
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The key is watch not participate. Finally started Gypsies.
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Hope you enjoy. That seems to be a rough one for people. 🙂
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My days are over. But managed to stay out of it always.
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I got pulled in a few times during my time. It came from being a hard worker and being seen as part of someone’s ‘team’ because I was always willing to help. Gives me a headache just thinking about it.
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How timely, John. My supervisor is out for two weeks, and I know that I might be tapped some decision-making/duties because I have seniority. I already told everyone that I plan to be cloistered under my desk while she is gone 😉 I have enough work to do …
Great list!
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A closet is best and avoid the break room.
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Reblogged this on 1WriteWay and commented:
For those of us still toiling away in office environments in order to pay the bills. For those of you who have the pleasure of no longer being tethered to a broken office chair in a windowless room. Here is John Howell’s hilarious list of things not to do when your boss is away.
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Great list, John! When the boss is away, it’s best to keep your nose to the grindstone…you never know who is the assigned snitch. 🙂
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There is always one lurking somewhere. Thanks Jill.
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I never missed my boss
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I’m with you.
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I’m fortunate to work in an office where I’m the boss (I lord over one person); however, my district manager comes in once a month to review my office. He goes on PTO from time to time. It’s tempting to bend the dresscode or catch up on my reading, but my boss can order reports that show how many calls I’ve made or missed on any given day, so it’s better to keep my nose on the grindstone.
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Bummer on the reports. I guess your nose will have to suffer. Thanks for the comment and visit.
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I have a strong feeling that you, my dear, are the ring leader. Boy, do these ring true for our office environment. Ha!
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MOI?????? Heh heh heh. You see why me being liberated from organized commerce was good for organized commerce.
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Hahaha…loud and clear. 🙂
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🙂
On Mon, Oct 27, 2014 at 2:30 PM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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Great post! I love # 5, althogh I do you have first hand experience with a few of the others. 🙂
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Me too. I used to love when the boss left. Gave me time to organize a revolution.
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Lol And I bet you were great at that!
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I had a coworker who used to say when the boss was away, “Now we can tee tee on the carpet!” Good post to reblog!
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I love this comment. Could add “now, we can shred the t-paper.”
On Mon, Oct 27, 2014 at 11:44 AM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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🙂
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🙂
On Mon, Oct 27, 2014 at 12:16 PM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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Funny. A writer’s thing? But you know, we artists have our form of blank page also. I am facing that right now!
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Yes sirree, these are the shenanigans office staff thought they could pull when the boss was out of the office.
When the cat’s away and all that….
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Yes, they are. Of course if the cat were real nice it wouldn’t happen.
On Mon, Oct 27, 2014 at 3:16 PM, Fiction Favorites wrote:
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~(*_~)~~
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As the boss, this isn’t a problem for me. I’m always working. Ha.
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I’m most productive when the boss is away.
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