Top Ten Things Not to do on a Sunday

~ John W. Howell

The inspiration for this list came from spending over 3800 Sundays so far and not making the best decisions always on how to spend the day. Now that this is Monday maybe there is enough time to plan for next week. Hope you enjoy it.

a Monday

Top Ten Things Not to do on a Sunday

10 On a Sunday, do not clean out the garage. If you do, at best you will only rearrange the junk since trash day is at the end of the week. At worst, you will find several long-lost repair projects that you totally forgot to finish.(Hiding them again may not be practicable)

9 On a Sunday, do not use a leaf blower. If you do, at best your neighbors will call upon the Almighty to forgive you. At worst, the person next door who you thought was a minister turns out to be a coven leader and has drawn a funny symbol on your front lawn. (You begin to notice the hair on the back of your hands getting thicker)

8 On a Sunday, do not pack up the family for a drive in the country. If you do, at best you will be carting several sullen children with you. At worst, you will be sitting in traffic for hours. (And you have yet to enter the freeway.)

7 On a Sunday, do not go to the grocery store. If you do, at best you’ll be wondering why all these people can’t shop during the week while you are working. At worst, you will make a comment to someone named Brutus who just happens to be unemployed and who decides you need a lesson in manners.(You notice his fist is the size of your head just as the lights go out.)

6 On a Sunday, do not think you can go to the park for a picnic at the last-minute. If you do, at best you will enjoy your lunch in the car. At worst, you will try to sneak a spot next to the Smith Family Reunion sign only to discover the Smiths have their own Hell’s Angles chapter. (And your Ralph Lauren cap is now part of a keep away game.)

5 On a Sunday, do not think you can check out with a six-pack of beer before the lawful time. If you do, at best you will win a bunch of friends as the line comes to a halt waiting for the manager to void the sale. At worst, the loudspeaker announcement of “Alcohol violation on register seven,” will have the entire store in stitches knowing by looking at you that you aren’t trying to pass a fake ID. (But are just plain dumb)

4 On a Sunday, do not go any distance without checking to see if your destination is open. If you do, at best you will have given the family a ride in the country. At worst, you will have a full mutiny on your hands that will take some ice cream volleys to quell. (Not to mention the loss of leadership respect.)

3 On a Sunday do attempt to take a nap before you check with everyone to see if they need anything. If you do, at best everyone will need something. At worst they will need something, and you are the only person who knows the location of the something. ( The request will come in one at a time.)

2 On a Sunday, do not invite the whole family to your house for pot luck dinner. If you do, at best a few will pass and there will be enough to go around. At worst, all will attend, and most will have forgotten to bring anything other than an enormous appetite. (Not to mention a 102-degree temperature and runny noses.)

1 On a Sunday, do not try an experimental recipe that you found in the Sunday supplement. If you do, at best you will be substituting some ingredients that you did not have on hand to mixed results. At worst, the mixed results were manifest in several of your household members rushing quickly from the table. (With the sound of large quantities of running water covering a number of  noises)

43 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to do on a Sunday”

  2. Wise words indeed. You clearly aren’t in the middle of rural France, John. Five and seven are not possible, because everywhere is shut (many shops are on Monday, too). That makes four even more important.

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  9. I’ve experienced 4, 7, and 8 enough times to shudder. 🙂 Yet I still go to the grocery store on Sundays. At my grocery store, at least they provide cake samples!

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  10. Great list, John. Might I add, Do not suddenly decide to tackle 18 holes of golf (or a half-marathon or several sets of tennis) if you’re not accustomed to doing the same. All you can hope for then are tired, achy muscles — and perhaps a lovely case of sunburn!!

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  11. What a fun list – too funny! Sundays are rather hard to get through at times since I have given up going to church on Sundays. Yesterday afternoon Husband and I went to CC to see “Real Women Have Curves” at the Aurora Arts Theater. Fun show!

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  12. On Sunday do not plan to sleep in because at best, you will be lulled into a deeper sleep by the rain on the roof. At worst, the neighbor will decide , once again, to mow his lawn before church.

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