Ten Things Not to Do On a Monday

~ John W. Howell

This list was inspired by facing Monday over 3800 times so far. Each and everyone was a little different, and it was not because of the day but rather because of the day before. Hope you enjoy it.

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Ten Things Not to Do On a Monday

10 On Monday, do not bustle into the office as if you don’t have a hangover. If you do, at best you will broadcast your desperate condition. At worst, you may just burn out by ten o’clock and will have a rough time explaining how you managed to sleep at your desk until after everyone went home. (And you were drooling too)

9 On Monday, do not go into your boss’s office with a demand for higher pay. If you do, at best you can expect a locked door next time. At worst your boss is fighting a bad headache, and you are now considered a pain in another part of the body. (We are too gentrified to mention what that part is)

8 On Monday, do not get near fellow workers. If you do, at best they will thank you for moving further away given the garlic fumes from your midnight Caesar salad that surround you. At worst, you will confirm to them you just had to have one more round of fire water before last call at 2:00 am. (Funny how two hours of sleep and gallons of coffee won’t get rid of the alcohol vapor)

7 On Monday, do not use a laser pointer during your presentation. If you do, at best your shaking hands will be magnified by the frantic little dot moving around the screen. At worst, you will accidentally point the laser out the window just in time to catch the eye of a 747 pilot on final approach to the airport. (The next thing you will face is an interrogation by Homeland Security)

6 On Monday, do not volunteer to be homeroom, parent. If you do, at best the kids will whisper to the teacher you smell funny. At worst, as you realize you need to visit the restroom, quick you stumble over little Johnny sliding into the hallway and involuntarily render the trip to the restroom redundant. (You also notice how each child can say “eeewww” at a different pitch. (And you thought there would be no teaching moment out of the situation)

5 On Monday, do not meet with friends unless they were with you the night before. If you do, at best they will not understand your current state. At worst, since they are friends, you can expect an interdiction even though you think you will live. (As luck would have it you decided you were going to live after that first glass of wine)

4 On Monday, do not operate any dangerous equipment. If you do, at best you will harm the machinery and not yourself. At worse, you will be screaming for help as the piece of equipment you forgot to turn off heads down the street. (Don’t worry a runaway steamroller can’t cause much harm)

3 On Monday, do not walk the dogs. If you do, at best you will forget where you live. At worst, the dogs will sense some weakness and will take the opportunity to haul you on your stomach through the neighborhood in pursuit of the neighbor’s cat. (Too bad you put on your best outfit for the presentation this morning)

2 On Monday, do not take the carpool to work. If you do, at best you will be asked a hundred questions about your appearance. At worst, your fellow carpoolers will decide to let you off after a couple of miles, and you’ll have to make your way to work anyway. (And you thought that dime store cologne was going to cover up your night before reek)

1 On Monday, do not get out of bed. If you do, at best your college try will get you an F. At worst, you will expose yourself to any one of the nine things on this list. (Trust me it is safer in bed)

42 thoughts on “Ten Things Not to Do On a Monday”

  5. #11 – don’t attempt to comment on public blogs if you haven’t had your coffee yet. At best, you’ll make the blogger happy because you visited his blog and read his words … at worst, your comment will have a typo in it – making you look like an incompetent writer LOL
    *I meant to type ‘described’. Happy Monday, John!

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  6. Oh how I wish I could stay in bed on Mondays. Isn’t it funny how you have no trouble sleeping until Sunday night, because you know you have to get up to go back to work on Monday?

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  10. Ha! I should have followed #1 and stayed in bed! 😀 But i’m still laughing about the first one “And you were drooling too…” This has been the Monday mother of all Mondays… And it started when I downloaded Windows 10 on my old POS computer… Yes it was time to bury the thing, but I hate the new one I bought worse… Anyhow, you can guess (sort of) how things went… :/ :S
    Here’s to Tuesday!!! 😀 Mega hugs.

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      1. Eeer yeah… and that’s where it began. However, my computer really was on its last, snail paced, legs… Forced me to embrace the new one. Getting used to the new bugger.
        Darn, no drooling? Okay… but no promises after i go to sleep. 😀

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  12. Good thing I didn’t see this list yesterday, otherwise I would have stayed in bed. As it was, I went to work earlier than usual. What irony 😉 I’ve come close to experiencing #10. Not because of a hangover but something about the office environment makes me very, very sleepy (don’t tell my boss ;)).

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  13. Glad I’m reading this on Tuesday because Monday was a bit odd. I was so tired Monday morning, I went back to bed at 7:30 AM (very uncharacteristic) … then again, I had been awake since 1:30 AM.

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