The inspiration for this list came on Saturday and Sunday while I had invested some quality time in College and Steeler football. Of course, I had some things to do and tried doing them while watching the games.
Top Ten Things Not to do While Watching Football on TV
10 If you are watching football, do not work on your taxes. If you do, at best you might have to redo the numbers every time an announcer mentions a score on TV. At worst, you could have a problem next April when your refund amount reads first and ten. (sure you can explain that to the investigator)
9 If you are watching football, do not try to carry on a conversation with anyone. If you do, at best you will not fool anyone when you answer the wrong question with the wrong answer. At worst, you could be vulnerable to saying yes to one of those tricky issues relating to vacation destinations or style of furniture. (Hope you enjoy the 24-hour hot yoga class while on vaycay)
8 If you are watching football, do not try to write a post for Monday. If you do, at best you may miss a mistook or two. At worst, the logic and care you put into your writing may be lost as you get muddled in your thought process and try desperately to make a comeback but find yourself fighting out of an awkward place and running eighty yards for a touchdown. (Sure you can watch and write at the same time)
7 If you are watching football, do not try to figure out how to install that iPhone app. If you do, at best you’ll never get your Apple password correct. At worst, you will fail to notice the $99.00 cost of the “Write like Steven King” app you just installed. (You can bet it works too)
6 If you are watching football, do not try to help the kids with their homework. If you do, at best you will demonstrate why they should never ask again. At worst, your help being the impetus for the remedial intervention program in which they become enrolled at the school. (Well you did try hard didn’t you?)
5 If you are watching football, do not try to cook an elaborate meal. If you do, at best the ingredients your forgot won’t be missed. At worst, you will have made a concoction that the government will want to use to undermine the morale of enemy troops. (You thought it was going to be perfect. Right?)
4 If you are watching football, do not try to talk on the phone to your boss. If you do, at best your lack of attention will not be held against you. At worst, your boss will think you are having some cognative problem and will assume you are drinking. (Too bad your boss has been to rehab cause now you are going)
3 If you are watching football, do not answer the door and have visitors drop in. If you do, at best you will ignore them. At worst, you will offend the folks who stopped by not paying attention to them, and they happen to be the people in charge of the pre-school home visit staff. (This was the premier pre-school in your state)
2 If you are watching football, do not assume everyone in your household shares your passion. If you do, at best you will wonder why you are watching the game alone. At worst, you might even find you are home alone, and there is no note telling you where everyone has gone. (Hard to believe not everyone wants to watch twelve hours of Football on a weekend hey Bucky)
1 If you are watching football, do not commit to watching the kids as well. If you do, at best they will not wander out of the house. At worst, you will be investigated by CPS for keeping the kids tied to the couch for a full four quarters. (You might have gotten away with just a half)
Fiction Favorites 
You disappoint me, John. It’s the Rugby World cup, and you carry on about football. (Rugby’s the one without body armour, by the way 😉 )
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Yes. and I’m sure the same rules would apply to Rugby as well. Unfortunately I’m not a fan.
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Me neither. I’m a bad South African 😉
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Ha ha ha. Good one.
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Hmmm. This list could be really educational for me, John. Try as I might, I never could get interested in football… But it can be fun to sit back and watch the fans being… fans. 😀 hugs.
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I was always too busy for football. I finally took up the vice three years ago. I need to go to a Football Rehab facility. Hugs back.
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LOL 😀
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😀
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So basically, just watch the game. Though 12 hours of football seems excessive. That’s the sport fan’s version of a Lord of the Rings marathon.
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It is. Also, it is not understandable to those not interested. (Rings and football)
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Just have to pay attention and probably read the book/rules for clarification.
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Um. Read?
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Or skim. Depends on your level of concentration.
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I like skim except in milk
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All good points … but watching football & doing taxes? The calendar doesn’t seem to fit. Meanwhile, win or lose, I watch my teams.
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I forgot to say tax extension. Ah well.
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… I figured that … but it’s more like extending the extension … Nonetheless, point taken.
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🙂
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Are you speaking from experience with #8, John? Number 7 cracked me up! 🙂
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I do have experience as you can see. Numer seven is my favorite. I have trouble with apps no matter what.
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That’s why I still have a flip phone. 🙂
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Lucky you.
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We live in Vikings country. You can do anything you want when they play.
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You back? LOL on the Vikings comment.
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Yup, I’m back.
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I also find that frequent shouting at the TV scares the dog…
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Yes it does. I just hate that look that says,”I didn’t do it honest boss.”
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Love these. Just in time for the season too.
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Yes. I would tape a list to the TV.:-D
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Reblogged this on Kim's Author Support Page.
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Thank you Kim. Such a nice thing to do.
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These are great, John, and I can totally identify. Watching football is not a multi-tasking sport!
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Or live a one-dimensional life.
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I needed this list about 25 years ago John. Lots of violations.
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I know Right?
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Although I know nothing about football, I liked #7. All of the above could apply to someone who loves watching favorite soaps as well. No, that’s not me. I don’t watch TV. 😀 😀 😀
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How about ten things not to do while doing whatever you do most. Thanks Tess.
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Ha ha ha. You crack me up. Thanks, John.
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🙂
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My list is much shorter:
Things not to do when watching football.
1) Watch football
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Good list.
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Even though I don’t watch football, I loved this list, John! Reminds me of when I lived home and my brother-in-law and sister would come over for Sunday dinner. And then there would be football or baseball or some sports event on TV. The guys would watch and the women cleaned up. And the guys were impervious to anything the women said. As a kid, it used to crack me up 😉
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I have seen scenes like that as well, “uh what?”
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Haha! You and my husband need to get together. You are cut out of the same mold.
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I’m sure that is a good thing.
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